𝘝𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵
5406 words. Comment bitch bye.
𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙔𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙇𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧
"How you been?"
"Miscarried twice." Serenity shrugged.
"Oh."
He didn't know what else to say besides oh. Mainly because he didn't care.
"So.." Serenity tried making conversation with Jade as she sat in passenger seat of his car.
"Hold on." He tried to hide how annoyed he was and rolled the window down when Monty came up to his side of the car.
She didn't know why she still got butterflies around him but she didn't. Being in the car with him sort of reminded her of high school, when he got his first car.
He'd pick her up and let her stay with him when he was around Zeik and some of the other people he hung around at the time. Despite being around Zeik she didn't have much of a relationship with him because Jade didn't like her talking to his friends, mainly because he didn't want her in his business.
"Wassup." Monty nodded as Jade reached into the back seat and grabbed a jacket.
Serenity just shook her head and tried wiping the blush off of her face when they began talking. It's not like she wanted to feel this way about someone who obviously didn't feel the same and had moved on way long ago, she just did.
Of course it was more than his looks, he had an interesting personality. She took interest in him because he was cute and didn't do the most like other boys did, but she quickly fell in love with his snappy but reserved personality. When she got to know him he was more goofy than he let on.
He just nodded back and sighed.
"This your girl?"
"Fuck no. My girl at home."
Quick change in attitude.
"You could've kept me at home if you were gonna do this ghetto shit. Could've swore you said you wasn't even in no shit no-"
"Girl shut up I handed the nigga his jacket you just wanna hear yourself talk at this point."
"Stop talking to me like that."
"Stop being a bitch when you see me trying to get along with you." He gave her an aggravated look.
Jade didn't really understand what her problem was, maybe it was just him being a nigga but the idea of her still being into him just wasn't in his head. He just thought she felt like India was trying to replace her as Eli's mom.
"You want me to stop being a bitch tell your girlfriend to stop being bitch."
"She doesn't.. do anything to you. Dee asked me to try to talk to you so we could get along so if anything be mad at me. I'm the one that don't like you."
"And why don't you like me?"
"Because you just rub me wrong bro you seem mad as hell for no reason almost every time I come around. Maybe the energy would be different if you didn't act like that. I'm an asshole but we're two parents so I avoid being an asshole for no reason around you, even if you don't fuck with me grow up. I gotta deal with you for the next thirteen years."
Serenity just looked to the side.
"You make me feel unimportant and that hurts my feelings. And you used me knowing I have feelings for you and threw it in my face. That's why I'm a bitch to you." She looked out of the window.
"My bad if that helps us move on."
"That's not an apology. You never treated me right to begin with now five years later I get a half ass my bad."
"I'm not apologizing because I'm not sorry and I don't feel bad. If you want an apology you better look for one but it ain't coming from me." He said dismissively, opening his box of chicken nuggets as he got comfortable. If she wanted an apology they'd be sitting there for a while.
"It's not that hard to say sorry."
"You want me to lie to you?"
"I want you to apologize and mean it."
"Well I can't do both so I'll do neither. Got me fucked up. I didn't do anything to you." Serenity rolled her eyes and they stared each other down for a moment before she surrendered.
"You treated me like you didn't c-"
"Not about to argue with you. Situation dropped and over. Don't say shit else to me about whatever you thought we were because I don't care and all you'll do is piss me off." He pulled up to her building and parked, looking at her like 'bitch get out'.
"All I'm gonna say is karma."
"I'll beat karma ass. No reason for it to be bothering me as of right now so leave me alone. With that shit."
"Definitely a reason. You're selfish, inconsistent, narcissistic and I hate the fact that you put on a front and act like you care about anyone but yourself because you don't. Everything that's went wrong in my life is because of you and I hate you for that but since I've become dependent on you I can't seem to not love you and that shit tears at me. I'm sitting here communicating my feelings to you and you still don't give a fuck and act like I'm delusional for feeling the way I feel." She began crying, making his eyes roll to the back of his head in annoyance.
"You blame me for everything that's went wrong in your life but I didn't bother you. You bothered me. I left you alone and you didn't like that so you kept bothering me and I always let you crawl back out of pity because you're a pathetic ass person."
"And you preyed on me being weak. Thanks for finally admitting it."
"I didn't prey on you because you were weak, I left you alone because you were weak then felt bad so I tried to fix you. In return you fucked your ex after I forgave you for lying about not having one. Save the sob story." He said dryly, seeing her surprised face.
"What?"
"Yeah dumb ass. I don't know if I look like bobo the clown or some shit but I'm not."
"I didn't.. he-"
"Don't lie to me it's not necessary cause I don't even care to keep it buck. Just crazy how you sit in my face and act like you ain't do shit wrong. Wasn't even my bitch but you coulda been, not in this uni though cause word to everything you a fuckin bird and a lyin one at that."
"Let me out the car. Now." She jiggled the door handle as he drove.
"I'd say I wish I could reverse that nut but my son wouldn't be here if I did, just wish you'd died giving birth cause I hate you and that's on him."
"Let me out the fuckin car Tana I'm not playin!"
"Santana to you miss."
"Stop talking to me! Fake ass bum ass wannabe hood nigga!"
"Girl don't insult me. I'm not no hood nigga that's dirty as fuck. Just a lil bit ghetto but I never gave the girls hood nigga."
"That's real funny. Even funnier that you won't get to see your son because you like disrespecting me." She leaned back in the seat.
"Okay."
"Exactly. Bum don't even care about his kid. Hope you and that bitch don't have no kids because they'll end up fucked up like you or weak like her. Fucking dirt bag." Serenity continued talking.
He acted like the last part didn't get to him just a little more than he expected it to. All he'd been talking about was having another kid and here she was throwing back what he already knew in his face.
"Wish you'd just die already. Eli not gon care I promise. I'll help."
"He will trust me. And when I tell him all the shit you say to me when he gets older he'll hate you."
"That boy don't like you, you delulu. India call him stinkabutt and he giggle. It's over for you. Streets is done."
So he did what he always did when someone said something that actually bothered him. Violate.
-
Serenity watched Jade sit alone at lunch for the third day that week. He was always with his friend but the boy had been suspended so now it was just him.
She walked up to him and tapped his shoulder, seeing him turn around slowly and mug her for touching him.
"Sorry. Can I sit here?"
"Why would I care? This is a cafeteria." He muttered, still not looking up at her.
"You're cute. How old are you?"
"Fifteen. Don't you got a boyfriend?" Jade finally looked at her and remembered seeing her with a senior.
"Yeah but no. Not anymore so it doesn't matter.. Why do you sit by yourself?"
"So I don't have to talk to people. Obviously didn't work.."
"Oh. You want me to go?"
"I don't really care." He shrugged. She sat and watched him play geometry dash for a few minutes. When the bell rung she began getting up to leave but he grabbed her arm.
"You not like freshman right?" Jade gave her a good look over. She wasn't skinny at all, a little chubby even. It was cute on her and she seemed confident so it didn't matter.
"No I'm fifteen too. Why?" She felt herself grow nervous when his hands moved near her ass and grabbed her phone out of her back pocket, not even touching her. He was close though.
"I'm putting my number in. You can call, just don't face time me out of the blue."
"You doing anything after school?"
"No why?"
"Come over. Not to do anything or nothing like that. I'm just bored." She shrugged, smiling to herself as she walked away.
Jade just shrugged and began walking back to class. Girls were weird.
Serenity counted every minute of every class until it was time for her to go home. By the time the day was over and she was getting off of the bus she had the dumbest grin on her face, like she'd won something. She'd told Brelyn about it but the girl didn't seem that excited for her.
"You invited him over?"
"Yeah."
"To do what? Y'all gon be bored sitting there watching tv. Lucky you not a virgin cause Sydney told me some things about him." She laughed making Serenity freeze up.
"What things?"
"Sydney and him did a project together last year and she said she had went to his house. His dad was home but they acted like they ain't see each other so when she got to his room she wasn't second guessing herself no more or whatever."
"What did they do?"
"She said they worked and he smoked. She said she was ready the whole time because his focused face was cute and right when she thought she was just gonna go home he sat her on his dresser and fingered her. Sydney said it was good too. Like she finished. Girls don't usually finish." Brelyn shrugged.
"I don't wanna do all of that."
"You don't have to but he'd probably like you more if you did. Sydney said she tried pulling a condom out and he said no, you should try. You're pretty so he'll probably say yes."
"Maybe if I feel like it. But I don't have to do anything I don't wanna do." She rolled her eyes, walking into her building as she parted from Brelyn.
Serenity cleaned up and showered when she got home, barely being able to contain herself as she waited for him. When the doorbell rang she got up to answer it, seeing him standing there with his hands in his pocket.. visibly high.
Jade just gave her a head nod and followed in behind her, not noticing her extra tight extra small pajama shorts. Things like that she just didn't catch his attention so you had to be upfront.
There was small talk but after thirty minutes of him staying silent for the most part she began wondering if he even wanted to come.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Just quiet I guess." He looked up from his phone. Sometimes he just really didn't feel like talking, it was pointless. No one really listened anyways.
"You know Sydney?"
"Wet wet? What about her?"
"Wh- bye. You like her?" Serenity ignored the name and tried her best to hold in a laugh.
"No? Had nothing to do with me liking her."
"Brelyn kept saying you'd get bored if I didn't try to have sex with you. I don't wanna do that though. Can we like.. play the game or something?"
She'd had sex before and it wasn't all that. Actually it made her never want to do it again. If she could go back in time and say stop she would but he'd made her feel like it was what she was supposed to do. No one really bothered telling her any better.
When he didn't say anything she got nervous and began saying never mind.
"I've never had sex anyways." He looked at her and laughed.
"Stop lyi-"
"Word to everything never even put a condom on. Every time I think about it I get nervous and say no. Don't know why people think I'm so.. I don't know. But I'm not. Stop listening to other people."
Jade wasn't a virgin by choice but he was at the same time. He was scared. It was a big deal to him because it was the only part of him that he could say was his and only his. His problems couldn't even be his problems without his parents making it into their problem.
It was kind of dumb to other people but it made sense to him.
"Why do you get nervous? It's not like boys are in pain when they do it." She didn't mean to laugh at him.
"I don't know I just don't like feeling out of control. All of the girls who tried to have sex with me were older. I have control issues, I'm being controlled or I'm too controlling. You seem comfortable with talking about it so I guess you're not." He leaned back finally getting more comfortable as their conversation was kicked off.
"I'm not. I regret losing mind though. He kept asking so I said yes to get him to leave me alone, and he made me feel bad for not doing it. It only happened twice and I don't think I like him."
"If you have to think about it you don't. I had girlfriend who was a junior, we met after I turned fifteen. Look." Jade pulled his shirt up and showed her the scar from when Ochean accused him of lying and cut his side.
He was more timid with girls at the time.
"You cheated?"
"I don't cheat. It didn't even hurt that bad so I didn't get angry. But she cheated on me later and I beat her ass so I think we're even." He shrugged, letting his shirt fall again.
They got quiet again until Serenity checked the time on her phone. Her mom wouldn't get back until way until maybe four in the morning and it was only six.
She felt icky about herself and was never insecure until she gave her virginity away. What's a better way to feel bad about something you didn't wanna do then redo it with someone you actually want?
"You wanna have sex?" She asked bluntly, making him look up from his phone.
"Huh?"
"Do you wa-"
"I don't wanna be your boyfriend."
"That's fine. Didn't ask that now did I?"
"I'm allergic to latex. And I don't have a condom."
Anything to get out of this. But.. wait.
She said she didn't care if he didn't wanna be with her and she was cute. And it seemed like she wanted to have sex for her own reasons, not to feel accomplished in taking his virginity. So why not? She even had the round fat face he liked, that was just an extra reason.
"Brelyn gave me one. Durex. If you don't want to it's fine but-"
"Lay on your back."
"I thought I was supposed to be on my knees?"
"What?" He seemed genuinely confused.
"Like. On my stomach? You know what I mean?"
"Did he break it all the way?"
Jade was a virgin but momma ain't raise no dumb ass. Either she was just as inexperienced as him and lying or whoever took her virginity did it in doggy style, meaning they hated her ass.
"I don't think so. It wasn't big at all and he just.. put it in. But it didn't hurt, it was just uncomfortable. It was awkward, this is awkward but that was flat out strange." She saw his confused face and laughed.
"That nigga did not care about you."
"I know."
Better off with me. At least you know I'll never love you. And we can still have fun.
"Well like I said lay on your back, bout to bless you. You can pull my hair I like it."
"Huh?"
"Was he gay or something? You didn't get head either?"
"No, you've done that?"
"Only one girl. I think I'm good at it and if I'm not you better tell me so I can fix it and not your friends cause imma fold you when I see you if you do."
-
Jade plopped down on his bed, a stupid grin on his face as he replayed the evening in his head over and over again.
It took a few tries because she was scared then when he finally got in he finished. Fast. God it was embarrassing. Then she pulled out another condom and it was like an Angel was watching over him because he couldn't go out like that.
The only thing he hated was the crying part. And she was scary as hell. Who knew you'd have to snatch someone's arm behind their back from them to stop pushing you away. Then you let them push you away and they ask why you stopped? Just as he thought, girls were weird.
The second time he was more patient and used his hands instead to find the thing like he always did. Then tried again but without his hands. And she came. When he realized that that's what was happening he felt like he'd won a Nobel peace prize.
Like he was on stage while niggas clapped and cried for him.
Mind of a teenage boy. Strange.
"Jade?" His mom came in his room. Everything had been good at home. She wasn't sick and Deon was home less, always a good thing.
"Yeah?"
"You're in a good mood. Surprising."
"I'm not usually in a bad mood."
"You've been moody since you learned to talk. Every year it gets worse. But I wanted to come talk to you about something." She sat on his bed and he looked at her funny.
Jade hated that. He couldn't change who he was. He didn't try to be rude, he just thought he was being himself. If anything he was nice compared to the thoughts that actually came to his head.
"Can we talk later?"
".. Jade I wanted to-"
"I have homework."
When India's hand grabbed his face his eyes opened.
"Bubba come on. Grocery store."
He felt funny but tried to hide it and act like he always did.
"People move in and get out they body. We can go to the store later cause it's food here anyways."
"No it's not get up."
"I gotta go to work."
"You literally work from your phone. Bitch stop being lazy." She instigated, seeing him sit up quickly.
"If I call you a bitch it'll be tears though." He pushed her out of his face and got up. When India began walking away away he realized she was waxing her legs, seeing two strips stuck to her calve.
Jade didn't like thinking back to high school. He didn't like thinking about his past in general. Thinking about to day before yesterday even annoyed him and nothing special even happened.
It just made him worry. He tried shoving all of the conspiracies about why he was having the dream to the back of his head while he brushed his teeth. He knew for a fact that it wasn't to say he wanted Serenity because that just wasn't the case at all.
He watched India snatch the last wax strip off of her leg curiously, sitting on the toilet seat like a clingy child.
"So.. you still want a baby? Or have you thought about other things you could have to fill the baby void?" She threw the last strip in the trash.
Caught him off guard.
Jade thought about her question for the first time. The automatic answer he'd always thought to say was yes of course but now he was doubting himself.
He'd relived two of the many moments where he'd shut out or ignored people who cared about him. It was always hard feeling like the people around him were unsatisfied with who he was. Serenity was the beginning of the worst part of his life.
He already struggled with making sure Eli felt wanted and loved. It just seemed unfair to have a baby and be scared to love them.
"I don't want anymore kids."
"What?"
"I thought about it and no."
"You've begged me to pop one out everyday for the past year and you suddenly change your mind after a conversation with Serenity? Not saying I was gonna give you one but I find that very strange. What did she say to you?"
"It has nothing to do with her honestly. I just realized some stuff about myself that I didn't notice before and I'm not comfortable bringing another child into this whole thing knowing these things... I guess."
"What are these things you're talking about?" She stood in between his legs, feeling him pull her close and rest his head against her stomach.
"I just don't want any more. I thought I did and they annoy me."
"Jade you've always liked kids..."
"Can we leave it alone?" He watched her demeanor change before she nodded and walked away calmly.
"I get it."
"Why'd you bring it up?" She never randomly brought up kids.
"No reason Tana." India shrugged, pushing the three pregnancy tests at the bottom of the trash can. Negative Negative Positive. She wasn't pregnant so she wouldn't worry.
When he heard Tana instead of Jade he realized his answer probably made her sad. She'd get over it, especially with her being anti baby anyways. Probably just shocked.
He walked into the kitchen where she was and went to kiss her cheek, not getting a response or reaction. She just continued cleaning with a dull pout.
"You sure that everything is fine between us? You seem a little bothered."
"I'm fine."
She was becoming like him.
-
Zeik watched a India relax in her seat and stare ahead. She had separated herself from everyone throughout the week, not really speaking or doing anything.
"She okay?" He nudged Jade.
"I don't know." Jade dismissed it quickly.
"What did you do?"
"She's been acting like this all week. Probably on her period or some shit because when I touch her and pushes me away. That's what I'll assume because I don't feel like arguing."
"Ignoring her because you don't feel like being a good boyfriend. Thought you were supposed to be smart."
"There are multiple forms of intelligence. I lack emotional intelligence, the ability to communicate mine, understand anyone else's, or empathize. So I'm intelligent but only i-"
"Okay text book. Shut the hell up. What was the last actual conversation y'all had?"
"She asked me if I still wanted a kid and I said no so she starting being all sweet and shit and I told her I still didn't want another baby." He shrugged.
"That girl is pregnant and you told her you didn't want no more kids." Zeik deadpanned, looking at him like he was stupid.
"She's not pregnant."
"How do you know?"
"Because I can tell. She's just not so drop it."
Zeik walked over to her with a bottle in his hand and grabbed her cup while Jade watched, seeing her eyes roll. She just looked at him when he handed it to her and put it back down on the table.
"What are you looking at?" India frowned when she felt Jade staring and picked the cup up.
"Don't feel like drinking?" He tried not to seem too invested in what she was doing because she'd just sneak around it more.
"Who said that." She put the cup up to her face and looked to the side.
"Drink it."
"Why?"
"Does it matter? Drink it."
India took a sip, looking at him with a flat unimpressed expression. She faked a gulp. It looked like she emptied the cup.
"Happy?"
Before he could respond Zania, Neicy, and Tyler came from the back with dopey smiles, each one drunker than the last. Zania was just a little tipsey but Tyler was ready to black out.
It was the first time in over a year since she'd been able to drink and not worry about her baby. Brielle was with Brian who wanted to stay home and sleep.
"India! You okay?! Baby!" Zania plopped down on the couch, grabbing her face.
"It's four in the afternoon." She responded plainly as he friend played with her cheeks.
"So? So so?"
India got up and put her slides on before walking to the back and getting Dexter. Booba's fat ass just slept all day.
"Let's walk. We don't like these people today. Why? Cause we don't." She fixed his collar and he jumped up on her legs, licking her face. When she left the room walked by like she was leaving with Jade grabbed her wrist and looked over at her.
"Dee Where you going?"
"Walking the dog. Why?"
"I was just asking. Don't gotta have an attitude."
"I don't have an attitude." India tried leaving out of the front door but he stopped her, standing up and pulling her to the side. She dropped Dexters leash as he dragged her into their room.
"What you got going on?" He stood in between her legs.
"Nothing." She leaned back when he went to kiss her.
"Nah you're acting funny I'm not delusional. Nigga just dodged my kiss."
"I just don't wanna he touched right now."
"You haven't kissed me for real in days. Like who does that shit? You don't love he no more?" He laid on top of her, not putting his weight on her while she stayed quiet.
"If I was pregnant you'd tell me to get an abortion?" India asked quietly, seeing him sit up as soon as he heard pregnant.
"What?"
"I wouldn't do it, it'd just make me sad because I always thought you'd have my back if anything like that happened but you don't even want a baby any more. It's just annoying and stressful to think I might be pregnant and you wouldn't support me." India sat up and wiped her eyes as he just stared.
He wasn't the best at talking about stuff like this. Really, he didn't know what to even address first. The fact that she thought he'd open his mouth to tell her to abort their baby or the fact that she didn't say anything before and laid around mopey instead of bringing it to him. But now wasn't the time to ridicule her.
"Stop crying." He grabbed her face and played with her cheeks to lighten her mood.
"I was li-"
"You don't know for sure right?"
"No. I took three tests and two came back negative but my period is way late and I know my body." She looked at him for a reaction but his face stayed expressionless. When she began asking if he was okay he cracked a smile.
"So it might be a baby in here?"
Duh nigga she not having a hamster stop askin stupid shit. Make myself mad.
"Yeah. I thought you didn-"
"I said I didn't want one because I was scared and I still am. It was an excuse to run away from changing bad habits to be completely honest and I should change just because it would be better for us in general. I just feel like I won't be available to my baby emotionally if that makes sense. I try my best with Eli and all but sometimes I wonder if I'm making him happy or if he knows that I love him, shit like that." He explained, seeing her frown. She hated that he felt that way about himself.
"Jade he knows you love him. If he didn't he wouldn't want to be here all of the time."
"Man I don't know but I meant I didn't wanna plan for a baby while being aware that I lack in certain departments as a parent with one child. I'd feel irresponsible. But I never said I'd want you to have an abortion if it was a random pregnancy. If you're pregnant then I have to work on myself starting right now, almost like the universe said 'nigga get it together' because if not now then when you know? I'm happy, I support you, don't cry." Jade kissed her forehead.
"I love you." India frowned pushing the urge to cry to the back of her mind. Him and Dexter acted alike, distant but loving. Comparing him to a dog.
"Stop crying girl damn. You can kiss me now." He laid on his back and smiled when she grabbed his neck and pecked his lips childishly. India began moving away after her three pecks and he snatched her back, sucking on her bottom lip.
"Whatchu doin wid allattt?" She slid her hand into his jeans and he pulled them down.
"Ouuuu nun!"
"Wait. You gotta tell them to leave I forgot they were here." India stopped him when he went to pull her shorts off. He stood up and walked out of the room, forgetting his pants despite her calling after him.
Zeik looked up from his phone and began speaking but stopped when he saw his friend standing there pointing towards the door.
"Where your pants go kid?" He busted out laughing.
"It don't matter all y'all need to know is you not welcome here. Go home."
Jade felt like he was being stared at then felt the breeze on his legs forgetting he only had on briefs. Instead of growing embarrassed he continued looking at them expectantly.
"Put that thing up around my baby momma. Don't nobody wanna see that." Zeik frowned.
"So mean." Tyler slurred and walked towards the door.
"Yes you do, don't lie. And get the fuck out like did you not hear me?" Jade saw them begin getting up to leave, ignoring Neicy's subtle glance at his dick as she walked away.
"Haven't thought about what your dick looks like since 8th grade after you told me to die in my sleep for walking in on you peeing."
"Nigga has a crush on me you hate to see it."
"Accuses me of liking him in front of my baby momma. Go find something to do like die. Mad gay." Zeik continued to banter with him with Zania waited for them to shut up.
"I don't blame you. Don't be mad be real with yourself. I'm out of your league and that's okay, accept that."
"Y'all be fucking I swear. Gay asses." Zania rolled her eyes and dragged him with her.
"Bye best friend!" He waved as she pulled him out of the door way.
Y'all: book on_____???
Me:
I be trollin in my own comments sometimes for no reason. I forgot who it was but I kept being a smart ass and saying Jade fc was Somalian when he's not and Somalian isn't the proper term for Somalis LMFAOOO FOR NO REASON. And when she she was like "Somalian?" I said yes when we bof knew. I be so bored y'all omg.