Nel approached Charlotte and gingerly tugged at the sleeve of her sweater. "Ceecee, I need help," she whined; her serious face disconnected from her playful voice.
"What the hell! Even you call me that now?" Charlotte said, pulling her sweater free. "Please compose yourself and show me some damn respect."
"Lady president ma'am, please help me," Nel continued.
"That's better. I am at your service," Charlotte said with a small reverence.
"Can you lend me some money," Nel begged.
Charlotte frowned at her, acting hurt. "You have some nerve to ask ME, of all people, for money."
"Who else can I ask?" Nel complained. "Shun is as broke as we are, and Oli is not in town."
"Don't be a coward. Just call your dad," Charlotte recommended, rolling her eyes.
"Tried. The old bastard won't even pick up," Nel pouted.
"You're exaggerating," Charlotte said.
"His secretary blocked my number," Nel added dramatically.
"what about your husband-to-be?" Charlotte asked.
"I told you, Shun is broke," Nel said.
Charlotte laughed out loud, straight into Nel's confused face. "I meant Milo, not your crazy stalker. The real deal," she said.
"Oh!" Nel exclaimed, and that was all she could say. The joke was getting a bit out of hand if she could not separate it from her daily life.
"Why do you need the money?" Charlotte asked her.
"... I want to buy a... a lamp," Nel said shyly.
"A lamp? Like a desk lamp," Charlotte said, confused.
"Yeah... Shun's apartment only has one lightbulb and it gets dark. Come on, I would ask Sammi for the money, but I would pay every cent in sweat," Nel said with a shudder.
"Hot," Charlotte said with a grimace.
"I'm serious!" Nel shrieked. "She's crazy!"
"Coming from you, that's rich," Charlotte kidded.
"Please!!" Nel begged.
"I don't have money, but I have something better," Charlotte said with a wide smile.
"OK," Nel said, dubious.
"I have a lamp," Charlotte told her, a proud expression on her face.
"What?" Nel said.
"Yeah, in the storage room of the student council," Charlotte told her. "We have all the furniture that the school gets rid of when they remodel. I can't really "give" it to you, but I can "lend it" to you with the promise that you will give it back. You will give it, back right?"
"...Sure!" Nel said with a childish smile. "Sure, I will."
"Perfect!" Charlotte beamed. "You can walk me to the council room after class."
Nel smiled, lowering her glance to the ground. It was a warm smile, a simple happy smile, and Charlotte felt touched by the placid expression. She threw her arms around Nel and hugged her in tight. "Am I the best or what?" Charlotte announced triumphantly.
"Matchless!" Nel complimented her. "The cream of the crop." They both laughed light-heartedly. They laughed, their youthfulness painting a smile.
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The afternoon was cold. The apartment felt colder somehow. The round window, as always slightly open, letting fragments of the outside world slip through the cracks of their sanctuary.
"I guess Sammi doesn't care about you anymore," Shun announced.
"What do you mean?" Nel asked, looking up at him.
"You spend all your time here, no calls, no threats," Shun thought for a moment "no "play dates.""
"...Oli is in Q city and Sammi is with him. I texted her." Nel said defensively.
"Good," Shun said.
Nel took the lamp she had sneaked out of the school and putting it on the desk. She turned it on. The orange light was a candle in a dark night. Her face glowed lively and she was satisfied.
"Why didn't you tell me it was too dark?" Shun asked, hurt.
"It's fine," Nel brushed him off. "Charlotte lent me the lamp."
Shun stood directly behind her. Their shadows merged, stretching dark and long across the bed and wall. Resting his chin on her head, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders loosely. Nel stood still, gazing at the orange light like into an enchanting fire. "Its cold today" Shun said.
"This got casual fast," Nel said, smirking.
Nel tapped his arms softly and they fell to his sides, he was staring again. When had he start staring again?
Nel smiled a little, blushed a little, danced on the balls of her feet a little. She raised her gaze and met his eyes. The coldness of his burning coals had softened. The heat she felt no longer came from him.
"Come" Nel whispered, slightly parting her lips. Shun inched closer, his jaw clenched tight. His gaze danced back and forth between her eyes and her mouth. He was so close, she felt his breathing, saw the fast pacing vein of his pulse.
Touching his cheek softly, she kissed him, a small peck, lips brushing. For a moment sharing a breath, a heartbeat. Two bodies in one place.
That's what she had planned, what she had prepared for. What her heart expected.
That is not what happened.
Their lips touched. Instantly Shun's hands shot out, locking his body to hers. He leaned forward, her hips resting on the desk and tipping the lamp that fell to the side. He rocked with her, trying to steady himself, their teeth crashing one loud, painful time. Nel's arms pushed against him instinctively. He pulled her in closer, his tongue finding its way into her mouth.
She was filled by warm breath and the flavor of his skin. His left hand behind her head, his right at her waist.
Nel's eyes opened to see Shun's tightly closed, his forehead wrinkled.
She closed her eyes again, feeling her stomach in a knot. Her hands stopped pushing and held on to the fabric of his shirt, pulling him in. She kissed him back, hard, messily, noisily.
Jagged breaths cut short by other lips finding its home in another's lungs. Suddenly Shun stepped back slightly, putting his arms out, a clear sign to stop. They both stood there, hyperventilating, clothes wrinkled. Shun's face was flushed and pleading. His surprised, wide open eyes , still jumped back and forth between her lips and her eyes, and then the window behind her, a small look at the door, back to her. Was he thinking of fleeing or was he looking to se if there was anyone else there?
Nel pushed her short hair out oh her face and leaned on the desk, her hands gripping the wood for support, the lamp still on its side projecting strange shadows that seemed to pull them, stretching out their features in every direction.
Shun gave another step back and sat at the foot of the bed, resting his forearms on his legs letting his head hang low, eyes glued to the floor.
She felt awkward and embarrassed. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but it made her feel shy. She opened her mouth to say something and immediately closed it again, biting on her bottom lip.
"I think I'm going to go," Nel said, uncomfortable. Shun did not get up, his left knee jumping up and down. She turned around and put the lamp back in its place.
Nel made her way to the door, slowly, giving him time to stop her, wanting him to stop her.
She shut the door behind her and, pulling out her phone, she was about to call Sammi to ask her to pick her up when she stopped, her heart beating fast trying to wrap her head around what had just happened.
She walked blindly, the city lights passing her by deformed, misshapen, deformed into nothing and into all.
Nel pulled out her cellphone and sighing she heard the phone ringing.
"Hey, you busy?" Nel asked, as usual.
"No, what's up?" Oli asked. Two calls in a few days. What was the occasion?
"I think I messed up," Nel said, frustrated.
"What did you break?" Oli joked.
"Remember the guy I mentioned, the one that I thought liked me?" Nel talked fast.
"Uhu?" Oli pushed.
"Well," Nel doubted, not knowing where to begin, how much to say.
"Nel?" Oli was losing his patience and Nel was not answering. "What did you do?"
"I kissed him," Nel almost squealed.
"Oh! fuck off!" Oli said, mocking her.
"What?" Nel asked.
"You are acting like you killed someone," Oli laughed on the other side of the line.
"No," Nel answered in a strangely flat voice.
"So, what's the big deal?" Oli asked, entertained. "You touched a little, kissed a little and now you feel bad?"
"Not exactly," Nel said.
"Just say what you have to say, or I am hanging up," Oli warned her.
"Ok. Ok," Nel gave in. "I kissed him, and he seemed into it and then suddenly he stopped, and everything got really weird and I left"
"Didn't you say he liked you?" Oli asked, digging his words in to the wound.
"I thought he liked me," Nel said earnestly. "I don't know. What should I do? Do I go back? Do I text him? Should I call him and apologize?" She sounded frantic.
"Fuck that!" Oli screamed. "Grab him from the balls and make him say it straight."
"Say what straight?" Nel asked, confused.
"Look, fuck," Oli leveled with her. "Just ask him straight up. Look him dead in the face and ask him what he wants."
"OK," Nel agreed.
"Or blow me off. You are the one that cares," Oli laughed.
"OK," Nel repeated.
"You're closing up. I am hanging up. Bye" Oli said.
"Bye," Nel responded.
Stopping, she considered walking back. She considered calling and discarded both.
Ridding back to the east district on a bus she decided to text him.
Nel- "Sorry. See you tomorrow"
By the time she was falling asleep in her bed, he still had not answered.
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"What's up with you?" Charlotte asked her friend the next mornning, who pouted on the desk in front of her, not touching her food.
"What?" Nel asked, spacing out, twirling her phone by one corner on the surface of the table.
"There's this... I don't know, you're strange today," Charlotte said in suspicion.
"Mm I don't know," Nel said distractedly.
"Where's Shun?" Charlotte asked, turning around dramatically, searching for him, mimicking desperation. "He hasn't come to lunch today. Are you guys fighting again?"
Nel scratched her head and rubbed her eyes. "Yeah... no... I don't know," Nel pouted.
"How can you not know if you're fighting with someone?" Charlotte asked, genuinely curious.
"I think I made him mad yesterday," Nel said shrugging her shoulders. Her fidgeting and tense movements intrigued Charlotte. Today would be interesting, Charlotte thought.
"Nel, honey, you have to be more specific I hate prying information out of you. Just tell me what you did," Charlotte said. Nel remained silent.
"Why was it so hard?" Nel thought sighing, feeling asphyxiated, like she was lacking enough oxygen in the brain and therefore could not think of the right words. She needed a reset to order her ideas before she started to talk.
"Or don't," Charlotte said with a shrug. "I mean, it's not like I'm your best friend or anything."
Nel rolled her eyes and, sighing again, spoke, "Ok, Ok. I kissed him yesterday."
"You what?!" Charlotte said, opening her eyes wide, biting down on her bottom lip and smiling.
"I think I really like him," Nel said distractedly.
"No shit, Sherlock!" Charlotte exclaimed, a little too loud, causing other classmates to turn around and look at her. She straightened her collar and continued, "And he likes you too. This is perfect. Two weirdos in love."
"I don't know," Nel whimpered, laying her face down on the desk and covering her head with her arms "I mean, I thought he did."
Charlotte tapped her chin with her index finger, deep in thought. "Let me get this straight," she said.
"Aha?" Nel said.
"You kissed him. Actively kissed?" Charlotte asked, exited.
"Aha...?" Nel repeated.
"Like lip on lip action?" Charlotte brought her hand together like in prayer and gesticulated forward and backward in a pointing gesture. "The guy who claims to be your future husband?"
Her face still down, Nel nodded, her neck red and flushed.
"You are full of shit," Charlotte said.
Nel's head shot up, her cheeks red and hair wild. "What? It's true!" Nel exclaimed.
"Something else happened that you are not telling me," Charlotte suspected out loud.
Nel thought, looking away. Remembering how he had pulled her in, the hungriness of his kiss, the pain in the deep crease of his brow when he had stumbled back.
"I'm serious," Nel said "It was so awkward, painfully awkward. I couldn't even ask him to drive me home."
"Wait, so how did you get home yesterday?" Charlotte asked.
"I took the bus," Nel shrugged.
"If Sammi finds out you left alone, you're dead. He's dead." Charlotte laughed out loud.
Nel nodded and shrugged, "She won't find out."
The bell rang. Lunch time was over.
Nel slipped out of the classroom, staying clear of the library. She did not want to run in to Shun. Not yet.
The afternoon was cloudy and still, a steady breeze blew in from the north. Opening the door to the roof on the classroom building she was received by a gust of wind. She breathed in deeply and raised her arms outstretched to the sky. The stillness of solitude felt good, the world so distant and quiet below her.
Nel walked to the edge, looking at the school ground below. A few people were walking the campus, but it was mostly empty. For a moment she considered screaming to enjoy the echo of the building.
She looked at her phone screen, a message there still unanswered. She sat on the ground her back to the wall and raised her head to the sky. She felt like every third breath she had been sighing since yesterday. Short of breath, stomach in a knot. So, this is why you don't complicate friendship. Maybe if she had had friends sooner, she would know this.
Nel typed a text and erased it more times than she remembered. A wall of text explaining everything in a rant, erased. A short three-word text asking to meet and discus in person, erase. Erase, erase, erase.
Her phone started to vibrate, and she almost dropped it, answering in the process.
"Hello?" Nel's voice was dubious.
"Where are you," Shun asked.
"...In school" Nel croaked.
"I'm at the library. Are you in class?" Shun insisted.
"No..." Nel said.
"Nel?" Shun was losing his patience.
"Rooftop of classroom building," Nel said.
"I'm on my way," Shun hung up without goodbye and Nel felt like running away. If she could fly, she would jump off the rooftop. Time crawled by and she did not move. The coldness of the wind and the ground slowly crept through her clothes and, exhaling loudly, she shivered lightly.
When the door opened, every muscle in her body tensed and she could not look up at the person who walked across the roof to stand beside her. Without talking he sat down, legs outstretched and arms to his sides, palms down.
They sat in painful silence; the sound of their breathing hidden by the wind.
Shun took out his phone and typed. Nel's phone vibrated. She smirked and looking at the text the person next to her had just sent her she read.
Shun- "You mad?"
Nel- "No."
Shun- "Why won't you look at me?"
Nel- "I don't know. Sorry about yesterday."
Shun- "Are you sorry?"
Nel- "Depends."
He put his hand over her phone, and she turned to face him.
"What does it depend on?" Shun asked, his voice low and shy.
"If you're mad at me," Nel admitted. He shook his head slowly, intently looking at her "Then no, I'm not sorry. But I feel strange," she admitted.
"Strange how?" Shun said, raising his eyebrows.
"I don't know, just strange, like I can't breathe," Nel said.
Shun cleaned his palm on his pants and taking her hand he placed it on his chest, his heart beating fast. "I showed you mine, now show me yours," Shun nagged playfully.
Nel giggled and taking his hand she nested it gently on her neck under her ear, leaning into it. He could clearly feel her accelerated pulse beating hard against his palm.
Shun smiled. It was a tender gesture. Far from his reptile grin, this was a smile only for her, only for them now.
"So now what?" Nel asked.
Shun shrugged and cupped her cheek, pulling her into his arms. He held her to his chest pleasantly.
And it was them and the wind. Soon to become a sweet memory of an autumn morning.