I marked the last chapter as private, sorry guys but it's pg13 and that chapter is not.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I pushed up and scrambled around for my clothes. The power was still on and the last thing I needed was for them to go through security footage and see me prancing down the hallway naked. I yanked on my undergarments and pants before he got a hold of my arm to stop me.
"Please don't go." He said and I looked to see him in just boxers and jeans, he got about as far as I did with getting his clothes on.
"I can't." I said feeling angry, he didn't love me so what right does he have to say it! He hated me a week ago, he has no right!
"Baby please." I pulled myself away from him and tugged my shirt on and felt like crying, I slept with him and he was sitting there spewing this bullshit, he knew it was a big step for me and he does this?
"Stop!" I yelled at him and he slowly pulled his shirt on as he looked at me
"Please don't cry, I didn't mean to upset you." I hadn't even realized I was crying.
"You have no right to mess with my emotions like this." I furiously wiped at my face trying to get the stupid droplets off.
"I'm not. I promise I'm not." He tried to step to me and I stepped back.
"You don't love me, you couldn't even stand me a week ago." I went to leave, I usually tried to figure things out and take things head on but when it came to him I always just wanted to run away, I didn't want to get hurt.
"You're wrong; I've always adored you Arianna, always. I'm trying here, I know I was a jerk but I'm trying and you're just pushing me away. You told me you trusted me." he looked a little hurt but so was I.
"You don't love me, you can't love me." I was annoyed, you don't just love someone after a couple days, it takes months to develop that.
"But I do. You said you trusted me so trust that I'm telling you the truth. I know it's soon but I will always love you because of who you are. You'll never be just a girl, whether we keep this baby or not you will always be the mother of my child and I will always love you because of that."
"I think you love this baby, not me." To me, that's not a good enough reason to love someone, because you got them pregnant? You had to love the person not just who they are or what they carry in their body.
"I love you both and it's okay you don't feel the same way yet," He touched my face and I leaned into his touch instantly. "I'll wait, you're always worth waiting for." he wiped away a couple more stupid pesky tears and he kissed me and this time I let him.
"I don't want bullshit from this. I want you to be real with me." I told him
"I know, that's why I said it. I love you and I'll wait for you to get there too, you don't have to say it back until you're ready." He wrapped his arms around me and I relaxed, he stressed me out to no end and relaxed me better than anyone at the same time.
I know I didn't love him but I also knew I could sometime if I just let myself. All this stuff was new to me and I just didn't want to end up in a relationship like Alexis did, too in love to see what's really going on and I didn't want Lindsey to do to me what she did to her. He already has history with her and I as soon as she finds out we're together I wouldn't put it past her to go after him again.
Lindsey was a heartless bitch and she didn't care who she hurt as long as she got what she wanted, that was just who she was.
"Aren't you mad that I don't love you?" I asked and the words sounded harsher than I intended them to.
"No, sure I would love to hear you say it but I'm not going to push you into it." he kissed the top of my head and I sighed, it's things like this that were bringing me dangerously close to that word and I knew if he kept all this up and didn't go back to how he was before, I would be saying it by the end of the year.
I guess I felt like we were on pause at this point, I liked who he was right now but I didn't know if it would stick, I hoped it would but I feared it wouldn't.
"I just need you to give me time and be patient with me. I'm not good at this kind of stuff; I'm not even really good with my emotions." I tried not to show them as much because I didn't think it was necessary, granted I loved people and I loved helping them but people didn't really know anything about me.
"I can do that." He wouldn't let go, like he was expecting me to disappear if he did but I wasn't planning on going anywhere, I should learn to be more open with him, I guess it was something I would need to work on; not just for us but in general.
"I'm sorry." I buried my face in his chest and he chuckled
"It's alright, I never expected to be the first one to say those words ever, It's okay that it took you for surprise. It certainly took me by surprise." I looked up at him and he smiled down at me.
"I really like you." I said and his smiled brightened and softened at the same time.
"And I love you mama." He said and I rolled my eyes
"Really?" I asked and he nodded
"I think it's a good nickname. You'll learn to love it." I just shook my head at him knowing damn well there's no stopping him once he's got going.
"No one knows yet, you know." I said and he shrugged
"I can find a temporary one."
"This is not necessary." I said walking out of the room and he followed after me
"Yes it is, every couple should do this crap you know." He said making me laugh.
"Whatever you say." I was going to think of the worst nickname ever and insist on calling him that, he was going to hate it as much as I loved it.
"I could always call you my little sex-"
"Damon." I elbowed him not even letting him finish that sentence.
"Okay, okay. Only in private." He winked and I pouted a little bit making him wrap his arm around me as he pulled me into the library to sit down on something comfortable.
"Jerk." I mumbled and he pulled me onto his lap.
"I'm sorry, I love you and it means the world to me that you wanted to be with me that way, I know you don't take sex lightly and I loved every second of being with you." he said sensing that he was annoying me or hurting my feelings just a little bit; stupid irrational hormones.
"I just, I know I'm inexperienced and it's probably not all that great and I just don't like or need it being thrown back in my face, it's just a reminder of your experience and that you would probably enjoy it more with them." I looked down, I felt so inadequate sexually because I was and I hated it.
He kissed me hard and I responded as he coaxed my lips apart for him to slip his tongue between them, he grinded my hips down and against him and I moaned lightly and felt something jump up and harden.
"Does that feel like I find you inadequate or like I don't enjoy being with you? I love you, not them and I don't want you to ever feel like that would be a problem to me. I loved being with you and it makes me want to do it over and over and over again. You were amazing." He said and my face heated.
I can't believe we were having this conversation, I know I started it but I was trying this whole being open thing and I was just so awkward with it, I felt stupid that I felt this way.
"I know I can't be that great I mean, my experience is limited to a drunk night and that." My face heated again thinking of what we just did and it made him laugh lightly.
"It makes it better, you're mine and only mind and no other man is every going to touch you like I do. I love how you tremble or how you were taken by surprise because you didn't know it could feel that good. I love everything about being with you and you are so much better than any girl I've been with." I groaned and put my hands over my face.
He was talking about my reactions to, oh my god. I knew he was watching me but I was perfectly happy thinking that he wasn't and it's so embarrassing and I probably look weird and, uh. He laughed again and pulled my hands from my face, pecking my lips.
"You are so cute." He cooed and I swatted his hands away and crossed my arms. I hated that word.
"No, I'm not." I said and he smiled
"Even cuter now." He teased and I frowned
"No." was my fantastic response, oh come on, I couldn't think of anything better than that? I have the IQ that I have and no was all I could come up with?
"Are my babies hungry?" he asked and he put his hands under my shirt and on my stomach in time for it to growl it's answer to his question.
"Always." I sighed, sometimes it was so inconvenient
"What do you want?" he asked and I shrugged, I was growing tired of the same things time after time, I just wanted to be out of here and have real food and a real kitchen, I want to be able to go to the store or go out and get something, I just wanted my daddy to cook for me. I missed being home.
"Nothing." I mumbled and he wrapped his arms around me.
"What's wrong? I don't want to see you cry." He kissed my forehead and I buried my face in his chest.
"I just miss home and my dad cooking. I miss Alexis and I miss the food outside of here, I just want to be out of here."
"Only a couple more days love." he told me and I sighed. I just wanted it to be over
"I'm sorry, I know it's irrational and I'm being stupid." I groaned but sometimes I just couldn't help it! I just wanted the next six months to go by so that I could stop being so damn emotional and my life could start finding its new normal whatever it would be but I wouldn't have a little being inside me making me feel like I was being torn apart inside emotionally. "Why are you laughing!" I yelled when he started chucking but tried to hide it.
"You're just, you're pregnant Arianna. It's all normal and it's kind of cute." He said and I shot up and turned to glare at him
"It's not cute! Do you know how infuriating these damn feelings are?" I yelled and he held up his hands in surrender
"It's okay, come here." He opened his arms and I crossed mine.
"I'm not going anywhere near you." I snapped at him, he was going to laugh at me now? Are you kidding me? He thinks I'll want him to even be near me after that?
"Come here love, just come here." He said again and I caved and I nearly jumped into his arms as he held me tight and I cried because, well there was no reason but here I was crying and he didn't seem to mind as he whispered sweet things in my ear and ran his hands up and down my back.
"I want to go home." I said sadly
"I know love, I know. Soon through, I promise you'll be home soon and then you can get sick of them because you'll be around them so much." He said trying to cheer me up and I nodded.
He had me sit down while he went to go heat up some left overs and when he got back he told me he called and we only had to be here a couple more days and then I could finally get to sleep in a real bed, though I admit I would miss being around him so much but separation was good.
I needed to spend time with my friends and family and he needed some male company, I think he was being cheesy because he was just picking up on my hormones or something, plus he was going to drive me insane if we were together all the damn time, we already had almost all our classes together.
"Will you do something with me?" he asked and I was pulled from my thoughts as I looked over at him
"What?" I asked and he smiled
"Do something with me." he got up and held out his hand which I took a little cautiously.
"What?" I asked and he went over to the stereo I had in here and put on a song which made me both smile and roll my eyes.
"Dance with me." he told me as the song played and I couldn't help but laugh a little as he pulled me to him, he wrapped one arm around my waist and took my hand with his other and it wasn't that awkward swaying, I had forgotten that he actually knew how to dance.
I bubbled with laughter as he twirled me slowly and dipped me back gently so he wouldn't make me sick and then he would pull me back to him, he was actually a great dancer. I know he was trying to show more as the lyrics to 1,2,3,4 played.
When the song ended and some other one I didn't recognize came on he still didn't stop, we just danced and it took my mind off everything else.
He had a way of doing that, taking my mind off the bad and trying to find a way to make it good and I never thought that he would be the kind of guy I could count on this stuff for.
Damon was a constant surprise and he was such a sweet guy the last few days, I really wanted it to last because he makes me happy, being with him and knowing that he would be here for me and our baby meant the world to me, I wanted so badly for this to work out and I just really hoped it would.
He's gone out of his way this far to prove to me he wants to be better and that he can be. I first thought this was some kind of punishment but now I'm glad it happened, this was like a test and I think we were both passing, or at least I hoped we were.
"I love you and I just want to make you happy." He whispered in my ear and I shivered as his breath blew across my neck. I kept telling myself not to all for it, not yet. Make him prove it after everything, I didn't want to get hurt but it was close to useless, I was falling for it and I could only hope that I didn't hurt myself. I didn't let on to him how I was feeling yet, I wasn't ready.
"I really like you, too." Was the best I could give him and I pull back to look at him and he just smiled. I didn't love him, I knew I didn't and I wouldn't say it unless I meant it.
"Good enough, for now." He teased and I shrugged
"It's all I have for you right now." I told him and his hand gently brushed against my cheek
"I know love and that's okay. You'll say it eventually and I can be quite patient if I need to be." I leaned into his touch as his hand caressed my skin again and he gently brushed his lips against mine
"Good because that's exactly what I need right now." I was trying not to feel like a deer in headlights but I was scared and that's almost how I felt and I didn't want to feel suffocated or trapped, it would just make me distance myself from him more.
"I'm not giving you any reason to run, I'm here and we take things at your pace, we do what you're comfortable with." He said and I bit my lip and nodded, he's been doing just that and he's right, I don't have a reason to run away from him and this and it was what was throwing me or a loop and I was trying really hard not to look to find a reason.
No more running from my problems with him, I would do what I do with all my other none-Damon related problems and face them head on.