its okay im here to update, im not gone. >.> sorry it took a long time to update, school was just really stressing me out and like ugh oh god my parents expect me to get good grades and all so yeah.
anyways, lets get on with it shall we?
itskindboringimsosorrybutatleastiupdated ;-;
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As you slather your tears onto the back of your hand, you hopelessly stared at your father. He was gone and you couldn't do anything about it. You knew that this death game had to come sooner or later, but you hadn't had expected to start so soon, and to start with your father.
Hanji felt almost as bad as you did, she could feel the pain inside of you. And for once, she didn't laugh, grin, or crack a joke. This wasn't a joke, she knew the feeling of losing somebody so dear to you and she knew that losing someone wasn't a joke. As a close friend, all she could do was hug you. All she could do was tell you that everything was going to be okay.
And on that evening, you two decided to go back to headquarters after calling the military police. The MP was apparently going to take care of the body, and possibly find out who killed him. It was silent the whole way back, not a two of you spoke a word. Though you wanted to speak, you wanted to cry at the same time.
When you two finally arrived back at headquarters, you watched as Hanji weakly smiled at you as if she was trying to lighten up the mood. In fact, her smile did help a little. You always found comfort whenever someone were to smile at you.
"We don't have to go in yet." Hanji gestures to the entrance of the headquarters.
"No, it's okay." You insisted.
By now the tears were gone, but you still were deeply sad. And when you had reentered headquarters, you had to put a fake smile upon your face. Sadly for you, Eren knew you way to well and noticed it quickly when you walked passed him.
"[Y/N]." Eren called.
With your eyes darting towards the boy, a glance is taken upon your shoulder and you meet with a very worried Eren. The way his eyes went big and with the way he had said your name, you really got the feeling that he was genuinely worried.
"Yes?" You whispered softly.
"Why are you back so early?" He tilts his head and walks closer to you.
"Reasons."
"You look sad. If you want, Levi is in hi-"
"No, no. I'm fine."
It was as if he had read your mind because he had instantly knew that you were denying something. But you had your reasons, Eren didn't have to know because getting him involved isn't necessary. In fact, getting anyone else involved isn't necessary either. It was only you whom had to deal with this, and perhaps Hanji as well. Although, Eren was basically forcing all the information you hid from him.
"Tell me what's wrong." After a few more tries of getting anything out of you, he gave up. He thought, sooner or later you'd have to tell him. Eventually.
So, Eren bowed his head down and slowly walked away, leaving you to walk the opposite way and into Levi's office. Oh how you need his touch right now, you knew that he could somehow bring you the comfort you so desperately needed. Even though he spoke in a way that seemed as if he didn't care, it was enough for you to feel slightly better.
A few moments had passed a wave of guilt soon washed over you as you saw Eren and how he had walked solemnly away, he was just trying to help but you made the choice to push him away. Perhaps, and hopefully, you won't make that decision if Levi were to ask you about how you were feeling.
You placed your hand on Levi's doorknob but then quickly unclasped it as you recalled a memory where Levi said that you would have to knock before you came in, even if you shared the same room. It was just his thing, apparently. Then you knocked, precisely three times.
"State your name and business, which ever brat you are." If you weren't so sad about your father's death, then you would of have laughed at that little remark of his, like you usually did whenever he'd call you (or anyone else) a brat. But you failed to do so.
"[Y/N]." Was all you said. To be entirely honest, you lacked the knowledge of even knowing why you were here. Well, it was obvious that it was because it was your room and not just his, but Levi expected a reason that was more on the professional side.
Without another millisecond wasted, the door of both you and Levi's room swung open and you were greeted with a now relaxed Corporal. Before you had came in, his face was just basically screaming of stress and discomfort, but then he had heard your sweet voice and he had almost instantly calmed down.
What he didn't expect was your sweet voice to have a hint of woe.
He noticed the pensive sadness, even if you did the best you could to hide it. He just knew it too well. And when Levi had realized that you were home early from your father's visit, he knew that something had been done wrong. Something had hurt you and he didn't want you hurt.
It was silent for a while, but Levi saw the tears swelling in your eyes when you knew that you were eventually going to tell him after a few minutes or so, thus releasing the memories of earlier today. Levi was quick to pull you into a tight hug, and in that hug he made sure that you knew that he was there for you. There and in that moment, as Levi shut the door with one hand and placing back around your waist, you failed to keep in the tears and sobbed insanely into his arms. He minded the fact that you were to stain his unusual casual clothing because all he cared about right now was the fact that you were crying, and crying meant sadness and sadness meant pain. He didn't want to see you in pain, no, he wanted you to be happy like you always were.
Levi waited for a bit until it was okay for him to let go of you, and once he had calmed you down he invited you to sit in one of his chairs near his small table. You pulled a seat right across from where Levi planned to sit.
"Do you want tea?" He asked you in his softest, most sweetest voice he could ever pull off for you. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel even more terrible than you were now just because the way he was speaking.
You nodded, "Please."
So he left for a bit, coming back with two cups of hot tea and Levi sat across from you as he handed your cup.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks you.
You thought for a bit. Your trust for him was greatly large and he did deserved to know. Plus, you had talked to yourself about this, if he were to ask you about it then you were to tell him right away.
"Mhm." You mumbled reluctantly, and Levi began to listen. He expected some sort of long story from you, but you just went for it, straightforward with the lack of sugarcoating your sentence.
"My dad was killed."
Being Levi, he showed little expression towards the statement, but you noticed that his eyes widened and that he truly felt some sort of condolence for you. He didn't know what to reply with, he didn't know whether if he should kiss you or hug you once more, all he could think of was to say,
"I'm sorry."
Thankfully, you didn't find that his lack of consolation in his reply wasn't offensive in some way. All you did was stare into your tea and stared at the wavy reflection as you swished and swooshed the liquid inside the cup.
"I know, Levi" You managed to say after a while, then taking a sip afterwards.
"You know, I really am. I know what it feels to lose someone. Tch. Fuck that feeling you get when you see someone you were really fond of died. Fucking hate that shit feeling." Levi mutters, lowering his levels of anger from the memories of his friends dying.
Then he took a deep breath, "And I have you. I'm so afraid of losing you to those ugly ass monsters."
"You won't lose me." You whispered.
"Do you promise?" He said quite sternly. His eyes were fixed right on yours and you knew that he was very serious about this.
So you said, "I promise, Levi."
God, you really did know how to keep that sweet voice of yours. It made Levi melt inside. So he finally finished his cup of tea, right after you finished yours, and you spent the rest of the night in each other's embrace. Hoping that this love that you two shared and treasured deeply, lasted for as long as possible.