[ 9:11 PM ]
⏪ REW.
"don't feel like climbing the stairs. goodnight everyone," i say and go to find the room that's not the laundry.
the burst of adrenaline is starting to wear off. my body is exhausted but my mind is fucking racing.
imagine a race of go karts on a track going at 700 miles an hour; that's my mind right now.
we've killed people today...
i held that power in my hands.
i disintegrated someone!
i look at my hands and take in a shaky breath, stopping in a small hallway.
who am i now?
who do i turn into?
is this going to be how it is now?
killing?
i shake my head and continue walking. i don't want to think about it anymore.
i don't want to find out if i become someone i can't look at in the mirror.
i find the empty and silent room finally.
it's the main room of the house. most likely grayson's parents. the bed sheets are all white and the dresser and lamps are elegant enough that you know an older couple picked them out.
i strip out of my clothes and lay on the bed in just my underwear.
i breathe.
we had to soraya. otherwise we'll be caught, or dead.
we're doing the fucking best we can under the circumstances we're in. we made it to new jersey. this is a victory.
we just need a good plan to get alex. something that won't get us killed.
breathe ray.
we're okay.
we had to do what we had to do.
it's us versus them. it's always going to be us against them.
we're going to protect our family.
dom and i.
dom.
sweet, adorable dominic.
annoyingly, cute dominic, but i guess it works for him.
what the hell do i do about him?
i don't want to deal with getting too attached.
my own mother died and i still don't give a fuck. i haven't shed a single tear for her.
i don't know... maybe the world would've been fine if i was never born.
georgia peters would've been a-okay.
i roll my eyes.
fuck her.
she didn't deserve me as a daughter. i've done so much more than she can say she ever did. i traveled states! i met new people. i have a seven year old!
i laugh to myself.
not exactly, but in a way.
i hope she's okay.
maybe i shouldn't have let her say goodbye to her mom, but everyone deserves closure.
don't they?
dominic got his. why couldn't she?
i don't know!
do i even have what it takes to guide her? or am i really a lost cause and everything i touch turns to shit?
and alex.
is he okay?
is he alive?
how are we going to fucking do this? where could they be keeping him?
and honestly, why did powers skip him? if anything he's worthy of them.
dom's entire family.
i wish his mom survived.
i wish she could tell me what's happening; if she had powers herself and never told anyone.
i wish things were different.
maybe i could open up to dom.
maybe i could reciprocate feelings.
maybe i wouldn't push people away so much.
i sigh.
i don't want to think about any of this. i don't.
six days ago, i was a normal 20 year old with nothing to lose.
now i feel like i have everything to lose.
i sit up and go to the closet. i switch the light on and rummage through whatever's there. things are insanely neat and easy to find.
i settle on a plaid, light blue button down that's long sleeved. it stops mid thigh. i pull my socks off and try on some white ones.
we don't have our bags so i'm making do. hopefully grayson won't mind.
i climb onto the soft mattress. i pull the covers up over my ears and just lay there.
my body enjoys the non movement. it relishes in the sheets and gentleness.
my mind just doesn't shut up.
the government.
alex.
dom.
apple.
grayson.
matt.
killing people.
what to do next?
who am i going to be when this is all over?
it all swirls in a chaotic symphony inside.
everything is blurred together.
sleep is just not an option.
the most i can do is just rest my eyes.
dom?
can't sleep babydoll?
no. you?
didn't even try. my mind only wants me to think of how to get alex back.
i pull the blanket closer to me.
anything?
nothing except that we have to be ahead of them at all costs.
yeah... i know.
you... anything?
no. i have zero clue. i'm sorry.
it's okay. we all can't get caught though.
are you saying to split up?
no. soraya how do you hear like that? i was just saying that we all can't get caught.
i'm fucking worried. we made it to new jersey but at what cost? i thought a weight would be lifted but it feels the fucking same. i'm scared...
about what?
we dying from this...
my eyes start watering.
we didn't even create this!
we're falsely accused! this is illegal!
we're being hunted because of something we didn't even do. that's not fair!
we're not dying from this ray.
what if they-
if you think the worst, the worst will happen. i'm here. i'm going to protect you.
i feel like that's it dominic. do i want you to protect me? will i even let you?
why not soraya? why not?
because i'm so fucked up dom. my mom has fucked me up and i don't know how to reverse it or be someone i've never been.
the soraya peters pitying herself?
no! i just don't know how to be the person you want me to be.
i don't want you to be anyone. i want you to be you. you at least want to be a good person right?
yes. i do.
then be good. i know you were taught hateful ways but even you know what's right and wrong. instead of doing anything your mom told you or tried to ingrain in you, do something "good soraya" would do.
what if that's easier said then done?
then work on it. you have every choice in your life once you're able to realize you control it. your mom is gone. it's time to do and be who and what you want.
you sound like reeves...
you think i would've gotten along with her?
i smile to myself.
him and reeves?
yeah... yeah i do. i think you two would've been really good friends. she took no shit. always spoke and expressed whatever was on her mind. she could be clueless at times but she was still there. she was fun. i wish she was here. there's so much i want to tell her; about you and alex and now. i wish she was here with us.
tears sting my eyes as they slide down my face onto the pillow below my head.
she deserved to be here.
maybe this experience is supposed to be just for you. and me. apple. alex. matt. hell, grayson. maybe this is for us. what if it's our story ray?
you think we'll have a happy ending?
if it ends with us holding hands walking on a beach, i'll be shocked.
i'll be grossed out. all the bullshit for a cheesy ass ending? repulsive.
i think we're rewarded a sappy, happy ending.
awarded sweetheart. you think we should be awarded a happy, lame ending.
smart ass.
thank you.
we'll get through this though ray.
i think your hopeful energy is rubbing off on me. keep talking.
you know to quote taylor swift confidently "everything has changed"
i'm embarrassed for you, but i actually know that song and i'm embarrassed for the both of us.
"i just wanna know you better now".
please don't.
"all i know is i bumped into you and you got mad but we got powers too. all i know since yesterday is everything has changed".
you did not just make up your own rendition of this song!
i laugh to myself.
of course dom would do this.
c'mon! sing it with me!
no!
just the chorus?
dooom!
i just want to make you happy.
blah! i know!
i sigh and pull the cover over my head.
is that okay?
you're asking...
consent king baby.
i roll my eyes and wipe away at my wet cheeks, chuckling.
ugh, why do you have to be like this?
you didn't answer.
...yes it's okay that you make me happy.
good. you make me happy too.
even when i'm terrible to you?
especially when you're mean to me. i'm starting to realize it's your twisted way of caring.
i'm working on it.
i know.
i'm starting to think maybe we-
hold on, grayson just popped in.
what?
i push the blanket off me and sit up.
i notice there's an analog clock on the bedside table. i pick it up and look at it.
10:25 PM
the smell of food hits my nostrils and i'm confused.
was i so deep in conversation with him that i didn't notice someone cooking?
we're coming downstairs.
i slide out of bed and walk out of the room, letting the smell of food guide me into the kitchen.
the three guys file in the same time.
"who cooked?" i ask.
"grayson," dom states.
grayson smiles.
"where's apple?" i continue to ask.
"upstairs asleep," dom tells me.
"glad someone can sleep," i sigh, leaning into the counter with my palms.
matt and dom stare obviously at my attire. i smile and wave at them as grayson removes a sheet pan from the oven.
dom looks at matt and then at me before covering matt's eyes with his hand. i can't help but laugh.
"i thought about eating around the fire pit," grayson says as he starts plating fries next to burgers.
"sold at fire pit!" i exclaim.
"don't get too excited. it's some vegan dish," dom says as matt swats dom's hands away.
"ooh what kind of vegan?" i ask interested and walk over to stand behind grayson.
"you're actually interested?" matt asks me.
"shh," i quiet him.
"it's jackfruit. most people say it tastes like chicken. it's in the flavor of bbq."
"like a sloppy joe," i chuckle.
grayson's quiet for a second, not moving at all.
"...oh! a manwich!"
"he didn't," i say, shaking my head.
"yo it's sloppy joe," dominic laughs.
"manwich is the brand of sauce," matt joins in, "the sandwich is sloppy joe."
"my mom called them manwiches," gray argues.
"it's okay grayson. you can call them manwiches. they're sloppy joe's though," dom chuckles.
"who was the first person to call it a sloppy joe?" matt asks.
"deadass! who was like "i'll call this here meat sauce on a bun a sloppy joe"?" i laugh.
"facts! who and why?" dom jumps in.
"oh! i have a radio. maybe we can see if there's anything on," grayson suggests.
"okay," i nod.
"i'll just start up the fire pit," he smiles.
i can tell this means a lot to him; being back home. it makes me happy that at least one of us is at some stable state of mind.
who knows what we're all thinking about?
"this house has everything," matt states.
"not everything," grayson shrugs.
"i'll put up apple's food," dom says and moves toward grayson and i.
i grab a plate and pop a fry in my mouth.
i flashback to when dom and i found out that the virus is named after his friend. we didn't even pay for the meal, and i lost one of my favorite jackets.
grayson passes dom saran wrap and leaves out to the backyard. matt grabs a plate and follows.
"go ahead," dom speaks up, "i'll meet you out there."
i nod at him and head outside.
{ a/n: long chapter gang ! i'm going to try to pack a lot in the next few chapters as it's switching point of views and i can confidently say the climax of everything is coming ! i hope everyone who's reading enjoys !! }