"hey mom." jisung walked in and sat down, placing a bouquet of flowers at the nightstand.
minho stood by the door.
"they said you responded to them today." jisung sat down in a chair next to her bed. "can you respond to me?"
he carefully took her pale hand into his own, gripping it lightly.
"you woke up and opened your eyes. you asked for juice, of course you did." jisung whispered and held on tighter to her hand.
minho watched from where he was standing. her eyes looked yellow and her lips were blue.
yet there was movement.
she opened her eyes more, yet it seemed like it hurt her.
her mouth was open, as if she were to close it she wouldn't be able to breathe anymore.
she turned her head to look at jisung, slowly.
her breaths sounded harsh.
"my baby," she murmured out, her slow hand going over to brush some hair away from jisung's eyes.
that was the first thing jisung had heard in months.
and it was so slow and dry- it didn't sound like her anymore.
jisung let out a breath- a smile on his face while his eyes watered. "i'm here." he whispered.
her hand slowly went back to the bed, as she smiled weakly what she could.
"i love you." she said.
it took a long time for her to say that- but it immediately started making jisung sob because he knew why she was saying it.
"i love you too. i'm so sorry mom.. i'm so so sorry.. i'm sorry." he sobbed into her hand, feeling the cold from it.
she shook her head as her eyes felt weighed down.
"i shouldn't have left you here.. i was working so hard for you- i was scared.. i-i.. i'm not a good son i'm sorry.." he wept, fingers shaking.
"you're good." she protested. "you were the best." she made out.
"...the best." she breathed again. "my best."
jisung smiled through tears. "i love you." he said again, looking into her dyed eyes that were weak and closing all the time.
she smiled though- so he knew that she knew he meant it.
minho wiped his eyes, looking up at the ceiling for a while.
she had always been a caring mother.
holding jisung when he cried- making him food.
caring for him.
listening to him.
loving him.
and jisung wished nothing more than to pay her back in return.
together jisung and his mom hummed a song from his childhood- that she would sing to him.
~~~
the feeling that came with something that was unfair devoured minho.
it was the only thing he felt.
it made him angry, it made him want to cry and scream.
it made him want to make the world stop.
jisung's mom had passed away that night at 3:25 am.
it made him feel things that he didn't know existed.
he was so goddamn angry.
he was angry and upset at the fact that the world was so cruel.
they were there when the monitors went flat.
minho saw jisung silently cry into his mom's hand- yet he didn't hear any sound.
the silent cry was the type that could kill someone from pain.
jisung was waiting inside the hospital and talking to those he had to talk with- talking about what was going to happen.
jisung told minho to go home- but he didn't want to.
minho was walking outside the hospital, feeling the unfair emotions kill him.
he wished he could do something.
anything.
he was crying, trying to hold it back as his breaths formed clouds.
he stayed out there for a long while- until he got a call.
it was jisung.
"hey, go home please." jisung's voice was shaky and torn. but it was still soft.
"ji.. i can't leave you." minho said into the phone. "i'll wait for how long you need. it's okay."
he heard jisung let out a breath and then heard the soft voice again. "i'll be here for a while. i have to contact other family min, i'll be alright. please go home for me." he heard jisung's crying.
"please go."
minho tried to stop his eyes from watering more, but he swallowed the lump in his throat. "..okay. if that's what you need then i'll go home. i'm sorry ji." he said.
"i'll talk to you later. thank you for everything."
the call ended.
minho walked home in the dark, thinking over everything.
there was nothing he felt worse than this. he felt like his own mother had gone, he was feeling the pain through jisung.
it was something that they would have to go through together, because minho couldn't abandon him.
the walk was long, but soon minho made it home and he walked in.
"there you are! you didn't answer your phone-" hyunjin halted just steps from the front door from seeing minho.
hyunjin stared at him, his face dropping as he saw how minho seemed.
and then he realized. hyunjin put his hand over his mouth. "did.."
minho just nodded his head, taking off his coat. "he's at the hospital." minho said, closing the door behind him.
"he watched her go."
hyunjin felt a wave of emotion wash over him at the news. "how is he..?" he didn't know what else to ask.
"i don't know how to help." minho sat down on the couch sighing and squeezing his dry eyes tightly shut.
he cried all the moisture out it felt like.
"well.. for something like this there's nothing you can even do." hyunjin sat next to him. "you just have to be there for him."
minho sighed and nodded.
"it's just unfair." he said.
"i've known jisung for almost my whole life and things had never been this bad for him. it breaks my heart seeing him like this, i don't know how to help him. but i want to."
hyunjin just looked at minho's profile and then at the carpet.
a slow reality sunk in.
"i know how that feels." hyunjin said, looking back at him. "you have to be positive and just be there. he's going to be alright, okay?" he smiled.
minho nodded and then softly smiled back. "you're right." he said.
sometimes the world is cruel to people who don't deserve it.
sometimes the world is harsh to one person for no good given reason.
there are so many people out there that suffer- and think they're alone.
when they're not.
when it's just unfair.
and unfortunately the way the people are chosen are at random.
but all minho knew- was that he would change his luck to take away that pain for others.
for jisung.
after a death a night just isn't the same anymore.
after a death feelings just aren't the same anymore.
after death the definition of lonely isn't the same anymore.
after death- happiness seems sacred.
after death- things were unfair.