XXV: Wanted
WE ALL HAVE SECRETS. We all have darkness inside us, things we're ashamed of. All I've ever known is shame.
From the moment I was born, I was tainted with the mark of the Devil. A child born out of wedlock, abandoned, left to drown in her own self-hate. These pools of insecurities grew. They manifested inside me, filled my lungs more and more every day until it consumed me. With each punch and nasty remark thrown my way I became better at hidding it, at hidding myself.
But the girls at school knew, they saw past each one of my defenses. Behind every chortle and quirky smile, they saw a crumpled Poppy in the meadow. Worn and torn and dead--lifeless. They fed off it, they enjoyed tearing me down even more than I already was. They made me hate myself.
Still I hid. I put up a front and I smiled, pushing my oversized glasses higher on the bridge of my nose and shaking my head no. No, they're not bothering me. No, they didn't push me. I fell. Silly me. No no no no.
I'm fine.
Everything's okay, good, just tired.
I'm fine. Only I wasn't.
I thought leaving London would save me but it didn't. I was even more lonely here than back home. Acceptance became my drug, and the first one to give me the time of day made me dependant. Desperate for my next fix. The lines between love and lust blurred. So I gave and gave. They didn't think, just took. They took all that I gave.
All I ever wanted was to be wanted.
I thought I had found him, found someone who wanted me. But now I think I want him more than he wants me. Cole Richmond, I was a fool to think someone like him could love me.
Sitting here alone I can't help but cry. Cry because I'm losing him and I don't know how to hide. Cry because I'm pushing him further and further away with my denial.
He tried to talk to me after the ballet all those weeks ago, but all I could do was smile and kiss him goodbye. All I could do was get in the car, dance around the topic, just leave him standing frozen on the sidewalk.
I can't hide from him and it scares me. All I've ever known is hidding. I feel so exposed, even with my façade.
THE MESS AROUND ME WAS BEAUTIFUL. The tarps put down on the ground, the paint-splattered crew on ladders hard at work, the roar of the power tools. All the noise, the mess, the chaos, it was beautiful because it meant I was a day closer to the opening of my gallery. In the heart of the city, my gallery was going to bring something beautiful to the bleekness of Brooklyn's streets. I'll run my gallery like no one before.
Who cares about the already established art and the poshness of it all? I'll display modern art, not the abstract stuff of other galleries, but the real, raw, freshness of undiscovered talent. Local artists will be featured, ones who take risks and take something and make it beautiful. People who love and treasure humanity, and the human form in all its glory.
I don't expect White Lies to be as well known as galleries like 89 Designs. I expect it to be better, to become a staple name in the years to come. I want to show the world that art wasn't always made by the hands of world-renowned sculptors and painters. They all started somewhere, as someone's apprentice or selling in a flee market. They were all once working side jobs to make ends meet, skipping meals for new brushes and other supplies. I want to feature the undiscovered, the new, the untainted.
"Hey boss," a worker said running up to me, "someone's here for you. Should we let them up?"
"Did they give a name?" I asked walking with him through the chaos on the third floor of the gallery. My team was installing a huge surprise on the roof in the coming weeks and the rest of the building had to be finished by then so we were scrambling to make the deadline.
"No sorry. But it's a man if that helps."
My eyes raised at that. I thanked him and continued down the stairs to the foyer. My heart leaped for joy, hoping it was Cole. But lately all we've done is argue and avoid each other. Maybe he was here to apologize for last night. He was photographed with Gemma Hamilton again.
We didn't fight over the gossip column. We fought about everything, just not that. We were evading it, as if ignoring it made it untrue. I think we'd fought over dinner plans, although it could have been about something else entirely. I don't even know what I was screaming about, expect that it gave me a reason to. To shout at the top of my lungs and to kick him out so he wouldn't see me cry.
I paused in the empty foyer. "Hello?" I called out and walked forward. "Anybody here?"
"Long time no talk."
I spun around at the sound of his voice and gasped. A huge smile spread on my lips at the sight of him sitting in the front desk, his feet propped up comfortably. "Nice place you got here."
"Scott!" He jumped to his feet just as I ran into his arms. "Oh, I've missed you!"
"Same here, Poppy."
I pulled back and raised an eyebrow at his outfit. "What's with the monkey suit?"
He winced. "I know. I'm actually in town for a meeting. Just got out."
"You look great, it's just weird seeing you here. I've come to associate you with horses and dirt-covered Levis. This is a nice change."
"Actually my horse is parked right outside." I laughed and hugged him again.
"Shut up you're ruining this."
"So you did it huh?" He said when I stepped back. "You're opening up your own gallery."
"Yeah, I am." I watched Scott look around, his eyes taking in the stark white walls and the white tile floors.
"This is great, Poppy. I'll be sure to clear up my schedule to come to your opening."
"Oh, what an honour!" I teased.
He flashed me a smile, "I'm serious. I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"So have you eaten?" Scott said changing the subject. "I'd love to take you out."
"Uh actually I just had lunch. I'm so sorry! But see if you'd done what any other polite person would have done and called ahead..."
He laughed and shrugged. "Fine then dinner. Say you'll join me."
I took in his easy smile, his lovely chocolate brown eyes, and hesitated. I remember how sensitive Cole got around Scott. But Scott is my friend...
It was then that I remembered the picture. Cole's hand on Gemma's back, leading her away from the paparazzi. I thought of the way she looked at him in the picture, of the territorial hand she kept on his forearm.
"Okay," I heard myself agree. "Dinner sounds lovely."
"Great," Scott said leaning forward to kiss my cheek. "Pick you up at eight."
I watched him walk out and I couldn't fight the smile on my lips. There's something so simple about Scott Hastings, so carefree and loving. I've missed it, I thought as I went back up to supervise the construction.
I've missed him.
CHOOSING AN OUTFIT FOR DINNER WAS HARDER THAN I FIRST THOUGHT. I felt the inticipation in the pit of my stomach to see Scott, to hear all about his perfect life in Napa.
I figured he'd want to do something casual and comfortable but when I asked the name of the restaurant I was surprised that it was something that Cole would have taken me to. Now I was stuck trying to figure out which shoes went with which bag and all the nonsense I go through when Cole and I go on a proper date.
In the end I decided on plain white dress with a scoop collar and a charming polka dot jacket. On my feet were canary yellow stilettos and my lips a lively pink. I stared at myself in the mirror before I walked to answer the chime of the bell. For the first time in ages, my eyes felt softer. I looked...good. Better. The defeated look was gone.
I opened the door and smiled at Scott. He was looking down at his feet, his hand running through his usually unruly brown hair. Tonight he'd brushed it back.
Scott looked up and smiled at me. "Hey, you ready?" I felt at ease with him, and smiled back. It felt good to smile.
"Ready."
A/N: just to clarify its been a few weeks since the ballet. Like five-ish I'd say.
Anyway, this is part one of chapter 25. Any Scott fans? I for one love him. He's so easy to write about, he's like the boy next door.
P.S: Pic of Poppy's coat above. She had this retro 60s mod fashion taste. It goes well with her bright hair and doe hazel eyes :)
Here is this update's question: favorite characters (one boy and one girl)? Could be from any of my three books but I'm interested to see who is the most liked!