Chapter 14
"Here you go. One coke." Said the waiter as he slid it across the stool to me. Currently I was sitting in a café around the bar where they make most their drinks. It was more like a stool with a bunch of people sitting around it. After my tantrum back home. I walked for about twenty minutes until I found a café called 'Gravity' which I found an interesting name for a café that is more bar-like, although it is a café and it's still morning. It is very obvious judging by the amount of sunlight entering the place through the windows. I wouldn't even say I've been here for a long time, maybe 30 minutes or so. It would be estimated to be 11 Am right now. I am not sure since I don't have neither a watch nor my phone since I left the house uninvited, and I don't feel like talking to people to ask them what the time was.
"Thanks." I smiled as I took the coke and poured it into a cup. This was also indeed my third coke since I came here. Most upset people would be coming here And getting drunk on beer or vodka, but me unlike most upset people, get drunk on coke. I am joking too by the way, as if that is not obvious, coke doesn't make you drunk. I do not like to drink either, as I am not a drinking person. I honestly found no aim in wanting to drink alcohol, why would anyone want to lose conscious? I don't like the idea of drinking something that you could put on your wound to heel it or clean it from contamination. It's also ironical how it heals your literal wounds, but only breaks your heart more as you lose conscious and grief about your life and anger, and do things you will, at a one hundred percent chance, regret the next morning. If you feel bad you could just sleep through your anger, sadness, and grief. Or like I would do, cry and eat it away. Lately death has been a close friend of mine, not as a literal friend, but it's feels like I simple can't take the so much emotions draining on me, and I just wanted to shut it out. The feeling of death, that is begging me to take over, the darkness, the nothingness.
"Are you trying to break a record or something?" I heard a faint voice with a more of an Australian accent ask from next to me. I turned my head to find a girl, maybe in her mid twenties, red hair tied back in a pony tail, and she Had on black jeans topping it with a Burgundian top. I looked at her for a slight second. I found it creepy that she figured I had drunk more than one coke, like she is somehow stalking me. I glanced at the drink in her hand and noticed she had an alcoholic beverage in her hand.
"No, I am drinking away the grief, and unlike some people," I waved my hand at her, " I don't want to kill myself doing so." I gave her a toothless, fake smile. She narrowed her eyes at me, and gave me a somewhat satisfied smile as if she is proud of me for sassing her back.
"People drink away the pain and grief. You look like you are drinking away the loss of your Barbie doll." She turned her body in her seat to face me, still holding her drink in her hand. Her red hair, was literally red. It looks like it is not normal, defiantly not normal. It was dyed auburn, I liked it. I would call her auburn head if I don't know her name, and since I don't it's her bad.
I gave her the best fake smile I am capable of, "isn't a little bit too early to drink." I pointed to her drink with my coke filled cup. "It's still morning." I pointed to the sun shining through the café's window.
"I should be asking you the same question." She smirked to herself in satisfaction. Auburn head turned her body towards the stool again, "not all of us can bare the pain, you know. Some of us just want to drink it away as quickly as possible." She said, with her thick Australian accent, then she took a glance at me the. Went back to her drink taking a sip.
"So why are you?.. Drinking? I mean" I asked, as I turned my body towards her. We were only sitting a few seats away from each other. I might not know this auburn stranger, but I wanted to hear her story. A part of me told me that hearing someone else's story and problems would make me somehow be grateful for my own, or would take my mind away from it. Another part of me told me that I wanted to know this stranger and call her my friend, and the first step to do so was ask for her problems and help her through it, yet I couldn't.
I couldn't drag another person through this. She looked like she had a whole life ahead of her, and that she just had a problem, an obstacle standing in her way that just as soon as she gets over it, she will start living her own life. I couldn't drag one more person down to my danger zone. My brothers and parents are enough, and I am already trying to push them as far away from that danger zone as I could, or at least push myself away from that danger as I can. A part of me was relieved that Lou is leaving town, so she could be safer and as far away from that danger as she could. Auburn head was just a stranger, and she is staying this way. We will probably only talk this one time, let our problems out to strangers that we will never see again in our lives. I doubt it would go further, we don't know each other's names and that stands for strangers. I just don't want to pull people down to a path I, myself don't know how to exit. I highly doubt this friendship would escalate. I hope.
She just stared at me and shook her head. Then she glanced at me and scoffed. "What?" I asked. "Come on. We are probably never gonna see each other again. Who could be a better person to tell your problems to, someone that you will never see again and doesn't know you, or someone that could hold it against you as a joke one day. " I explained as I rose my eyebrows. Then she looked at me as if she was considering this.
"It's nothing to be held against me." She stated. "It's stupid anyway."
"If it's stupid when why are you drinking it away?" I asked, still raising my eyebrows. I know I am dumb and stupid at some, okay most times, but I am not really stupid. I tend to show people I am stupid, but actually I am considerably smart. I always thought that showing people that you're dumb can give you an advantage over them. While they talk and think you're stupid and think that they're playing with you, but actually it's the other way around, you're the one with the upper hand.
She let out a breath of frustration. "I have this stupid crush on a boy that had a crush on one of my friends ." She let it out.
"Had?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows, "you said 'had' a crush on your friend. Does that mean he.. Doesn't anymore." I trailed off. I honestly have no idea what to think about it, yet still it felt good to hear someone else's problems that aren't myself and that somehow sound normal, from a normal person. Yet, I felt bad for her, especially if it's a friend of hers. I couldn't pretend to know how it feels like to have a crush on someone and then realize that they like your friend. It would hurt, that I know, but other that that I couldn't judge. I would say maybe I like Dylan, and if I figured he had a crush on Lou I would be extremely sad, yes, but I wouldn't want to let go of the memory and maybe I would want to hold on to the feeling for a while too, to teach myself how to move on. It is not wrong to feel something, but it's wrong to let that feeling hold you back.
"No, now they're dating." She closed her eyes, then took a sip from her drink. Auburn head looked at me. I felt my eyes widen and my lips purse together.
"That's messed up."
She chuckled, "told you not all of us can wait till night to drink away the pain." She took a gulp from her drink, and she looked extremely hurt. Her eyes looked glossy like she wanted to cry or slip a tear. it made me feel terrible. I wanted to help her, and I know I will feel terrible about this, but I want to be her friend, and I hated that I wanted to admit it, but it's true. It took every inch in my body to tell me to let this friend go and just leave right now, yet I couldn't. I couldn't just see a person suffer from such emotional pain and ignore it. She looked like she really needed a friend right now, and I felt more that happy to be that friend for this moment.
And sometimes the simplest acts of heroism is helping someone in simple need, like an emotional break down. With my abilities I feel like even if I am not normal, but I am special and different. I. Have things most people don't, Dylan and I. I know that somehow this power, these abilities they are to be destined for greatness because after all with great powers comes great responsibility. I knew from the moment I got those powers and learned to use them and fight, that I would do all I can to help people. I might not be the most normal, yes, but I am the best at pretending and being normal. I guess it's part of the process, having power and wanting to use if for good. Yet I want to ignore it. I want to pretend that it's not there. I wanted to forget that I ever had these powers and pretend like I don't, and actually have a normal life. I wanted to ignore everything that has to do with this ability, that I am clueless as to what it's limits are.
"Well, I am not gonna tell you it's okay. I would be the biggest liar in the world." I said which earned me a chuckle from her. "But I am gonna say there is a lot of fish in the sea, and that there are a ton of boys about there that would be begging for your attention. And if he is meant to be one of them, then it'll happen." I stood up from my stool and sat a bit closer to her. "There is only one true love for us in this world, and whoever this person is will love us just as much as we do, and they will do all it takes to get our attention and protect us just as we will do for them. Until we find that person we will experience heart break.". I don't know why, but when I said this Dylan came in to my head. I feel something for him, and they're strong feelings, I admit that. I know I would do whatever it takes to keep him safe, just as much as he would do for me. I would do anything even if it means I wouldn't see him again.
We were both in his together, and we have each other's backs. I know that if sacrificing myself would protect him and everyone I care about, I would do it. You know when trusting someone becomes an instinct, that is exactly how it became with Dylan, and I hope he cares the same way about me. But I still don't know if he would be my true love, because after all, you only know when you have it. And experience it. Plus I still want to keep him safe, and maybe this relationship or friendship that we have is all unsafe. After the scenario with Dylan and I last night I kind of don't know what we are, if we are friends or a little bit more, because we did admit that we somehow felt something for each other, yet I still don't know. And yet still I want to stay safe, so I doubt we will be anymore than past friends that is if we don't die in the lethal operation we got ourselves into.
I took the drink from her hand and put it out of reach from her before she took another gulp. She didn't stop me. "Drinking away the pain isn't how you deal with this. If you keep holding on to what makes you sad you won't find happiness. Just let it go. Let him go and if it's meant to be he'll come for you. It's okay to feel something it's what makes us human, but don't let it take a toll on you" She looked at me, and since we started this conversation she gave me an actual non-fake smile. I smiled back at her.
She sniffed, "you're right." Then she shook her head and took a bottle of water and took a sip of water. "Some people also say you should just ignore the problem until it goes away. It works you know. It also keeps the people around you safe and happy." She said. Which made me stop and wonder. What if by searching up on the case and trying so hard to look for answers, I am putting people I care about in danger. Maybe I should just ignore the whole situation, ignore Dylan so that the problem would just go away on itself. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be.
Or maybe this is the best way to live the normal life Dylan and I are looking for. Is to pretend that the whole situation doesn't exist. I mean how are we going to find a normal life and safe one if all we do is run after the abnormal one. Maybe that by searching we are only attracting the unneeded attention, like someone is warning us not to look yet at the same time giving us a chance to just let go. Maybe whoever did this to us or just knows about us wants us to ignore the situation, to be safer. If we did stop searching we won't be bothered about it. Like if you are digging up something you'll only be digging out ghosts, but if you don't it'll just go away and the ghosts won't haunt you. I smiled back and then a question came to my thoughts.
"Did you tell him?" I asked. She looked at me as if confused with my question. Thinking she didn't know what I was referring to I further explained, "that you like him, I mean."
She shook her head, "I know what you mean," her thick Australian accent rung, "and no, I didn't tell him I love him." She emphasized on love as If telling me I-don't-like-him-I-love-him. "I don't exactly know how to tell someone you love them right after they tell you he likes your friend and start dating her."
"You just do." I told her, "you'll never know unless you try." I shrugged.
"No, I just can't. She is a close friend of mine, so is he. If they like each other and they're dating each other then I won't ruin the friendship I have with either of them. There is no hope of us anyway. plus I am ignoring the problem and situation until it just goes away. " She shrugged it off.
"There is always hope." I smiled. She looked at me. "You always," I said poking her arm, "gotta have hope. Keep that in mind." I smiled.
She looked at me and smiled, "so why are you drinking?" She asked putting air quotes around drinking, since I am not really drinking. It's only coke.
I turned to face my front, "just some family problems," I smiled, "nothing too big." I lied. It was too big, my issues were too big, too big to be handled, and too big to believe. I am basically a walking, talking, danger zone. I don't know how, but suddenly all of my problems managed to take a turn and become extreme problems, and sometimes I start missing the simple problems like what dress am I supposed to wear, or if I should go on that date. Now I am facing almost lethal problems, like will I ever get back my memories, what to do with these abilities, or Who is following Dylan and I, who is watching us, and how long until the police arrests us, or how long until we are lab rats. Or what if I just let the situation go and stop digging into it? Or .. No I am not going to think about this now.
She nodded, "you know you could talk about it. I won't judge. I promise." Her thick Australian accent was a catch.
"It's not a big of a deal. You know when you just want to push people you care about away to protect them. For their good, I mean. And then you tell yourself that you just need to let something go just for the better. Like you want to let it go along with anything or anyone related to it. But not just for yourself but everyone around you." I explained.
"I get it. You are afraid that you are not good enough for someone, or that you are going to hurt them, or that you are protecting them. But we all need a friend sometimes, even superheroes do. And sometimes maybe ignoring the problem and letting it go could be a good thing to do. At one point in our lives we just need to stop and drop all the unneeded weight off our shoulders. And some people even if you try to push them away they would still follow you, and then you really can't help it now." She said.
I nodded, "yeah.". Silence hung in the air as I sunk in thought for a while. A part of me thought she was.. Right, but then I can't drag people I care about in to this not when I have a choice, not when they have a choice. I also want to let this go. I want to forget I have these powers. Should I?
Clark.
I snapped my head around, "yeah." I looked at her.
"What?" She asked, confused "I didn't say anything." She said glancing at me funny. I remembered though, Auburn head didn't know my name. And this sounded like a masculine voice.
It's Dylan. Where are you?
What? Why aren't you calling me on my phone.
Well, I would've if you were answering.
Then I remembered the fact that I left my phone at home. No one was able to contact me since morning. I pursed my eyes closed.
Yeah, I left it at home.
I know. I called and your brothers answered. They asked if you were with me, but I told them no. I also told them I would try to find you, and that you were probably fine.
I sighed. Of course my brothers called him, not my parents. They went back to the start. I might have overreacted when I threw a tantrum this morning, but this is the kind of things that happen that make me feel like it am abandoned. Like I am not even worth the time of being worried about or caring for. They probably just told my brothers to find me, and my brothers must've found my phone once Dylan called and asked if it as with him, and then asked him to maybe find me. In times like these, I feel like my brothers are my only family.
I AM fine. I assured him
I know. Where are you? I am gonna come pick you up.
I don't-
"Are you okay there?" Asked auburn head from next to me. I almost, almost forgot that she was sitting next to me, "you look so deep in thought."
"Yeah, I am fine. You know, just thinking." I nodded my head. She nodded too and she kept sipping from her water.
Clark! Are you still there?
Yes, yes, I am fine.
This is exhausting. I don't know about you, and if you ever had multiple conversation. Not just ones on your phone or on Facebook, I am talking one in your head and one standing in front of you. Well, it's exhausting and it feels like you are splitting your head into two pieces. Especially when one them doesn't know about your 'special' ability.
I am going to come pick you up. Did you see the news?
What? No.
We need to talk about it. Where are you?
Gravity.
What's gravity? Is that the café? He sounded irritated.
Yes, it is.
Good I am just around the block. I'll be there in a minute.
I'll meet you outside.
Then he was gone. This feeling has been very frequent lately. Every time Dylan and I have a telepathic connection and we stop it or break it. I can feel him leave. Like when he is not there. Sometimes I can still feel his presence even though we are not talking. Sometimes it feels like My brain is empty. Like there is no presence. It feels like he is not here anymore, although in different other times i can still feel his presence, and when he is gone, when he disappears from my head, it feels like I just lost a limb for the split second we break the connection, and I don't know if he feels the same way too or not.
I shook off the thoughts and then I pulled out some money that were present in my pockets to pay for the coke I ordered and left it on the counter. I looked to auburn head who was watching me as I did so. "I have to go. I'll see you around though." I smiled.
"Yeah, sure. I don't have a number to give you tho." She looked concerned. "But, I do work here." She smiled.
"You do?" I was purely surprised.
"Yeah, but my shift starts at 12 everyday. Which is in twenty minutes." She said glancing at her clock. "If you feel like talking or hanging out you can just come here. I finish my shift at 5." She explained.
"Cool." I smiled. I stood up and started walking, then I remembered, that I didn't have her name, and neither did she. Not that I wouldn't mind calling her auburn head, but that would be a hard thing to do when I come here and ask to about her. There are a ton Of auburn heads in the world. " oh! I didn't catch your name. I am Clark." I told her.
"I though we were going to be strangers." She smirked
"I would have loved that, but you already have my name so.." I trailed of. She laughed.
"Mindy." She smiled. Auburn head's name is Mindy.
I smiled, "see you around, Mindy."
"You too, Clark."
Right before I walked outside of the café I went to the bathroom, due to the excessive amount of coke I drank. let's just say my urinary system is not processing well. After I used the bathroom, I went to wash my hand on the sink. There was this, what I would count, a very formal lady was also washing her hand, and giving me small side glances which I noticed, and I bet she didn't know I noticed. The perks of acting stupid again I remind you. As I pulled out a tissue to dry my hand, she stopped washing her hands. Coincidence much. She stepped towards me and use the blow dryer that was right next to me to dry her hand and gave me a sly smile. I gave her an equal one. I threw the tissue in the bin and opened the door to exit the bathroom when I heard her call, and grab my arm
"Wait!" She called out for me, grabbing my arm. My first instinct was to shake off her arm, roughly. I like my personal space, plus she was a little bit to much aggressive with the way she reached out for me. She must've noticed I put my guard up and looked somewhat startled, "I am sorry but you dropped this." She gave me an apologetic look, as she showed me the piece of paper, that I seemingly dropped. I extended my hand and took the piece of paper from her. I opened it to find out it was a receipt from a movie shop that I don't remember going to. It had about a couple of movies registered in it.
I shook my head and looked at her, "that's not mine." I extended my hand to give her the receipt.
"No, it's yours. I saw it fall from your pocket just this instant. What? It doesn't look familiar?" She asked, and the last question sounded smug. Letting my guard up for this woman, and urging to leave. I looked down at he paper quickly then up at her.
"You know. Actually this is mine. Thanks." I gave her a fake smile, leaving the bathroom quickly, and crumbling the piece of paper in my pocket.
I glanced at the stools to find Mindy getting up from her stool, probably to get ready for her shift. She glanced to her back as she noticed me, and smiled, waving at me. I returned the gesture and turned around, walked to the door and exited the café. As soon as the cool air hit my face, I knew I was outside. I looked around for Dylan. There was a certain SUV that caught my eye. I wasn't sure weather it was the same one outside my house, or wether it was the same people following Dylan and I a few days ago. Either way it screamed danger. Tho, there were two men sitting inside the car, both seemed to be dressed In Suits. I withdrew my attention from them and looked around until Dylan's jeep caught my attention. He got his jeep out? I wondered. I walked over to the vehicle and got inside, to find Dylan looking at holding eye contact.
"You got your car out?" I asked. I was confused. What if the police knew what kind of car he had and found him because of it. I thought he would hide it for a while, until suspects were brought in, or until we found out what evidence the police had. It's only been a few days since the Ball and we didn't want the police following us too.
"That's the thing." He said as he started the car. "The police is dropping the case." He continued.
"What?!" I asked. Not that I wasn't relieved, trust me I was. But it made no since as to why the police would drop the case. We caused a lot of chaos that day, and we did take the identity of two people from that list. Whatever reason it was behind the police dropping the case was most likely someone of great authority. But why would they want to drop the case? "That makes no sense! Why would they do that?"
"I don't know. The news came on about ten minutes ago. That's why I was calling you. They said since no damage was caused, like we were only there to cause chaos. Some even said we were there like a distraction. They also said they have other bigger, more important cases up their sleeves, so they dropped the case." He said stealing a quick glance at me before, he started backing away from his parking lot and headed to the road. I glanced at the car's mirror and I saw the 'very formal woman' exiting the café and riding the SUV that caught my attention. As soon as she entered the car they started driving towards us. I furrowed my eyebrows. Are they following us?
"But that doesn't make any sense. Just this morning they were still investigating." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. The. I took a glance back at the road to see the SUV is indeed behind us. If this takes too long we will need a diverging road.
"I know. I wouldn't be surprised if whoever convinced them To drop the case had to do with whatever it is we are now." He said looking at me. Then he shook his hand around, "you know. Maybe we are over judging this. Maybe they are just dropping it for the same reason they said they would." He said one last time, sparing a glance at me with pleading eyes, as if saying please agree with this because I am scared out of my mind and I need to believe that we are not in danger. But I couldn't. I couldn't give him false hope, not like that. Dylan is probably the only one that I have been honest with ever since I figured out what I can do. I can't just lie to him, I can't lose the privilege of having at least one person who I won't lie to. Plus, I didn't believe so myself. How am I to tell him something I don't believe myself? That's one thing an optimistic person would do, and me, I am not. Optimistic. Ha. I stopped being optimistic about anything in my life the minute I woke up from that two day comma.
"It's one thing that the police could be oblivious, but they're not stupid." I Confronted him. "They know something. They wouldn't just stop investigating for the fun of it. Maybe they're doing it so we would drop it ourselves.". I glanced back again for the SUV which was still following us. Secretive much.
Right now I just feel like I want to drop this entire case to the ground and pretend like it's not happening. Like some people say, if we ignore the problem maybe it will go away. Maybe we should just leave this, whatever it is we are go, And pretend it's not there. Like we were never what we are.like we Are normal. Maybe this whole situation could be left behind if we stopped digging into it and move past it like it's not real or not there. Maybe the less we try to find something out And exposing our selves the less people would actually start feeling suspicious. Maybe we should just keep the while situation to ourselves. Like a secret. I glanced back one more time, one more time
I told my self. If they're still behind us, we are diverging, and that also means we are being followed. I glanced back, and to my luck, the car wasn't following us anymore. I sighed.
He glanced at me and shook his head once again. The car parked in front of a house, a white House, it wasn't far from my house, in fact I think it is only a few blocks away from mine. "Where are we?" I asked.
"My house." He said as he opened his door and stepped outside. I looked in front of me in confusion and furrowed my eyebrows. I opened the door and stepped outside. I stood next to the frame of his car and looked at him. I wouldn't mind being at his house. All Dylan and I have been doing lately is try and investigate, find answers. It has been a hard thing to do lately. Like there is nothing to research about anymore. Like this is just a step in evolution that maybe we are not ready for just yet and that we're making a big deal out of it.
"Why are we at your house?" I asked, frowning, still confused. I squinted my eyes from the sun that was shooting directly at my eyes
"We need to work on this. And judging by the way you left your house, you don't really wanna go there." He smirked at the last part. I shook my head and walked over to him and grabbed his arm, rather harshly.
"Let's go, Sherlock." I dragged him to his front porch.
He got his key out and as he was about to open the door, it opened itself. No, not like that. The door is not haunted. Someone opened the door from the inside. A man, a tall man, In his mid-forties I suppose. He had strong features, dark hair, brown eyes, and he looked a lot like Dylan, and had some similar features. I would predict that since he came out of Dylan's house and looks like him, even if it's for the slightest, that they might be related.
"Dad! Hey. What are you doing here?" Dylan asked in confusion, as soon as he laid eyes on his father and noticed it was him.
"It's nice to know I am welcomed in my home." Said, what now judging by what Dylan said, was his father.
"No it's just Uh. You don't usually get home by uh this time." Dylan said, scratching the back of his neck. A part of me told me that this was a cute, nervous gesture. Another part of me snapped at me and yelled and said to snap out of it, because this is a real situation and this is life, and a cute gesture should be the last thing I needed to think about at the moment. "Uh. This is Clark." He said pointing at me. I put on my best smile. After all I didn't want him to take a bad impression about me. I didn't want much people to have the idea about me being pessimistic. I didn't want them to think of me this way, as I am not. "Clark, this is my dad. David Mitchell." He introduced to me.
"It's nice to meet you, sir" I said, pushing my hand out to shake his. He gave me a look, that made me feel hated. He furrowed his eyebrows, and narrowed his eyes at me. After a couple of seconds he held his hand out and shook mine. To say I feel un welcomed was the understatement of the year. The way he narrowed his eyes at me and stared for a second as if debating on weather or not to yell at me and tell me not to go into his house. Okay what was that for?
"You too, Clark." He gave me smile. I could defiantly feel un welcomed. He somehow found something odd about me, not that there isn't, but you get the point. Mr. Mitchell looked as if he was purely shocked to see his son talking to me, or we'll at least someone like me. He looked at his son and said, "I am going back to work. I came here to take a few papers." He then Spared me another glance that I would take as a scared look, like he was scared of me. Like I am an explosive bomb that he fears would explode any second, "I'll be home later. Be safe kids." He said as he headed outside the door then he turned around to address me, "it was nice meeting you, Clark." He smiled. I was too scared to say anything back so I just smiled back. I was too scared that maybe if I opened my mouth again he might yell at me, for real this time. Yet I still couldn't find a reason why his father would feel scared of me or shocked to see me. Then he went down the driveway and Dylan closed the door.
I sighed as I looked around the house. It was simple, yet luxurious. It seemed like it was a wealthy family. There was a huge living room, and a kitchen door and there were stairs that lead to an upstairs area.
"Come on." He grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs to what I would assume his room. Once we reached his room. I looked at the surroundings. It was a simple room. It had a king size bed just like mine, desk which had a laptop on it, and a mirror. There was a chair next to the desk other then the desk's chair itself. Once we reached his room, I looked at him and he was staring at me. I honestly had no idea why people stare at me so much today. Speaking of staring people.
I pursed my lips, "your dad likes me." I sarcastically implied.
He looked at me, "you don't think he likes you?" His features changed into a little confused as he curled his eyebrows and still had a sly smirk on his face.
"Well, aside from the stares, glares and atomic blares he was shooting at me. I think he likes me." I said, shrugging. It wasn't meant to be funny, nor dry. It was true. His dad was glaring, staring and shooting me unwanted and fearful looks.
he chuckled. Cute. No! Snap out of it, I told myself. There are more important things to fill your mind with right now, and being cute is not one of them.
"He was probably just in a hurry or something. He is not usually like that." He explained. He might be right, I mean the man was in a hurry and it seems that he had to leave his job in the middle of it all to come home and find papers which probably cut a few minutes from his schedule that he might have wanted to recap on.
"I won't blame him if he doesn't like me. No one likes me anymore." I said as I turned around to look at the pictures that hung on the wall, more like paintings, and posters to different things, mostly.. Scientific things.
"Stop being so pessimistic about yourself. I like you." He furrowed his eyebrows as he spoke quickly. At that simple sentence I tried to stop myself from blushing and looking him in the eye so I wouldn't blush and turn red, or well redder. I couldn't afford to feel this way right now, neither of us do. We don't have the luxury and time of feeling this way and having time for an actual relationship or anything for that matter. It was too much of a risk to have such a distraction, since both of us need as much of attention as we can get. So I did what I do best. I turned around quickly and faced the posters.
"So you like science?" I asked, changing the subject and still out of curiosity. He seems to be searching for quiet often now. Science, genetics and such.
He must've realized my sudden change in conversation and said, "nah.its just Ever since I figured I had these powers I started researching and stuff, but I got nowhere." He stood next to me and pointed at a few pictures and posters on his wall, "like every time I figure something out. I don't. I go back to start." He dropped his hand.
He sighed as he walked over to the chair next to his desk and sat on it.
"I get that it's hard, but at least we are getting clues." I looked at him. I wanted him to have hope and faith that good could indeed happen. We were getting somewhere and clues were being recklessly dropped around us, and we just can't seem to find them all and put the puzzle pieces together like we are just not supposed to, not meant to. Even though I wanted to believe that myself, yet a part of me is not. A part is telling me that what we are doing is pointless and we won't find or be able to do anything about it. Maybe that's why whoever did this to us, simply did this to us, because we weren't smart enough with clues and that we were supposed to let it go and stop digging about it And let it fade on itself.
"Like what?" He asked frowning, squinting his eyes and giving me the look that said are-you-trying-to-tell-me-that-we-are-getting-somewhere-well-we-are-not.
"Like," I trailed if thinking, "the police dropping the case, or the people following us, or or or." Then I realized how desperate I sound and the way he looked at me as if giving me sympathy. I trailed of as I realized I didn't have any more clues I could think of for now. I sighed, "well that was epic."
"Way to bring down our confidence." He pursed his lips together. He started looking around frantically as if looking for something. He got up and sat down again. He looked rushed.
"It wasn't up." I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "why are you acting like this? It's not like I know anything myself." I believe that now, the more we start to think and try to look for something the more we find absolutely nothing. This is starting to take a toll on us, because we are starting to lose faith and hope within ourselves. We are starting to lose confidence, confidence that we never had.
"You're not helping." He frowned. "We just need to look harder, alright?" He asked as he sat up without sitting down this time. He looked around as if debating with himself.
"How are we going to do this again?" I asked crossing my arms in front of me.
He went to his desk, grabbed his laptop and opened it. He started typing in the password and typed a few things. He sighed, "where's the wifi cable?" He asked himself as he put the laptop on his desk and started looking around the room. I raised my eyebrows at him. He looked at me, "can you help instead of just standing there?"
"What are we gonna do then ha?" I asked frowning. "Research again?!because we did that before, and it got us no where!" This was getting on to me. It really was. We were getting no where, like somehow even though the case was seeking for attention, all the odds of finding anything out was against us. Like we are meant to drop it. I really wanted to. Even though I can't just ignore what I really am and what I can do, maybe I should give it a try. Maybe if I stop thinking about it and try so hard to figure out what is wrong with me, because maybe nothing is wrong with me. Maybe I was born this way. I have a gut feeling that if I ignore this, it will just go away.
"What are we supposed to do then?" He snapped at me. "Do you have anything better to do? Because I don't." He was angry, confused and hopeless. Just like me. I could feel it and see it in his eyes.
"I don't know!" I exclaimed, "And neither do you!" I gestured at him.
"What do you mean?" He asked, clenching his jaw. He was breathing heavily.
"I don't even know. Maybe we should just-" I trailed as he cut me off.
"Just what? Ignore this. We can't just ignore this Clark!" He still had his jaw clenched as he finished talking.
"You know well maybe we should." I looked him in the eye, and saw the look on his face turned into an angry confused person.
"What? Why would you say that? After everything we've been through you just wanna give up?" He looked so disappointed in me. I wouldn't blame him tho, but I just couldn't. This was the moment I exploded. I couldn't keep doing this.maybe the only way to protect the ones I care About is by letting this go.
"Maybe it's better this way. it's like the whole thing doesn't want to be figured out. We've been looking and searching for weeks and we didn't find anything. Maybe we are just meant to drop it. Maybe nothing is wrong with us and we are just making a fuss out of nothing. Attracting attention for nothing."
"Wha- that doesn't make any sense. you just want to pretend like this never happened?"
"We could be given a Chance Dylan. A chance to let this go. The case is dropped because maybe the whole thing doesn't want anyone looking into it." I looked at him, "what if the more we look into it the more we attract unneeded attention. Like maybe one day this would all just be in the past. I actually want a normal life. I bet you do too." I hated to admit it but it could be. Maybe we were just supposed to live a normal life. To continue on as if it's nothing. It could be one step in the world evolution and we were too naive to believe so, and that there is someone out there just looking out for us to make sure we are of no harm. Maybe if someone did do this to us, they're giving us a normal life. Only watching over to us as to make sure that we are of no harm to everyone. That maybe it was a mistake and they're trying to fix it without any harms or casualties.
"What? So what! This thought just crossed your mind. Why give up now?" His voice started to get louder.
"Dylan, you have been searching for 3 years. what makes you think we'll find something now?! There could be nothing to look for. Maybe this is just our stupid subconscious not wanting to believe that this is who we are now! We are just putting ourselves and everyone we care about in danger." I said poking on his shirt with every sentence I said. But he didn't move. I felt hurt swirl through me. Every emotion I felt at that moment was hurt and I felt as though I was going to breakdown and cry. It old my self to hold it together.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "so what? Are we just going to drop it. Pretend like we don't care and just leave this behind."
I closed my eyes. The next words coming out of my mouth would be the ultimate break. But what I was going to do is not just for me. It's for everyone I ever cared about, mostly Dylan. "Maybe we should leave all of this behind."
He looked confused at first. Then as if it snapped and he realized he took a step towards me and he asked, "what do you mean?"
That was is. But I was doing it because I wanted to ensure him and everyone I care about and love safety. So that we could have a safer life, both of us. That no one would hold a thing against us. That no one would think that we are of harm and let us go, and so that we would not be tempted to go down that road again and put the people we love in danger. So he can be safe, and so my family is safe, and so everyone we care about is safe. Maybe they've been giving us signs to just drop it and let go of the entire case all along but we were stupid enough to realize that and all along we have been putting ourselves in danger. Maybe that's why I never contacted him again two years ago when he did. Maybe that's why neither of us did contact each other he last two years, so we could keep the people we care about safe, to ignore any further problems. Maybe I knew about this before in the last two years, and I don't remember, and that I chose to let it go, but yet here I am ruining the first chance I gave myself, we already did, but I won't allow us to ruin the second one. Maybe this is how it's supposed to go. So many maybes, but maybe this maybe is the best of them all. maybe this is How it was supposed to have been all along, by letting it go and pretending as if nothing was different.
"I mean maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore."
I saw hurt swipe and take over his entire expression. He shook his head a few times, "no no no no no. It can't be. What? Why would you say that? Clark?" He looked at me as if expecting me to yell out ha-ha-got-you. But I wasn't going to. "We are just gonna stop being friends, but I-I. You just can't. You don't mean it do you? Please just think about it. Clark?" He started panting and his breath was becoming harder. I couldn't bare myself to talk. I felt that if I opened my mouth I would crack and break and cry and sob and I couldn't. I told myself to be strong for 2 more minutes. You can do this Clark.
I shook my head. "I mean it." I could feel my eyes sting with tears, that I tried with every inch in my body, to hold back. I started breathing heavily.
"But why?" His voice cracked as he sped walked over to me and stood right I front of me. I couldn't bare to hold eye contact so I dropped my gaze.
"Maybe it's safer this way, Dylan. For our families and the people we care about. For ourselves. We were to selfish to start this because there is no hiding the fact that people will be hurt In the process. People we care about. Maybe that's why I never talked back to you two years ago." I could feel my voice weaken down and bail on me. It was starting to show how hurt I was. Every word I got out felt so deadly and lethal to me, like at one point or on one word I would just drop dead. I felt as though my heart was breaking over and over again, not only for the fact that I was giving up on something so big and so important to my life, and I am telling myself that maybe this is how it is supposed to be, but also because I was never going to see Dylan again. It was a hard decision to make with myself but it's for him, and the people we care about. It really did break my heart to lose a friend and someone that I liked as more than just a friend. Yes I admit it, but that's why I need to let go. Because if you care for someone you need to let them be happy and safe. If you care for someone you need to let them go and if they are meant to be they'll come back for you. Is that how it's supposed to go, I think it was like this.
"Just like that?" He whispered and I could feel the pain in his voice. I told myself to keep it together for 2 more minutes. If you break down now Clark you'll ruin everything. I can't allow myself to ruin everything with a single tear. I'd rather hold back my tears now and cry and ocean once I leave for the heartbreak of losing this friendship then cry an ocean a couple of month later because someone I care about is gone.
I nodded, not trusting my voice at that second, "goodbye, Dylan." I whispered. I stepped closer to him and pressed my lips to his cheek and let it lingering there for a few seconds, for the last time. I felt a sharp intake of breath coming from him, a hurt intake of breath. I pulled away and started walking outside the room. Once I got outside I closed his bedroom door, went down the stairs, and left the house. I walked for about a minute to the direction of my house.
I looked around me to find some people giving me weird stares. I put my hand on my face to find the familiar salty liquid run down my face. I let out a sob that I have been holding for so long. I let the salty, watery tears run down my face, even with the stares people were giving me. I really couldn't give two flying whats on what they think right now. I felt my heart pang so much. It hurt so much, knowing that you can't see the person that you took as a friend that you started having feelings for. It felt as though I was wrong. I didn't even get to tell him I liked him that way. That was all that ran through my head. I gave up, not only on the process and what we are or who did this to us or if it's just how we were born, but I also gave up on us. Even thought I did it to protect all the ones I care about including him. I did it so he would be safe and to have a normal life. I did so the both so us can. So both our families and loved ones would just stay safe. It broke my heart to millions of pieces and sewed them Back together and broke it again.
I could feel my breath hitching and the people walking by only gave me the stares as if I am a crazy person. No one dared to spare me a second glance as they walked by quickly once they saw me once. No one dared to ask my why I was crying my heart out. Now my life made sense. Everyone either hated me, or left and can't be with me because it's too dangerous. My parents don't care. My brothers probably hate me. Lou is leaving. I can't see Dylan because it's too dangerous. Like this is how I am supposed to be. I am supposed to be plain and nothing more. That this is my life or how it's supposed to be. I am supposed to be a normal, plain, an alone person and as much as it gave me relief it hurt me so much to realize that I am supposed to be nothing.
After a couple of minutes of tearing my eyes into an ocean, I sniffled a sob, and I ignored all the wired stares given to me by people, because after all the only thing I'll ever be besides normal is weird. I think all the crying drained me from all my emotions because now all I felt was nothing, immense nothingness.
I walked for what felt like hours until I reached my house. I think that's it was still around noon or after. I didn't have the keys with me, so I knocked on the door and waited for someone to open the door. The door opened to reveal Scott. He looked me and saw my plain expression. He must've realized that I was not up for a talk. He also must've realized my hurt expression, my broken expression. My emotionless expression. I looked at him with a pleading expression and he looked at me with concern. Scott was the closest of my brothers to me. He knew when I was broken and sad. He could always read It on my face. And right now, he knew that I was hurt and broken about something. I could tell form the look he gave me as if saying I-know-something-happened-to-you-but-I-won't-ask-now.
He sighed, opened his arms, and gave me a weak smile, "oh, c'mere." I lounged my self at him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "I didn't think mom and dad's situation would take such a toll on you." Scott said as he ran his hand down my back in a soothing manner. I couldn't bare my self to speak or let out a single vowel. I couldn't trust my voice right now, it was probably hoarse and emotionless.
I heard footsteps run down the stairs. "Scott, who's at the.." What I would assume was Caleb asked right before he trailed off, "door." He stopped for a minute then I heard faster footsteps, "Clark? What's wrong?" He said as I pulled away from Scott only to have Caleb pulling me into another hug and kissed my hair. Scott was able to read my expression, and Caleb was the over overprotective one and there is a reason why over is mentioned twice. Scott is overprotective and Caleb is the double. I didn't want to tell them. It's not just mom and dad. It's mom, dad, Dylan ,Caleb, Scott, Lou, Troy and Mindy. It felt as though everyone I know makes me feel sad about myself now. I feel like they're either leaving or not caring. he pulled back. I looked up and noticed both my brothers were staring at me with concern in their eyes.
"Come on. Let's talk inside. Mom and dad aren't here." Scott said as he pulled me into the living room with Caleb trailing behind. We reached the living room and I sat on the sofa, with each of my brothers on either side of me.
We spent about 2 minutes without speaking, and honestly I didn't want to speak. I just wanted to let out the pain, and I didn't want to do it while speaking. I just realized something. I hated speaking, because lately every time I spoke something that would eventually hurt me would come out of my mouth, because even though what I am doing is to keep everyone I care about safe, it is still hurting me, if not physically then emotionally. So either way I am hurt, and so I chose the way that would only hurt me and not everyone I ever cared about too to be hurt. I couldn't be that selfish anymore. I can't be the same person I was yesterday. No matter what, I will do my best to keep everyone I love safe, before my own self no matter what I will face or endure. My mission right now is to keep the people around me safe, and this will be buried in my head from now on.
"Is it about what happened this morning?" Asked Caleb. I realized that my face was now drained from emotions. Good.
Keep the people you love safe. Keep the people you care about safe. Keep the people around you safe. Keep the people you love safe. Keep the people you care about safe. Keep the people around you safe.
Be emotionless, Clark. That was what My brain told me. Don't use your emotions. They will only make you weaker. Your kindness is taken for weakness. Lie. Lie. Lie.
Just do what you can to keep them safe. Switch off your emotions. They will only make you weaker. Now I know how Mindy felt. Switch off your emotions, Clark. And so I did, my emotions only made me weaker, and I can't protect the people I care about if I am weak. I told myself that emotions are only worthless, so ignored them.
With no emotion, I nodded. Then I looked at him, "but I am fine now. I just wanted to let off a little steam." I got up from my position on the couch.
"Where are you going?" Scott asked, looking confused. I looked at him with the same plain expression that won't seem to leave my face again.
"I am going to my room." I answered blankly, with the same emotionless nothingness.
I reached my room. I went into the bathroom and started running down the warm water and filled the tub for a warm needed shower, to drip off every last ounce of emotion left in me. I looked in the mirror in front of me, to see a completely different girl in front of me Than I remember I was two years ago. This girl is older, broken, left behind, and suffering. This girl has lost so much in her heart, and has faced so much that it's driving her to nothingness, to darkness. This girl looked like me, but wasn't me. This is another person, a different person, from now on. The girl that used to live inside of me, the happiness, it's dead.
Standing there I realized that death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.
My emotions died, they died to protect the people I care about. I may have not lost all my emotions after all I am only human, but the happiness inside of me, the pure white that brought happiness is replaced with darkness. I just couldn't bare to keep felling so much pain. Right now, it's all different. I guess my heart is just to dark to care anymore.
I realize that you can go through so much physical pain, and you heal, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a life time. I tried so hard to resist, but I couldn't. The pain was too much that all the pain and emotions drained out, and the best way to not have my heart broken again is to pretend that I don't have one.
I also realized that standing there with me being able to float the toothbrush in the air without touching it is weird, it's not normal. The new me is not normal. This girl is emotionless, broken, not normal. This is who I am, not normal pretending to be normal. The furthest I will do is protect the ones I care about, and I won't be weak doing so. I also now now. All I am is nothing, because nothing is not normal. Nothing is not anything normal. So I am not normal, not this way, I will never be fully normal.
Looking at this unnormal girl in the mirror, me, it's like I am looking into the heart of immense darkness.
After all, normal people have no idea how beautiful the darkness is.
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AN//
sorry for the late update. I had exams at school and I started this a long time ago and just now I finished this chapter. This is not the end, there is yet still more to come that you are not ready for it.
And on the side is a picture of how I imagined Dylan. You can imagine him as someone else if you want.
This is, as you can see and read now, is a new Clark that you will not know what hits you from her now. She entered the darkness, because she has been through so much, and most if the time she was suffering silently that she just broke, and you should know that she really cared for Dylan that letting him go was a huge step in her shutting of her emotions. So.. Read next to find out what happens.
And thank you for the 299 reads just one more for 300 :D but. Thank you so much to everyone that read, voted and liked this. Please keep doing so. I will try to post an early update next.
Read, vote and comment, lovelies. :D
Love always, MK