Brace face talk so lightly
Hide the truth
Lila
"I'm gonna get sick"
I said in a panicked whisper as Stevie sighed, watching me curl my hair as she sat at the end of my bed, my hand pressed into my stomach as my shoulders were crouched over.
"You're not gonna get sick, Tulip," Stevie mumbled, me standing up as the time to leave came closer and closer.
Before Harry had left a couple of nights ago, he had made sure to set a date for me to come with him to the studio for the final touches and for me to see the setlist and all that stuff. Harry also assured me that he would never make fun of my accent like his bandmates used to.
And I just...
Fucking melted.
Now, ten minutes before I had to get into my car and drive to a strange studio with an oddly comforting man with his strange friends and crew and his scary beautiful everything- and now I'm panicked. Stevie has been very supportive through this whole thing, and even helped me choose an outfit that she and I both like. I'm wearing a looser shirt, it fitted around the waist and a pair of dark jeans and some boots.
Growing up, my dad dressed me in all pink and flannel. On the farm, we never really wore anything but denim and tee shirt,(except for the thousand of sundresses Stevie would dress me in) but when we moved to California when I was 17, those things kinda changed I guess. I knew my grandparents were still around, but I've never met them besides frown when I was a baby. I don't know why, but I guess it was my dads decision.
I didn't sleep a wink last night, which isn't anything new at all. It wasn't a nightmare night, so that makes up for it. I made sure to make my makeup really bright today so no one could see the darkness under them. I also got Stevie, Clara and Gavin some coffee early this morning, so that was good.
I've gained some new nervous habits, and I hate all of them. I've already had habit of bruising my hands, or scratching them intensely, which I have gotten worse and worse at. I've also started to tug with my fingers on my lip, biting the inside until it bleeds, ignoring the pain I deserve.
Stevie and Clara just pull my hands away from each other, but obviously Harry can't do that. Which scared me a little. I know he won't say anything about it, and I'm FULLY okay with that. Good god that would be so fucking embarrassing, and I would honestly cry on the spot. Anyway, Harry probably won't care. I think. I dunno. I'm stressed.
"Take a deep breath. It's okay to be nervous, Tulip. Nothings going to happen," Stevie smiles
"What do I do if he asks about-,"
"Tulip, you're going to be fine. Have a good time okay?" She soothes as she hugged me, handing me my backpack as I grabbed my keys, giving her a peck on the cheek as I walked out the door.
For my 17th birthday I had bought myself a small silver Jeep, Clara and I deciding on the name Pearl, after how shiny the silver is on the outside. As a kid my dad had a truck, which was great for the farm, but we also had a jeep, just for going into the big town and for me to drive around to with Clara and friends and stuff. So, I hopped into the drivers seat for the first time since three weeks ago, and finally started up pearl.
Holy fuck y'all im nervous.
Not only am I meeting my new bandmates that are complete strangers to me, but im also being around the one man I havent actually had a conversation with for years. The studio actually wasnt too far away from both my apartment and Stevie's house, only about 20 minutes in traffic.
I sat at the last traffic light before the turn of the corner studio that Harry had given me the directions to, looking at my hands on the steering wheel as I Pressed painfully into them. It's almost a way of comfort, pressing into them. Sure it doesn't feel great, but at the same time it's a way for me to put my nervous energy into something.
I've gotten rid of most of my shorts, only keeping a few pairs for a time that probably won't come where I don't have scars anymore. I haven't self harmed since the night before my dads funeral, and that's a big milestone for me. I've been trying my best to just write music and read books as often as I can to keep myself away from my urge.
My songs recently haven't been the best, but I've been trying to write more. I wrote my first album in three years, using songs that I had written when I was 18 for it. I called it 'midnight flower' and I honestly gained so much support and love from my fans because of it. I've always given back to them by messaging them and making sure everyone at my concerts is having a great time.
I also love going to charity events, just because I know I'm doing good for the world that way. This year alone, I've donated 5,000 to a children's hospital for the research of rare cancers, and 7,000 to a Black Lives Matter connections. I love the thought of my money that I would just be wasting on things I don't need going towards a good cause that makes a difference in someone's life.
I've been reading a lot these last couple months, re reading and new reading at all times I can. My current read right now is one I've read before called The Fault In Our Stars. And dear god y'all it's a sobbing read. Hazel grace may be my favorite fictional character in the whole realm of books.
I turned the corner, looking at the crisp baby blue building that was in front of me, finding a parking spot in the back before stepping out of my car, my attention drawn to where I saw a tall figure with dark hair, running my fingers through my wind blown hair. The figure turned, laughing at whatever the other person said, me seeing who it was. The other man walked away, getting into a car before Harry's attention landed on me.
I ain't ever seen someone so beautiful.
I mean Harry's skin was practically glowing so much you might think he was pregnant.
That was weird I'm sorry.
"Hey," Harry grinned, cheeks and nose red as the cold wind attacked both of us. I gave him a small smile, waving as I walked closer, throwing my backpack onto my shoulders.
"Hi," I whispered back, trying to give him my best painful smile, his green eyes glowing under the cloudy cold sky. He bit his bottom lip, turning and putting his hands in his pockets as he lead us towards the building.
"You get here okay? Traffic wasn't too bad?" He asked, probably trying to get me to do something besides nod, but I just reply with a shrug of the shoulders, following him as he walked slowly to the entrance.
"I'm really excited actually for you to meet everyone. 'M sorry if it's a little overwhelming, but they mean well," he laughed the last part, me giving in to a wide smile.
"It'll be fine," I said in a soft voice, him smiling down at me with his doe eyes as he opened the door, me quietly thanking him.I stepped into a lobby, two people behind the desk, their eyes all looking up at me.
"Lila, this is the studio managers Ronnie and Laura, guys this is Lila," Harry introduced, them both standing and saying there hellos, shaking my hand.
"It's lovely to meet you, Lila. I've always been a huge admirer of your music," Laura grinned, me smiling at her beautiful red hair and hazel eyes. She had a nose piercing that was shining in the natural light of the blue themed room. "Lovely to meet you as well," I said as softly as I could, Ronnies smile widening as I talked.
"You've got an accent on 'ya. Where you from?" Ronnie asked, a thick accent on him that reminded me of my dad, I shifted on my feet a little."Murray, Kentucky," I smiled, feeling my tense shoulders settling. Harry stayed behind me, watching with puppy eyes as we all talked.
"I'm from Alabama, it's good to see that someone else has another accent besides the Brit," he grinned, Harry rolling his eyes playfully. He nudged his head towards a long hallways, three doors on the wall. I followed him.
"You've got some southern charm to you, Lila. You've managed to make Ronnie smile," he grinned, me shaking my head and pressing my lips into a smile.
"They're nice," I whispered, him laughing softly and nodding before opening the last door on the wall. "They've got their days," he sighed, shaking his head. The room was filled with seven different people, all of their eyes landing on me as I hid behind Harry.
"This is Lila," Harry said softly, letting his hand rest in the air behind me, making sure not to touch me but leading me in front of him as my heart hammered heavily. This is a lot of people. I gave Harry a scared look as they all came forward, four boys and three girls.
"It's alright, just go at your own pace," he whispered, green eyes staring into mine as I practically melted. I gave him a thankful look, him nodding and urging me in front of him. I felt my heart against my ribcage, my breaths heavy with anxiety as I clung onto the little streak of sudden confidence that flowed through my veins. It disappeared quickly.
"Just tell me if you need to stop okay? You've got this," he reassured, whispering as everyone stepped forward, me letting my eyes wander from his full of hope, to the crowd of curiosity.
It's almost like he knew what he was getting into when he accepted Stevie's offer. Like she had coached his into knowing how to handle my stupid fucking ways.
"Hello, I'm Jeff, Harry's manager, it's great to finally meet you," a buzzed cut headed man said, bright beautiful grey eyes and a warm smile. I shook his hands saying a whispered hello. I moved down the line, meeting Mitch again, having already knowing him.
"Hey bitchhhhh! How've you been tulip?" He grinned with his signature sass, giving me a hug but pulls away quickly when I wince a little, giving me apologetic eyes as Harrys grilled his. He looked to Harry behind me as I uncomfortably shifted in my shoes, Harry shadow in my light as he mouthed words quickly to Mitch. Mitch looked to the ground. I wish it wasn't this way, I wish I could hug him.
"Been doin' good," I grinned back, giving him a thankful look, moving down the line again.
"I'm Annika and this is Mia. We do the background singing for tour. It's so great to meet you, you're very talented," Annika smiled, a bleached blonde girl with a bubbly energetic personality that I love, the girl next to her having the same energy and dark blue dyed hair. "Thank you so much," I gushed, my cheeks heating up and my breaths tight. I pressed into my hands hard, struggling to fight the urge to run out of the room in horror.
I knew I had to get use to being around so many people, for both my sake and Harrys, but this is more people than I thought. Harry had been staying behind me the whole time, this proud smile on his face that made my heart warm in my chest.
"I'm Yasmine the drummer, it's an honor to work with you," A gorgeous rosy-cheeked girl introduced herself, shaking my bruised hands as I said a quick hello. I felt Harry's presence still behind me, staying back as he watched with happy eyes.
"I'm Jace, the other guitarist. I've heard so much about you from Harry and I'm super excited to be able to work with you," he smiled, me smiling back. I found myself smiling at the thought of Harry talking about me, embarrassment flowing through my face. "Thank you, I'm excited to be here," I said softly, his hazel eyes searing intensely into mine as I quickly moved on.
"I'm Elio, the recording artist. I've been listening to your album and I'm so fucking excited to work with your voice," he grinned, practically oozing energy as he giddily smiled. I looked to Harry once that was done, closing my eyes for a split second to catch my composure, opening them to see his smile, holding up a cheesy thumbs up that I grinned at.
________________________________________________________________________________
WHAT IS UP FUCKERS
HAHA IVE BEEN NOT SLEEPING AND ITS GREAT LOL
Also if y'all wanna tell me some sad songs to listen to that would be great cause my mental health is at a DOWNFALL AHAH
It's all good tho don't worry 💅
ANYWAY I LOVE YOU
SUNNY