Dear Diary,
School's starting tomorrow. Well in 4 hours to be exact.
Dad spent the night at Fiona's. He didn't want to but I insisted that he does that. I wanted to be alone and I wanted for them to hang out without me there.
But when I wanted to sleep I started
thinking about tomorrow and how people are gonna act or what they're going to say and just everything. When that happened I nearly had an anxiety attack. Amazing isn't it?
My body was shaking and breathing seemed like the hardest thing that I ever had to do. I never felt like that before. My leg was jumping up and down like how it does when I'm nervous but this time I couldn't stop it so I cried and just lost it. I felt like at any given moment I could die... the room was getting smaller and smaller... it was awful.
I had a friend who got these so I managed to calm myself after 20 minutes or so. I do still feel a little pain in my chest though.
I called Ned. He was sleep. Who the fuck sleeps at 10:30?
I called Harry. I don't know why he won't stop apologizing.
/
+Just... I'm sorry yeah?
-Why are y-
+I saw your sadness. I saw you checking the calories before you ate anything that I got for you but I just... I never tried to help and you went on and did- that and I'm really sorry.
-Harry you couldn't help me cause I didn't want to be helped.
+Well I'm not doing anything now either.
-Believe me you're doing so much for me.
+...
-Cmon I'm serious.
+Why aren't you sleeping?
-I wanted to... I got occupied and then kinda had an anxiety attack soo.
+What? Why didn't you tell me?
-I just did.
+Are you ok?? Is your dad there?
-Yeah my chest hurts a bit but I'm fine and no I'm alone.
+I'm coming over.
-What no you-
+See you soon.
/
He came here when I told him what happened. Ugh I hate myself so much. I'm always interrupting people's normal lives. It's a shitty feeling. I always give them negativity and sadness and I hate myself for that.
I think I'm finally getting sleepy and writing like a six year old so I'm gonna go.