I'm sorry.
They are the words that my grandparents couldn't help but repeat too many times. It's been years since I'd last seen them and I thought I would never see them again.
Tensions and disagreements were the cause of us seperating. After my mother's passing, nothing was the same again. My grandparents never saw eye to eye with my father again, both parties mourned differently. My grandparents thought it would be best for them to leave with me and raise me, whilst my father had time to mourn yet my father disagreed. He refused to let me go.
The tension was too much and it was not good for either one of us. They suddenly left and communication thinned, until it was no more.
Though it saddened me to lose out on contact with them, I accepted that I would never see them again. Years passed but now they are back, they want to mend our relationship and right, their wrongs.
I found myself quite emotional, watching them apologise to my father. They explained that losing my mom was the hardest thing, they had to experience. They believed at that time that taking care of me and giving dad, time alone to mourn was best. They hadn't realized that they were hurting my dad, with taking me away.
None allowed for me to leave the room, they wanted me to be present, and to watch everything unfold, infront of my eyes. It was quite an emotional reunion.
Nick was surely responsible for bringing them here. He had been looking for them without our knowedge, and once he found them, he explained everything to them. They surely didn't hesitate in coming with him, because to them, they felt that they atleast owed us a chance of getting justice.
The talk of the case opened up a big discussion, mostly surrounding aunt Karen's childhood and them raising their two daughters. My grandmother told us about how it wasn't easy raising aunt Karen, especially in her teen years. Karen was a child who loved to own something, she always wanted something to call her own and there were times, she wouldn't understand when my mother had something and she didn't.
They tried their best to do right by her and for her, to never feel like she was alone or that they never listened. They tried to understand her as best as they could. Things became worse when Karen had a boyfriend, one they never got a chance to meet, but knew of the influence he had on her.
Karen's disappearing acts were nothing new to them but it didn't mean, they never worried about her. The last time she disappeared was at the time, as we know now, when she'd been pregnant. They had found out later about her boyfriend leaving her, before they could offer comfort and support to her, she had packed up her stuff and left.
She returning home was one of the greatest things yet my grandmother, noticed a change in her. She had lost weight and had changed her hair colour. Though she seemed like the same Karen, her eyes had expressed something far more different and secretive.
She surely had surprised them when she offered to be, a surrogate for my mother. At first there was much hesitation but she was too convincing, for them to say no. My mother's desperation added to them agreeing. A spark and more life was found in Karen, when she was pregnant. It was like a new her had come out and I brought, a new beginning and light into their lives.
Karen has always been involved in my life but there were times, when my mother was still alive and Karen, would overstep the bounderies. She was ' too involved', my mother would tell my grandmother.
My grandmother was never oblivious of the secret looks, Karen wore when no one was waching. At times, there was a slip of tongue in which Karen would utter, words such as ' she is mine.'
When my mother passed away and everyone had been vulnerable, in the time of mourning, Karen surely became protective and quite possessive of me. My grandmother worried about Karen's behaviour, more so that it would set my father off. My grandparents confessed that in all these years, they were filled with both regret and guilt, for missing out on witnessing me grow up.
My grandmother had cried hearing about what I had gone through, in all these years, while my grandfather, was both dissapointed and angry, at himself for not being there, mostly towards those who'd caused harm to me. We didn't even need to convince them to testify against Karen, because they offered their help.
They were shocked to find out about Beverley and I understood, their reasons for wanting to see her. She was their granddaughter at the end of the day. Besides, them meeting her would bring somewhat hope, for Beverley to understand that she has family and, she doesn't need to harm anyone, to get what she wants.
The talk of the court case and the hard truths I learnt, had me feeling quite overwhelmed. Nick had been of great help and I couldn't thank him enough, for reuniting me with my grandparents. His digging and prodding unveiled some hidden truths, in which today, had to be laid out infront of the court.
Truths could be harsh when they finally come out but the necessity, of them coming out were important. In my case it was.
It took alot of strength and courage, to neither fall apart when I took the stand and saw my aunt, or when I had to bear hearing what was said. Hours upon hours and right there, Roman was beside me. He calmed me with his presence and he comforted me, when he took my hand in his.
Sofia and my family got justice against my aunt, for her role in being killed. The man who'd done the act of causing that car accident, had taken a plea deal and spilled about my aunt's involvement. Roman had also gotten his justice for his mother and his adoptive mother.
There were also other crimes, though incomparable to murder, though they still were crimes. One thing was clear, that aunt Karen would go away for a long time. Her lawyers were sure to convince the jury and judge, that she is mentally unstable and needed professional help.
In regards to Beverley and Kyle, for attempted murder, they received their own punishment. They were charged and would no longer, hold a threat upon my life. To think things would end there, our lawyers brought forth something I'd thought, would end up just a bad memory.
That one Summer Night.
Another charge of attempted murder had been laid against Kyle and Beverley. The rest of the group of teens, which included Danny, Amber, Hailey and 4 other people, they got off with a warning and a week, of community service. Due to the lack of evidence, nothing much could be done.
One area that had me wonder, about what manner of evil was this, to let yourself go to this extent, to cover up something so important. Danny might have hidden the truth of what happened that night, but the act in which his uncle took part, for things to be left hidden, it surely had caused chills to run down my spine.
Roman was pissed off while my father was livid. Danny's uncle had paid off a doctor to overlook my case and make a fake report, in order for them to trick and lie to everyone. This being Sofia and anyone else who asked questions. Due to my head injury and parts of memory loss, Danny and the group took that into their advantage and carried on, living life as if nothing happened.
Danny's uncle as well as the doctor, were already behind bars.
By the end of court, I was mentally and physically drained. Justice was served but still, I had to let everything to sink in first and get used, to the change brought into my family and my life.
********
On the travel back to Nick's house, Roman held me close, never wanting to let me go. It was so good to be in his arms again and his scent, to take over my nose once again. The travel had been silent, for most of the time due to what had transpired, outside the court house.
So much attention had been brought upon me and my family, when right outside the court room, at mere sight of me, my aunt had tried to reach for me. She'd screamed my name and tried reassuring me, that everything was okay. The way she spoke to me, was as if in her mind, I was a little girl. Her little girl.
For the first time in my life, I saw what had been hidden, I saw the real Karen, the obsessed and dangerous one. Roman dragged me away from there before I could be upset even more.
It surely gave me a peace of mind when I heard that Roman had been sleeping over, at his home. Roman and Nick were addressing each other directly and to see them talking, it was really good to see.
My mind was surely working overtime during lunch, there was just a lot to think about. I didn't have much to say because the day, drained alot out of me, my emotions were surely all over the place.
I still couldn't believe it was over, finally. We were finally free from being exposed to so many lies, deceit, manipulation, hurt and pain. Being at home had played a role in giving me a peace of mind and now, so much stared at my face and this, however made me question a few things in my life.
One of those was staying here, a thing I wanted to continue doing or not.
I missed home and now having been there for a week and a few days, a part of me wanted to stay back. I am quite conflicted over this and I know that, I have to let Roman know on where my mind is at right now. Honesty and communication is the way to go and I, don't want to keep anything from him.
A small smile takes over my face when his arms wrap around me, from behind. " You'll get tired of hearing me say this, but I really missed this, having you in my arms." He places a kiss in the crook of my neck.
" At least we talked everyday over the phone." I say.
" It's not the same and you know it."
I don't respond but continue staring ahead. Before I know it, I'm turned around to face him. I offer a small smile as he looks at me, almost as if he's reading me.
" What's wrong?" He asks.
" I'm just tired."
" It's been quite a long day, alot happened and you need time to take it all in."
I step closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck, I close my eyes when I feel his arms come around me.
" It's going to be okay." He says, kissing my temple.
We remain in the same position for a moment, before I pull back to look at him.
" Are things good between you and your dad?"
He breaks eye contact and stares off, into the distance as if recollecting a memory. I wait patiently for him to speak and when he does, he looks back at me again. " We have an understanding between us. I listened to him and he admitted that he was a coward back then. He regrets not being part of my life all those years, he let other people influence him and because of that, he abandoned his first love and his child.
They both were from different worlds, him and my mom, but their love made everything feel worth it. I understood that my mother didn't always make it easy, but he tried to make things work.
There are some things that don't involve me or my opinion, it has to do with him and my mom."
I nod." So what's the way forward hmm?"
" Well after much talking, we promised to try have better communication and understanding, between us. We will take small steps. He said he's willing to do all this until I'm comfortable."
" And how do you feel?" I ask, touching his hair.
At first he doesn't say anything but then he nods, a small smile touching his lips.
" I feel good and at ease on where we're at."
" I'll take it as this being close to happiness. Now that's good enough for me." He leans in to kiss me and I sigh against him, having missed his kisses.
Someone coughs behind Roman before we can deepen the kiss. We pull back to look at the person, my eyes widen and my face flushes when I see Melissa standing at the doorway.
I hide my face in Roman's chest when I notice a smirk on her face.
" I didn't see anything that I wasn't supposed to see." She says, amusement laced in her tone.
" And we didn't do anything we weren't supposed to be doing." Roman responds, his tone also teasing.
"Mm - hmm. Anyway, Hazel, your father would like to have a word with you for a moment."
" Oh okay." I detach myself from Roman, just when his phone starts ringing.
" I'll be inside." I tell him before walking away.
Melissa tells me that my dad is in Nick's office and that's where I go. When I enter, I sense that I have interupted their conversation, because it ceases and both of them, turn to look at me.
" Is everything okay dad?" I ask worriedly.
" Take a seat sweetheart." I close the door before taking a seat next to my dad, facing Nick, who sits on the opposite chair.
" I got a call from the lawyers just now."
" Okay." I nod, giving them my full attention.
" They told me that Karen wants to see you before she's taken away."
My eyes drop to my lap, where I play with my fingers, taking in his words.
" You don't have to see her if you don't want to sweetheart. Personally I would tell you to not even consider the thought, but it's your choice." Dad says next to me.
" We wanted to let you know and not keep you in the dark." Nick adds.
I look up, my eyes glancing between them as I speak up. " I'm not ready yet. It's only been a few hours. I need time." I say honestly.
" Okay." Dad and Nick nod, both accepting my answer.
I could see the relief in dad's eyes.
" I'll let the lawyer know." Nick says.
"Thank you for everything Mr O'Connor." He opens and closes his mouth before he nods. He was just about to correct me and tell me to call him, by his name, but he knows that I'd feel a little awkward addressing him like that, infront of my dad.
" Yes thank you Nick, for everything." Dad says.
"It's the least I could do to thank you. " My dad frowns in confusion. "Your family treated my son like he's family. You gave him a sense of home even if years passed, he knows the value of what family is and love, has never been lost from his heart." He says the last part, this time looking at me.
" Roman is like a son to me. Having him back has been a great blessing. His presence has had such a big impact in our lives, we are happy to have him back." Dad says.
Nick nods with an approving look on his face. He likes what he hears. When he turns to face me, I immediately know what he wants to talk about.
" Now that everything with the case is done, there are still a few things to think over right?"
I look down at my lap, feeling a little nervous. " We still haven't talked about it."
" Hazel ?" I look at my dad. " That's why we are all here. We'll make him understand that this place is not right for you. It's become too toxic and it's hurt you too much. You can't continue like this, you need to come back home. "
" Don't worry, I'll talk to him. I mean I can handle anything he throws at me. I'll talk to Roman." Nick adds but a part of me doesn't think it's a good idea now.
" Talk to me about what?" Our heads snap to the doorway, where Roman now stands.
My heart starts to race, thinking about how he'll react to the news. I hope he understands.
" Roman.." I breathe out, my back tensing a bit.
" Come in Roman. There's something we need to discuss with you." Nick says.
Roman enters, though I can see that he is suspicious. His eyes tell me so.
" What's going on?" He asks.
" Sit down first." Nick gestures to the seat beside him.
" No I'm fine standing, just tell me what it is I need to know." This time he looks at me." If it's anything about my Sweet, then she can tell me herself. She knows that she can tell me anything."
That's the thing Roman, I dont know how you'll feel hearing this from me.
" Roman, it's true that this is about Hazel, but more importantly her wellbeing. She has not been doing well in this place, that's why we believe it's best she comes back home with me. "
At first he doesn't say anything. I watch as his face goes blank yet the wheels turn overtime through his eyes.
" For how long?" He says so quietly, I am pretty sure he's holding everything in right now.
I quickly jump to my feet before dad can say anything. " C-could I talk to Roman alone please?" I ask.
" Sure." Nick says before him and dad leave the office, leaving us alone.
I look everywhere but at him for the time being, having found something to distract me as I watch them head out.
" Lets go home Hazel." My head snaps to him.
" W-what?" I blink at him, not sure if I heard right.
" I said lets go home, we can talk about everything there. I don't want to be here anymore, we can talk at our space, our home. So lets -"
" We can't. " I shake my head.
" Why not?" He asks.
" Because I have to leave. "
" No, we are going home to talk this out, come on." He says, coming over to drag me out of here.
" No, we have to talk here, right now." I say, pulling my hand back. " Roman I asked for privacy because I know that you deserve to hear everything from me. The time away has given me a chance to think things over, and now -"
" And now you want to leave me?!"
"No, it's not that. Please try understand me Roman that this place, this place has been too much for me. It has done nothing good for me. I feel drained, it's drained me emotionally. My dad said this place has been unhealthy for me, and I agree with him."
" So I'm unhealthy for you, is that it?"
" No, Roman don't try and twist my words. Try and understand please that I have to go. You said I should think about myself for once. This is what I am doing. I have to leave, going home is best....."
" Best for who, us?"
My eyes drop to my feet.
" All this time you haven't talked about us, well what about us Hazel huh?"
I look up at him, my eyes welling up.
" Roman -"
" I've listened to you talk this whole time and you know what, you leaving me is bull. It's bull!.......We have been through so much together Hazel and this is the results you show?"
" Roman please calm down and try understand where I'm coming from. "
"No I can't understand a thing. I wont try to because I am done trying to understand when you leave, not this time you hear me!...... How could you not think about us, you've placed us last and that's not fair Hazel. It's not fair that you hurt me like this, that you hurt our love like this. Am I not enough for you to stay here, Am I and my love not enough huh?!!"
" Roman don't say that, don't question what your love means to me, it's not right. We love each other, our love means everything to me, it's the most real thing I have in my life. But this place -"
" To hell with this place and think about us!!" He screams, making me jump as tears stream down my face.
" I love you Roman." I whisper out.
" No, you are not going to say goodbye to me. I wont allow that. You can leave if you want to, but know that I never, ever said goodbye. What happens after this is all on you!!" He shakes his head as he roughly wipes away his tears.
" Roman." I step forward as he takes steps back.
Panick hits at me when I see him leave, right after a look of betrayal flashed on his face.
" Roman wait please!" I run after him.
He neither listens to my calls or glances back at me. He rushes off in long stride and I have quite a hard time catching up to him, especially in these heels.
" Roman, hey Roman !" I hear Nick call him, probably having noticed him.
" I should have known better then to listen to you!" I stop in my tracks halfway down the stairs, when I see Roman glaring at his father, who wears a blank expression.
" You told me that you understood everything. You told me that you understand me!"
" I do, Roman - ," he tries to step closer to him but Roman steps back.
" You're lying, just like you always do!.....I'm pretty sure you placed a say in this. I should have never listened to you!"
" Roman son, calm down and hear us out." Dad intervenes, stepping closer.
"Mr Lovett, you of all people should understand what she means to me, now once again, she's being taken away from me. Nothing about this is right, it's wrong on so many levels. Well I hope you are all happy!!!" He shouts, before storming out the door.
" Roman!!!" I cry out, running after him.
My heart pains when I reach the door, but not in time to reach Roman, who drives away with his bike.
I close my eyes as small cries slip past my lips.
******
I've glanced back too many times, having prolonged my walk. I even slowed down my father's pace and had him wait abit, as I waited for Roman. Everyone else had said goodbye to me but not him. He stayed true to his words that none of this, was goodbye to him.
I wish he could have understood where I was coming from. Being here has never been easy, right from the beginning, before he returned.
What happened in these past months opened up more reasons, for why I should not stay. I love Roman, I love him with all my heart and it hurts, that he thinks I don't love him enough.
I believe our bond is too strong and can withstand, just about anything.
We are not too far from each other, I think we can make this work. I know that having me go home is hard, we are so used to being around each other. We are bestfriends as well as each other's love.
Going away doesn't mean it's all over, it just means It's Begin again, a start over.
I hope in his heart, after time.....He understands.
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
I know you want to kill me now. But it's not over.
Until the next chapter....We shall see.
One question, if you were in Hazel's shoes, having gone through what she did, and being at this point in time. What would you honestly do?
And, what scene do you see playing out, as the end of the book?..
What do you envision for the end, because the end is approaching.
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