[ 2:40 PM ]
i'm not going to lie, that shit hurt.
i feel so stupid.
there is no way i could ever break down that impenetrable wall she consistently keeps building.
matt's right.
she treats me like shit.
i should just focus on apple and getting strong for alex.
soraya is only going to help soraya.
hey apple.
dommy?
what do you say just me and you go and try to find noonie?
i could figure it out by myself. i've done it once under different circumstances.
apple looks at me confused, eating some cheetos that grayson got from a small stop at an open gas station, which are getting harder to come by.
what? without-
yes. without, yes.
i look at soraya putting her finishing touches on her daisy. coloring is one of the only things to do besides stare at each other or the van ceiling and think to yourself, or sleep. her hand doesn't falter so i assume she's not in the conversation.
why? what happened? what did you say?
how do you assume i said something?
did you?
no! she rejected me! you probably don't even know what that means.
remember isadora?
i remember isadora. how do you remember isadora? i dated her when you were four.
but you stayed together until i turned six. that wasn't healthy.
what?
you and isadora, yell like soraya and you do, but you and isadora yelled all the time. like everyday.
we didn't yell everyday.
c'mon dommy. i'm seven, not dumb. you yelled everyday.
okay, so why bring her up?
you can't just force someone to be happy. it comes and goes for everyone. some days i'm happy. some days i'm sad. or mad. mama always told me patience.
yeah patience, but she's fighting an entire feeling apple. the very thing that brings us together.
not patience for you. patience for soraya. she's different and she's cool. she's learning. you're learning. i'm learning. sometimes we have to learn in peace away from our classmates to get the best learning.
"hey gray, before we reach your home, we're going to need to stop at a library," soraya states, sitting her green color down.
"library?" grayson repeats.
"yeah, i'm gonna need some reference material."
"reference material?" i question jumping in the conversation.
"meditation, yoga, combat fighting," she lists.
"that's not a bad idea," i nod.
"i doubt the library is going to be open," grayson says.
"we'll make it fun! apple, what do you say about picking you out some books to read?" soraya asks.
"yeah!" apple grins.
"no!" i tell apple. "no," i tell soraya. "we're not-"
"think of it more like a training lesson and an opportunity to gain more knowledge," she smiles.
"absolutely n-"
"great! grayson can grab meditation books. dom, you can grab yoga. i'll grab training/fighting/combat books, don't know where i'll find those but i'll make it work. apple you grab as many books as you want. matt is our getaway car," soraya plans.
"i want to be getaway! i'll go full fast and furious, grayson suggests.
"yeah. okay, and don't worry dom i've seen like two of the movies," she says.
"we're not doing this!" i decline. "and only two?!"
"matt will get the mediation books!" she corrects, yelling it up.
"hello?!" i question.
i really must be invisible.
"we have to learn. we've got to protect ourselves," soraya nods.
i sigh.
the last thing that i want us to ruin apple's innocence. i don't want her to turn into some cold hearted murderer with superpowers.
is reading books going to keep her from growing up? is it going to tie her to her innocence?
"i know what you're thinking. if we stick with her, teach her right from wrong, discipline sprinkled with a little chaos, then she'll be okay," soraya smiles.
"i'm right here," apple speaks up. "dommy, you and noonie are the best brothers i've ever had!"
"we're the only brothers you've ever had," i correct.
"you taught me everything i know."
"damn right i did."
"then let me have a little bit of fun."
"don't confuse illegal with fun," i warn her.
"don't confuse me for a baby."
soraya chuckles.
"the kid can handle her own," soraya points out. "can't wait to see what she can do."
"she's just a baby!" i scream, reaching across the table to pinch her cheeks.
"dom!" apple objects trying to move away.
"no! don't grow up on me just yet!" i laugh, grayson and soraya joining in.
"DOM! c'mon!" she groans annoyed, using one hand to try to push me away.
i laugh and leave her alone.
she huffs, scolding me and crossing her arms over her chest as best she can with her bag in her hand.
i reach over quick and pinch her cheeks. she slaps my hands away, spilling some cheetos.
"aw! my chips!" she sighs.
we laugh.
"sorry," i apologize.
•
[ 4:15 PM ]
"checkpoint into maryland should be coming up," matt states.
"how should we do it?" soraya asks. "apple hates the box and i don't blame her, i feel like i'm getting into a coffin each time."
"we're almost to new jersey. two more times after this and we're good," i assure her.
"i just don't want to get caught."
"we won't. no negative energy."
"we've been lucky through these checkpoints. too lucky. we both know something is going to happen."
"don't put that into the air. we'll be fine."
"y'all ready?" matt asks climbing over the three seater.
grayson decided to take over driving since his name is on the insurance of the vehicle.
soraya and i look at each other.
"no! no! i don't want to get in!" apple suddenly yells, objecting to the idea.
"apple-"
"no! i hate it!" she screams at me.
"apple, it'll be super quick," i tell her.
"we didn't need them the last times and we got in there for nothing! i'm not doing it anymore!"
"we don't have time for this apple. you have to get inside the box," i stress to her.
"no!"
"maybe she can stay out here?" matt suggests.
"no," soraya and i dismiss together.
"apple, what did i tell you before?" she asks.
"that bad guys are looking for us and that we can't be seen," apple says pouting, crossing her arms across her chest. "i know, but i don't want to get in there. it's too tight!"
"uhm i can see the checkpoint up ahead," grayson announces.
"apple it's not about what you want right now!"
i try not to yell, but fail.
apple doesn't say anything else.
"apple," soraya calls out to her.
she doesn't answer.
"silent treatment," i state, throwing my hands in the air. "apple!"
"guys... somethings... weird," grayson says making all of our attention turn to his unsettled voice.
"what gray?" soraya asks.
"MAX20," he states.
i stand, heading to the three seater and look out of the windshield. we're braked in front of a very silent but telling scene.
two officers are bent over two of their men who are convulsing and bleeding from everywhere. blood is everywhere on the road.
one of the officers that's trying to assist their already gone partner, flails her arms waving us through the open barricade into maryland.
grayson continues driving and we all sit in silence for a slight moment.
"well okay," i say.
"i don't have to get into the box!" apple cheers.
soraya and i look at each other confused.
"i was sure that something was going to happen," she tells me.
"yeah me too."
"well it didn't," matt says and sits.
i nod.
okay, we'll take our wins.
we're almost to new jersey. i'm actually excited.
we can finally sit down and put things into perspective. no interruptions.
we'll figure out a way to get alex.
i sit and face soraya who's looking at apple who lays down and stares at the van ceiling.
she's got energy and sass doesn't she?
soraya looks at me, a smile on her face.
she's vocal about her opinions. i like it. i wish i was that way at seven.
you know it's going to get worse as she ages?
she'll be like me at this age, maybe softer.
i don't know whether or not that's something i'm ready for.
you deal with me, so i'm sure you'll be fine.
i softly laugh.
so you admit that you're difficult.
i admit that sometimes i put my foot in my mouth.
you said it, i'm just agreeing to it.
she kicks my foot.
rude. but i'll allow it. i can be a dick. i didn't mean to say what i said before about the forgetting about it...
no, it's okay. i backed you up against a wall. i shouldn't have brought your friend into it.
but you're right in a way. why should i isolate myself when you want to be there for me? or why am i such a bitch when you you're just trying to be nice to me?
i'm giving you space, you know? i don't want to force you when you aren't ready. that's just going to blow up on me.
what we have is so confusing.
but we're going through it together. from the beginning of this you said it and i've trusted you. yet, you still haven't decided on trusting me and i know i haven't given you anything to trust but we're going to keep doing this together. no matter what happens.
"library!" grayson yells, the van slowing to a stop.
"how are we gonna carry the books?" i ask her.
soraya looks around.
"the duffels. we can use one of them."
i nod.
"apple, sit with matt," i tell her.
"you can say please," she remarks, but moves anyway, scooting across the bed and climbing over the three seater.
i grab a bag and set it on the bed. i unzip it open, soraya staring anxiously inside at the .45s inside.
i take out the guns carefully, laying them on the bed.
"what's wrong?" i ask her.
"nothing," she says shaking her head.
"they're empty," i tell her.
she shrugs.
i finish taking out the eight guns and hold the duffel.
"alright, let's keep this down to a minute," soraya announces, standing.
"i'll honk at 30 seconds and a minute," grayson says.
"okay let's go."
matt opens the side door and we file out, rushing to the buildings door. soraya takes out a bobby pin from her hair that doesn't hold the wig on anymore and starts on the lock.
"how do you-"
"shh," soraya shoos, cutting matt off.
she finally gets the door open, an extremely loud alarm sounds.
matt, apple and i cover our ears.
soraya stands.
she smirks, running inside.