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"You have shown us
how surviving can be beautiful."
- Quintin
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Chapter 13 - Bold Confessions
▪️J A D E▪️
I was pacing about my room as I talked with Quintin. He had come to comfort me after I had stormed out of Dominic's office.
"You know, I don't need a babysitter every time I get upset! Even the therapist said so!" I stated angrily as I stripped in front of my best friend.
Tilting his head to the side, Quintin watched in slight amusement as I shimmied out of the tight red dress. Usually, he would make some witty remark about my lack of underwear, but he knew that now was not the time.
"Look, I know that, but the boss worries! I mean, we found you in the bathroom covered in blood for crying out loud," he said seriously.
"That was over two years ago!" I huffed as I threw on one of my knee-length pyjama tops, "You guys always exaggerate about that! How many times will we go over this? It was a fucking accident! In the end, the wound itself ended up being superficial!"
I lifted the hem of my top and showed him my right upper thigh. The mark, like the rest, was not even noticeably visible.
Quintin pulled me down onto the bed next to him, holding me close as I continued to speak.
"I know that it was wrong, and I've apologised so much for it. I just wish you guys could stop acting so paranoid," I said, knowing that they needed more time to see the change in me.
Nodding, he kissed the top of my head, "I know J, but I also know that you're a sadist and you get pleasure off of inflicting pain on people. You know very well the type of agony your actions have inflicted upon us."
The guilt that I felt at his words rendered me momentarily speechless.
He was right. In my early teens, I had been emotionally cruel to others, and was an absolute handful. My behaviour ranged from refusing to eat, being verbally abusive to some of the staff members, to throwing unnecessary temper tantrums which included unpredictable and impulsive outbursts of fury.
I would purposefully be extra difficult, as I got off on the frustration that I caused Dominic and other people who resided within the Calvetti residence.
But I was not that Jade anymore.
I might still get off on the discomfort and pain of others, but I reserved that for people who truly deserved it, not the people I loved.
Pulling away from him to look up at his face, I said, "I haven't done anything in over two years. I've kept my promise to you, Dom, and the others. Even if I sometimes still get the urge to do things, I fight against it, you know this! I've confided in you and even came to you on many occasions during the last year just so that you could prevent me from giving in to my impulses."
I had trusted Quintin not to tell Dominic about my urges. After all, with what the both of us had been through as children, there was no way that we could have escaped such an experience untraumatized.
We had both gone to intensive therapy to help us deal with what we had been through. Quintin was left with mostly mental scars, while my damages were not just psychological but physical as well.
It was believed that I had developed uterine fibroids due to the mental and physical trauma that I had received at Enzo's hands. I had experienced my first period when I was only nine years old, and by the time I was eleven, I was having severe cramps and excessive haemorrhaging that required medical attention.
Upon further investigation, I ended up having to undergo endometrial ablation, which was a procedure that involved the removal of my uterus lining. It was supposed to help reduce the heavy monthly bleeding that I experienced.
Unfortunately, without a thick endometrial coating on my uterus, an embryo would not be able to implant itself and grow successfully.
For this reason, the doctors recommended sterilization as an additional procedure.
As a result, I had a vaginal bilateral salpingectomy, which encompassed the removal of both of my fallopian tubes. I still experienced regular menstruation; however, now it was pain-free and my blood flow was usually very light.
Needless to say, the thought of never being able to bare children had left me distraught.
It was around this time that I had started cutting myself. I was feeling so helpless that I needed to regain some semblance of control in my life.
As the years passed, I came to accept that I could never carry children naturally and focused more on the positive side of things. Since I still produced eggs, the option of having children of my own was not completely off the table. It just meant that I would need to get a surrogate.
Over time, both Quintin and I had found ways to deal with our inner demons.
Though it was not the best option, Quintins's was through the numbing effects of ingesting copious amounts of alcohol. While mine was through self-inflicted pain, which sometimes involved the form of intense physical training, other times more direct methods.
Although, for the last two years, I simply focused on pouring all of my energy into keeping fit, sometimes forcing Jee-min to push my body to its absolute limits.
Throughout the years, I had gone from seeing a therapist several times a week to now just once or twice a month. Whereas Quintin only went once or twice a year. Dominic insisted that we kept seeing our therapist regularly, so as to make sure that we both remained stable.
The sound of Quintin's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Look, J, I love you, but just remember, even though you're healing and working on bettering yourself, doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone," he stated while hugging me once more.
My heart warmed at his words.
"I'm so grateful that you trust me enough to confide in me, I just hope that Dominic doesn't find out. He'd kill me if he knew what I knew," he sighed.
"He won't find out because there's nothing to tell, Quin! It's not like I want my best friend to get murdered!" I chuckled before adding, "I mean, sure, after kissing Dom and us having that big fight, I can't help the strong impulses that I have been getting, but I can assure you that I'm not hurting myself. I promised you guys when I was sixteen that I would stop letting the pain in my heart turn into something ugly."
Smiling at me Quintin said, "And we are all so proud of the progress that you've made. You have shown us how surviving can be beautiful. I'm sorry that we worry so much, I will talk to Jee-min and the others, let them know that we should show you more how much we do trust you."
"Thank you," I replied, happy to know that they had faith in my healing, but their initial reactions were just out of their concern for me.
"Although, I'm pretty sure that a good sound spanking from Dominic would give your mind something else to think about..." Quintin joked then asked, "Speaking of kisses, how did your date go?"
"Better than expected, actually. Cristiano is really nice! It was so different, spending time off campus with him. He's really mature and I think that I might actually like him, even though he's seventeen," I confessed, my cheeks blushing slightly at the realisation that I was willing to date someone younger.
Quintin's hazel eyes widened slightly as he sputtered, "Seriously?"
"What? He's only two years younger, don't look at me like that! As for wanting to date Cristiano, at first I figured I could go out with him as a means of making Dom jealous and then maybe he'd realise that he wanted to take a risk on whatever insane chemistry is going on between us!" I said before pausing for a moment, "But after having dinner tonight, I think that I will do as Dom says and genuinely try to be with someone in my own age range. I mean, he's probably never going to give in to his emotions anyway, so it's best I don't bother with chasing him. And I do like Cristiano as a person, so I figured I should at least give things a try."
"Wow, I never thought I'd ever hear those words come out your mouth!" Quintin laughed softly.
"Yea, well, I really should just focus on what is being presented in front of me, not so? I mean, even if Dom did kiss me like a man possessed, I fear that he won't let himself slip up like that ever again. Let's face it, he's never been one to express his emotions, not to mention he has a mafia empire to run. And as Jee-min said, perhaps I should just focus on other things instead," I commented as a small smile formed on my lips.
"I hate to say it, but it does make sense," he noted in agreement.
"I mean, if things with Cristiano work out, I'd have a shot at being with someone who isn't afraid to show their emotions. Plus, I want Dom to seriously give me a chance at letting me join the organisation! I need him to take me seriously as a person, and pining after him like some love sick puppy would only hinder that. I already spoke to Vincent about it, and he agreed that I could be an asset, I just need to work on my efficiency with the bigger calibre guns," I said while playing with Quintin's tie.
Chuckling softly, he joked, "Shiiit! While using a bigger weapon is most certainly different from what you've been used to, I must admit that you've always had a good eye and great aim! You'd seriously be scary with larger gun, more so than you already are, ow!" Quintin rubbed his chest where I just hit him.
"I'm serious, Quin! I want to join you guys one day! I'm a part of this family too!" I frowned slightly.
"What I can tell you is just do your best and continue to train hard. Dominic didn't give me anything serious to do until I turned twenty-one a few months ago. And even though I might get preferential treatment at times, Lord alone knows when I'll ever get to be fully initiated; a few more years at least," he reflected, as he ran his fingers through my purple hair.
Sighing, I leaned into his touch.
"I'll do my best to help you, so will Jee-min, and I know Vincent will support you as well, I mean, he is Dominic's right hand man, so his input won't be ignored. You have a lot of time ahead of you, I suggest when you're ready to have that discussion with Dominic again, you don't give him a reason to say no. That also means curbing those temper tantrums," Quintin eyed me knowingly.
"Aye aye captain!" I giggled as I snuggled into him.
The chiming of my mobile phone sounded, breaking the silence of the room. Reaching over to the nightstand, I realised that it was a text from Cristiano.
Seeing my phone screen Quintin said, "I'll leave you and lover boy to talk, don't get into too much trouble now. Remember, if you're going to send nudes, don't show your face," he teased.
"You pig! I don't do those things!" I scoffed as I hit him on the shoulder.
With a smirk, he kissed my forehead and wished me goodnight before exiting the room.
Smiling to myself, I opened the message on my phone, the words on the screen causing my cheeks to burn as I read them.
Cristiano:
"Hey gorgeous, is it weird to say that I miss you already?"
Jade:
"A bit..."
Cristiano:
"I really had a great time tonight; I can't wait to see you on campus Monday."
Jade:
"I still can't believe you want to see me after what happened tonight."
Cristiano:
"Hasn't anyone ever told you that you're worth it?"
I bit my bottom lip, thinking back to all the times Dominic had told me that I was special. A slight frown formed on my brow as I shook those thoughts away. Clearly, he did not mean what he said in a romantic way, but more in a general sense.
At least, that is how I felt. With quick fingers, I replied.
Jade:
"I have been told that I'm worthy many times.
But truth be told, I'd rather see more action than words.
I mean you are aware of what Dominic truly is right?"
Cristiano:
"Don't worry gorgeous, I'll prove it to you...
And yes, I know that he rules and owns this city.
Does that mean he owns you?"
Jade:
"In a way, but he has clearly given us his blessing.
You'd be dead if he hadn't..."
Cristiano:
"Good to know, I guess lol
I'm willing to take the risk,
I wasn't kidding when I said that I like you a lot!"
Jade:
"I think that I might be starting to like you too..."
Cristiano:
"You have no idea how happy I got reading those words."
Jade:
"But I'm new to this whole dating thing,
so I hope you don't mind that I want to take things slow."
Cristiano:
"What kind of guy do you take me for? *gasp*"
Jade:
"Erm, one with a penis? Lol..."
Cristiano:
"Fair enough lol. I know that I tried to kiss you tonight, but I promise you that I have no intention of rushing anything. I apologise again if I stepped out of line. I have no problem going at your pace."
Jade:
"That's good to know!"
Cristiano:
"I really am interested in getting to know you better and to see where things can go with us."
With a soft squeal, I could not help but feel a rush of excitement as I talked with Cristiano. In some ways, he reminded me of Dominic, and though I did not mean to compare the two of them, I could not help it.
Of course, Cristiano was nothing like Dominic.
However, in terms of being someone I could see myself with, I felt that as a first boyfriend Cristiano was perfect. Not to mention that, given the attraction we clearly had for each other, I figured that the idea at least deserved to be explored, even if we did not work out in the long run.
At least I would have tried.
It was a new sensation for me, having such emotions, but I was interested in seeing how things would play out. I would just take things one day at a time. After all, my main focus was to join the Calvetti organisation, but I could not ignore the fact that having my first boyfriend seemed equally as thrilling.
Cristiano and I would lose track of time, spending the next few hours messaging back and forth, late into the night.
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A/N: Thoughts on Cristiano?