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Nobody's gotten a full ten hours of sleep since the day we buried Jungkook. Taehyung constantly slept in our dorm because he couldn't even look at jungkook's belongings without mourning his best friend.
All i could do was be there for them.
For Yeji, losing her boyfriend could be hard; and finding out he's a rapist and a cheater adds some more hurt.
For Tae, losing his best friend hurts as well, and the fact that he had helped the person who killed him bury him, adds some more heartbreak.
All i can do is understand. Because if i don't understand, i find myself taking sides. And i can't afford to lose anyone else. No one can.
So as Yeji lies in my bed, and I'm sandwiched between tae and herself, I comfort them. Yeji hugs me while i gently brush my fingers through my boyfriend's hair. "Y/N,'' taehyung mutters through his bloated eyes.
"hm?''
He sighs slightly before holding back tears. I hate when he does that, I wish he'd just let it all out. I want him to know that I'm here for him, always. "What if I lose you, too?" he asks.
I didn't have an answer for this. You can't escape dying even if you tried. But i shouldn't remind him of that in this situation. "That won't happen.''
"But you don't know that''
"I don't, you're right. Death is inevitable, just like life.
If I die, it doesn't mean you do, too.
I want you to enjoy yourself down to the last drop when i pass.''
I cup taehyung's face ever so gently, and he closes his eyes in my grip.
A tear finally fights it's way through, it streaming down his soft cheek.
"What if you lose me?''
That question was enough to make my head spin. A lump formed in my throat just thinking of the day. I can't live without him and it's cliche, but it's true.
"Tae''
''What if one day i go to get you some coffee, and i never come back?''
"Tae, please s-stop'' I started crying and sniffling heavily.
"I never thought my own best friend would be such a monster.
What if I'm a monster too, Y/N?''
I blinked frantically trying to stop my tears. i grasped taehyung's face tighter and tried shaking him out of it.
He was having a panic attack.
His heartbeat practically fell from his chest to my hands, and his body was cold and limp while all he did was make scenarios in his mind.
"baby, snap out of it!''
Tae gasped between his words and shook underneath my palms.
"Breathe.''
he did so, calming down more and more by the second.
''I'm sorry,''
"why are you apologizing?"
he teared up before turning the other way. "You shouldn't have to see this side of me, i'm sorry."
I grew annoyed. "Taehyung, this isn't your fault and i have no issue comforting you.''
i wrapped my arms around him. "I'm right here.''
he turned back around to face me. Gently, he stroked my cheek returning the favor.
"Kiss me?" he asked.
"Tae, yeji is right behind me-''
"Please."
I know it'll make him feel better so I kissed his lips. Sweet, tender as always. he gave me a confused look.
"that's weird,'' he spoke ''i don't feel better.''
''Let it sink in''
"No,'' i looked at him in annoyance for once.
"I always feel better after we kiss, but now I don't.''
It kind of made me feel bad when he said that. Was he losing feelings already?
I cleared my throat and tried to make excuses for taehyung.
"you're probably just sleep-deprived and angry. get some rest.''
"i can't sleep''
"will you two shut up? some of us don't want bags under their eyes'' Yeji coldly murmured.
"Yeji go sleep on your own bed.'' taehyung demanded. I was proud he said what i was thinking.
"Yah! y/n you're just going to allow him to talk to me like that?''
"he's right, though."
"My ass! We're in this together.''
"well i would like to sleep alone with my boyfriend, if you don't mind.''
Immediately after I said that i shut my eyes and regretted it. It wasn't fair of me to say that. Yeji would probably be asleep in Jungkook's bed if the circumstances where different. I kind of rubbed it in her face just now.
But genuinely, I don't want her in my bed.
"Fine, have your way'' She told me before crossing her arms and climbing into her own bed. "So now what? Aren't you guys going to fuck or something? Isn't that why you were so urgent to kick me off your bed?"
''Taehyung, let's take a walk'' I angrily spouted out, lifting myself up on my bed to put on my house slippers as taehyung did the same. He was fully clothed in his earth-toned pajamas and his slippers were silly elephants.
Mine were matching.
when we got outside i gave him a locket necklace. Inside of it was a picture of tae, jungkook and i, all lined up by the yoga place. he smiled warmly and accepted the offer.
It was cold out and we could see our breath hitching with every turn the wind took. It stayed this way for some time before we both started talking at the same time, in sync.
"So,-''
"So,-"
we both then laughed, his giggle a bit deeper than my own.
"Sorry you go first'' he insisted. so i did.
"Wh-
When Yeji mentioned that jungkook was married . You didn't say anything.''
he nodded after about three seconds of hesitation. "yes''
"Who is she?''
he swallowed hard and i wanted answers. Yeji is my best friend, and his best friend hurt mine. It isn't tae's fault of course, but it should be his priority to find answers.
"Just drop it, okay?''
"Drop it? what is wrong with you, how could I drop this?"
"y/n, listen to me.''
"Do you have any idea how heartbroken yeji must feel at this time? Do you just not care?''
taehyung grabbed my shoulders forcefully shook me.
"Jungkook is dead and thats all you're worried about?!"
my shock must have alarmed him because he loosened his grip on me, and began to cry. Began to break down right before my eyes, in public. I've only ever seen tae cry a few times, but not in public like this.
"I- I'm sorry i-"
''I'm so tired of you apologizing!''
"Sorry!- I- damn it!''
I snatched the locket from his hands and began to walk back to our dorms.
"Y/N!
where are you going?'!"
''to my dorm, leave me alone. I want to talk to my best friend.''