Beethoven's Moonlight sonata is on repeat while I am staring at the ceiling. Self-loathing is the easiest part of my life.
I look beside me; and I imagine Harper's sleeping face, that day she asked me what I was writing. I didn't tell her, of course, I didn't. It would have been embarrassing if she saw what I wrote about her. I take my notebook from my pocket and open it to what I wrote that day.
Opening my eyes to your peaceful face, touching your hair, stealing a few kisses while you are still asleep, hoping that you won't wake up and see my flushed face. Just your presence next to me turns me on.
I sigh and close the notebook. I look at the kitchen and remember her, sitting on the counter, acting like my mom because I am not eating, I look at the sofa and remember our first kiss, how she was clinging to me, how we created our new relationship.
I squeeze my eyes; What the hell did I do? When I saw Kristen, I lost all the sense that I had. I felt pain, anger and disbelief. That was the first time that she told me that she left me out of her own free will. For two years, I have thought that her parents are the reason. Now, she tells me that she left me for him. We "lost our flame". I freaking loved that girl; at that time, I could have sacrificed everything for her... EVERYTHING.
Why can't anyone love me for who I am?
Harper did, you fool.
I frown; she didn't. If she did love me, we would be dating y now; she would have listened to my defence.
What defence? She heard you declaring your love to another woman.
I groan; What did I do? I ruined everything. Harper changed since the last time she was here, but she wanted to come to my house. I am sure that she wanted to fix things, to talk things out.
I adjust myself to a sitting position and take a deep breath. No self-loathing anymore. I have to man-up and take some actions. I start thinking, really thinking, what do I want? Do I really love Harper, or is it just because of her resemblance to Kristen?
I smile, what am I even thinking? Yes, she is right; when I chose her as my leading lady, it was because of the resemblance; what made me so fixated on her at the time was the resemblance. However, the one I loved, the one I fell for was Harper. Her feisty side, her big mouth, her smile, her kisses that made me go to cloud nine.
I went to the mirror to fix my hair, put my things in my pocket and run to Harper's house; I won't lose you, Harp, not after I finally found you.
I reach her house panting, but I don't waste a second to ring the doorbell.
Her mother opens it; she frowns when she sees me. I try to pull off a smile, "good evening, Linda."
She gives me a small smile, "Hello, Blake. Why are you alone? Where is Harper?"
I frown, "She is not here?"
Her mother starts fidgeting, "no, isn't she supposed to be with you?"
I start thinking; then I remember that she left with Mary. I am sure that she is with her.
I smile reassuringly, "oh, I remember, she left with another actress. They were saying something about eating together."
Her mother relaxes a bit and smiles, "Oh, OK."
She winks at me, "you just couldn't wait to see her again, ha?"
I give her a small laugh, "you have no idea."
She laughs, then looks at me kindly, "Please, take care of her, will ya? She hasn't really dated anyone after Kevin and I am so glad that she started dating again."
I frown and tilt my head, "When did she and Kevin break up?"
She puts her fingers under her chin and starts thinking, "I think it was high-school."
I frown, "wow, he must have been special."
She sighs, "no one knows what happened between them; she refused to tell anyone."
We spend a moment in awkward silence till I clear my throat, "Well. I should get going."
She smiles, "You sure you don't wanna stay for a bit?"
I smile, "no, thank you. I will see you soon."
"Good night," she waves eagerly, and I feel my heart sink. That move is so Harper.
I am such an idiot!
I take out my phone and dial George's number. Once he picks up, I say, "Hey, old man. I need a favour."
Our hero is going to get his girl! This will be the last chapter today. I will try to continue tomorrow.
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