Elizabeta
Crack!
The ear-piercing sound echoed through trees and earth. The ground shook, making my heart skip a beat. Tightening the soft cardigan a little more around me, I stared at the two men before me.
"Jesus Christus, sie sind wieder dabei, sind sie nicht?" Jana next to me sighed loudly, her arms crossed under her bosom. One of her glowed fingers tapped against her sleeve, head shaking as she also watched the scene in front of us. "Wirklich – anstatt dies zu tun, könnten sie uns helfen," she scoffed and I let out a low laugh. Certainly, despite it being winter, there were always many things to do. And yet, instead of that, the two gentlemen decided to do some shooting. At a moving target, naturally.
Max, one of the few male servants in this house, took out the second victim; a quail. The brown-ish bird trembled in Max's hands, turning its head from right to left rapidly. After adding some more gunpowder into their weapons, the master of the mansion gave the servant a sign to let the poor animal be free. The bird stumbled in the air at first, trying to maintain some balance and control over its wings before confidently aiming for an escape. However, guns were pointed upwards and after a moment of silence, the first shot was fired.
Thud
And there was no need for the second one. With the muzzle facing white snow, Antonio watched as the Serbian man went to get his victim's dead body. Despite Toni's frame being sharp and focused, Roderich's loosened as he gave his companion a compliment. The Spaniard sniffled, bringing a clothed hand to his face, "Gosh, I very much not enjoy this cold." The Austrian scoffed and his lips gave away a hint of a smirk, "Perhaps you ought to go and warm up inside. Or maybe a bit of some rum would be better?" Toni scoffed as well and I could tell he rolled his eyes. "To make myself dizzy so you could win? No, thank you."
Max jogged towards us, holding the bird by its legs. Jana made a face and took a step towards me. "Bring das Ding von mir weg." Max chuckled but couldn't help himself but to tease her, "Deshalb sind Mädchen so schwach; sie können nicht mit ein bisschen Blut umgehen." The Pole stared at him with eyes wide open, mouth agape in shock.
"Nur weil du ein Mann bist, heißt das nicht, dass du ein Monster werden solltest."
Max's pleased look turned into shock and then slight frustration as Antonio spoke up. With an annoyed look, he took off towards the back entrance of the mansion.
"Ich finde es auch gut, dass Frauen so weich und süß sind; sie wissen, dass es auf dieser Welt mehr gibt als Gewalt und Schmerz," one emerald eye winked Jana's way, making her cheeks go crimson. As her flustered state only grew, she quickly excuse herself and rushed inside the building. Roderich let out an irritated sound, casting his eyes on the younger male disapprovingly, "Could you maybe not seduce my subordinates?" But Antonio only shrugged and gave him a cocky grin.
Roderich walked towards me, weighting the gun in one hand as his other came to rest upon my shoulder. He then planted a soft peck on my cheek, making both of our faces slightly pink. "You shouldn't be out here, dressed only in that; you'll get sick." I smiled at him, taking a step closer, feeling warm in my chest. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." Despite me reassuring him, worry painted his face and only disappeared partly when I planted a chaste kiss on his lips.
I dared to take a peek behind my fiancée's shoulder, only to find Toni smiling at us softly. "It's nice to be able to love without things stopping you, isn't it?" I gave him a questioning look and his face fell, all playfulness from before disappearing behind a poor excuse of a smile. "Did something happen?" He shook his head, letting the gun hand loosely from his shoulder, "No. But I wish it did because like that, I'd have a reason to feel like this." After a moment of silence, he added, "Sometimes, there aren't people and things in the way for one to love someone. Sometimes, it's them who keeps one from loving that someone. And that's the worst enemy for everyone – their own self."
Poor Toni, I thought. Ever since he's arrived, he seemed to be troubled by things. At first, it was Roma's condition, then it faded when he recovered. Then it became worry about his ship and crew; Gosh, he's been restless for such a long time but still keeps on being here for Roma. And Roma knows but Antonio insists on staying here to be with his brother for a bit. But there must be something else, something more.
"You haven't told him, have you?" He stared at me and Roderich also gave me a puzzled look. "You haven't told him how you feel, have you?" His hand gripped the strap of leather over his shoulder. "I-I don't think it's the right thing to do..," he trailed off, seemingly hoping I'd let him be but boy, did he think wrong. "Why? Do you think he'll reject you? A man who took such care of him and would move mountains for him? Please, he'd have to be utterly stupid to do that. And you're also utterly stupid for thinking that."
Both men stared at me, Roderich whispering my name in an attempt to warn me from going over the edge and hurting my friend. "Right now, you're running around like a headless chicken and you're also the one who made you do that. But you need to stop and think. Don't get me wrong though; rather than thinking with your brain, you should feel with your heart. You need to stop being so scared about getting hurt. You need to think about Roma as well."
The Sun shone but somehow, it brought no warmth into the day. A breeze began to blow gently, making one shiver slightly as more cold creeped into their bones. Something cracked in the near-by woods and a swarm of birds escaped as fast as they could. And Antonio seemed to want to escape as well.
I sighed tiredly and came closer to him, caressing his face. "You can't keep going like this and you know that. If you keep it up, if you keep your emotions hidden and still be around, it'll only hurt you more. Thus, there are only two things you can do to prevent both yourself and Roma from getting hurt. Either you take off without him and eventually forget you ever had feelings for him, or, if you don't want to leave - which I know you don't – you tell him and embrace whatever comes after."
He gave me a tired look and I could tell he was growing powerless in the battle against himself. "Toni," I began softly, giving him a tender look, "I know it sounds harsh and like there's no other option but really, it's either this or that. You have to choose, not only for your but also Roma's greater good. And if anything goes wrong, you can blame me for pushing you into it although I mean it – sometimes, you need to take the risk."
He stared at me, wordlessly, before exhaling deeply. He didn't say anything afterwards but I could tell something changed. Like one of the things keeping him from thinking properly disappeared; one of the walls had fallen. I gave him a small smile.
"You know, people say happiness is contagious. They say if you're around happy people, you'll become happy as well. But that's not true. You don't get happiness like it's a gift; you create it. Yes, you are happy around the people you like, but only because you allow yourself to be happy. If you're sad, you're sad and you just pretend to be happy – you'd be surprised how much people pretend to be happy when, in reality, they are not.
The real thing that's contagious is fear. Without even knowing, it'll get inside you, wrap itself around your mind and rule over you. Just how many things has humanity destroyed because of fear, just how many people have we lost because of fear.
The only thing that's stopping us from being happy and free is fear. It's like a chain that keeps you in place. You can, of course, go to a certain distance but it'll eventually stop you and remind you whom you are and what you can and cannot do. And what's worst is that we take it as a normal part of life. We say we're not afraid of anything but we are; we are so afraid, we keep living the same life all over again, regardless of who you.
You're born, you grow up, you make friends, you fall in love, you work and suddenly, in the blink of an eye, you're old and your life is nearing its end. And you start to regret things. You mainly regret always working because – no, you tell yourself, I need to work more to earn money because only then can I fulfil my dreams. And yet, everyone's dream is to be free, but have can one be free with such thoughts? Those thoughts keep them chained. And you're where you were before – too afraid to do something because you think other things can go wrong.
So, let me tell you – if you want to be happy, if you want to be free and if you want to be the one to have your life in your hands, you need to let go of fear. You need to break away from those chains. It's easy, my God, it is so easy to do that – we just think it's not.
Right now, it's not you who's in charge of your life; it's fear. So fight against it. Don't be afraid of losing because like that, the chance of you really loosing just gets bigger. Believe in yourself that you can do the impossible. Even if you have to go insane to win, be it! We all need to go insane to stay sane. There's a thin line between sanity and madness, between happiness and sadness but also between life and death.
People take life for granted. They think they have enough time to do what they've always wanted after achieving what they have to. But there's not true. Time is never on our side, it's slowly but surely getting away with our life and look at yourself! You're too afraid to tell someone how you fell.
Antonio, you better do that now, while you still can, because if you don't, you'll regret it. Life and death are walking hand-in-hand; you never know what might happen but don't let that fool you into even greater fear. It should encourage you to do what you want. Just because someone tells you, "This is what you should do in your life." or "This is what you shouldn't do in your life." doesn't mean you have to listen to them. It's your life, no-one else's; don't let them take it away.
And mainly, don't let your own fear take it away.
People often look down on those who left fear behind. But when they are taken away by death, who do you think is happier? Those who went by the unwritten "rules" of life or those who lived their life to the fullest, despite what other's said?
I can promise you this, Antonio; if you don't do what you want to do, you'll regret it. You'll wish you could have a second chance but that's Life; you have only one chance. You have nothing to lose so just go for it, idiot. It's so easy, so why are you making it look so hard?"
By the time I finished my rant, my emotions went from pity to anger and to sadness. Toni stared at me, then blinked once, twice. Suddenly had an expression like cold water was thrown into his face first thing in the morning. I really hoped it was him finally realizing what to do.
I smiled and gently patted his face, "Let it sink in. Change doesn't happen overnight. But don't think, dear God, just don't think. Thinking is the greatest poison of all. Feel. You might say that heart makes us do irrational things but let's be honest, did those who started wars do what their heart told them? I highly doubt. Hearts are pure, minds? Not so much. Lose yourself and only like that will you find your real self and from then on, living will only get easier."
He was confused, I could tell, but I knew him and I knew he'd figure it out. I had faith in him and I knew he'd the right thing.
Living is so easy, so why are we making it hard for ourselves?
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"Jesus Christus, sie sind wieder dabei, sindsie nicht?" - "Jesus Christ, they're at it again, aren't they?"
"Wirklich – anstatt dies zu tun, könnten sieuns helfen." - "Really - instead of doing this, they could help us."
"Bring das Ding von mir weg." - "Get that thing away from me."
"Deshalb sind Mädchen so schwach; sie könnennicht mit ein bisschen Blut umgehen." - " That's why girls are so weak; they can't handle a little bit of blood."
"Nur weil du ein Mann bist, heißt das nicht, dass du ein Monster werden solltest." - "Just because you're a man doesn't mean you have to become a monster."
"Ich finde es auch gut, dass Frauen so weich undsüß sind; sie wissen, dass es auf dieser Welt mehr gibt als Gewalt und Schmerz." - "I also find it good, that ladies are so soft and sweet; they know, that there's more to give in this world other than violence and pain."
Heya! :D How are you guys doing? I hope you're safe and sound, washing your hands and staying hydrated. Gosh, I had two online classes today and feel really, well, dead. And starting next week, I'll be having 5 online classes a week, if not more. Do I wish to disappeare? Yes, I do. Do I not know how to write? Yes, I don't. :D
Okay but wow. This is for the first time in a while I actually left a cliffhanger. Well, what do you guys think will happen? Will Toni or will he not confess? What would you guys like to see? Tell me, I would really like to know what you'd want to read in this story. It gives me inspiration. <3 Also, I hope I'm not boring you guys with such serious themes and all. Please, don't be afraid of criticism, I'll welcome it. Thank you.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was longer than I've expected it to be but, you know. Thank you for reading and thank you all for your support, you guys are so amazing I cannot express it with words. Thanks again, love you all <3
- Boora-kun