After work, Brenda had stopped by to visit her friend knowing she was alone at home because Chris was out rehearsing with his band. It was cold outside. Ellie had been out on the balcony for a couple of minutes but couldn't stay long as the cold breeze froze her bones and it made it impossible to sit and stay still. It was a sunny day though with a clean sky where only a few scattered clouds could be seen. It was not something common in Seattle during the fall. The city was known for being gloomy, but many times the sun would pay Seattle a visit during the colder seasons. Ellie was on the couch with her legs pulled up, while Brenda was sitting on the carpet. Both with a cup of tea in their hands, that Brenda had brewed, forbidding Ellie to be standing not even to do the honors.
"So, you two are together, together..." Brenda laughed as Ellie had just told her that they were sleeping in the same bed. "I told you, you would be fine right on the first night!" She teased her friend.
Ellie rolled her eyes while sipping on her tea with a soft smile on her lips. Then, she spoke.
"We can't have sex." She said to contradict her friend. She would not go into other details though.
"Oh..." Brenda laughed a little louder. "That is a bummer isn't it, Ellie?" She mocked. Ellie threw her on of the cushions that Brenda stopped by raising an arm and laughed louder. "The truth always hurts!" She mocked her again.
Ellie laughed though. "I know there is a bigger reason, but gosh..." She breathed. "I miss him! I miss making love to him..."
"Stay strong my friend." Brenda reached out to pat her leg but Ellie could perceive her still mocking tone and rolled her eyes.
"I am serious!" Ellie laughed.
"I am too." Brenda argued.
"Two weeks..." Ellie breathed. "Hopefully... let us hope it is just these two weeks." She rolled her eyes.
"How is he?" Brenda asked right after since Ellie had decided to move back in with him because she was worried about him.
"He is going through a phase." Ellie said vaguely for she didn't want to expose Chris's problems openly.
"That bad?" Brenda asked as she noticed how Ellie's semblance changed to a concerned one.
"You know how his mind can drift sometimes." Ellie told her. "You have known him for quite some time."
"I know..." Brenda nodded. "I think with you near, he might come back from the depths of his mind."
Ellie nodded. "I hope so." She whispered and then took a deep breath. "You know... sometimes I wish I could erase all bad that has happened to him and left such a mark on him. Chris could be such a bad guy, you know, considering all that he has been through, and he is not." She paused. "He is so gentle and kind to everyone. Sure he has a wild side..." She smiled tenderly.
"That he uses mainly on stage." Brenda interrupted her. "He transforms himself! It's like he is not even the same person."
"True. "Ellie agreed. "Chris is quiet though. You know that."
"Can you imagine if your child takes it after wild Chris on stage?" Brenda giggled and Ellie ended up doing so too.
"Oh... no..." She frowned after. "Can't you see that even on stage sometimes he is deep inside his mind? He is in his own world..."
"He is a fantastic guy." Brenda ended up saying. "I love him to death and I hated to see him so sad after you left. I am so glad you came back home."
"I fear that all these things that he carries inside will take its toll on him someday." Ellie relieved. "I don't want him to suffer more..." Tears came to her eyes that moment and her lips trembled. "It hurts me so much when he is hurting. I feel his pain, B. I fear..." She breathed and then said no more. She just shook her head. "I don't want to think about it..."
"Hey..." Brenda said trying to calm her down. Ellie began to clean her tears.
"I am sorry..." She smiled.
"I think you know how to deal with all his darkness, Ellie. Chris is always so smiley and happy when he is with you. He has his friends..."
Ellie interrupted her. "It's not enough. He needs to forgive and let go. Otherwise, it will always haunt him."
"You are talking about his family." Brenda concluded.
Ellie nodded. "I know what he lived wounded him. It wasn't easy at all. I don't force him to relate to them but I think he suffers from not having that. His mother tries to approach him but he never lets her fully in. He only relates to Peter. I understand... he was the one always having his back. They really bond. But the rest is missing..."
"I think he is going to be a lovely father." Her friend told her.
"I have no doubt about that." She smiled tenderly. "I know Chris is going to be a wonderful dad. He was a wonderful boyfriend and he is a marvelous husband. Apart from this incident in our relationship, I cannot complain at all."
"Have you guys talked about that again?" Brenda asked.
"Yes." Ellie confirmed. "He explained one last time and we agreed we would not talk about it anymore. When we bring it up, it opens wounds . We are together. We are about to be parents. That is it."
"El..." Brenda called her and looked in Ellie's eyes. "Tell me... it's just us here... now that it's been some time, do you really believe in him?"
"I do." Ellie nodded. "My biggest mistake was to doubt his faithfulness. I never had anything on that matter to complain about. Chris always made me feel secure. I snapped. I was so jealous and hurt that I refused to listen to him."
"Because it is important to make it work." Brenda added. "I mean... to let go and forgive him..."
"We are on a good path." Ellie smiled and rested her empty cup of tea on the coffee table.
Suddenly, they heard the front door opening and they turned their heads to it. Chris appeared holding two bags from the supermarket, one in each arm, and then kicked the door shut, throwing the keys on the phone table by the door.
"Hey girls!" He smiled and walked up to the kitchen part to leave the bags on the counter.
"How are you?" Brenda asked him.
"I'm cool." He responded coming back. Part of his air held in a top bun. He hated his hair in front of his face. "Hey, babe." He breathed bending over Ellie to kiss her lips. "How are you?"
"I'm fine." She smiled.
Then, he turned to Brenda and kissed her cheek.
"How's that boyfriend of yours treating you?" He asked her.
"Very good." She laughed. Brenda got up. "Well, since you are not alone anymore..." She told Ellie.
"You don't have to leave." Chris told her.
"I do." Brenda nodded. "I think you two need all the time alone you can get now. Besides, my boyfriend is meeting me in my place in like..." She turned her wrist to read the time. "... 10 minutes."
"Well... see you then..." Chris told her, giving her a hug.
"Take care of her." Brenda tapped his face lightly.
"Always." He responded.
Brenda then went to Ellie who had sat. "See you tomorrow girl."
"Thank you for coming." Ellie told her wrapping her arms around her neck. After a tight hug, they pulled apart and Brenda started walking to the door.
"Love you." Brenda smiled.
Chris got there first and opened the door for her. "Such a gentleman." Brenda giggled.
"I do my best." He smirked.
When Brenda was descending the stairs, Chris closed the door. He turned to Ellie and smiled sweetly and she smiled back at him.
"Come here." She called him. He walked up to her and got on his knees in front of her.
"How was your day?" He asked reaching for the end of her shirt and pulling it up. Then, he placed two sweet kisses on her belly that made her melt instantly. "Hey, kid." He whispered.
"My day was good. How about yours?" She asked caressing his face.
"Good too. I need to take a shower though."
"No... no..." Ellie protested and pulled him to her. "I want a bit of you first." She groaned a little with a shy smirk on her lips.
"Babe... I might stink..." He laughed as he was being dragged to her body. "I sweat like a pig during our rehearsal."
"I don't smell anything." She pecked him.
Chris held her face between both his hands and pressed his lips against hers harder. While she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him to her, making him fall on top of her body. For a few moments, their lips moved in perfect synch, slow and gentle. Then, his tongue lapped at her upper lip, begging to enter her mouth and Ellie obeyed. Her lips parted and his tongue slid in to encounter hers, making Ellie release a low moan. Their tongues tangled in a sweet passionate dance and she couldn't but melt at the sensation of his warm and soft lips. They stopped for brief seconds and then he glued his lips on hers again and time stopped as they kissed slow and passionately. When they finally pulled apart, he rested his forehead against hers and a hand caressed her cheek.
"I missed you during the day." He whispered sweetly, like only he could, against her lips and then pecked her.
Ellie wrapped a leg around him, so they could fit better on the couch while he rubbed his nose on hers tenderly.
"I missed you to." She said. "How was rehearsal?" She asked him.
Chris rested his head on her chest carefully not to hurt her, while feeling her fingers slid through his hair as she loved to do.
"We had a lot of work done." He told her with his eyes closed, just enjoying that moment there with her.
"You be careful with those Guns n' Roses chicks." Ellie smiled. Though she couldn't see his face, she felt him smiling.
"I don't think they are going to be interested in us." Chris told her. "They are all about Axl and his tiny shorts."
Ellie giggled. "That's because they haven't seen you well."
"Well..." He raised his head and supported his chin on his hand to look at her. "Too bad because I am married to this gorgeous girl that no one can be compared to." Then, he ran his other hand over her belly and smiled. "This bump is the most beautiful thing ever." He said so sweetly, Ellie felt her heart flutter.
"You need to think about names." Ellie told him. He looked at her again.
"You are gonna let me choose?"
She nodded. "I think you will come up with a beautiful name."
Chris bent over her and pecked her lips wetly. "Thank you."
Then, he moved away to get up but she pulled him down, wrapping her arms around his neck. Chris lied back down by her side and rested his head against one of the cushions, looking in her eyes.
"Someone is needy." He smiled pulling a strand of her hair away from her face.
"Stay a little longer." She dragged her face closer to his and Chris kissed her lips, resting his palm on her face as he did so.
"It's so good to be here with you." She whispered as their lips broke apart. Chris crossed a leg over her so he'd fit better on the couch.
"I am not going to deny that." He pecked her again while his hand caressed her so softly.
They stayed there, sharing tiny kisses that then transformed in more demanding ones and alternating between the two. A set of smooches and then a long French kiss and so on.
"So... are we going to stay here like this..." He pecked her. "Just making out..." He pecked her again. "Not that I am complaining..." He smiled.
"You better go to your shower..." She giggled.
"Oh yeah..." He laughed too. "Now that I am here all warmed up, you send me to the shower."
"I am too..." She pouted. "God... these two weeks cannot go fast enough."
Chris pecked her one last time and sat. "Oh..." He made a face and then got up trying to adjust his jeans." Holy shit..." He laughed. "It hurts..." He winced a little while still giggling.
"Want me to take care of that?" Ellie sat too but carefully.
"No." He said turning around to face her. Chris bent over her and placed two fingers under her chin to raise her face towards his. "You stay here resting and I am going to my shower and then I will cook us dinner."
"Are you sure?" She bit her lower lip, looking at him with her killer innocent gray eyes.
"Don't tease me." He kissed her lips and then left to the bathroom. "You are a teaser Mrs. Cornell." Chris yelled from the bathroom's door.
"That's because my husband is too hot." She yelled back at him and smiling.
"Right..." He laughed and then she heard the bathroom's door closing.
For a few moments, Ellie stayed there without knowing exactly what to do. She was so tired of being on the couch and of watching TV and it was just her second day. As she looked at the kitchen's counter, she saw the supermarket bags that Chris had brought and she decided to store the groceries. She got up very slowly and began her slow pace until she reached the bags. She peeked inside to choose products that would go in the same place so she wouldn't go back and forth too many times. She grabbed the yogurts, the milk and the orange juice and took it to the fridge. Then, she grabbed the cereals and some pasta and she took it to the cabinet where they storage the groceries. The cereals were on the first shelf where they also had cookies and sugar. Pasta was on the third shelf together with all sorts of pasta and rice. There was some meat, that she left on the counter by the basin, for she didn't know which he wanted to cook for dinner and finally there was some oranges, bananas, and apples that she put in the fridge as well. Then, she looked inside the fridge for some greens but they still had a good amount and variety, so she closed the door and started walking back to the couch.
Ellie looked outside seeing how the day was coming to an end. The blue sky was being replaced by a darker one shaded in orange stripes as the sun was about to set. It was a beautiful view. She loved the sky's colors. Always have been a fan of it. Suddenly, she had the feeling that she had heard Chris calling her but she was not sure as it had been a sudden sound.
"Chris?" Ellie called out loud just to be sure he had called her but there was no response so she approached the corridor. "Chris, did you call me babe?"
"Ellie!" She heard him say her name rather loud, rather wobbling.
"Chris?" She called again but walking in the direction of the bathroom.
"Ellie..." She heard him call her with such despair that she wanted to run but she knew that she couldn't.
"Babe... wait..." She told him. "I am almost there..." She said.
"Help me." She heard him gasp.
"Fuck." She muttered as she felt so impotent that time.
Her eyes began to blur. She had a clue of what was happening for she had witnessed it before and she could recognize the shaking voice and the pleading in it.
"Babe, stay calm..." She told him. "Stay calm..."
Finally, she reached the bathroom and entered it to find him sitting on the bathtub, head buried between his legs. His body going back and forth and all his muscles trembling. Ellie didn't think twice, she left her slippers aside and she entered the tub and kneeled in front of him.
"I am here..." She held his face and pulled it up. "Look at me... I am here..." He looked at her with an off glare but one that she knew too well.
"I can't..." He gasped. "I can't breathe..." His chest coming up and down franticly. "I can't breathe..."
"You can..." She instigated him with soothing voice. "Come on... slow down..."
Chris shook his head. "I can't..." He continued to over doing his respiration movements.
"Close your eyes, sweetheart." Ellie asked him and he did so. "Now breathe in slowly..."
She tried to help him but Chris was breathing too fast which would cause hyperventilation and consequently would aggravate his attack by adding vertigo and dormancy of his face and members.
"No babe... slow..." Ellie decided to make herself the same breathing exercise. "Now exhale..."
"My heart is beating fast." He complained.
"I know." She kissed his cheek. "Breathe slowly babe..." She whispered in his ear. "Inhale..." She waited a few seconds. "Exhale..." Ellie continued whispering in his ear as the doctors they had visited had taught her. "Inhale..." Then, she'd wait a few seconds. "Exhale..."
After a few minutes, Ellie began to realize the tremor on his legs was beginning to calm down. She began to spread tiny kisses on his cheek as he was doing the exercise alone by then. Tears came to her eyes as she remembered he had told her he had been having attacks and coping with them alone while she was gone.
"That's it babe." She told him trying not to cry. "You are doing great."
After a few more minutes, Chris was breathing normally and all the tremors had stopped. She knew the attack was gone but she felt his shoulders shake and she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight against her.
"It's gone." She caressed the back of his neck. "It's gone sweetheart."
"Why?" He said and she knew that he was crying. "Why?"
"Hey..." She pulled away and looked in his blue eyes. "Come on..."
"I..." He frowned. "I put you through this shit..." Chris shook his head and tears fell down his face.
"Chris." Ellie held his face between her hands. "Stop that. Stop it... it's not your fault."
"It was so sudden." He began to tell her while she cleaned his face. "I was fine and then I just felt like I was falling into a black hole and I don't control anything..."
"I know." She kissed the tip of nose. "Let me rinse you." She said. Ellie began to get up but he grabbed her hand.
"No... you can't..." He told her. "You are pregnant and had an accident and I already made you come here..."
"I am fine and so is the baby... I promise." She smiled at him. "Now, let go of my hand." Chris looked in her eyes but did not let go. "Let go, Chris. I swear I am fine." He nodded and let go.
Ellie grabbed the head of the shower and opened the water. "Stay sitting. Don't get up yet." She told him.
She began to pour water over him to clean the remains of the soap he still had here and there. Chris stayed quiet while she took care of him. He knew if he got up, that he would probably relapse and Ellie knew that too but he was corroding in guilt to make her stand there when she should be resting.
"It's ok..." He said right after. "I am fine."
Ellie closed the water and reached for the towel and wrapped it around his shoulders. Then, she sat in front of him. Her clothes drenched. She started rubbing his arms with the towel and Chris gazed at her without saying anything.
"Can you grab that towel behind you?" She asked him.
Without saying anything, he stretched out his arm and grabbed a smaller white towel and gave it to her. Ellie put on his head and rolled his long hair in it and then smiled at him, trying to relax him.
"How are you feeling now?" She asked him to make him talk.
"Like shit." He responded rather moody, but she knew it wasn't with her. It was his guilt for putting her through what he thought was his mess.
"But you don't have to feel that way." Ellie said. "Babe..." She looked in the eyes she loved above anything. "There is nothing to feel bad about."
"Did you walk fast? Did you run to come here, Ellie?" He asked her instead.
Ellie shook her head. "No."
"For real?"
"Yes." She confirmed.
"Fuck..." He whispered and rubbed his hands on his face.
Ellie took her hands to his and held them. "Can you get up?"
"I guess, yes..." He nodded.
Ellie let go of his hands and got up supporting herself on a wall and then she extended her hand at him to help him stand.
"I will do it by myself. I don't want you do to any efforts."
Chris supported himself on the wall as she did and got up, feeling his head still spin a little as he did so. His eyes closed shut that very moment and Ellie thought he was going to relapse, but a few seconds after, Chris opened his eyes again and nodded.
"I am fine." He said, stepping out of the tub. Ellie did the same.
"I am going to get you pajama." Chris told her. "You get rid of these clothes and please sit on the toilet while you wait."
"Ok." She nodded and sat.
Ellie saw him walk out the door supporting himself with a hand on the walls so he would feel secure. Her eyes flooded with tears that moment for she knew how much he suffered with those attacks. Not only mentally but physically too. Not wanting that he would notice her inflamed eyes, she cleaned them right away and took deep breaths to calm down and then began to undo her clothes and quickly run a towel over her body. By the time she was done, Chris was coming back with her pajama in his hand.
"Thank you." She told him.
Ellie slid her shirt over her head and saw Chris leaning against the wall and putting on a pair of black shorts with no underwear, but it was usual when he was at home for him to do that. As she grabbed the pants of her pajama, he slid a tank top over his bare chest and then untied the towel of his head, letting his wet hair fall down his shoulders.
"Babe?" She called him when she saw him approach the basin that was by her side. Chris looked at her. "Is it all gone?"
"I guess." He nodded. "I don't feel dizzy now." He responded.
Chris grabbed his brush and started unruly his hair. Ellie got up and wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed the back of his shoulder.
"I love you." She said then, looking at him over the mirror.
"I could have not found a better wife than you, El." He told her. "You are so amazing that sometimes I think I don't even deserve you."
"Yes, you deserve me." She responded. "I am sorry... but I think you are stuck with me forever." He smiled softly as he heard her and then turned around.
"Go back to the couch." He kissed the tip of her nose. "I swear that I am much better now."
"I will order dinner, ok?" She told him. "You are not going to cook. You are sitting with me and rest. I think you also need to rest."
"Yeah." He agreed.
"Come." She gave him her hand and in her slowly pace, they made their way back to the living room.
Chris and Ellie sat on the couch and he grabbed the phone that was on the coffee table, and then he grabbed all the publicity they had of takeaways that was on the shelf under the table.
"What do you wanna order?" He asked with a bunch of papers in his hand.
"What do you prefer?" She asked back, turning the TV on.
Chris looked down at the papers and pulled out the one of the Chinese they had down their street. Their food was top quality and they have been regular clients since they had moved in.
"This one?" He showed her.
"Oh... I love their food." She smiled.
"Would you like me to order that beef meat with oysters sauce?" He asked with a soft smile on his lips but his eyes looked so absent suddenly and the lines on his face showed so much fatigue that Ellie took the phone off his hands.
"Chris, are you really alright?" She pulled herself closer to him. "You don't look fine sweetie... talk to me..."
"I just feel tired. That is all." He placed a kiss on her forehead.
Ellie put a cushion on her lap and then tapped on it. "Come on, lie down a little. I will order our dinner."
Chris did so, curling on the couch. His mind would always be so empty and his body so crushed after an attack that he really wanted to rest. Ellie turned the sound of the TV lower and then dialed the restaurant's number. With her other hand, she caressed his head. She ordered her favorite dish as Chris had mentioned and she also ordered his which was the spicy shrimps. She added two spring rolls to it and two doses of rice. When she was done, she hung up and looked down at him. Chris had fallen asleep and Ellie stayed there caressing him.
"Oh big guy..." She whispered. "What is upsetting you this much?"
Her hand still caressing him softly while his breathing became heavier and heavier as he fell into deep sleep. His chest coming up and down in steady moves and he finally looked peaceful.
"I love you." She said pulling his hair away from his face gently. "I won't let anything or anyone hurt you."