"What about Legos Zayn?"
"I don't think so. No."
"Why not?"
Zayn pushed the cart further down the toy aisle. "Because Liam puts everything in his mouth and the last thing we need is him choking."
Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Okay. So what then?"
"That Pa." They looked at Liam to see him pointing down the aisle toward the girls' toys where there was a host of Barbie dolls, stickers and princess ponies. The two looked between each other and then at Liam.
"I don't think so." Harry spoke up. "Let's just stick to boy things for now."
"No Pa. I want."
Zayn folded his arms and gave Harry a bored look. "And you wonder why I wanted only one of us to come on this aisle by ourselves and choose something quickly."
"Pa that there." He was still pointing toward the girls' items.
Harry frowned. "He obviously likes the bright pink Zee. But I refuse to get him a doll."
Zayn chuckled. "Well, then. Find him something here. And do it quickly please because I'm ready to go home."
Harry agreed because he knew they had been out all day. It was a few minutes till eight o'clock and he knew Zayn would like for Liam to have eaten by now because lately he had been trying to get Liam to go to bed at eight thirty or no later than nine o'clock. But tonight, Liam hadn't even eaten and it was obvious that it would be after nine o'clock before they got him in bed.
Harry ended up settling on Mega Blocks– something Liam couldn't even put in his mouth, yet alone choke on– and he put it in the cart along with the rest of the items they were going to buy. They actually only spent a little more than fifteen total minutes in the store, being that for the first time in a long time the lines weren't so long. And they did get back to Harry's place around eight thirty. Zayn put a pizza in the oven for he and Harry but made Liam chicken nuggets. So even though they were eating something different it was quick and easy.
"Pa, this yummy." Liam told Zayn when they were at the dinner table. "I like this."
"I see, and the quicker you finish your food, I can put you in your PJs and read you a story. But if you don't finish in time, I can't read you a story."
"I read story. I read it." He waved a chicken nugget at them and Harry chuckled at how adorable it was that Liam thought he could read.
"What's so funny?" Zayn asked.
"Nothing. Just you two."
"What about us?"
Harry shrugged. "I just think... I think you make a great dad."
At that, Zayn's heart felt like it exploded in his chest. "Dad?"
"Yeah."
"Dad."
"Yeah... Unless you don't like that term. Do you prefer Pa better? Or daddy. I personally wouldn't mind calling you daddy, cause it sounds kind of dirty. You know like..." His voice faded when he saw Zayn giving him a warning glare, because he almost forgot Liam was sitting there.
"Or uh... Or not. Never mind. But Liam would love to call you daddy, I'm sure. Wouldn't you, Liam?"
"Daddy? That's you?"
Zayn's attention was then focused back on Liam who was looking at him with confusion.
"No sweetheart. I'm not daddy. Pa's just joking."
"Why not?" a husky voice interjected.
Zayn turned to Harry who was bringing his cup to his mouth for a quick sip. "What?"
"Why not? Isn't that what you wanted? To be called something else?"
Zayn gritted his teeth and chuckled. "Yeah, three months ago. It's too late now. Plus, I wasn't talking about another name for 'Pa'. I was talking about a nickname or something."
"Except it's very fitting when you look at all the things you've done for him. Daddy... Yeah, you even look like you're a daddy."
"It doesn't matter, Harry. I might look like one, but I'm still not one."
"I call you daddy?" Liam tried to get Zayn's attention, but he wasn't answering.
"No, what you actually are is what doesn't matter. There's families all over the world that consist of none biological children who call the ones who take care of them 'mommy' and 'daddy' or whatever. How's this any different?"
Zayn shook his head, trying to ignore the fact that Harry basically just called them a family for the first time. "I don't know. But I am not Liam's parent. And I'm not trying to insert myself as one either."
Harry tilted his head sideways. "Why are you fighting this, babe? Just let it be." He shrugged. "If I'm not bothered as his actual father, then why should you be bothered?"
"I'm not bothered. I'm simply just stating a fact."
"Pa?" Liam called this time and he was pouting because Pa was denying something his real Pa wasn't denying and he didn't know who to believe.
"I'm sorry, but I'm..." Zayn started to say, but Liam pushed his plate onto the floor, splattering ketchup and nugget pieces all over the place. And what was worse, he started to wail out of frustration and confusion.
"Liam..." Zayn whispered in complete shock but he couldn't bring himself to get angry when he saw his face.
Instead, he clenched his jaw and stood up. He lifted the crying boy out of his chair and into his arms, trying to console him as best he could. "Well, I think you'll have fun cleaning this up by yourself. And even if you don't, you'll still be cleaning it alone because after all, this is your fault. I hope you are very happy with yourself."
Harry knit his eyebrows, at Zayn's choice of words and couldn't believe Zayn was blaming him for this. And though it was hard to, he pretended not to see Zayn scowling at him before he turned away and disappeared down the hallway.
.
.
.
"What the hell is your problem, Harry?" Zayn asked as soon as he closed the door to the bedroom. He saw that Harry was already stripped down to his boxers and pulling the covers back on both sides of the bed. He wasn't even wearing an undershirt.
"I don't have a problem."
"Oh, I'm sorry then. It's totally normal to make your two year old son cry. There's no problem there..." Zayn angrily tugged his top shirt off.
"Well, I hate to break it to you but I'm not the one who should be sorry because I'm not the one who made Liam cry."
"What are you implying?"
"That it's your fault." He said bluntly.
"No. It was yours. You and your silly you-even-look-like-a-daddy statement started it."
Harry's eyes narrowed and he walked over to Zayn, who was now aggressively taking off his pants. "Wait a minute. Are you sure this is just about making Liam upset and confused, or is this more about what I said?"
"What?"
"The question was clear, Zayn. Answer it."
"Liam has been used to calling me one thing for a while now and I myself just got used to hearing it. You can't just go and change that all of a sudden and then make us feel like that. It's not fair."
"Fair? I thought I was fair. I'm trying to give you what you asked for. How is that not fair?"
"Because you sprang it on us. One moment we're sitting at the dinner table enjoying our food and the next moment you're calling me a father. A father... Gosh I– It's too much."
He groaned and Harry put his hands on his shoulders to keep him from feeling even more overwhelmed.
"Okay. I see what the problem is. But why don't you just tell me the truth instead of hiding behind Liam? I know it's not about him. It's about you being terrified of the word. Isn't it?"
Zayn looked off away from him. "Because it means so much, you know."
"I know."
"And it's a big responsibility."
"I know that too. But right now, it's just a title for Liam to call you by. It's not completely official. But I admit that I still think you're well equipped for it. Liam seems to think so too. Or else he wouldn't have wanted to call you something so dear to him in the first place."
Zayn huffed. Harry was right about that. While he was sitting here panicking, Liam felt that he was good enough for the job. Maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought. "Well..."
"Nope. Don't say anything. This is something we should talk about when our heads are clear and not after a taxing night like this. Especially after we've just argued."
His stomach sank. "About that. I'm sorry. I guess it was my fault Liam reacted the way he did."
He lowered his head and Harry pulled him closer to him. "It's okay. I'm not even upset about it. And before long, Liam won't even remember it anyway. But as long as we're being honest about feelings, I did have something I wanted to say to you."
"What?"
"I've been thinking... We've been going at this for five and a half months now and I've known you for nearly a year. Well, it might as well be, cause it'll be one in about a month and a half... But I want you to know I feel like you're one of us. And by us, I mean apart of our little family. Just the things you do for us, you know. I like every bit of it and better put, I'm just really fond of having you here in our lives because you fit perfectly. And after tonight, I know Liam feels the same way too."
A cute smile formed on his face and he leaned forward and hugged Harry tightly. "Thanks, Harry. You always know what to say."
Ironically, right after that, Harry stayed quiet, choosing not to say anything at all. When the hug ended, Zayn's demeanor was more positive than it was before. He then kicked his clothes to the side of the room and crawled into bed. Harry gladly turned off the light in the room and joined him under the covers. Then he tucked himself against Zayn real nicely.
"Goodnight. See you in the morning."
Zayn closed his eyes and soaked in the feeling of Harry's skin against his. "Goodnight."
→→→→→
They'd talked about it. They'd talked about the six letter F word. The one Harry had mentioned 3 weeks ago. "Family." Not their own of course, but the three of them and how it pertained to them. Zayn didn't think he'd understand Harry's reasons for it, but he did.
Harry's reason for wanting Zayn to embrace fatherhood wasn't that he was lonely or didn't like parenting by himself. No. It was more about him treasuring Zayn being in his life and wanting to include him in their little close knit family bond. As for Zayn, he was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he'd now been seeing Harry for six months. Six months since he first kissed Harry and felt him in the most imaginable ways possible? Wow, how the time did fly.
Truthfully, after seeing Harry and his son almost everyday now, family did seem more fitting with every passing day. And to add to that, even though Zayn was really not all that fond of being called "daddy" by a two year old who in fact was not his son, the sound of it rolling from Liam's tongue twenty thousand times a day didn't sound so bad after all. He embraced it as if it was meant to be that way. Because maybe it was.
"Daddy."
"What?"
"Kisses daddy." Liam put his little index finger to Zayn's mouth as he bounced in his lap.
Zayn smiled and kissed his cheek. "There."
"Pa."
"Hmm?"
"Kiss me too." Harry, who had an arm draped over Zayn's shoulder, leaned down and kissed his cheek. Liam laughed, then lay back across their laps with a dramatic sigh and a yawn.
"I think someone is sleepy. It's nap time, Li Bug." Harry stated, patting the little boy's belly.
"No Pa. I'm not nap."
"Well, unfortunately you don't get to make that choice. So you have to go nap."
Liam frowned when Harry tried to grab his hand and he made no attempt to comply when he forced Harry to pull at dead weight.
"Alright then. You have a choice. Punishment or a nap. Because if I have to punish you, that means no toys for the rest of the day."
Liam carefully considered his options. "I want Piggy, Pa."
"You want to nap with him? Because that's the only way you'll get him."
He nodded.
"Okay, we'll get Piggy so you both can nap together. How does that sound?"
"Kay, Pa."
He stood up and grabbed Liam from Zayn's lap, then put him on his hip.
"Bye daddy." Liam sadly waved at Zayn.
"Don't worry. I'll see you when you get up. Sleep well, okay?"
Liam nodded as Harry carried him out of the living room and away from him.
Over time, Zayn came to understand that Liam was getting used to always having him around. And the times when he wasn't, he always wanted him to be. All he could do was laugh though, because when he first met this boy, he wasn't even sure what he was supposed to feed him. But now here he was and this adorable toddler thought that Zayn did everything perfectly. Zayn was appreciative to be apart of this boy's life.
Fifteen minutes later, Harry finally came back to find Zayn lying out on the couch with his eyes closed, his legs stretched out and taking up the space he had been sitting in at first. So he shrugged his shoulders and lay down on top of Zayn, completely surprising him.
"Harry." He gasped out.
"What's wrong?" He shimmied himself in between Zayn's legs.
"You scared me."
"Oh." Harry grinned and rested his chin on Zayn's chest so he could look at him properly.
"Why are you smiling dopey at me?"
"Cause I'm trying to figure out what you're thinking."
"Why?"
"You look like you're thinking about something. What is it?"
"Oh." Zayn ran his fingers through Harry's hair, grabbing a fistful and keeping it there. "I was just wondering."
"About what?"
"Um, I know Liam's birthday is in August and it's coming up in about three weeks. But I was thinking about you... When's yours?"
"It passed in February already."
Zayn gasped. "And you didn't tell me?"
"Well when's yours?"
"It was in January."
"You didn't tell me yours either, so what's the difference?"
"Fine. There is none. I was only wondering anyway. Because you hadn't said anything and I wanted to make sure I didn't just overlook you."
"No, you didn't. You're fine."
"Okay." Zayn ran his fingers through Harry's hair again with a sigh. "Did Liam get to sleep okay?"
"Yep. Fell asleep after he stopped waiting on me to leave."
Zayn chuckled. "I think he's just afraid that when he goes to sleep, he's going to miss something. He clearly didn't want to nap. He wanted to stay out here with us."
"Yeah. I know. He's afraid he's going to miss you."
Zayn was quiet. "You think so?"
"Yeah. Because even though you come to visit us or we come to visit you, you don't stay everyday and we don't stay here every day. He really loves having you around so he doesn't want to go to sleep and then you leave, you know..."
"Well... Well then, we should let him get some extra time with me. You don't have to go home."
Harry smiled. "You're saying you want me and Liam to stay here tonight."
"Yes. But only if you want to."
"Sure. Of course I do."
The way he sounded so sure without a hint of hesitation, it gave Zayn a feeling of contentment. The simple fact was that having Harry here along with Liam made all things so much better. It made waking up to a new day totally worthwhile because it was easier to forget all the people he lost in the last four years or so. It was the best feeling in the world.
Harry just smiled, watching Zayn close his eyes and lie his head back on the arm of the couch again. While Zayn spent that time thinking about what a privilege it was to have Harry and Liam, Harry was thinking about how lovely it was to have Zayn. He would never understand how he could look at one person the way he did Zayn and see such illustrious beauty. His beauty seemed to just radiate through his pores.
Beauty to Harry, had no limits. It was indefinable. There was no one set of rules and no strict agenda which everyone had to go by in order to be beautiful. It had its many forms. Zayn's beauty came in many forms.
For example, it was quite unmissable that Zayn was physically attractive. But Harry also saw things most people probably never would see. Such as the personality he had. How even though it was probably misleading with the number of tattoos he inked his body with, he genuinely cared for people and his heart was always open. Then there were the things Harry would never tell anyone. Like how beautiful Zayn always looked when he was on his knees with his mouth wrapped around him and staring up at him. And vice versa too. There were just so many things, it was almost overwhelming.
As Harry rested his head against Zayn's chest, his mind drifted to Tara. He didn't get the things he had with Zayn with her. And neither did Liam because from the very start, she was never as motherly as she should have been. He never wanted Liam to know what she was like. He never wanted Liam to know that she didn't want him or that she thought he was just a mistake. Like every child, he deserved to be loved by someone. And if that meant Daddy and Pa, instead of Pa and Mommy. Then so be it. That was the way it was going be.
→→→→→
The next morning was as hectic as ever. Liam had woken up to a wet diaper because he wet the bed in his sleep. So Zayn and Harry were awaken by Liam's cries of uncomfortableness from being wet. The only thing was, Liam wasn't patient enough to wait for Harry to get there and he took his diaper off, causing the soiled part of it to rub all over the comforters and sheets. So annoyingly so to them, they got to start off their Sunday morning washing covers, sheets and a stubborn little boy.
Zayn decided he'd clean Liam this time since many times Harry did end up being the one to do it when Liam decided peeing in his diaper was okay. With regards to Harry, he was the one to wash the covers and by the time Liam's bath was over, he was getting a terrible headache. So while Zayn was in the bathroom drying Liam off and putting him in clean clothes, he was making his way over to Zayn's nightstand, the place where he knew there was sufficient medication to rid a headache.
He opened the smallest drawer at the top and immediately sighed with relief because he spotted the small bottle of pills right at the front. "Finally."
He closed the drawer up, with only one mission on his mind. Get to the kitchen so he could get some water. But as he turned away, something in the drawer caught his eye. It was too colorful, bright and red to pass up.
He reopened the drawer again, wondering what it could have been. It didn't take long to figure out that it was an envelope. A bright red envelope?... How odd. Not many people sent letters in colorful envelopes. Unless this particular time it wasn't a letter but a card for a special occasion. A birthday card maybe?
No.
Because he had just discussed this with Zayn yesterday. Zayn's birthday was in January and there was a dated label on the envelope that meant the letter was delivered two and a half months ago. So that would have been close to the end of May. What was even more suspicious, Zayn's name was written as the one to receive it. However, the address for him was different from the one they were at now. So how did Zayn still get the letter?
His eyes scanned the envelope as he tried to figure out what seemed like one confusing puzzle. He couldn't remember the last time something this peculiar happened. He was not one to go looking through other people's personal things. Never had been and he didn't really want to start now. But all he needed to see was the name of someone he'd never seen or heard of before for that to completely change.
"Patricia? Who is that?" He mumbled and he picked the envelope up and put the bottle of pills down on the dresser. When he turned it over, he noticed that it had already been opened, which meant Zayn must have known exactly what the contents were. "Forgive me for this..."
He pulled the sheet of notebook paper from the envelope and opened it. His eyes scanned the lines as he read to himself.
'Dear Zayn. It took me forever to get your address. I hope it isn't because you didn't want me to find you even though I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I know things didn't end well between all of us years ago, but I want to see you. I love and I miss you.'
"What?"
He read that part over.
'I love and miss you.'
"Now are you going to be nice and tell Pa you're sorry?"
"I do it, daddy."
Harry didn't have time to read the rest as he could hear them talking and nearing the room. So he quickly folded the letter back up and put it in the envelope. He tossed the envelope back in the drawer and closed it just as they entered doorway, then snatched the pill bottle from the top of the nightstand.
"Hi, Pa. I'm sorry I pee. I'm sorry." Harry tried to smile as Liam came and hugged his leg, but he couldn't.
"No, I meant apologize for kicking at him this morning when he tried to get you out of bed."
"I kick you. I'm sorry." He then looked at Zayn who nodded with approval.
"It's okay, Li."
"It's okay, Pa?"
"Yes, it's okay. Thank you for the apology. That's very thoughtful."
Liam detached himself from Harry, then stood up and looked at Zayn. "I did it daddy. I want food now. I want berries."
"Alright, alright. Strawberries it is. And I'll make you sausage and eggs to go with it. How about that?"
"I want that."
"Perfect. I'll make it in a minute. You can go play for now. But pulling your clothes from the drawers is off limits. Understand?"
Liam nodded and trotted past Zayn who brushed his hair as he went past.
"What's wrong, Haz?" Zayn asked when he noticed him still standing in the same spot he found him. He walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist.
"Nothing I... I have a headache and I just uh... I need to take a couple of these." He showed him the bottle.
"Would you like me to make the two of us pancakes for breakfast this morning?"
"Uhm..."
"What?"
"Well... Y-you know how Liam sometimes refuses to eat when he's eating something different than we are."
Zayn smiled up at him. "Eh, he's two. We are the adults here and he'll be okay. I think I'll make pancakes anyway. As for you, you should go ahead and take the medicine because you don't look so good."
"Yeah." But as Zayn pulled away, Harry reached out and grabbed his hand, studying it carefully and he rubbed the pad of his thumb across the back of it.
"What?"
"Nothing. I'm just... I'm glad you're mine."
Zayn grinned widely. "Me too."
Harry returned his smile and tried his best to keep it from looking insincere as Zayn exited their bedroom. But the moment he couldn't see Zayn anymore, he shook his head and buried his face in his hands.
→→→→→
"Harry? I'm very surprised to see you today. But you know I get off in thirty minutes, don't you?"
"Yeah. I know and I know you said to call but I really needed to see you and I needed to see you in person. I don't care if you charge me for this."
"I'm not going to charge you for this. Would you like to sit down on the couch?"
"No."
Niall raised his brow because Harry's response came out rather quickly. "What is it Harry? You seem a bit anxious. You haven't accidentally strayed from your goal, have you?"
"No, no. That's all fine. It's not even about that, actually."
"O...kay. What is this about then?"
Harry walked over to the bookshelf that held pictures of Katy and Ana. "It's about Zayn."
"Uh huh... What about him? Is he alright? Where's Liam?"
"I haven't seen him today, so I would assume he's fine. But I left Liam with my neighbor. I just wanted to be alone when I told you this."
"Told me what?"
Harry huffed and shook his head. "I cannot believe I'm saying this. And I'm not really sure how truthful it is but I have a bad feeling right now and I don't like it."
"Bad feeling?"
"Yeah."
"About what?" Niall sat up straighter and put a thumb under his chin as if it would help him pay closer attention to his answer.
Harry looked him straight in the eyes as he said his next words. "I think Zayn is cheating on me."