"And now you haven't talked to each other for the past week."
"Yup."
"Well that's shit!"
"Really?! Don't you tell!"
Patty and I were sitting on the bleachers going over the whole debacle with Adam last Friday. We haven't spoken since and I really didn't want to. I know I'm weird and I know I don't particularly fit in with society's standards. But one thing is saying that as a joke and me understanding it is a joke, another is straight-up calling me a "crazy basket case" out of nowhere in the middle of a serious conversation. I've been called many things before, but I know from experience that it hurts even deeper when it's someone who means something to you saying it.
And as much as it hurts my pride to say this: Adam means something to me. Not in a romantic way! Just so we're clear on that part! All you Pattys can calm down now.
He means something to me because, after a really hard time in middle school, my only friend was basically Patty. She's always been there for me. And then Adam appeared, and with him Thomas and Ben. I was finally in a group that no matter how nerdy, geeky, or socially awkward I was, they all accepted me through and through.
So now it was back to the old... Dynamic Duo. Gods, I gotta get him out of my head!
After a little awkward silence, Patty spoke up again. "So, what do you plan on doing now?"
And... I stayed silent. Because I didn't know what to do. Man, this feeling sucks! So, I decided to answer truthfully.
"Nothing."
"What?!" She replied sounding sort of annoyed and confused.
"That's what I plan on doing: nothing."
What? Are you surprised? I might have my pride a little hurt but that won't stop me from not apologizing to him. Because that would mean that I was taking back my word. And, as much as it hurts not having the daily gang meetings, I needed to take a short break from all the craziness that was starting to surround me. I never said I wanted to stop hanging out with him. I never said I wanted to never see him again. I just wanted to stop with the fake dating and the showing-up-to-hang-out-without-warning. That was it. He was the one who took it at heart and who started calling me a weirdo and a basket case.
"Girl, I know you may not want to admit it right now. But Adam really means something to you. You actually like being around him. Admit it! So, why don't you just swallow some of your pride for once and go up and talk to him." Patty said. And this time I know by fact she wasn't saying this because of the whole shipping thing. Because she was my friend and that's what friends do.
But even though, I knew that all she was doing was being the good friend that she is, I called her to my reasoning. "If you were in the same situation as me would you go to the guy and straight up say that you're sorry and that you miss him?"
She looked at me and sighted firmly. "Well, first of all, I wouldn't even be in your situation to begin with. And second... pay attention to my words, not my actions."
Just like that, she looked at the empty football field to avoid eye contact. It made me chuckle a little. But soon after I followed.
"And besides, I said what I wanted to stop with. I never said I wanted to stop being his friend. So why can't he be the one to say that he's sorry for calling me a weirdo and a basketcase and for getting mad out of nowhere?"
She looked at me with her are-you-actually-serious-right-now look. "Caroline, I'm afraid you haven't noticed, but the guy is kind of oblivious to subliminal messages." I rolled my eyes knowing she was right. "And, even though he called you some pretty bad stuff... you could have explained to him why you were asking for some space. I'm sure Adam would have understood. So, it is technically your fault too."
I took a deep breath and looked back at her. "Patty you know why I want to go to MIT. You know what it means to me. As much as I like being with him and Thomas and Ben and you and the 5 of us being The Gang, I can't exclude the fact that my dream might never come true. I need some time to figure things out before I go completely nuts."
Patty turned her eyes to me seriously. "Have you... have you told him about it all yet?"
My look suddenly went from angry and sad to sad and even more nervous than ever before. I looked at my feet and started holding my legs. "No. And I don't plan on telling him for a very long time."
She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Caroline, Adam has proven to be more than worthy of your trust. What's stopping you?"
I looked in the other direction. You could already guess this was a tough subject for me. "Patty, I'm just not ready."
"Fine. But listen to me. Actually, listen to me. Just this once." I dropped my legs and looked at Patty, tears almost coming out of my eyes. "I know why you want to go to MIT. I know why you wanted to stop and have some time. I'm your best friend, I'm supposed to know you like no one else. But I know you so well, that I know that not talking to him will eat you on the inside. And the other way around too. You may not want to talk to him right now, but you will. Just remember that when you do: he deserves to know. I won't be there with you, that is something you gotta do just between the Cadam circle. But I'll always be there for you. Don't you dare to forget about that."
I looked at her and smiled. That folks, was friendship Patty shining through. My best friend can seem a little crazy and extreme when it comes to ships sometimes, but when you do get to know her... she's one of the most trusting and helping people you'll ever meet.
She knows the whole story of my life. She knows that I am the way I am because of stuff that has happened during this weird path filled with rocks and plain grass I have in front of me. And we were always by each other's sides. We don't actually straight up say it. It just has been acknowledged ever since she decided she wanted to paint my hair pink in kindergarten.
So I replied. "I know. Don't forget it is the other way around too. But thank you."
She opened her arms and hugged me tightly almost cutting the air that I was trying to breathe in. "Dynamic Duo forever." She said.
I quickly grabbed her shoulders and stood one arm away from her. "Did you just say what I think you did?"
She laughed at my reaction and rolled her eyes. "C'mon, it's almost time for class. We should get going."
● ● ●
"Great. Now I've got to walk by myself to that stupid parking lot and wait for Patty to finish retouching her makeup for the millionth time. Just great..." I said to myself.
All my classes had ended so I was making my way through the hallways trying to avoid any judging eyes. I had managed to spend a whole week avoiding Adam. Not passing through the jocks' area, speeding up when it was time to go from some point of the school to another, and much other stuff.
The day was finally over but just when I was about to leave for the parking lot, out of a sudden, a hand came from the back and was placed on my shoulder.
"And you thought you were walking alone." Someone said from the back.
I turned around and saw Ben and Thomas, both with a half-smile on their faces.
"Well, I saw no one that I knew prior to you two. So, yeah. That's what I thought." I responded to Thomas.
"Yeah, well, now you're not alone anymore." Ben replied slightly smiling.
They started walking down with me and after a few minutes of awkward silence, Thomas (of course) came up with some quick chit-chat.
"So, how are you and Patty?"
"Patty's great, she's just retouching her makeup and will join me soon enough," I responded not realizing the entirety of the question.
But then Ben looked at me with some sort of worried look. "And you?"
I looked at him surprised, mainly by my stupidity of not noticing the other part of Thomas's question. Realizing my mistake, I hid my nervousness with a half-smile.
"I'm getting by. You know... killing myself studying more than usual, but I'm doing fine." I started looking at the floor trying to avoid talking about myself. You might have realized that that is not something I enjoy doing.
Unfortunately for me, the two of them wanted to continue with that. Just great...
"Caroline, we get that you like studying, but we're on the last day of the term. Don't you think you could like... rest or something?" Ben asked.
Ok, Ben, the two of us might not be the ones who have the biggest number of conversations, but I think that anyone who has known me for this long will know that I, Caroline Meadows, do not rest. So how can I answer something to which you already know the answer?
Ok, I might be exaggerating a little...
Back to the story!
I could tell Ben and Thomas about MIT, but knowing the kind of friendship the two of them have with Adam, I knew they would most likely run to tell him the moment we separated. With that in mind, I decided the only people who needed to know at that moment were my close family and Patty. But, at the same time, I didn't want to lie to them because I really don't like lying. Too much of a goody two shoes for you? Well then deal with it! I've got my own reasons to be like this.
"I have my own reasons," I responded to then quickly change the topic. "But enough about me, how have you guys been?"
"Well, I for one have been great." Thomas almost immediately replied. "The term is ending, the college I applied to already sent me an acceptance letter and the senior trip is next week so my Mom won't annoy me with studying. LG was right: life is good!"
I chuckled a little at his response. Only Thomas to make a pun in the middle of a normal conversation...
Ben quickly talked after. "Well, Stanford has actually responded to me too. But my older sister is back, so my little brother and I are doomed to at the very least 5 days of boy band craziness from my sisters. Thankfully, the trip is coming up so I'll be safe for some time. Thank god!"
With this statement I find myself asking. "Ben... how many siblings do you have?"
"So, first came Emma, then came me, then my little sister Charlotte, and then my brother Michael. So, I have three siblings." He responded like it was nothing. I mean seriously, you'd think the guy is so calm but the constant craziness that his home must be!
"That... sure is a lot of kids! It must be constant craziness at your place!"
"Not exactly. In a house with many people, you just need to have more rules. Things only get crazy when my sisters put on those stupid boy band songs. After a while, my brother and I get so tired that we just go outside and play football." He says chuckling.
"Ben, your house seems so calm. Whenever Joseph comes home, every day ends with a fight over the cookie jar." I replied.
Ben turned to me with a mocking face. "In my house, we don't exactly have those. Mainly because I steal them all and sometimes share them with my brother. No one gets between me and my cookies." I laughed a little at his response and then he continued the conversation.
"Either way it's always better to hang out with Thomas and Adam from time to time don't worry." Ben quickly looked at me with a smirk. "And you girls most recently too. Don't you think that just because you and Johnson are on non-speaking terms we'll stop being friends!"
"Agreed," Thomas said. "The Gang is a sacred community destined only for the purest of heart, mind, soul... and meme collection."
And that ladies and gentlemen, was the drop that made the cup of laughter start to overflow making Ben and I start laughing like idiots.
But of course, the time came to approach the elephant in the room. So, after I calmed myself down, I finally made the question you've all been waiting for. "H-how's Adam by the way?"
Both of them took a quick glance at each other in a sense of asking for advice on what to say. Great way to make a conversation weird, Caroline. Just great! Really!
After a few seconds of awkward silence, Ben was actually the first one to talk. "He's... getting by. He told both of us about your argument with him last week. It really left some sort of mark on him."
And just like that I was speechless. Sure, Adam did seem to regret how he reacted when the conversation last week came to a close, but for it to leave a mark on him... I just wasn't really expecting that. From what I've gathered of his personality, Adam Johnson is a guy who doesn't really hold grudges against anyone unless someone did something really bad to him (take Harry for example), rarely picks up a fight, is oblivious to many of his surroundings, wants to befriend everybody he meets and is all smiles. In almost 6 months that I've known him, I've only seen him sad or mad at someone twice. And for a teenager going into adulthood at the end of high school, that is saying a lot.
But then Thomas decided to drop the bomb, because... of course he did.
"He just really misses you."
And on that moment, I felt the world falling right in front of me. I know that Patty had already sort of said it earlier and I'm not saying I didn't believe her, but hearing those simple words from Patty and from someone who has known Adam for such a long time, feels different.
Unfortunately, my anxieties decided to quick in on that moment and my brain could not make up a good response to Thomas's statement so what came out of my mouth was utterly embarrassing. "R-really?"
"I mean seriously, Caroline?! The guy just said it! Why are you being more socially awkward than usual?! If the guy said it, it is true!"
Thomas turned to me and half-smiled. "Well, of course. You two have bonded over these past months like hell. Why wouldn't he miss you?"
The moment seemed too perfect to be true. And you know what? It was. Unfortunately for Thomas and Ben, the timing of this whole conversation couldn't be worse. I'll explain why.
You see, the moment Thomas finished that statement, the three of us had just turned around the corner and had arrived at the front of the main exit door that would lead us straight to the parking lot... Adam and Penelope were right next to the wall near the main door... kissing.
To say that I was mad is saying the very least of what I was feeling. Betrayed, broken on the inside, confused, angry, and about to punch him in the face... now that's more like it.
It seemed that right after we had arrived Adam had pulled away from that horny bitch in front of him. He looked in our direction and our eyes met. He seemed worried, scared, and like all he wanted to say wasn't coming out of his mouth.
Penelope noticed where he was looking at and turned around to face us with that sneaky bitchy smile she does. "Oh, hi there! Addy and I were just... sharing a moment here." She turned her eyes to me and made a FAKE AS HELL puppy eye face. "Caroline, I'm sorry for... well, for stealing your man."
Have you ever wanted to punch a person so much that you won't even care for the consequences? Because I was one drop away from that! Fortunately, I controlled myself and considered the other two other options I had besides punching Penelope All Might style. One, I could simply run away to the bathroom and look like she had actually affected me, or two, I could pass through that door acting like it was nothing.
As much as I was inclined to do the first option, I was not about to make her feel more superior than she already considers herself to be. So, I raised my head and half-smiled. "Don't worry. I already know a bitch like you only does it for attention. Why don't you two kiss again? Maybe someone will post it on Instagram too!"
And just like that, I walked past them straight to the parking lot. But was that enough? No! Because Lady Johnson decided to stop me before I even got to the end of the small stairway.
"Caroline, wait!" He called out from behind.
I stopped, took a deep breath, and turned to him while talking at the lowest volume possible so that he could hear what I had to say and at the same time not drag any attention.
"For what, Adam? For you to say that you're sorry? For me to have the guts to say that I'm sorry? Perhaps for you to say that you can explain and that I didn't just see you and Penelope kissing a minute ago!"
"Caroline, please! Listen to me. Just this on-" At this point, I was so angry that I interrupted him right in the middle of his speech.
"No, you listen to me, Johnson! This whole dating thing started because you didn't want Penelope at your feet all the time when she came back. Yet strangely a week after you were quite frankly an asshole oblivious to what I said, I find you kissing her in a place for everyone to see."
"No, but Caroline she kissed me."
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHO KISSED WHO!" At this point, I was on the verge of tears. Why was he insisting on talking to me when I clearly didn't want to?!
"Caroline, please calm down." He walked up to me and placed both hands on my shoulders looking at me wholeheartedly. "If the kiss is not the reason for you to be like this, then just tell me what is and I'll leave you alone. But please, tell me what's wrong."
"You're the reason, you stupid idiot." And just like that I took a step back and made my way to Patty's car not bothering to look away from the floor.