◤You need to understand that I am here for you, just as you are here for me. I know that you're not used to letting people in. But we are here - Jem and myself - and we are not leaving, no matter how much you try to push us away. It was always the three of us, even after you and Jem became parabatai. We even have Tessa with us. That is not going to change. Whatever it is that you're going through, you need to know that accepting help is not considered a shame. God, is it so hard to understand that we care for you, Herondale?◢
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CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: ESCAPING
NO words were spoken under the darkened clouds of York.
Immediately after arriving at the York station, the four companions bid their goodbyes to Gottshall who kept on standing on the platform even after they departed. His eyes followed the shape of the train, prying Marie, Tessa, Will and Jem as far away from his city as possible. It was no secret Gottshall hadn't taken a liking to them; much like his master, the man didn't enjoy other people intruding on their privacy. The four friends would have lied if they admitted that they found staying in Aloysius' town; there was a certain wave of discomfort lingering in the air, begging them to find their way home.
Same green scenery followed them on the way back, the only difference being the unsettling ball of anxiety that wallowed in the pit of Marie Wayland's stomach. A gush of unexplainable dread invaded her mind, taking a hold of her throat and squeezing it until the girl could no longer allow air in.
The worst thing about it was that not only her lungs betrayed Marie. Her whole body had undergone the symptoms of unsettlement and overwhelm. Her stomach churned in uneasiness, her cheeks flushed at the rising temperature her body produced and the Mark on her back burned like never before.
And yet, Marie pressed her teeth deep into her tongue and never spoke a word about it. She didn't dare; Will had it worse than her.
The boy who had an eccentric personality and always engaged in insane activities was replaced by a quieter version of himself, preferring to keep all his problems to himself, even if he knew that such an action was equal to self-destruction.
It was a rare occasion when no one dared scold Will for his behavior. Instead, pushing past his desperate attempts of isolating himself from everyone, Jem and Tessa tried to break the wall he had built around him. They tried talking and making simple conversation with Will, but the boy only sent a murderous glare in their way, continuing to stare outside the train window.
Will Herondale had wanted peace and quiet at the worst possible moment and his friends weren't sure on whether or not they should fulfill his wishes. The time of Will having control over the threads of his life were erased, secrets he so desperately struggled to protect threatening to meet the daylight.
For the first time in forever, Will Herondale felt exposed to the world around him. All eyes were set on him and he felt as if he was the main protagonist of the book, cracking under the pressure of his buried secrets.
Ever since he had set his foot in the London Institute, Will felt as if he had been given a new chance at life. Nobody knew much about him or his past - and quite frankly - the boy had preferred it that way. But life worked in unusual ways and before he knew it, the tranquility was snatched out of his hands and Will was left to freeze on the barren lands of foolishness and discovered pasts.
He knew that some questions about his family and early childhood life would arise sooner or later, but he had never expected it to happen in such an unexpected way. The sudden hit of reality and just a glimpse of his grown-up sister left Will entirely exposed, vulnerable.
And Will hated feeling that way.
Naturally, his mind began working faster than usually, searching for whatever way possible of erasing that stupid, stupid feeling that settled just above his heart and pulled him down. Replacing vulnerability by opening the doors to sourness seemed the easiest way out of Will's problem.
"Will," Marie's soft whisper reached the boy's ears, her eyes lingering on his frame. With the burning sun setting down, Will's skin gained a gentle, rosy blush. And while the sun succeeded in hiding the pale complexion of his skin, it didn't manage to erase the hollowness of his cheeks and lost look in his eyes.
When the boy failed to respond, Marie spoke again. This time, even more softly than the last. "Will, can you at least spare me a glance?"
Slowly, Will adjusted his body toward Marie's, his eyes carefully examining the compartment. The two of them were alone.
"You needn't worry," Marie informed him. "Tessa and Jem left a while ago."
The black-haired boy looked at Marie, but truly - it seemed more as if he was looking through her. "What do you want?"
"Really?" The brunette's voice rose in desperation. "Can you just drop that behavior of yours?"
"What behavior exactly?"
"Truly, Will?" The girl's fists clenched in her lap, broken nails invading the thin barrier that was her skin. "You are only amusing yourself by pretending you haven't got the slightest clue as to what I am talking about."
Will's midnight-blue eyes darkened. "Spare your words, Marie. I am not interested in you lecturing me."
"I am not going to lecture you," Marie responded. "And I certainly am not going to spare my words, for when they're used for saving you, they're not wasted. You are just going to have to accept that certain people care for you, Herondale." The gold speckles in Marie's eyes burned bright, illuminating the cold depths of Will's eyes. For just a moment, Will's walls crushed underneath the force of light, allowing the girl to see his true feelings. "Don't think that I haven't taken notice of your obscene tactics. One moment, everything is okay. You are letting me past the high gates of your guarded world, but then - the next - I am being pushed away, as if I am an enemy. Why?"
Will stayed silent, letting Marie's words sink in. "You wouldn't understand."
"I wouldn't understand?" Marie echoed. "I beg to differ. Aren't you tired of running in circles, Will? One day we are tightly holding onto each other, keeping the other one sane and away from the hands of danger. Tomorrow? You barely lay your eyes on me-"
"It's not like that, Celine-"
"But it is, Will," Marie spoke immediately. She regretted cutting Will off, but she was sure that the boy had previously thought about possible arguments and excuses and she was not ready to allow him to use them. "You need to understand that I am here for you, just as you are here for me. I know that you're not used to letting people in. But we are here - Jem and myself - and we are not leaving, no matter how much you try to push us away. It was always the three of us, even after you and Jem became parabatai. We even have Tessa with us. That is not going to change. Whatever it is that you're going through, you need to know that accepting help is not considered a shame. God, is it so hard to understand that we care for you, Herondale?"
Will let out a pitiful laugh.
It was never supposed to be this way, he thought. Marie was never supposed to care about someone as worthless as him.
For him, Marie Wayland was everything his pathetic heart had longed for. She was the only girl who was capable of looking danger in the eyes and not running away; she never backed down when things got scary.
Although she was not bound to him by runes - like Jem was - Marie was always there for him. She had no obligations toward him , but she chose to stay. She chose to keep him company in the darkest of nights. God, she even listened to his endless ramblings about ducks and demon pox.
Then, the boundaries of friendship were crossed.
Secret glances were stolen. Sneaking, soul-warming glances followed by the urge to be closer to one another, whether it be a simple touch of their fingers or a lingering brush of their shoulders.
Oh, and the kiss. It never truly left Will's mind.
He had never felt such contentment in his life. The tingling sensation that travelled through his body was something he felt whenever he recollected the intimate moment they shared. His arms - his body - didn't feel whole. Not when he wasn't holding her close, away from harm and only to himself.
But, despite the sweet moments, Will had to remind himself that he didn't deserve her. Whichever path of thinking he chose to take, they all had the same outcome. She wasn't his.
"I am broken, Celine," Will finally uttered. A melancholy smirk danced at the corner of his lips. "There is no once that can help me, not you and not Jem. Can't you see that?"
"No, I cannot," Marie denied his attempt of pushing her away. "I refuse to believe so. Everyone can be helped. Even you, William Herondale."
The obsidian-haired boy shook his head before adjusting his eyes onto Marie. "Did you take a moment to think that perhaps I don't want your help? I don't wish to be considered a charity care." Will's gaze was cold. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I am not worthy enough to be cared about? I only bring danger and death to those I touch, Celine. So, believe me when I say that I do not wish such cruel things for you."
"Maybe that's something we have in common then," Marie uttered quietly, choosing to defeat honesty with honesty. "I am already in too deep to let go of you, Will."
Marie leaned toward the boy, grasping his palm in her own.
Will let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. To him, it was a true miracle how easily he fell on his knees when Marie was talking to him. No matter how hard he had tried to stay away, when their eyes met, he gladly surrendered his heart to her.
"So, why didn't you tell us about Cecily?" Marie asked gently, silently hating herself for starting a conversation.
"How could I do such a thing?" Will responded. "It's not exactly as easy as admitting that you accidentally set someone's dress on fire."
Marie's eyes widened. "You set someone's dress on fire?"
Will's lips curved into a shy smirk. "Do you really have to ask?"
"Is it Jessie's?" Marie questioned curiously. "Because if it is, it is a wonder you're still alive."
"Do you have such little faith in me?" Will asked. "Of course it is Jessie's. Do tell me, who chooses to willingly buy a pink dress with red and yellow hearts embroidered all over it? You'd have to be borderline idiotic to commit such a crime. Naturally, I had to do something about it." The boy shrugged his shoulders innocently.
"Naturally," Marie laughed. "Did you ever think that perhaps you could've taken the dress to the shelter for the neglected rather than settling with burning it?"
"The thought never crossed my mind," Will effortlessly said. "But trust me, not even the neglected children deserve to wear such an ugly piece of clothing."
"As if you would know," Marie shook her head, her heart skipping as soon as she noticed the old Will returning. "So... Cecily?"
"Well," the boy began. "She is alive? Surprise?"
"Of course you find this time appropriate enough to joke," Marie shook her head, smiling at the boy who sat next to her.
A joyful laugh escaped Will's throat before he could manage to suppress it.
"A miracle," Jem's voice interrupted as the compartment door slid open. Tessa stood next to the silver-haired boy, a smile tugging on her lips. "You got him to laugh."
As soon as Jem let those words slip past his lips, Will returned to his previous activity.
"Or not," Marie spoke, defeated that Will opted for staying silent again.
"Well, it's a start," Jem said, allowing Tessa to find her seat opposite Marie.
"Jessie would be horrified," she said, glancing at her hands. "She'd tell me I had a charwoman's hands."
Marie glanced in her friend's way before looking at her own nails. They were broken, dirt and mud from Yorkshire stuffed underneath.
"And what, pray tell, is dishonorable about that?" Jem asked, taking a hold of Tessa's hands. "I saw you and Marie chase after us, and that automaton creature. If Jessamine does not know by now that there is honor in blood and dirt, she never will."
"I doubt I was any help at all, and probably a hindrance, but thank you all the same."
"That's why we're training you, is it not, Tess?" Marie smiled weakly. "There is no need to be ashamed of a little dirt and a few bloody cuts here and there. They tell a story; they say that you've fought well and sacrificed your own well being for the sake of others. If you ask me, that's very brave and more than helpful."
Tessa's cheeks flushed pink at Marie's words, her chest filling with warmth and pride.
"Have you any idea what could have happened?" Tessa stole a glance in Will's way, noticing the way Jem's parabatai bitterly pursed his lips. "Why Will's family would be living in a house Mortmain once owned?"
By then, the four friends have entered London, familiar buildings greeting them like old friends.
"I do not," Jem confessed, "though it makes me think that the game Mortmain is playing is a long one. Somehow, he knew exactly where our investigations would lead us, and he arranged for this encounter to shock us as much as possible. He wishes us to be reminded who it is who has the power."
Goosebumps covered Tessa's skin, guilt swallowing her whole. "I don't know what he wants from me, Jem," she spoke quietly. "When he said to me that he made me, it was as if he were saying he could unmake me just as easily."
"You cannot be unmade," Jem squeezed her hand. "And Mortmain underestimates you."
"He underestimates us," Marie interrupted. "Tessa is like family to me. When he threatens her, he threatens all of us."
"Thank you, Marie," Tessa smiled. "Also, I wanted to show you something." The brunette girl pulled something out of her pocket. "This is a button I picked up from the ground this morning. It fell off of Starkweather's jacket."
Jem's face brightened. "Very clever, Tessa. I knew we'd be glad we brought you with us-"
Then, Jem broke off with a cough. Tessa and Marie looked at him, wide eyed and open mouthed. Even Will's head snapped up at the loud sound. Jem coughed again, pressing his hand firmly against his mouth. He didn't want anyone to see the blood.
"Just some dust in my throat," Jem reassured his friends.
But everyone knew better. Although not necessarily looking sick, Jem's face did appear paler than usual. His cheeks were hollow and dark bags were present under his eyes. "I am fine, no need to worry."
And while everyone seemed to slowly have fallen back into their tranquil state of mind, Tessa stood up abruptly. "Your ring!" She began pulling it off of her finger. "I had meant to give it back to you earlier. I forgot..."
"That's all right," Jem answered quietly, examining the ring that was placed on his palm. "I like the way it looks on you."
"King's Cross Station!" A shout was heard, followed by a hurried knock on their compartment's door.
The familiar platform came into view; crowded by people whose hearts yearned for seeing their loved ones. Some of them were carrying handmade signs, white and beige rectangle-shaped cardboard papers with neatly written names.
The sound of the train's wheels braking came loud and unpleasant, mixed with heavy chatter of the crowd.
Jem stood up first, offering his hand to Tessa. It was a heart-warming gesture, one worthy of a true gentleman, but before the girl could accept it, Will passed right between the pair. His shoulders harshly collided with Jem and Tessa, his hand reaching for the door knob before anyone could interfere.
Marie's eyes met Jem's, silently asking whether or not they should follow the Herondale boy.
"He will be all right," Jem shook his head. "You know he always is."
The truth was that Marie knew Will would be all right; he was capable of protecting himself, but perhaps it wasn't protection the boy had needed. Perhaps he needed a friend, someone that would offer him their strength when he was lacking his own.
Upon noticing the concern in Marie's eyes, Jem spoke again. "Will can take care of himself. I am sure he will be back soon."
"Yes," Marie answered absently, saying the exact words her friends wanted to hear. She even managed to offer a weak smile. "Of course."
Even though the Wayland girl offered some sense of comfort, she had known that Jem's mind had been swarmed with the same worrisome thoughts as her own, if not worse.
The Carstairs boy was tied to Will, and not just by runes. They were parabatai, brothers that were separated before the beginning of time, but reunited by a sacred ritual. The boys were two halves of one mind, one body. Perhaps they were separated in another life and time, but in this one - they were tied together by an invisible knot, souls bound for an eternity.
Marie was sure that Jem needed nobody to remind him of those things; he had already been aware. He had felt what Will had felt. Maybe he had secretly known that his parabatai was on his way to visit Hell.
Maybe James Carstairs had even known that- this time - Will Herondale had nobody to follow him there.
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NOTE:
Hello, lovely people!
As always, feel free to share your opinion. Also, what are you excited for to see in the future chapters?
I don't know if you've seen this video on youtube, but I am literally watching it for the thousandth time and bawling my eyes out. Although I like to imagine Tessa as Astrid, I cannot help but absolutely adore this video. My Wessa heart is so happy and yet so sad, but I love it?
Share your thoughts with me. Don't leave me to fangirl alone!
Also, whoever put this video together - I am thanking you immensely.