I smelled laytex...laytex gloves? There was a cleaness to the air that made my stomach turn for some reason and then the odd beeping sounds constantly going off in my ears. Oh...right, hospital. But wait, why would I be in a hospital? I dont...huh?
I noticed a sensation on my thumb, someone was holding my hand, caressing my thumb, who could be- SPENCER!
Nothing happened, did I not say that outloud? Wait why can't I see? Are my eyes closed, my eyes must be closed.
I used all my strength to open my eyes, the blinding hospital lights danced around my pupils as I finally pried them open.
I saw Spencers head leaning down on my thigh while both his hands held mine. His head was down, he couldn't see that I was awake.
"Spencer, Spence, baby please I'm awake now. Look I'm awake. I'm right here, why aren't you listening to me?"
Nothing happened, his head stayed down. Okay I've come to the conclusion I'm saying all this in my head, I'm just not strong enough to speak right now. I'm so confused, why am I in a hospital bed? I tried moving any part of my body just even a little bit, although nothing happened.
I started internally screaming, I was freaking out I couldn't handle not being in control of my own body. Suddenly a bunch of beeping noises went off, the insufferable sounds ringing through my ears. It made me feel like I was bleeding from the inside of my head.
Spencer looked up at me and his eyes got wide, finally he could see me, he could see that I was awake, but for some reason I still felt invisible.
"Doctor! We need a doctor!" He yelled out. His hands cupped my face.
I felt a sense of safety, which I really needed right now.
"You're gonna be okay Dannie I promise."
After he said these words to me I wanted to respond with to him, every muscle in my body tried to but I just couldn't get a word out. The nurses came rushing into the room along with the doctors.
"Sir you need to leave you can't be here right now."
His eyes were still fixated on me in disbelief. "No, I have to st-"
"Sir! We have a job to do let us do it please."
He nodded and kissed my forehead before leaving. I didn't feel safe anymore, as soon as he left the room the feeling of relief that I had was immediately gone. I watched the strangers with medical masks hover above me with blinding lights.
"Shes crashing!"
That was the last thing I heard before I close my eyes. I was unaware that I stopped fighting, I was just so tired. I needed to sleep. But as soon as I close my eyes I was immediately somewhere else. It was more than a dream it was too real to be one.
Everything was dark, there didn't seem to be a up or down. It was all pinch black, there was a boy standing infont of me with his back turned to me. He couldn't have been any older than ten.
I started walking towards him, my footsteps seem to echo around my black surroundings. I finally got directly behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned only for me to see that he was my dead eight year old little brother.
"You're not supposed to be here."
He said right before I opened my eyes, the same blinding lights from before crashed into my pupils, causing my headache to worsen. Spencer was in the chair next to my bed asleep. There was empty Jell-O cups on the floor.
I smile to myself and threw one of my pillows at his head causing him to wake up. For some reason that took a lot of strength out of me.
"You're awake." He smiled while holding my hand.
"I am."
"You have no idea how happy I am that you're okay Daniella."
"Spence?"
"Hm?"
"Why am I here?"
His smile dropped a little and his eyes and met the ground.
"What's the last thing you remember? Before being in a hospital I mean."
"I remember going to your place so you could get changed." Then I remembered what I found. What we fought about. It was all rushing back to me now. "I found out you were- oh Spence..."
"Is that everything?" He questioned concerned.
"Umm, I remember taking your car and thats it, thats all I can remember."
He pointed to a burn on my wrist. "You don't remember how you got this?"
I looked at my wrist confused.
"No....Spence what happened?"
"We don't have to worry about that right now." He forced a smile and kissed my hand.
I knew that Spencer wasn't going to say anything about what happened. He won't listen to anybody else whenever he gets like this.
So I just accepted that I was going to have to wait on finding out. It was getting really late and I was really tired, Spencer started to gather his blankets and pillows to try and sleep on the chair again.
"Spence go home."
"No, theres nothing you could say to convince me to. I know you're mad at me but I'm not leaving you."
I was mad at him, but I needed him more than I needed to punish him. Right now being mad at him would be pointless. Me and him can talk about everything later. Right now I just want to feel safe again.
"Okay if you're going to stay, can you lay here with me?" I questioned as I moved over on the hospital bed, giving him room to lay.
He looked at me like he wanted to smile, but then he didn't. Then he looked like he was going to say something, but then he stopped, he ended up just nodding and response and getting in the bed.
He put his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest and intertwined my legs with his. I haven't felt this secure in a really long time and I couldn't figure out why.
I've cuddled with Spencer many times before, why does right now feel like the first time I've ever done it? Something about being wrapped up in his arms, the way he smelled of pepperment and coffee as usual. Why do I feel like I haven't seen him in ages?
"Spencer?"
"Shh, you need to rest."
"I know but did I die?"
There was a long moment of silence. I almost repeated myself because I was starting to think he didn't hear me but before I could he responded with...
"For a few moments you did, scared the fuck out of me. Why do you ask?"
"I saw something."
"What did you see?"
"It was dark, my little brother who died was there. He told me I didn't belong there and then I was awake."
"Scientists say that when people come back from the dead their mind sometimes can't process the experience. So it comes up with a way to cope."
"So what I saw...it wasn't real?"
"Honestly, I don't know."
The next day I woke up and Spencer wasn't in the bed, instead he was outside my hospital room bickering with someone. I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying so I quietly got up and got a little closer, it was Morgan.
"Look I get that your girl's been through alot, but she's the only thing we have on him, she shouldn't get any special privileges just because we know her like that. Because you know if this was some other civilian we would have been questioning her by now."
"I know Morgan, I know. It's just shes been through hell and she forgot about some of it. I dont want to make her remember."
"Spence, theres lives on the line here."
"Question me." I chimed in. "I wanna remember."
"You don't have t-"
"Spencer it's okay. I just don't know hoe much help I'll be."
"Sometimes, when we've been ghrough traumatic experiemces our brain blocks it out. we're gonna try and unblock it."
I nodded. Spencer held both of my hands and he told me to close my eyes, which I did.
"You're driving back to you and Emily's, what are you feeling?"
I imagined driving back home, it was like I was in the passenger seat watching my past self. Spence told me before that this was different for everyone, some people feel as though they're reliving, and some people, me in this case, feel like they're watching their past selves.
"I remember being sad, I was crying on the way home. I remember parking the car, I stoped crying and pulled myself together. I looked in the mirror and made sure I didn't look like a mess, even though I did. And then I walked up to the door and..."
"And?" Spence continued.
"I don't know."
"Look around what do you see?"
"I don't really know, my vision is still blurry. I just remember reaching for the door handle and as soon as I touched it, someone was behind me."
"How do you know?"
"Well I saw him in the reflection of the doorknob, he was wearing a blue shirt. It was Francis!"
"I know Dannie, what else happened?" Spencer questioned me.
"Before I could do anything, he put chloroform up to my mouth and I remember passing out."
"Where were you when you woke up?"
"Ummm, I wish chained to a metal chair. The chair was somehow screwed onto the floor. I think I was in some sort of factory, but it looked really worn down so I think it was abandoned. I remember that there wasn't any windows, so I think that I was underground maybe?"
"You're doing really good. Do you remember what happened?" Spencer asked hesitantly.
"I remember that Francis was mocking me. He tried to scare me with a bunch of torture devices. He cut me because I made him angry. And then he started to..."
I cut off my sentence with a flash of memories. Everything came crashing down on me all at once. The overwhelming amount of emotions that I was feeling in one split second was head bobbling.
I remembered everything, how he touched me, how he abused me...again. I even remembered falling. Everything makes sense now. So much sense.
I opened my eyes with a few tears escaping my waterlines. My expression was blank.
"I want to stop now."
Morgans face dropped as he gave Spence a look. Spencer disregarded it for the most part and tended to me.
"It's okay you did great."
I didn't even look at him when he said this. I just got up and walked out. I walked to the vending machine and got five packets of gummies.
I sat on the bench in the hall and just ate, no emotion on my face or in my body language, even if a profiler tried to read me they wouldn't be able to. I felt completely numb.
Emily came walkimg down the hall, when she saw me her face lit up. She immediately got serious when she saw the look on my face. She sat next to me in silemce for a few minutes.
"Hes dead Dannie."
I gave her a puzzled look.
"Francis didn't survive the fall."
I felt instant relief, my whole body loosened up. I embraced Emily in a huge, warm, hug.
"Thank God." I whispered.
"It's really good to have you back, you missed a lot."
I pulled back from the hug.
"What? How long was I asleep?"
Emily's face dropped.
"You mean they didn't t-"
I looked at her in confusion.
"Oh boy." She sighed.
-im losing modivation to continue this. should i?-