Heavy duvet shuffled when he made his way out, wiggling out of his lover's embrace carefully to not wake him up. Emerald eyes stared down for a while, admiring the young man in his bed; his nose scrunched a little, burrows furrowing and it looked as if he was to open his eyes, only to squeeze his dear pillow with a pale hand, burying his face deeper into the softness. Antonio's features lit up with a smile, small ball of warmth exploding inside of him. He wished he could look at the Italian like this forever, to hold him in the evening and morning, never leaving his side for the rest of his life.
He slowly made his way towards the giant window. The sky was still black, littered with stars and a bright moon. He shivered slightly, coldness creeping into every part of his body. The Spaniard's toes curled in his leather boots and he took a shaky breath, folding his arms below his chest in an attempt to warm up his hands. The longer he stared at the sky, the colder he began to feel. A part of him begged the man to go back to bed, to let his bones rest with another body next to him, but another part of him told Antonio, in a very calm and soothing voice, "It's time to decide, my dear."
The voice reminded him of his mother, and he silently wished she could be there with him. Emeralds disappeared for a while, shut from the outside world; no, that wouldn't have gone well. Although Lizzy welcomed his feelings without any harsh words, his mother's approach wouldn't be the same. However, as any child, he also wished his mother would love him even despite this.
Soothing voice came into his mind again, repeating its words once more. The Spaniard agreed without uttering a word. "Not here, though." He told himself, taking silent steps to a chair, grabbing his coat from the before-said furniture, and stalking down the hallways, right to the back entrance to noiselessly slip out of the mansion. His steps aimed for the woods, even though he knew it was dangerous at this hour. He, however, did not care. He just felt some kind of relief when he walked through the woods – not going too deep as to not get lost.
Why was there again? Oh yes; to decide whether he'd tell Romano his true feelings now or later. He's been waiting for the right moment ever since he realized what he felt. Although he was rather happy to find out he was able to love, the Spaniard made sure it wasn't just physical attraction.
Brown locks danced in the wind; a part of Antonio wished he would disappear, that the wind would take him away to a faraway land. And that certain part did. Antonio's gaze followed the invisible path wind created and he could see the tiniest of lights for a split second. It wasn't the light of a candle – yellow and warm, welcoming him at home. Blue hugged the light like a dress and it slowly walked away, as if it was a small girl skipping happily.
He carried himself further until he found a silent creek rushing down. After following it, he found himself in front of a pond. Fireflies flew above the surface, painting it gently. He came forward to look at the water, bending down to touch it.
Antonio shivered. Cold fingers wetted his lips and he suddenly had the urge to fall into the waters. His chest vibrated with laughter, hands coming to hide his face away from the world, gripping tenderly at his hair.
He must have gone insane. If someone saw his thoughts right now, they would say he's insane. Did he care? Not really. He's always thought every person is insane in their own way. Did it even matter anymore? Everyone knew he was insane. Everyone claimed him as such.
He was told he's insane when he ran away to chase after his brother. People shook their head at him, scolding him like he was a child.
He was told he's insane when he first stepped on a ship, ready to explore the world and find treasures no other human ever could. It was Javier who told him so, visible concern in his voice and eyes – he wanted him to be safe, but Antonio didn't understand it at that point, he was still too young.
He was told he's insane when there was blood on his blade, going down and down, dropping to the wood underneath his feet and soaking in. Those were the last words of his opponent who dropped to the ground, hard, the very next moment. Antonio didn't realize back then, because his heart was beating too fast, his ears were ringing and his mind was foggy. However, later on, he sobbed and agreed that, yes, he was insane.
When he decided to buy (what a humiliating way to say it) a slave, another human being, he was reminded of his insanity. At that point, he no longer cared. If he was to be crowned as someone who lost their mind, be it. He was already at his worst, so why make it even more terrible with such thoughts?
And lastly, he was told he's insane when he realized just how much he actually cared about not only the Italian who's still soundly asleep in his bed, but about everyone in this world. He went beyond himself to find his true self. It was his own mind telling him; therefore, it must have been the truth.
Antonio was sitting on the ground now; he hoped there would be a small deck where he could sit without dirtying his clothes. When he found out there was none, he shrugged and just sat down, admiring the life he was given and world he was born into.
Bird songs darted into his ears. He snapped out of his daze and realized the sun was already rising. He rose as well, greeting the warm ball of sunshine. Orange and yellow spilled across the sky, tangling into one at some places and this brought great happiness to the Spanish heart and a great deal of hope and courage to his soul.
It was now or never, he told himself. There won't be any perfect moment; I have to make the perfect moment myself.
He took a few steps toward the trees and bushes, realizing only minutes after he was running to the place where he entered the forest. His steps were light as a feather, and he thought he was somewhere above, flying with the wings of Icarus he was given.
However, just like the son of the Greek craftsman, he met with the ground, not as harshly as the madman who flew too close to the sun. In his mind, Antonio rushed to his room to confess his deepest feelings to his lover. In reality, he stood face-to-face with the younger man way sooner than he thought and also desired.
He took a deep breath, exhaled right after and took a step forward. Then another one, and another one. His legs were gaining their strength back as the distance shortened. His mind was calmer than ever before and, surprisingly, his heart, too.
Stopping to stand just three steps away, green eyes stared into amber eyes. Like two pools of honey, Antonio remarked silently. The night wasn't over yet, he could still decide against what he originally wanted. But with the warm colours darting their way upon the sky, scaring away the shadows, he told himself that this day would be a new start. This morning, this scent wind carried, this everything – every little shuffle and every little settle – would be in his memories forever.
"What are you doing outside? Have you gone fucking mad?" Italian accent sunk into words. Antonio looked at Roma, feeling somehow sorry and guilty to see the adolescent like that – with only a blanket draped around his shoulders other than his normal clothes which were rather thin. He himself was only in a light shirt and a coat on top, but he didn't mind the shivers he received; they calmed him down.
"I couldn't sleep," he explained in a low and calm voice. It's been a while since Romano heard the older man so calm and it surprised him. "Yeah, that's why you took a fucking walk to the fucking woods completely alone." Amber eyes rolled and an annoyed sound escaped his puffy lips. They were puffy like this every morning, just asking to be kissed, and God, did Antonio want to do that but he held back – now wasn't the best time to do that.
"Yes."
Nothing more, just one single word. And then, silence. The Spaniard sucked on his lip, how was he to approach this? Be blunt and just say it without anything else, or give an explanation before? He had to decide now or else the magic of this moment would be gone, and it'd be too late. He was getting nervous which wasn't really pleasing at the moment.
Just a small push, that's all he needed.
The Spaniard inhaled deeply, cold air tingling his throat.
The sun was rising at a merciless speed, time was running out.
He squeezed his right hand into a fist, pain shooting up into his arm when he felt fingernails cutting into skin.
"I'm in love with you."
Thud
He could hear something fall but he didn't dare to look away. His gaze was fixed at the Italian before him. Antonio swallowed, wetting his lower lip. Time has stopped, that's what he thought, for amber eyes remained to burn holes into his head, not even a single blink easing the weight they created. Romano wasn't saying anything. Even the sun stopped in its tracks, not daring to disturb.
His eyes began to water, but he wasn't trapped in his imagination anymore; he could feel his eyes sting as the water gathered. There was something inside of him which caused these tears; it wasn't anything bad – it was like a dynamite, ready to explode any second. It was trembling with eagerness.
Romano took a step forward. Antonio wanted to take a step back, but stood in his spot without moving an inch. Romano took another step and now, there wasn't any room left for running away, only to face the outcome. If he was asked whether he truly meant it, he'd agree right away. Instead, a warm hand landed on his cheek, stroking gently. There were tears in those beautiful Italian eyes as well.
"Your cheek is cold," he stated at last, voice shaking but dripping with happiness. The younger man took a hold of his lover's hands, feeling them, memorizing every curve with his fingers. "Your hands are cold, too." He planted a small kiss on both hands, and suddenly, Antonio's hands weren't as cold as before.
Their foreheads were pressed together, noses brushing against each other and the small thing inside Antonio exploded. He felt warmth, and an uncontrollable wave of happiness washed over him. He wanted to do something but he didn't know what; he wanted to run around, wanted to laugh, smile brightly and show the whole world just how happy he was.
They pulled away at the same time. Rays of sunshine darted to their face, lightening them up slightly. Time was running again but neither of them cared, they were lost in a world of their own.
"I'm in love with you, too."
Antonio smiled gently; it was a small smile, the smile of a promise. Whilst holding hands, the Spaniard leaned forward, exposing his neck and God, he was just a breath away from the other's lips, he could already taste them, but he still let his eyes fall on the younger man's face, asking him, "May I?"
Romano nodded right away because he himself needed that kiss. The kiss said way more than the two men did. It wasn't heated, but it was passionate. It wasn't a kiss you'd have to hide from others, rather than that, it was that kind of kiss you'd show off to anyone. It was a silent promise, hours-long dialogs poured into one gesture, up-coming years painted across it. Their souls were touching, and the feeling wasn't to be described with words.
As they pulled away, there were big smiles on their faces. Antonio kissed the other's hands just like Romano did just few minutes ago. He could see eternity in the eyes of his lover but that didn't matter anymore; present time was far more important than future.
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Let me just..throw myself out because I don't know how to write a confession. Sorry this chapter took so long, but I wanted it to be perfect (although I don't think it is but I'm happy about it anyway).
Well, it finally happened. The boys finally said their true feelings. Ngl, this chapter kinda made me cry while I wrote it, but it also made me very happy. (I laughed at the begging because Toni seems a bit high XD)
Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Please, leave a comment and a vote, it helps me very much. If you're in lockdown again like I am, please stay home and take care of yourself <3 Thanks for all the support, love you all <3
- Boora-kun