A few weeks later, I felt the need to go to the cemetery again. I have no idea why, since I haven't given Phoenix a lot of thought. This is also my second outing alone since everything happened that night. I feel nervous, yet I have no reason to be.
I stared down at the gravestone in front of me. I have nothing left to say to him anymore. Why the fuck am I here then?
Sighing deeply, I looked around the cemetery. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a mallard duck walking in between the rows of graves. How fucking odd is that? There isn't a pond or anything like that nearby this place. Why the fuck is a duck here?
I stood watching the duck quack and wander aimlessly through the rows. For reasons I didn't understand, I found myself walking closer to it. The closer I got, this strange sense of peace came over me. I've never felt anything like it in my life.
The duck stopped walking and stared up at me. I've never been this close to one before. Why isn't it moving away from me? I don't get it. Shaking my head at it, I glanced at the gravestone in front of me. Oh dear god. James Owen Sullivan. My heart was in my throat. I had forgotten about Jimmy being buried here too. But why the fuck am I standing here? Oh, yes! The duck! I glanced up at the duck and saw it was gone.
Where did the fucking thing go? I didn't hear it take flight or anything. I glanced around the rows of the cemetery and still didn't see it.
I looked down at Jimmy's grave again. Bending down, I ran my fingers over the letters of his name. I smiled softly. All the stories the guys tell about Jimmy makes me wish I had met him.
"He was one hell of a guy." I heard behind me.
I screamed and jumped up. I spun around to see a tall man with piercing blue eyes. He was so pale. His black hair hung down in his eyes slightly. His ripped jeans and black shirt clung to his thin frame.
"I'm sorry!" He laughed hard.
"I thought I was alone." I whispered, feeling panic set in.
"Nah. I'm just passing through." He smirked.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to take up your place here. I'll let you have your time with him." I said, wanting to leave right now.
"Don't worry about me." He smiled.
His demeanor was so carefree and easy going. I am nervous because I don't know him. I don't think he wants to harm me. At least I hope not.
"Well, I should go." I said quietly.
"Don't be a stranger." He smiled warmly at me.
I nodded and started to walk away. When I was halfway to my car, the stranger called out to me.
"Matt is probably wondering where ya are by now." He chuckled.
My heart went into my stomach. How the fuck does he know Matt? Or better yet, how does he know me? I nodded again and got into my car.
The whole drive home, I couldn't shake the feeling of those eyes. I've seen those eyes before. I fucking know I have.
When I got to Matt's house, excuse me, our house, I didn't see him. Something hit me then. I know exactly who that was at the cemetery. And I'm positive I'm losing my fucking mind. I need to see a doctor. I need to see one right away too.
I went into Matt's studio area. On the wall was a large picture of all of them. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm going fucking insane. I have lost my Goddamn mind.
"Tay? What the hell are you doing in here?" Matt asked amused behind me.
For the second time today, I jumped and screamed. Matt looked at me worried. Tears are falling from my face. I'm such an asshole for never paying attention to my boyfriend's band or his friend that passed away. Oh my god, I'm such a dick!
"Tatum, what's wrong?" Matt asked, all humor leaving his face.
"I'm a terrible girlfriend and a shitty person!" I sobbed out.
"Whoa, baby! Where is this coming from?" He asked cupping my face with his large hands.
"I'm fucking crazy! I need a doctor because something has to be wrong with me!" I hollered through my tears.
"I can take you to the doctor if you need. First, I need you to calm down and tell me why you're crazy and what is going on." He said calmly.
"I was at the cemetery, and there was this duck walking around. Then there was this guy with black hair and piercing blue eyes who talked to me in front of Jimmy's grave. Then he told me you'd be wondering where I was." I babbled.
Matt's eyebrows raised at me curiously. I have to sound like a rambling idiot to him. I'm not making a damn bit of sense while I stand here sobbing my eyes out to him.
"Baby, I'm so horribly confused. Let's start at the cemetery. Did you go to see Phoenix?" He asked me, making me sit down across from him.
"Yeah. I don't know why I did though. I didn't have anything left to say to him. Then I saw this mallard duck just walking around by himself. I didn't understand why it was there. It didn't make any sense, so I followed it until it stopped and looked at me." I panted.
Matt's eyes went wide when he heard the duck part. He cleared his throat and nodded a little.
"Then what happened?" He asked.
"Then I looked down at it and realized I was somehow in front of Jimmy's grave. I found it odd, but I just stood there looking at it." I wiped my eyes.
"You said there was a guy." He prompted me.
"Yeah. I was the only one there when I went. All of a sudden, I heard a guy behind me say that Jimmy was one hell of a guy." I whimpered.
Matt's face went pale. His eyes bored through me. Oh god, he is upset because I went to his friend's grave, and I really don't have any right to. I didn't know him.
"Then why were you in here? You've never come in here." He whispered.
Oh fuck my life! How the fuck do I tell him that I saw Jimmy!? He's going to tell me to get my head checked and get out of his house. Oh god.
"Tatum?" He asked again.
"Matt, I really think I hit my head hard that night." I muttered.
"Just answer me, please." He sighed.
"I knew I'd seen the guy from somewhere. I needed to look at the picture." I said, looking at the floor while I pointed at the wall.
Silence. I fidgeted nervously with my hands. Why isn't he saying anything? I feel sick. I really do.
I heard Matt let out a quiet laugh. My head snapped up at him. Great, he is laughing at me. I don't blame him. This is ridiculous. It really is. I'm not a religious person and I don't believe in ghosts.
"He said Jimmy was one hell of a guy, huh?" Matt smiled, still laughing.
"Why are you laughing at me?" I asked him.
"Baby, I'm not. I swear I'm not. And you're not crazy." He smiled at me.
"What? Are you insane? Did you not hear a word I just said!?" I shrieked.
"I heard every word of it. And neither of us is crazy. I have no doubts that you saw Jimmy." He grinned.
"What?" I whispered.
Is he for real? There is no way I saw his friend. I didn't even know him!
"But the duck?" I asked at a loss.
"You don't know the story of the duck?" He smiled.
"No! Matt, this is why I'm a shitty girlfriend and person! I only looked you guys up when I found out about Brian. I had just saw a headline about Jimmy. I listened to you guys a few times and that was it. What kind of girlfriend am I?" I sobbed out again.
"You done?" He grinned at me.
"Fuck you!" I exclaimed.
"Ok, settle down, babe. I'm kidding with you. I see you're a little worked up, and I understand why. You're not a terrible person or girlfriend. If anything, it shows me that you really are with me for who I am. Not what I do." He said quietly at the end.
"And your body. I'm really into your body too." I sniffled.
Matt let out a loud laugh. I grinned a little at him. He leaned over and kissed me quick before pulling me to stand up. I stood up and followed him out to the living room.
After we sat down, he pulled up a video of Jimmy chasing a "stallion duck" around. I let out a giggle as I watched the video. Any doubts if that had been Jimmy today were just confirmed for me. It was him. I am so confused as to why he was there for me and not one of his friends.
"He did realize that was a goose, right?" I grinned, watching Matt laugh.
"I sure as hell hope so." He smiled.
"As soon as you said something about the duck, I knew right away it was him. I've seen that duck around the cemetery before. Not all the time, just every once in a while. As to why Jimmy spoke to you? I don't have an answer, other than that just sounds like him. He was unpredictable." He smiled.
"He laughed when he scared me." I grinned.
"I'm not surprised." Matt smiled.
"I really need some alcohol after all of this." I sighed.
"I can help with that." He grinned.
"You know, we should go out and do something as a couple. We haven't done anything besides go to the guys houses. I'm not trying to push you, but it's been a few months since everything happened. How do you feel about going out to dinner?" He asked carefully.
He is right. We never go anywhere since all this shit happened with me. I just feel like that man could be anywhere watching me. I mean, what the hell would I do if I happened to run into him somewhere? What would Matt do?
Also, I need to start looking for a job. My boss was kind enough to give me some time off, but, that was short lived and I no longer have a job. I can't keep sponging off of Matt. He is fine with me not working. I'm not fine with it.
The only way I'm going to get a job is if I can be around people again. The only way I'm going to be able to be around people, is if I leave the house and go out in public.
"You're right. I need to get out of the house. I have to get a job again too." I sighed.
"Tatum, I could give a shit if you work or not. I'm more worried about you shutting yourself off from life like you have been doing. If you need to talk to someone besides me, just say the word, babe." He said softly.
"Thanks. I don't know what to do anymore. You know it's bad when Joe says he misses me." I grinned.
"Oh god. I guess it's worse than I thought." He smiled.
"One thing at a time. Let's try dinner, then maybe a grocery store. We can work our way up from there." He said kissing my cheek.
"For real, Matt. I need a fucking drink." I whispered.
"Me too. Let's get one." He grinned, getting up.