Prologue
June 5th
Freshman year
"Damn it!"
I muttered as I walked towards the exit. There Heidi was, her back against the lockers near the doors, with Carter pressed up against her. I couldn't see his face through the thick layer of brown hair that fell to block the view, but I could tell he was sucking hungrily at her neck as his arms roamed around somewhere under her skirt.
She laughed wickedly; the sound bouncing off the walls of the vacant hall. I remembered when I used to make her laugh like that. Her eyes would glint at me while her cheeks flush a deep shade of pink.
I sighed, pushing back the memories to continue forward. Her head snapped to me, a breath-taking smile already on her face.
Still, I pretended not to see her as I continued towards the exit. The buses that would take us on our end-of-year trip waited outside. I hoped to make it out without having to deal with her. However, her being Heidi, already made that impossible.
Just as I thought, she pounced towards me. Carter said something to her, which she ignored as she came close. Her hips swayed and her boots clicked against the cement floor as if she was on a runway.
She stopped and folded her arms before me. A devious move that made her naked cleavage pounced up over her hands into my face. My eyes rested on them involuntarily.
She grimaced, forcing me to look away from the impulsive exposure of appealing human flesh to meet her eyes. Amusement grew within them and I could see all the devilish things she wanted to do to me in them.
"Dani," she started with her smooth voice. I shivered at how gracefully my name rolled off her tongue. God, I hated her.
"What is it now, my lady?" I replied, trying desperately to sound casual.
Her amusement peaked. "I just wanted to make sure you could find your way to the losers bus."
I rolled my eyes at her, making sure she could see just how annoyed I was at her immature behaviour.
"Don't you have anything better to do? Why are you always such a bully?"
"I'm not a bully." She told me feebly, her voice making my stomach tingly. "I'm just having a little fun with my friend."
I glared at her, unamused. "You are not my friend. You are not even worth a second of my time."
Hurt flashed across her eyes before she masked it with a poker face. It made me feel guilty for what I said, but I quickly talked myself out of it.
"Take that back." She demanded of me.
I shook my head. "No."
She glared at me, her eyes cold and jaws set tight. She had that look in her eyes like I just did the unthinkable. It's been a while since I've seen that look. The last time we were kids.
It was Christmas Day. Her father had got Aria the gift she wanted but forgot about Heidi. She video called me crying. "Bubs, what's wrong?"
"I'm a bad person." She sobbed.
"No, you're not. Why would you say that?"
"I'm jealous of my sister! Everyone loves her..." she trailed off and when she spoke again, it broke my heart. "Nobody loves me."
The entire conversation had brought tears to my eyes. "Don't say that, Heidi. Aria loves you. I love you. You can spend Christmas with me instead."
"But this is your time to spend with your family, Dani."
"You are my family, Bubs. I'll always make time for you."
I understood why my words hurt her. I broke my promise to her. But in my defence. She broke our promise first. I swallowed the pain that rose in my throat and fled.
She cut me off again, blocking my view once more with her tall frame. "I can't believe you said that to me."
I challenged her gaze. It seemed to get more intense by the minute. "Oh, okay. So, you can be mean all you want but I can't?"
"I don't say things to hurt your feelings!"
"Wow! Do you hear yourself right now? I can't imagine you even have feelings anymore."
"You should stop talking now."
"Or wha..."
With only one swift movement, she had both my arms up behind my back. She held them so tightly I feared my shoulders were going to snap. A feeble cry escaped my mouth before I was inevitably begging her to release me.
"Can't we talk about this?"
"Too late. I have other plans."
"Well, you are hurting me!"
She breathed heavily against the side of my face. "Good!"
"Can you please just let me go? This is assault! I am not afraid to get you arrested!"
She was silent for a moment. I thought she would heed my warning, so it surprised me when her grip tightened. She pulled me back down the corridor towards the back of the school, roughly.
I had to go unless I didn't want my arms anymore. I was fuming, though, and unwilling to let her have her way with me. It wasn't until she pulled me into the linen closet that she released me. I flexed my arms, thankful that I was finally free again.
"Maybe the janitors will find you and you'll still be able to make the trip...or not." She stepped out into the hall and pulled the door shut behind her.
I made it over, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards me before being locked inside.
"You are not leaving me in here alone!" I told her angrily.
She stared at me with accusing eyes. Then she came close to me, forcing me up against the wall. I could feel the coldness of the hard surface through my shirt and a broom against my spine as I pressed against it.
The light above our heads flickered on and off, much like it would in an old scary movie. The slight stench of cleaning agents and the dazzling fragrance of her cologne made their way into my lungs. Through the darkness, I could see the intensity of her glare, but before I could do anything, her hand grabbed hold of my face.
Her fingers were icy against the warmth of my skin, yet they were soft as a feather. Her grip tightened with every second that went by, squeezing my cheeks together until I looked like a fish. I held her wrist, trying to pry her hand away. It was useless.
Her nails were pressing into my skin, slowly imprinting themselves into my flesh. They burned, but not as much as her piercing eyes burned my soul. Her red lips pressed sternly together, and her nose twitched in utter irritation as she continued to glare. Her face, although cold, was brilliant, and it enchanted me to be this close to her.
I should be able to laugh at her irritation and look smug that I annoyed her. Yet I couldn't think of anything when she was this close. The fragrance of her shampoo filled my lungs and the warm air of her breath rushed out into my face.
Her eyes soften, and her lips parted as if she would say something. I waited, already preparing my comeback, but nothing left her mouth.
Instead, her fingers relaxed against my skin. My face slowly reverted to its original shape, but she was careful not to let me go. Her long, lean fingers cupped my face ever so gently, but they trembled slightly against me.
What the hell was happening?
I searched her face for hints of what was happening, but she gave nothing away. With carefully guarded eyes and a blank expression, she watched me.
"Heidi?" I choked. It sounded way too loud in the room's echo.
"Be quiet." She hissed softly.
The requisition in her voice chilled me to where I had to do what she said. It was unlike how she usually spoke to me. All eight years that I knew her. It made my heart sped up in slight fear of what might happen. I didn't know this side of her or had any idea what to expect. It was terrifying.
Was this it? Was this the turning point of everything? Will she finally get physical and pound my ass? Or was this something else? Something completely different.
A million scenarios played over in my head, thoughts after thoughts.
I swallowed hard to contain my nerves as my heart threatened to escape through my mouth. Then it happens. It happened quickly. So quick that I thought I imagined it. I froze against her touch. My body chilled where I perched against the wall and the awkward broomstick behind my back.
I wasn't sure that I was breathing or if I even remembered how to do that anymore. How was it even possible for me to be hot and cold at the same time? How was it possible for me to be angry, yet shocked and excited?
She pulled away from me. Her hands slipped away from my face while her lips departed from mine in one swift movement. My skin burned where she touched. My lips ached where she kissed.
Never once did I think this was a possibility. Even with all the thoughts that ran through my mind. This one never did.
Yet here she was and she had pressed her slightly parted, bubble gum flavour, red lips against mine and kissed me softly. It wasn't like she kissed Carter, and it wasn't like she kissed Shaun or Eli or Gavin. It was slow and tender and almost like she was... feeling something.
As I recovered from my initial shock, my anger took over. Because one, Heidi Sanchez kissed me. Two, she tried locking me inside a disgusting sex closet, and three, our kiss didn't feel gross like it should have.
To my surprise, it felt fine. Well, maybe a little more than fine, and that was scary.
I watched her, still stunned, as her hand went up to caress her temples in distress. Then they closed over her mouth. I felt as if she thought she made the biggest mistake of her life.
She backed away from me quickly and made it to the door, attempting to pull it opened but failed. She tried it again, then another time, but the door remained shut.
She surrendered, her head resting against the Oakwood. "This can't be happening."
"What?" My voice was hoarse.
She turned towards me slowly and tucked her hands into her skirt waist. She only did that when she was nervous, and I understood exactly why she would be.
"It's locked," she told me, trying to sound as casual as she could.
"Locked?"
I threw my bag down and rushed to the door, shoving her out of my way. I reached for the knob, yanking it opened with no luck.
I faced her, my anger rising in me. She met my eyes with a set of apologetic ones. Still, I had no sympathy for her. "This is all your fault!" I pointed a finger at her nose. "You idiot!"
She became standoffish, barely giving me the satisfaction of being mad at her. "If you didn't drag me in here with you, I would be out there giving the janitors a heads up."
"Thank you so much, Heidi, for doing me that HUGE favour. You fucking bitch!"
"Shut your bloody trap! This is really not the time to be throwing blame." Her voice sounded strained, but I couldn't care less.
"If you didn't drag me in here to suck my face off," We cringed, "This wouldn't have happened. It's time you admit you fucked up."
"Oh, give me a break. But I'll admit it. I made a mistake." I saw regret in her eyes before she looked away from me, and it made me angrier.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
She half smiled, shaking her head as she leaned into the corner beside me. "Nothing."
I was about to speak again when I stopped myself. She didn't look very good. Her face was pale like the blood had left her body, and she was slightly trembling against my side. I turned fully to her, my brain getting alarmed at her sudden behavioural change.
"Heidi," my voice was a mere whisper, but it was enough for her eyes to snap towards me.
She looked like a deer in headlights. Eyes wide opened and lips slightly parted as she wheezed.
"Are you ok?"
She shook her head, fighting to keep her breathing steady. I made a step towards her, reaching for her hand. My body was still shivering from her kiss and the thought of touching her again made my pulse rise wickedly. But I ignored it, taking her hand in mine and pulling her into me.
I held her thin body against my own as her head rested in the nuzzle of my neck. She could hardly breathe and it worried me.
"You're okay," I told her gently.
"No." she shook her head. "I can't breathe! Shite, I'm dying!"
My hand found her back to caress it as I whispered into her ear. "I know you're scared, but you are not dying. Just breathe."
"Dani, I can't! I..."
"You can and you will. You're not allowed to die yet. Not you too." My voice broke despite my efforts to keep it even.
She nodded slowly, understanding all too well where I was coming from. She breathed like I told her to, and I breathed along with her.
She was doing so much better, and I wanted her to keep going. "I spy."
She looked at me, confused. "What?"
"Come on. I spy something brown that is made of wood. What is it?"
"The door."
Her response made me smile. She really wanted to get out of here. "Okay, that's good. I spy something else. It's in a bottle and..."
"Lysol."
I couldn't help but laugh. Her fingers interlocked with mine, making my stomach flutter. I looked down at our hands for a moment and I could remember how I always felt warm when we held hands. It was one of my favourite things to do with her.
She looked up at me, causing a shiver to run down my spine. I broke contact with her gently. It was too much to have her touch me like that. Too much to remember that this was the same person I felt so deeply for.
I cleared my throat as I reached for my water bottle. "Would you like some water?"
"Yes, please."
I handed her the bottle and fetched my phone at the same time. I was about to call my mom when I noticed the battery was dead.
Dammit!
Why do I never charge this thing?
I slipped the phone into my pocket and turned back to her. My eyes immediately went to her lips. I could still feel them against mine and taste her lip balm in my mouth.
I couldn't help but question it and now, while she was still here, was as good a time as any to ask. Surely, she didn't find me attractive. She made that very clear. Unless she did that I-pick-on-you-because-I-like-you bullshit. That would make me very mad.
My eyes shifted up to hers and I wait for her to finish her water before I cornered her. "How are you feeling?"
"Better. Thank you."
A smile twisted my lips involuntarily. "Was that your first panic attack?"
She stared at me, her cheeks flushing red. "That's what it was? I thought it was a heart attack."
I smiled. "That happens more often than you think."
"How did you know what to do?"
"My mom."
"Right. Dr Harper. How is she?"
"She good. Still working like crazy."
"How's Carly?"
I turned to look at her, trying to understand what was happening here. Were we talking again? "She's finally out of that annoying age. Thank God."
She laughed. I smiled. "How's Ty?"
"Tyler's good."
I nodded, but the real question I wanted to ask was burning my tongue. I could see that if I asked, she would shut down again. Still, I needed to know. And I needed her to stay open enough to tell me.
I threw caution to the wind and spoke. "Hey, can I ask you something?"
She stiffened at the change in my tone. She knew what I was going to ask. "No."
I ignored her. "Why did you kiss me?"
She tensed, carefully keeping her eyes away from mine as she recapped the water bottle.
"Didn't I say no?"
I pressed. "Heidi..."
"Drop it, Harper! I don't want to talk about it okay."
"Hey, you're the one that kissed me. Clearly, you had to have a reason."
"Harper, I said drop it! You're bothering me."
"Then what the hell did you kiss me for? If you go around kissing everyone, that is fine, but I do not do that shit."
She rolled her eyes at me. "What? You think you are too good for everyone?"
"No, just you."
She glared at me for a moment before smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"That's fine. I wouldn't want you, anyway. Sorry, I kissed you. Although, for a tender-foot, you weren't all that bad."
I felt my eyes water at her words. I knew she was deliberately trying to hurt my feelings, and I knew I shouldn't let it get to me, but her words still stung.
I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat and held my chin up.
"Wish I could say the same but you were pretty sloppy."
She stepped in front of me, pressing me against the wall again. "Is that so?"
"Yes. Now move."
"Not until you apologise."
"For what?"
"Calling me a terrible kisser."
"You are what you are. Accept it."
"Prove it."
I stared at her in bewilderment. "Excuse me?"
"You called me a terrible kisser. Prove you are a better kisser than me."
My heart flutter in my chest as I watched her, dazed underneath her smouldering eyes. Her eyes fell to my lips as she drew a shaky breath.
I should have looked away, but I couldn't break eye contact with her. Was I really considering this? No, I couldn't let this happen.
Yet, I couldn't move away from her and I couldn't look away either. It was like I was under a spell. Being compelled to do whatever she wished, even if that meant kissing her again.
I didn't know why the thought didn't repulse me. Sure, I wasn't expecting to be kissed by her at all. But if I was truthful, it wasn't all that bad. It wasn't what I imagined my first kiss to be. There were no fireworks, but it was something magical, and I wanted to see if it would happen again. Just to be sure.
I stepped closer to her, my feet operating on their own accord. Her eyes watched me with great intent as I lifted my hand to her face. She embraced my touch, and it fuelled my desire to be curious. Then our eyes locked and I swear, I swear, I could see more than just her darkened pupil. I could see a part of her soul.
"Unlike you, I have manners," I said. "May I kiss you?"
She shrugged. "Knock yourself out."
I reached up and pulled her down to me. This time it was better than the first. All the fireworks that didn't happen finally went off. Gravity itself seemed to stop. Gosh, this was perfect.
It was perfect.
Too perfect to be with her. Too perfect for something I knew wouldn't last. Something with someone I knew I could not explore with.
I pulled away from her, allowing my forehead to rest against hers as my eyes brew with tears.
"What? Realised you were wrong?" She said with a smug smile.
"You can't just do this, Heidi. It not fair that you threw away everything we had, then come back and do this. I loved you and you hurt me, Heidi." Tears scorched my face as I backed out of her grasp. "I haven't forgiven you yet."
The door flew opened before she could reply. Our heads snapped towards it to see Aria standing there. I grabbed my bag, pushing past Aria and sprinting down the corridors with tears still streaming down my face.