Chapter Nineteen
I walked out and went to English; I needed my best friend, because now I was more confused than ever. What is his problem? One day he’s yelling at me and the next he kisses me. He ignores me, but will still does me a favor. He hurts me and blames me and then is trying to apologize and taking all the blame. I sat in my chair and groaned
“What happened? Did he hurt you again?” she asked and she looked ready to kill and I looked at her shirt, it was so true.
‘you insult me: I can handle it. You insult my best friend: I’m going to break your face’
“He apologized and he kissed me and I may have kissed him back.” I admitted, I shouldn’t have, it was encouraging his bad behavior but I couldn’t help myself, I was weak.
“I swear this guy’s mood swings are worse than, well a pregnant girl” she looked at me and laughed and I followed right after her, leave it to Alexis to crack a joke at a time like this.
The bell rang and then the door opened and Damon walked in, I looked at my desk, I couldn’t meet his eye, I could see Alexis smirking from her seat and I glanced at him and wanted to laugh. Damon was just standing there staring at her cautiously and then I remembered her shirt and smiled.
I spent my free period babysitting workers again and I was so angry I was about to just fire them all, their idiocy was putting me massively behind and I didn’t even have time to make a longer list.
Do you know how hard it is to order books for an entire library? I have all the departments telling me what they want, I have the principle to answer to and a board has to approve books to make sure they’re appropriate for a school library and everyone wants it done now! Well get in line because I’m done with this too.
I had the first shipment of books coming in, more desks, more tables, couches, and decorations and I couldn’t get a single fucking thing done until they figured their shit out and did their damn jobs.
Wow I’ve really started to curse a lot, not great timing; a habit I’ll have to break if I keep the baby, I didn’t have time to do anything but worry about this stupid thing so Alexis came in during lunch and threatened to shove food down my throat, stupid best friends.
I ended up in the bathroom throwing up, thankfully after my economics test, this is why I didn’t want to eat lunch! If I was breathing I felt sick, if I didn’t eat I had huger pains that made me feel sick and if I ate I actually got sick, it was really fucking frustrating.
The stress of them really wasn’t helping which left me leaning against the wall feeling pretty miserable.
“Arianna?” I heard his voice call out softly and I put my hands in my head and groaned in annoyance but it was also sweet he came to check on me, stupid emotions and now I want to cry, fantastic.
“Damon, this is the girl’s bathroom, you know” but he came and sat next to me anyway, throwing an arm around me and pulling me against his side.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. The teacher said to go to the nurse for the rest of class, and I didn’t know if you had a toothbrush in your back pack or not” he said to me softly and for a moment I just let myself enjoy this as I leaned into him.
It was supposed to be like this anyway, him being here and helping me through this, damn it why isn’t it men who are pregnant? Being pregnant sucks and now I’m actually crying, freaking wonderful.
I just wanted to know what the hell his issue was! I hated not knowing and I hated having emotional whip-lash from him, I was confused and annoyed and angry and frustrated and happy he was here, ugh I’m stupid.
“I do. Thank you, Alexis made me eat lunch and I’m beyond stressed with this whole library project as it is, I should have just hired monkey’s to put the shelves together.” It would have been cheaper and they probably would have done a better job!
“I’m sorry.” Was all he said and he just let me curl up in his arms, this was really weird.
“Not your fault, I’m just stressed out” I said back a little bit later, but I wanted to scream at him and tell him it was all his fault that he didn’t use damn protection and that I’m knocked up and I hate him and he should go die because he’s an asshole.
Now I’m being a dramatic bitch, great.
We sat there in silence for a couple minutes before he helped me up to brush my teeth and I refused to go to the office so he brought me to the Library to lay down for the ten minutes left of class, in the separate room so I didn’t go and murder all of them, not that they were here anyway, they were on another lunch, are you kidding me!
He sat down and I laid my head in his lap as my head throbbed and I groaned as I put my hands on my head like it would magically make my headache go away, it didn’t.
“I have some ibuprofen if you need some.” He suggested and I shook my head
“Can’t take it, I have something at home I can take later. Thank you though.” I only have one more class to get through and I’m not going to be marked absent in that class, it’s unacceptable and plus, photography was just a free day to work on pictures and Mason and I spend the whole time I was there messing around doing nothing productive.
“Are we ever going to make prints from last weekend?” He asked me as I sat with my face on the table in misery, it was so bright out here and so loud in the dark room.
“Maybe, but I figured you would have rather moved in, but you know, if you didn’t want to” I trailed off and he stuck his tongue out at me
“Very mature” I said and did the same thing
“Really?” he asked
“I did it gracefully” I shrugged “My parents are finalizing the foster agreement papers this weekend.” I stared a new conversation and he rubbed the back of my neck to try to help ease the pain in my head until I decided I was done with light and we went and sat in the black room. I loved this room, it blocked out all light so that you could put film on reels and not destroy it.
We talked about his date and I think he’s glad we were in here because he was probably blushing like crazy and I would tease him for it.
The rest of the day was comfortable, I took some medicine when I got home and when my headache finally went away Mason and I started developing pictures. We worked until dinner, and it still wasn’t enough time, there was so many, and we had to print multiples of them.
I was feeling less depressed now, mom said it could be normal with all my hormones out of sorts, to feel sad and depressed and cry a lot, I hated it.
“Arianna, get your ass up now!” I groaned, hearing her loud voice was not something I wanted to hear first thing in the morning.
“Why are you yelling?” I yelled back
“Because you need to get up now if you want a shower, I’ll set you’re cloths out and get your wig fixed, because babe, you’re late” I said
“I thought we figured that bit out a few weeks ago” I joked as I pulled myself from my very comfortable bed and went to shower.
When I came out, I could tell Alexis was still In a bad mood about yesterday and the guy who pissed her off, mostly because her shirt said ‘I might look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times’ and with tape under it said ‘Or more’ All she would tell me is he said something and she almost hit him but she wouldn’t tell me who or what.
“Well you’re shirt says you’re in a good mood, going to tell me what this mystery person said?” I asked as I pulled mine on too and apparently I was mad at him today too, which wouldn’t be a problem if I knew what he did to piss her off.
“He was saying shit about Mason,” she finally said as I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans. “He said thing about how his parents probably crashed on purpose so they didn’t have to see him every day” and I gasped
“He said what!” I yelled “And how did you not hit him?” I asked her, I would have hit him, don’t these heartless people think that he’s been through enough!
“Damon pulled me away from him. He saved my ass though, because the principle walked in as I was about to hit him. He may not be so lucky today” she glared. I don’t blame her for being pissed, I am.
We all walked to calculus and I was pissed off. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would beat the shit out of him, Mason was like family now and you don’t mess with family. I was quiet all day and I tried to ignore Damon as nicely as I could when he tried to talk to me, it wasn’t him personally, it was that comment.
I felt bad but we had him In English and my main focus was keeping Alexis from leaping over the desk and choking him as she bashed his head against the floor. Okay , maybe she wasn’t that dramatic but I was trying to keep her from hitting him.
Alexis and I were silent in class and she was glaring holes into the side of his head while he was trying to ignore her, we knew that he knew she was doing it.
“Did I piss you off?” Damon stopped me as we went to leave class, I had to stay behind a little and pack up all the stuff I had out and he waited.
“No, why?” I asked slowly and very confused, confusion is not a new emotion to associate with Damon.
“You’re shirt, and you’ve been ignoring me all day” he said and I looked down at the writing ‘I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at’ and I burst out laughing. This week has been so tense I just needed to laugh
“This has nothing to do with you” I finally managed to say
“Then why have you been ignoring me?” he asked confused and I was wondering why he would care if I was or not but I wasn’t going to ask him right now.
“Because I’m in a pissed off mood, and we haven’t fought in a whole day and that’s pushing it, so I would have most likely snapped at you for something that wasn’t your fault” I explained and then as a last thought added “Actually, sounds familiar doesn’t it?” see, snapping.
“Okay, I just wanted to know what was going on.” He said as we slowly walked towards the library for more babysitting and lunch.
“Someone made a nasty comment about Mason, thanks for pulling her away from him yesterday; she could have gotten in a lot of trouble.” He sat with me as I ate my salad and we talked a little about that a little about nothing, It was kind of nice, I should have told him now, I should have tried to find an opening but I couldn’t find the words or the courage.
My parents were still at work when I got home, they just bought out another company and were going to be working late nights so when Lucy got home, us four cooked dinner and it was the four of us who ate together.
“So, apparently I’m a distraction to class” Alexis said and I laughed
“You’re just figuring that out?” I asked her
“My Government teacher keeps moving my seat!” she complained “But it isn’t really helping her out since I know everyone in the class, so” she trailed off. Uh oh.
“What do you have planned?” I asked her, hopefully nothing too dramatic.
“Just a t shirt I bought the other day for us” she smiled, I cannot believe she was still on this whole t-shirt thing, I thought she would have gotten bored of it already but she found this little place that will put any writing you want on a shirt and so now she can do whatever she wants, at least it’s good business for that shop.
“You smile, but I know I’m not going to like it, what do I have to do?” I asked, she always roped me into her plans.
“Just wear a shirt first period so I don’t feel alone, and then we can both change” she said happily
“And what does it say?” she asked
“You’ll find out tomorrow” she smirked, I wasn’t going to like this
“I am not wearing that” I told her as I looked at the shirt she gave me while stuffing the other one in my bag, I wasn’t allowed to see that one either
“Yes you are, it’s not as bad as mine” she tried to reason with me which was very true, I don’t think she’s going to get more than a few minutes into class before being asked to change ‘when your teacher threatens to move you and you’re sitting there like “B!tch, moving me won’t solve anything. I talk to EVERYONE!” ‘ Very fitting I thought as I put on my shirt, if I got in trouble I blame her.
My calculus teacher was a nice man, and he liked me, I was after all his best student. When I walked into calculus he wasn’t there like usual but I heard laughing
“Nice shirt” Damon said
“Shut up, did you see what Alexis’s said?” I asked Alexis, I guess mine really wasn’t horrible but it was still not something I wanted to be wearing.
“Yep. How did she get you roped into this?” he asked gesturing to my shirt ‘Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have? Student: A drinking problem?’
“I don’t know, she gave me another shirt to change into, but I’m not allowed to wear it until English.” I sighed. I was facing away from the door and so when the teacher came in he just started laughing at my shirt, I’m glad I had him, if I had Mrs. Landen, which is Alexis’ teacher, she would have freaked out.
“Alexis. I heard she was having problems with her first period government class” he said slyly, he knew.
“I heard that too, imagine that.” I smiled at him, he was one of those cool, younger and out of the box teachers. To go over problems he would give us dry erase markers and put us in groups, some people would draw on windows some on the boards.
He also gave great one on one attention to struggling students and he would sit with us and use the whole table to write out equations, when he did graphs on the boards and ran out of space, he just continued to the walls.
If we needed help understanding a quiz or homework he would pick a theme for the day. Rules are when he calls on you, you stand up and spill something related to the topic. One day it was guilty pleasure movies; that was hilarious.
Through my two classes I was fine, but as we got to the end of business law I was a little anxious because I didn’t know what this next shirt would say but she couldn’t wait for me to wear it and when I finally did see it I groaned and cursed. ‘That look you give your friend when someone attractive walks in the room’ Bitch.
I had no doubt I knew the reason behind this shirt, or who she was implying and I walked into class glaring at her and I cracked a smile seeing her new shirt, she told me that as soon as the teacher walked in and saw it she made her go and change, this shirt made it even better. ‘That awkward moment when somebody takes your sarcasm seriously’
I don’t know how she always got the perfect shirts but I’m pretty sure she planned these ones for the day since her government teacher was a nightmare and she knew it would piss her off.
I was sitting in my chair ignoring my best friend when Damon came in, he looked at my shirt and smirked at me, which only made me glare at Alexis, which only made her laugh which made me annoyed because I indeed gave her a look when he walked in, which was something I didn’t do for anyone else who walked in the room. The rest of the day he had a smirk on his face and I just wanted to slap it off.
After school we went home and us four spent a few hours in the dark room until it was time to get Lucy ready for trick or treating. She was a very cute princess.
Alexis, Mason and I didn’t dress up we just put on a warm jacket and walked around with Lucy. The look of happiness on her face almost made me melt. She put on a good show most the time, but I could hear her cry at night and see how much she missed her parents, and it was amazing to see how happy she was at this moment.
I looked at Mason who had his arms around Alexis and he looked just happy too. They really were good for each other, and I’m not glad about the circumstances they met, but I am glad that they did. They were at ease being wrapped up in each other and I was glad my best friend found a great guy.
I held Lucy’s hand as she skipped through the streets gathering candy and we stayed out for a few hours until it was time for Lucy to get to bed, and then headed home with enough candy for a small country, it was pretty insane.
“So are you and Damon talking?” she came into my room after Mason and Lucy went to bed so we could take off the Halloween polish and put new colors and designs on.
“Yeah why?” I asked cautiously because she was up to something, then again, she was always up to something. Beautiful yet a little evil, that one is.
“It’s nothing bad! I have an idea to start a baby topic with him” Well I was more than willing to hear this idea, I didn’t even know if he liked kids at all, for all I know he could have sworn off ever having them and absolutely hate them
“What do you mean?” I asked and she threw me another t-shirt
“One of the reasons I started making you wear them, so it wouldn’t look weird for you to wear this one, I just hope it works. I know the shirts were silly but thank you got going along with them.” she went back to my nails.
She did yellow, red and orange stripes across them for fall colors and after Thanksgiving it would be time for Christmas themed nails! She didn’t see my smile but I was thankful for her idea, I thought it was a good one.
:And what are you wearing?” I asked her paused long enough to toss a second one at me ‘When a guy smells good, it automatically makes them more attractive’ hers had to match mine in some kind of way.
“And does Mason smell good?” I asked her and she blushed, this was the only thing she blushed over she was overly confident about everything else; I couldn’t get over how cute it was to see her like this.
“Maybe,” she said slyly and I let it drop as she finished my nails and then ours matched and even though it was fall and no one would see our toes we painted those too before she crashed in my room.
“So, you like kids?” was the first thing he said as I walked into calculus. So I went over and sat by him to hopefully get him to talk about it. I felt bad for the sneaky approach but I needed a better understanding on where he stood on them before I told him.
She picked a good one, nothing too out there I don’t think but it was a conversation starter, I looked at my shirt before meeting his eyes to reply to his question. 'Seeing guys play with little kids is probably one of the most attractive things ever'
“Love them. What about you?” I asked. I was nervous for his answer. I had to tell him sometime next week, but I was shooting for Friday so he had the weekend to think things over before my appointment the next Monday.
This was my last full week of normalcy, I would tell him Friday and he would have a couple days to think it over without having to see me all day and the he would have to decide to be at my appointment or not, I was hearing the baby’s heartbeat that next Monday with or without him and I would really like him to be there.
“Kids are amazing” he replied and I was trying not to look as relieved as I felt
“I didn’t think you liked kids.” I said and he shrugged
“I have a little sister named Michelle, she’s ten.” He smiled to himself, that kind of smile that let you know he loved the person he was thinking of.
“You have a sister?” I asked surprised, I didn’t know that.
“Yeah, she’s amazing; I can’t wait for her to come home for thanks giving, and then for a couple weeks for Christmas. She’s in this boarding school. She loves it but it sucks having her away from home.” His face brightened talking about her
“Damon Parker likes kids! Who would have guess” I said dramatically to tease him.
“Oh shut up’” he said playfully
“Ever want to have your own?” I asked taking a chance
“Yeah of course, I’d love to have a family one day. You know, I’m not as bad of a guy as people think I am. High school is one big performance.” He said and I looked at him thoughtfully because it was kind of true.
Everyone is labeled or assigned roles, some people’s fit their personality and some don’t, we go through this four year production of it thinking a bad teacher and massive amounts of homework are the worst things ever.
We blow relationships out of proportion and do stupid things that we’re going to look back on and say ‘what in the world was I thinking’
High school is like a performance because after graduation comes and the final curtain of it is drawn, we get to be anyone we want to be. We go off and we can go from the bitch who talks behind your back because it’s what she’s used to, to one of the sweetest people you know.
You can shed your roles and make new ones as a lot of us head onto the next performance, college.
If you look at life like a play, you go from school plays of elementary school to Community Theater in junior high. High school would be like those plays that they run at the bigger theaters before some of make it to the Broadway that is college and then after that come real life.
Everything before college and even in it is just like an act and I wondered what a ten year reunion would be like, who’s going to change and who’s going to say the same. Who’s going to succeed and who will fall short? Which ones of us will get their lives sorted and who won’t?
“Looks like I just got a behind the curtain peak.” I said to him and he smiled
“You seem to rip the curtain right open in the most unsuspecting times.” He chuckled “How about you, do you want to get married and have kids of your own or are you just going to adopt all the orphans?” he asked
“I want my own and I want to adopt. I want to open more orphanage’s and shelters for runaways where kids can really go to some place that cares, the world’s hard enough and kids should be loved.” I said feeling emotional on the subject, I know it’s impossible to take care of all of them but I wanted to.
I wanted to round up all the runaways and find them real homes. I want to find all the kidnapped children and take them back to their parents. I want to find all the homeless mothers and get them the help they need to support their kids. I want to take all the children from their drug addicted and abusive parents and find them a home and show them their not to blame and someone will love them.
I want to find all our veterans who are homeless or struggling and get them real help and show them that are appreciated, that the hell they went through for our country wasn’t for nothing.
I want to fix everyone and I know that I’ll never be able to but as long as I live and as long as I can, I won’t ever stop trying to, I won’t ever stop trying to help people and I won’t ever stop trying to care for the ones that I can.
“Why are you crying?” he asked softly and he wiped a couple tears away and I groaned and wiped at my eyes trying to make it all stop.
“Because I’m stupid and emotional.” I said and looked away, I can’t believe I was crying right now but thinking of how so many people go through life feeling unwanted and unloved and unappreciated hurts my heart.
“Caring about people isn’t stupid.” He pulled me in for a hug and I buried my face in his chest and inhaled his cologne trying to calm myself, he did smell really good, damn you and your shirt Alexis.
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry for what I said about you and the ball, what you do is a great thing.” I nodded and when I pulled away from him he kissed my forehead and I went back to my seat to make some distance.
This conversation was a good one, I was hoping that this was the real him and that I could find him again when I told him, that he wouldn’t freak out too much.
I expected him to freak out but I just hoped that he wouldn’t be nasty and hate me for this; after all it’s his fault as much as it is mine and I didn’t think I could ever be this happy at the simple news of someone liking kids.