While it was pouring rain outside, they snuggled in bed catching up on the time they have wasted. Rafaela had fallen asleep and James was turned on his left side watching her, playing with her hair, intertwining strands of it around his fingers. Ozzie was sleeping at their feet, even snoring which made James smile now and then, then one of Rafaela's arm fell on his waist and his eyes caught the scar on her wrist. He grabbed her hand softly in his and took it to his lips, kissing her palm, then he stared at the scar for a few seconds, still so vivid, it was hard not to notice it. He placed a soft kiss in there, closing his eyes and resting her palm against his cheek, then he kissed her scar again. As his eyes opened, she was looking at him, her eyes watered as she noticed his gentle caress the scar she was now so ashamed off and that it would never disappear.
"I'm sorry..." She whispered as she realized as that was also painful for him. He kissed her there again. Then he grabbed her other wrist and kissed the scar in there too.
"You don't have to be sorry, just be alright." He said with his voice choking and tears probing in his eyes. Her hand flew to his cheek and her thumb caressed his skin. "I am sorry I didn't notice how badly you were doing, Rafi... I should have..."
" No... none of this is your fault. I stopped taking the anxiety pills out of the blue and I couldn't do that. It had the reverse effect. No one knew about this, babe. I am alright. I swear I am alright. You know... when I left the hospital it was very weird to be outside, but the first thing I wanted to do when I stepped the street was to call you."
"Why didn't you?" He asked her, listening to her attentively.
"Because I was afraid of your reaction. I was afraid that you wouldn't forgive me after all I have said and done. I was afraid that you'd rejected me, and I didn't know how I would react if that happened. I missed you so much. You were the first person I wanted to see."
"I was waiting for you. I mean... I was really pissed off because I really thought that you had forbidden me to go there and I also thought that you didn't want to talk to me, but part of me was expecting you to look for me when you got out, then you didn't..." He sighed.
"And you thought I didn't care."
"I thought you had forgotten me." He said. Rafaela dragged her body close to his and kissed his lips softly.
"I never forgot you. There was a time, when I was still dealing with so much shit inside my head that I thought I did, but when I began to check back to reality I realized that I still loved you, and that scared me so much."
James smiled. "It doesn't matter now. We're here, you're here with me."
"I was struggling so much with my feelings." She giggled. "I wanted to tell you that I was still in love with you and didn't know how."
James rolled over her and kissed her lips softly. His hands caressed her hair and his gaze locked on hers, then he pecked her lips again, then again, and finally their lips united in a longer and languid kiss. Soon their bodies united in one, their gasps filled the air and moans broke the silence of the room. Their bodies united in love, slow and easy. Hands caressed their bodies, lips kissed countless times, until it all culminated in pure ecstasy, when their bodies surrendered to pleasure and groans replaced the soft moans that escaped their throats. After it all, after the rush of their orgasms, James rested on top of her gasping for air and her arms held him tight, and her lips kissed the top of his head, while his spread kisses on the sensitive skin of her neck. Yet, exhausted, it took them only a few minutes to restart it all, and they loved each other again, feeling their bodies giving in to exhaustion but their hungry love was speaking louder, and that one wasn't exhausted, it was just peaking.
"I have to go home." She said when they were resting.
"You don't have to go anywhere." James held her by her waist to prevent her from leaving his bed. "Stay here. It's raining, we're naked in bed... what more can we wish for?"
"But the puppy needs to eat James, and you don't have dog food." She explained.
James threw himself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "I knew I was going to regret I'd bought the dog." He said laughing.
"You can come there." She suggested. "We can stay in my house, but I really do need to go there."
"Can we get naked too?" He laughed and she followed him.
"I don't think so." She said trying to be serious.
"Baby!" James whimpered pouting.
"I am beginning to be sore." She laughed throwing her pillow on his face gently.
James smiled and sat on the bed, kissing her lips. "Ok. Let me just take a shower because I am sticking, then we'll go. "Want to shower too?"
"In fact, yes, with all the perspiration I bet my skin is all sticky too." He gave her his hand and they went there together. Shower was funny, they played with each other, they kissed, they held, and there was this time when he wanted to love her again, but he gave her some rest.
They left James's house each one in their cars. He was following her under heavy rain on the freeway when his cell rang. He took the call though he was driving, it was the lawyer.
"Hello." James answered the call rather expectantly.
"James?" The lawyer said on the other end. "I have some news."
His heart skipped a beat hearing his words, he hoped it was good news. "And?" He said waiting.
"I was able to open the case." The lawyer announced.
"Does this mean they're going to investigate my son's death?" He asked just wanting to hear the word yes.
"Yes." The lawyer confirmed and James felt his eyes flooding with tears. He frayed the car a bit so he could process the news inside his head.
"What do I have to do now?"
"Nothing. On Monday they're going to send a team to seal the surroundings of your ex house around the pool and they're going there to see if they can find some clues. Maybe you have to speak with your in-laws to explain what is going to happen."
"What time are they going there? Do you know?" James asked as he knew he had to find a way to talk to Cynthia and Rafaela couldn't know about it.
"In the morning, but they didn't tell me the time."
"Humm..." James mumbled knowing he'd have to find a way to talk to Cynthia without Rafaela knowing, he'd find a way. "Ok. Thanks for everything."
"Just remember that this can get nowhere, ok?"
"I know..." He breathed, but still it would be enough for him just to know that in fact it was an accident, all he needed was to be sure and end with the doubts in his head.
Already in Rafaela's, she brought Ozzie inside and went straight to the kitchen. It was around dinner time and she had to cook something for them to eat. First she fed the dog, that devoured his food right away.
"How many times has he peed in the house already?" James laughed.
Rafaela looked back at him. "None!"
"Really?" He asked surprised.
"He yelps whenever he wants to go. Isn't it amazing that you gave me a trained dog?"
"It sure is." He said looking at the dog as he drank some water. "Motherfucker is so cute."
"And sweet. Noticed how he snores?" She laughed bringing some stuff of the fridge to the counter.
"He was snoring when he was sleeping in my bed." He laughed. "Make just a salad babe, I'm not that hungry."
"Just a salad?" She asked surprised.
"Yeah..." He came to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, biting her neck softly.
"Ok..." She giggled then as his teeth dug in her skin. "Stop that!" She tapped his back and he began to laugh but teasing her more. "James!" She said choking on her laughter and then he let go, to kiss her lips. "Tomato, lettuce, oregano, tuna fish, and mozzarella?"
"Sounds tasty." He said.
"Then let go of me and let me work." She said tapping his hands.
While she prepared their food, James went to the living room and he turned the TV on. Ozzie ran after him and soon Rafaela began to hear the dog barking and James laughing loud, then something being thrown and Ozzie's paws running and coming back. He was playing with the dog and she smiled all alone in the kitchen. Her heart was beating normally for the first time in months, she felt calm as ever, as she couldn't even remember since Liam has died. Still, she had that doubt in her heart, the doubt if her son's death was really accidental. She couldn't let go of the fact that she had, for sure, closed the gate that morning and it ended up opened.
As they ate, sat on the floor of the living room, with trays on their legs, that thought hammered in her head. James knew that silence all too well, that absent stare of hers and held her hand.
"What are you thinking?" He asked sweetly.
"Liam..." She said.
"Let it go now..." He ran a hand over her hair. "Focus on you babe."
"I am focusing on myself. I want to be well; I want to be sane to find out the real truth." She told him.
"What do you mean?" He curled an eyebrow. "Hey!" He said then shaking Ozzie away, that was biting his foot.
"I mean... I have some doubts in my mind. I am quite sure the gate was closed, you even said you remember seeing it closed. Something happened James..." She whispered in the end looking straight in his eyes. "Something had to happen, and I want to know what that was."
James bent over her and pressed his lips against his forehead. "Ok, I get all that, but get totally well first."
"Promise me we're going to do something to find out what the truth is." She pleaded him.
"We will." He assured her. "Don't worry."
"I am not crazy now." She affirmed.
"No one is going to think that. Calm down, come on." He asked as he felt she was getting a bit nervous.
"I just feel now that something is wrong. I can think of Liam now. I am not going to say that I don't cry because of him, I do. He's my baby and I lost him. I think I'll always cry, but I can deal with it now, and I am sure I can."
"I know you can sweetie. No one thinks you're crazy and I don't either." He kissed her forehead again. "Just let it go for now."
"How are you feeling?" She changed the subject. "I haven't asked you today."
James took a deep breath. "Physically, I am great. My head..." He shook his head. "My head kills me. Tony was right, it is giving me a hard time." Then he smiled at her. "But being with you helps me a lot, it distracts me, it helps me not to think of it."
"Well, he said you could talk to him if you felt like you couldn't handle it."
"I can handle it. Guess it will disappear with time right?" Rafaela nodded at him, then she kissed him.
"You know today we were completely irresponsible, don't you?"
James giggled. "I know but look... .I don't care, and I don't mind. Do you?"
"No.." She whispered smiling. "I just wanted you to know that I wasn't on the pill, that's why I stopped you."
"Well, I don't care Rafi. A baby with you? It would be the best thing ever, and you know that is true, we've been there and done that. It's amazing."
"Weren't we supposed to date first?" She laughed.
"That's impossible after all we've been through. What we need to do is to pick up our life where we left it."
She nodded. "Still... I mean... I don't know if I can get pregnant, because of the therapy and we had sex. That's all..."
"Guess you're gonna have to tell Tony that."
"Gosh... that's embarrassing." She frowned.
"Indeed, but I guess you have to talk to him about that."
"What if I got pregnant?" She then asked doubtful.
"We need to buy some condoms. Now let that go." He laughed kissing the tip of her nose.