19 | progress
I rolled over, trying to get back into the deep slumber I enjoyed for the first time in months. Maybe, if I hadn't forgotten those damn herbs, I would still be sleeping! I tutted in my head and flipped the pillow before sitting upright. I glanced at my phone, '6:42am' and stood up to push the door open as I stepped outside and allowed the wind to run through my hair, waking me up. The sun was still rising, lifting the dark blue veil to reveal a dull, brassy, rose-topped horizon, arising with the promise of a full, unknown day. I used to love watching the sunrise, everything was bathed in this florid, golden-orange hue and nothing disrupted nature reminding us of how perfectly it held chaos and order in balance. Even now, it reminded me to breathe, because after the moodiness of silent, secretive night, came a soft, slow explosion of warm colours. I listened to the rambunctious water overlapping each other and foaming perpetually on the gritty sand. I ran my fingers through my hair as I braided it down, smiling at how easy it was to do so with my hair being straightened. Closing the door softly again, I sauntered to the toilet to brush my teeth.
The cool breeze blew past me as I strolled down the creaky, wooden steps to the beach, stuffing my hands into my hoodie pocket. Quickly, I plonked myself down by the coastline, gripping clumps of sand and scattering them down around me. I had ignored thirty of Noah's calls and texts and I knew I would have to eventually explain myself. Regardless of what Theo was doing, my gut was forcing me to accept the idea that I should not have put myself in the middle or plotted with Noah, who I was starting to realise, I did not know much about. I shook my head, as the waves crashed ceaselessly on top of one another, seemingly more stable than my mind.
"I didn't expect to find you here" Theo said, a hint of shock in his voice.
I turned back instantly, squinting as the sky glowed on his face, "good morning" I replied, staring back at the sea again.
"Good morning" he said, "did you sleep well?"
I nodded, as I drew circles into the sand.
"Magda told me that you are still struggling to sleep through the night, is my wolf still giving you nightmares?" he asked, as he sat down next to me.
"Not quite. Not quite as much anyways" I said, "nothing I can't handle, though I am beginning to think that I might just need a new bed and mattress actually" I smiled back at him.
"So what's troubling you?" he inquired, his arms around his hiked-up knees.
"How do you know something is wrong?" I replied, looking at his eyes, the grey in them, stormy and opaque.
"If your sleep was as good as you said it was, I doubt you'd be awake now" he stated, "besides, you keep biting the insides of your cheek and sighing very quietly every few seconds"
I looked down at my hoodie, worried that I was slowly becoming transparent, "I just have a bad feeling that I am not as in control of the choices I am making in my life as I like to think I am"
"How do you know you are not control?"
"Well because, when I do make a decision, it only makes matters worse" I quietly said, "and I feel like I am robbing others of their decisions by making mine... or at least narrowing their choices"
"I think as long as you are doing it from a place of love, those affected cannot be angry at you"
"That's the thing" I shook my head, "I am not so sure I have done it from a place of love"
"Then it comes down to how well you know the people involved, to some ignorance is bliss but the others, knowing eases the concerns"
It was quiet momentarily, as the salty air rose from the sea.
"What's up with you?" I asked, rocking to my side and nudging him, "your eyes seem unsettled" I replied.
"Mark was doing the usual perimeter check when he discovered a shallow grave of at least two skeletons" he said, "we are scrambling to identify the bodies but I am certain that it was the two pack members kidnapped a few years back that he stumbled upon"
"I am so sorry" I began, reaching out my hand to comfort him before instinctively pulling it back.
Theo fiddled with his black chain, "Mark has reassured me that the pack stays focused and loyal, but I feel like I am letting them down, you know?"
I stared at his face, as it turned in to a grimace. I battled with the idea, I did not want to begin this relationship with a lie, "Theo you should really know this moving forward..."
"I know it would be okay" he reassured me, "don't worry I know"
"No actually the thing is" I began and he turned to look at me, "we-well I have been-"
"Yes" he said, his brows furrowed as I tried to force the words out of my mouth.
"Oh-well-erm you know that day in your off-office" I stuttered, "I picked up-"
He whipped his head towards the direction of the beach, "they are stirring awake" he sighed.
"Are they?" I managed to reply.
"Sorry, what were you gonna say?" he looked back at me earnestly at me.
"Huh?" I replied, "oh-er-noth-nothing, I was just going to tell you that it will be okay" I finished, unable to look at his face as I choked out that lie.
"Thanks"
My face flattened into a tight smile as we got up, my mouth like glue.
"With the way you're looking, I guess you too are not ready for a long day of Mrs Nielsen, who's shouting on the phone as we speak" he summarised, as I kicked the sand, annoyed at the interruption.
"You can hear from that far away?" I asked, digging my heels into the sand and clenching my fists.
"I can tune my ears to any sound I want to for miles and miles" he answered, "I can run for days at speed and multiple other things - its one of the benefits of being an Alpha" he said, as we turned out backs and headed back up.
I slapped my flip-flops together, shaking the sand off them as the sky, now cornflower blue brightened.
This secret festering the longer I held onto it.
__________________
"No!" Mr Biermann exclaimed, "we simply cannot put you on the stand, you will be torn into shreds up there" he added, sipping a glass of ice water.
"Mr Biermann, I hired you cause I believed you could worm your way out of any situation" Mrs Nielsen interjected, tapping her cigarette ashes near my chair. I looked at her, my disdain for her self-absorbed attitude did not prevent me from doing my job but it made me concoct new swear words in my head. Mrs Nielsen seemed to embody a caricature of the society she dined with, she left cigarette butts everywhere, never bothered to clear up with us and was only looking forward to staring down a wine glass as she gulped it's contents, rather than pages of financial statements. It made our jobs quite difficult.
I plucked bits of frayed denim from my shorts and readjusted my olive-green boyfriend shirt, composing myself again. Theo was buried in his laptop, looking for emails and exchanges alike that proved her innocence, Daisy I had noticed appeared, to be inching closer to him every time I glanced up.
"Ivory, the 2011-12 financial statement" he asked, "is it incriminating?"
"Well yes and no, there are large sums of expenses that Theo is unable to verify ever authorising them for the company but it looks believable, as long as we don't draw attention to it"
"Yes and no?!" Daisy remarked, "it definitely seems to be incriminating" she said, pointing to something on Theo's laptop and laughing cutely as he whispered something, before looking up and grinning at me. I smiled back, mentally noting to keep an eye on her.
"Mr Biermann" I began, "if I may, I think we should exclude this statement from the evidence"
"That is the third one we have decided to exclude, if we are to exclude this one, we cannot exclude anymore"
Mrs Nielsen sighed and got up, shaking another cigarette from the pack, "let's take this inside, it is getting quite warm out here" she instructed, getting up and walking away from us.
Mr Biermann and Theo followed her inside with their laptops as Eric, Daisy and I picked up the documents.
"Ivory, I saw you with Theo earlier in this morning, do you know each other?" Daisy asked, her eyes lighting up and her mouth a little open as she waited for my reply.
"No, not at all, we just both happened to wake up early and ended up getting into a light conversation"
"Oh" she frowned, "I thought you'd know if he was single or not"
I picked up my stack of documents and looked at her, "you know what? He did mention something about that actually, he mentioned that he had to call his girlfriend when we went back in, and from what I noted, it seemed long-term" I retorted back and smiled at her disingenuously.
"That's a shame"
"It really is" I declared.
"Someone's calling you" Eric interjected, as my phone buzzed on the table and I picked it up.
"Probably a telemarketer" I replied, as we strolled in to join the others, silencing the call.