Wanting to comfort him I wrap my arms around him and he wraps his around me in a death grip. He buries his face into my neck and I can feel his tears on me. What is going on? I try to sooth him by running my fingers up and down his back.
"Dimitri it's okay. I'm here."
"But for how long?" He whispers. Could he be having the same worries I'm having? Is my big bad rocker afraid of losing me?
"For as long as you want me." I tell him honestly.
He kisses the side of my neck, "then your stuck with me for forever because I don't plan on ever letting you go."
Before I can stop the words from spilling out they do, "you have before." I bite my lip. Why the hell did I say that? What is wrong with me? Dimitri stills in my arms and now it's my turn to grip on him tightly. "Dimitri I'm sorry. I never should have said that."
He sighs and pulls away from me, but takes my hand in his. "Don't be sorry. You are only saying the truth. I did let you go. Not once, but twice."
"But that is all in the past now."
He shakes his head, "no. Sadly it is not. If the past was in the past then you wouldn't have brought it up today. But I deserve nothing less."
"Dimitri," I run my fingers down his face.
"Your actions today showed me you don't trust me." I go to defend myself, but he stops me with a laugh, "Don't. I don't blame you time and time again I've done nothing, but break your trust. At some point it all had to catch up with me. Karama really is a bitch."
"I love you," I tell him kissing his shoulder with tears now flowing over my cheeks. I rest my head on his shoulder needing to be close to him.
He runs his hand over my hair, "and I love you. So much. But loving you won't take away all the damage I've caused you over the years."
"What are you talking about?"
"The back and forth of me wanting to be in a relationship with you. From today I can tell my actions are some of the reasons for your low self-esteem."
I think on his words for a minute before responding. Wanting to make sure I can articulate myself properly. "I would be lying to both of us if I said your actions in the past didn't hurt me. There were nights I would lay awake in bed and wonder why I wasn't good enough for you when all those others were. I guess over time it did chip away at my self-esteem. But you aren't the only reason for why I am the way I am."
"I know and I hate myself even more. Because if I hadn't of been such the chicken shit I was you never would have dated those other guys. You would have been mine and who knows where we would be right now."
"Dimitri everything happens for a reason. Stop beating yourself up over the what ifs. You are going to drive yourself crazy from it."
He stand and kneels in front of me. I rest my hand against his cheek. "Skylar even back then I knew you were the one. But I wasn't ready to settle down. I wanted to see what else the world had to offer." I flinch at his words my heart bleeding in pain. "But you know what I found?"
I shake my head no because I wasn't able to speak through my tears. Before he continues he wipes away my tears with his thumbs. "Nothing baby. I found nothing because no matter who I was with or what I was doing my thoughts were always consumed by you. I love you more than anything in this world. If I ever have to give up music in order to be with you I would without a second thought. You are my end game baby."
Lost for words I do the next best thing and I kiss him. His lips slide against mine and by the way he was kissing me if we weren't in public I would have been naked underneath him.
I pull away from him, "we should stop before this gets out of control."
"Agreed." He runs his fingers over my face as though memorizing it. "I wish I could tell you that what happened today will never happen again, but I can't. Sadly women throwing themselves at me and begging for my attention happens more then I care for it to."
"Are you sure you want me?"
"Why are you still doubting yourself and the pull you have over me. I should be the one asking you if you still want me. Loving me is not going to be easy."
I need to be one hundred percent honest with him in order for this to work. "Nothing worth it ever is. You can have any women you want Dimitri. So why me?"
He sits next to me and takes my hands in his. "Why you? Because you make me want to be a better man. You are the only one who can read me like an open book. Baby you keep be grounded and centered. And let's not forget how gorgeous you are." I shake my head no at the last part. "Don't even try to deny that. Do you know how many men I've had to watch these last few days aim lustful glances your way?"
"No."
"Too many. Way to many. And some of those men were even my band mates and they know how I feel about you. I could continue to list all the reason why I chose you and will continue to choose you. But the main one and the only one that matters is because no matter what happened you never stopped loving me and I you."
"I do love you Dimitri so much that sometimes as cliché as it may sound it hurts."
"Baby I feel the same way. So I ask you why would you want to be with me when all I seem to do is give you heartache?"
"For all the same reasons you listed."
"I make you want to be a better man." He says with laughter sparkling in his eyes.
I shove him playfully, "don't start you know exactly what I mean."
"Skylar do you have something you need to tell me." At my questioning expression he continues with a whisper. "Are you secretly a man?"
I shove him off the bench in answer and he continues to laugh at me rolling around in the grass. His question wasn't that funny, but he breaks the tension that had been settling around us. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him.
"No way am I answering that! Ass!"
He is finally able to bring himself under control, but remains sitting in the grass. "But you still love me."
I roll his eyes, "lucky me."
He shoots up off the ground and stalks towards me. "Lucky me you say." He then proceeds to tickle me till I cry uncle.
"As much as it would pain me I need to know you are going to be able to watch women throw themselves at me. I'm not trying to sound cocky. This is something you need to seriously think about."
"Dimitri you really do know how to kill the mood."
"Not trying to babe. I'm not. I just don't want my career to destroy you. Destroy us."
I think for a moment. Will I be able to handle women throwing themselves at him and trying to break us up. At the concert I did fine, but that was before we decide to make everything official. Maybe if we have some ground rules I'll be able to better deal with everything. Because I know losing him is not an option.
"What if we had some ground rule?"
He nods his head. "Okay. What are you considering in that pretty head of yours?"
"Number one don't let them touch you any more then necessary. I get you will have to take pictures with them and get close for that."
"Done that won't be a problem. Same goes to you for men. Because once the male population realizes you are with me some will try to steal you."
"Why?"
He chuckles. "You really have no idea how beautiful you are. They also will love nothing more then to be able to brag how they were able to steal my girl."
"I think you are delusional."
"We shall see my love. So what is rule number two?" He ask returning to his seat next to me.
"Don't allow yourself to be left alone with any of them."
"Again another rule that will be easy to follow because I plan on having you next to me always."
"But what of the times we aren't together?"
"How about we cross that bridge when we come to it?"
"Okay." I can watch the wheels turning in his head over my last statement. He is up to something. I shall table this for now.
"Any other rules?" He asks me while linking out fingers together and kissing my hand.
I sit for a moment and think. "Not that I can think of right now. Can we always revisit this?"
"Of course. As long as I'm able to add my own rules."
"Sounds like a plan to me." I rest my head on his shoulder and he runs his fingers through my hair.
"So... are you still coming on tour with me?" He asks sounding like a little boy and not the rocker he is.
Wanting him to be on edge for a bit longer I don't answer right away. As more seconds past Dimitri becomes more tense. Finally I give in at tell him my answer. "Yes."
"Thank God," is all he says before he kisses me. "I was so afraid you wouldn't want to."
"Not going to lye I thought about not going, but after our talk I realized that I would not only be hurting you but also myself. I want to give us a fighting chance and the way I figure this is the best way to be able to."
"Agreed." He stares off into space for a moment before continuing. "Hey Skylar?"
"Yes," I lift my head off his shoulder so I can see his eyes.
"Promise me that no matter what happens you won't jump to conclusions without talking to me first. So, many lies are floating around about me especially with the press. I will also do the same for you."
"I promise," I tell him with no hesitation. "Communication is one of the most important pieces that make a relationship work."
"Kiss me to seal the deal." And so I kiss him. "Ready to go?"
I sigh, "I guess. My parents are probably starting to worry. Plus I still need to pack for the tour." His eyes lighten with happiness.
He stands and reaches for my hand pulling me up next to him. We hold hands as we walk back to the car. Dimitri opens my door for me and I get into the car. Soon he joins me and we are on the road heading to my house. The drive isn't very long and soon we are pulling into my driveway.
I glance over at Dimitri and he is tightly gripping the steering wheel. Trying to calm him I place one hand over his.
"Hey don't be so nervous. You've already spoken to my mom over the phone before." I say trying to calm his nerves.
He sighs, "I know, but still this is the first time I'm officially meeting your parents. Not to mention you are about to tell them how you are leaving me for the summer."
"Last I checked I'm an adult and don't need their permission to do something. Everything is going to be okay." I glance around the car and notice some nosey neighbors staring at us. "The only issue is going to be when we get out of this car and you are mobbed by people."
"Don't worry I have a plan for that. Last thing we need is the press realizing where I'm at and having them all over your front yard." He reaches behind for a hoodie and baseball cap.
"Isn't it a little hot for a hoodie?" I ask with a raised brow.
"It is but it will help to hide me." He puts the hoodie on and the baseball cap. Then he puts on the hood and a pair of sunglasses. I have to admit the ensemble did hide is identity.
"Now are you ready? I swear takes you longer to get out of the car then it does for me to get ready for a night out."
"Oh really?" He reaches out to tickle me, but I escape from the car before he can. Soon he is chasing me around the front yard. By now the neighbors have lost interest and are back to doing what they were doing before.
Eventually he catches me and in a tumble of arms and legs we fall onto the grass. Both of us are laughing like a bunch of kids. Dimitri ends up next me and I shift so I can see his face. I hate the sunglasses because I can't see his eyes. He adjusts me so I'm tucked tightly into his side.
"These are the moments I miss." He says with sadness creeping into his voice. At my confused expression he adds, "ever since being signed these little moments are a thing of the past. I don't get to just relax. I'm running from one concert to another or working on the next CD."
"Maybe you need to start taking some time off for you. Before you get completely burned out." I tell him running my fingers over his chest.
He kisses the side of my head, "baby you're right. I was so lost in the rock star life I sorta lost myself. And now that I have you I want to make time for other things."
"Sounds like a plan to me. Now let's head in and enjoy some of my mom's cooking."
We stand and head towards the house. Before we go in though Dimitri takes me in his arms and kisses me with all passion he has inside and I melt against him.