[ 11:18 PM ]
i tap on my steering wheel anxiously.
tap
tap
stop.
tap
tap
tap
stop.
tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. stop.
i'm such an idiot! why would i just take his word? out of the two, soraya seems to be the leader. how could i think that dominic was ever in the right?
i know myself.
i want them to like me.
also, i don't want to die.
either way, i fucked up. it was an error in my judgement.
my nostrils fill with an earthy, potent smell.
"what is that?" i question to myself.
"we're getting lit," matt responds with a small chuckle.
"what?" i question, looking in the rearview at the second set of seats, seeing matt hovering over something out of my line of vision.
"have you never smoked before?" dom asks me from the bed, his voice rising an octave to reach the front of the van.
"hey, how about we keep our voices down? apple is sleep. have some fucking decency," soraya states harshly.
since getting a good pace on the road again for the second time, she's had a passive aggressive approach to what she says.
i get why she's upset.
i shouldn't have listened to him. i should've kept going. we wouldn't have an extra person in the van, or a whole armory of guns and ammo.
there's shuffling behind me, the sound of a body plopping down in a seat.
"we're stealing your marijuana virginity," matt says.
i turn and see both dom and matt grinning at me from the three seater.
"not interested," i tell them, turning back to the road.
"what? not even one hit? just to see what it would feel like?" dom asks.
"nope."
"c'mon bro! live a little!" matt exclaims quietly.
"soraya smokes," dom adds.
"for one, stop calling me that. for two, stop peer pressuring him. he said he's not interested," soraya butts in, sticking up for me.
"oh, so both of you her bitches?" matt laughs.
the sentence bothers me slightly. before, i would've not cared that someone is trying to peer pressure me. i would stand my ground. i had a stance.
now, i don't know.
why now am i concerned with what people think of me?
i hear a lighter spark.
"no. no. no! no smoking in my van!" i assert.
"don't be a pussy! it's just marijuana, not a gateway drug," dominic chuckles.
"i'm not saying you're cool if you smoke weed, just that you're lame if you don't," matt snorts.
a cloud of smoke makes its way into the front of the bus. i crack my window, the smoke flying out in a flash.
"yo!" i groan.
so dom's a dick and hangs with them.
"relax! take a chill pill," matt dismisses, like this is a normal occasion.
which for them, just might be.
"i don't need a chill pill. i don't want my van smelling like drugs."
"can y'all not act like children and respect grayson's wishes?" soraya says.
"dude, i don't need you to stick up for me," i tell her, irritation filling my body.
an insecurity of being the odd one out creeps into my conscious. i try to reject it, now sure where it's coming from.
"whatever," soraya brushes off.
"give me the drugs," i say confidently, holding my hand out.
"it's called a joint," dom laughs, setting the paper rolled marijuana in my hand.
i place the unlit part into my mouth and inhale, feeling the smoke hit my chest. i exhale, coughing slightly.
i pass the joint back, my body feeling tingly.
"not bad for a first hit," dom smiles, patting my shoulder. "maybe you're not lame after all."
"you guys are the worst," soraya chuckles, "peer pressure at its finest."
i chuckle.
maybe being around them will make me try more new things. things i've turned a blind eye to. we're already running from the government. what's more illegal shit going to do?
the world is sick. soon theirs not going to be a prison or jail or place for me to go if i break laws.
the world will reset, and for some reason i'm going to be a part of it.
screw the old grayson!
the one who never had fun and never took risks.
fuck it.
it's not everyday you become a fugitive.