The next week Luke and I didn’t see each other but he still made the effort to text me everyday. It would either be a continuous conversation during the day texting each other when we weren’t busy or he would drop me a long good night text filled with <3’s and x’s. I would always want to talk to him during the day but the text intervals went from a few minutes and became hours. I was afraid that he would find me annoying so I waited for him to text me first. He really was a sweetie when he text me though, always making sure that I had a good day and I would always make an effort to ask him as well. He always told me how much he wish I was with him, cuddled up into his arms and I would say the same saying how much I wish I could feel safe in his arms. Not lying once to him. If we weren’t sending cute texts we would usually talk about our friends and family. It was nice to know that he was always there in my pocket if I needed someone to talk to. Last night however he hadn’t messaged me all day and he hadn’t sent me a goodnight text that was usually at 11pm. I was getting a bit worried and anxious. I was worried that I had annoyed him or his feelings had changed or he had been hurt. So I sent the first text.
Rachel: Hey babe, sorry if you are sleeping! how was your day? X
I double-checked that my phone was off silent so I could hear if he messages me and I chuck it across my bed just missing Bear who was fast asleep. I grab my laptop of my side table and check my social media sites opening all three in each tab; facebook, tumblr and twitter. I quickly checked each of Luke’s social medias noting that he had only posted one tweet today several hours ago:
‘Defiantly no ugly Melbourne girls out today ;)’
I felt my stomach drop when I read it and a pang of jealousy and anger hit me. I shouldn’t feel like this though he wasn’t even mine. We weren’t even anything. I knew he could get pretty much any girl in Melbourne and in the world with his fame and amazingly good looks. He could get someone who was prettier, smarter, taller, skinnier, calmer, stronger and better than me. I felt a lump form in my throat; I hated the way that he made me feel. He made me feel all happy and on top of the world one minute and then the next I could feel anxious and clammy. Just from a simple text. He honestly was one of the most wonderful people in my life at the moment and I had grown awfully attached to the idea of him never leaving. I have a hard time thinking about how I felt about him as I had never felt like this about anyone else. I feel like I’ve let him too close and if I told him how I feel it would only drive him away. I couldn’t find the right words or say the right things and really sum it all up how much I liked him anyway. It made my heart and sides ache just thinking about it. He made me feel like this in the space of two weeks. I scrolled down my facebook newsfeed, checking on all the kids at school. I could see all the couples that were posting on each other’s walls on how much they loved each other. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and I quickly caught it. Why did one person out of all the people in the world make me feel like this just because he hadn’t text me all day? I refresh twitter to see that Beau had posted a new tweet:
‘hey guys!! the new video will be up tomorrow night.’
I feel a sense of relief flush over me realizing that Luke was busy all day and was probably editing the video now. I hear the usual facebook chat tone and change to the facebook tab to see Luke had messaged me.
Luke: Hey babe <3 Can I video call you?
Rachel: Yeah sure thangggggg :)) just hang on a moment!
I quickly race over to the bathroom seeing my reflection in the mirror not wanting to look shocking on camera. I hear the facebook chat tone go off and I quickly take my hair out of its sloppy bun and brush it quickly. I didn’t look that bad surprisingly and I grab a singlet from the cupboard and change it from my Dad’s old shirt to the pink singlet. I return back to my bed and check the chat.
Luke: Okay cutie. Don’t worry about looking good! You look good in anything x You should see me eheh ;)
I felt the usual tingle of butterflies in my stomach and my heart skip a beat when he said that.
Rachel: Naw, you are so sweet! I’m sure you look fine! Call me now x
In a moment of seconds the accept call popped up on facebook and I graciously accepted it not being able to keep the grin off my face. The window quickly expanded to show a tired looking Luke wearing his usual yellow spongebob shirt and a grey beanie. His face was smooshed on to his palm that he was leaning on. I saw his tired facial expression quickly turn to a grin as he saw me and quickly sits up.
‘Hey Rach, how was your day?’
‘Pretty gooooooood, I went shopping with Mia again’ I laughed, smiling uncontrollably being happy that he was talking to me.
‘She still hasn’t found a dress?’ He sighed
‘Nope, she’s too fussy! I just tell her its just a wedding, not like you are going to know anyone besides you parents and she is like, its just air, you’re going to die anyway!’ I laugh. He tiredly laughs and I ask him, ‘You look tired babe, you okay?’
‘Mmmm, yeah.. just a bit tired from filming today’ he grinned tiredly at the camera.
‘Aw, poor thing! What you boys do?’ I questioned mischievously.
He smirked, ‘Wouldn’t you like to know’ he winked.
‘Oh yes I would’ I said cheekily.
‘Well maybe you should come over tomorrow and see,’ he said coming closer to camera.
‘Well maybe I will,’ I giggle. He leans back and stretches and turns around to the door which I hear opening.
‘Who are you talking too?’ I hear an unfamiliar female voice say.
‘Rachel’ he says bluntly.
‘Oh, can you keep it down. Beau and I are trying to.. uh sleep’ she says and I hear the door close. He turns back to the camera and I see the hatred on his face.
‘Who was that?’ I ask worriedly.
‘Jessie..’ he mutters.
I gasp, ‘Shit, wow…’
‘Yeah…’ he says opening his eyes widely, mocking surprise.
‘Is.. wow, is Beau happy?’
‘I guess, he hasn’t been as snappy’
‘Oh’ I say awkwardly, ‘Is she nice?’
‘Hmm, I don’t know.. she’s kind of a stuck up bitch really! Mum doesn’t like her but you’ll see when you come over tomorrow.’ He laughs
I giggle, ‘You were serious?’
‘Of coarse babe,’ he says sincerely. ‘I want to see you,’ he says looking away from the camera.
‘Aww, I want to see you too’ I smile at him, unable to control my grin by how cute he was being. I hear a banging on the door from behind him, ‘Seriously mate, we’re trying to sleep’ I hear Beau yell.
‘Argh, sorry babe! I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?’
‘Yeah, what time?’
‘Anytime, around 10ish?’
‘Sounds good’ I smile at him.
‘Night night Rach,’ he says and leans in close to the camera and whispers, ‘sweet dreams to the cutest and amazingly beautiful girl in the world.’ He kisses the camera and yawns.
‘Sweet dreams Lukey’ I say and he disconnects the call before I could say anything else. I close my laptop unable to wipe the smile off my face and place it on my bedside table. I roll up into a little ball and hug my favorite pillow pretending it was Luke. God that boy could switch my emotions quicker than a bullet train. I could feel myself drifting off too sleep. I hear my message tone go off and I reach for my phone at the end of my bed. I blink at the bright light.
Luke: Have an amazing sleep Rachel baby, I wish I could hold you in my arms right now and fall asleep next to you. Sweet dreams cutie xx <3
He literally was the biggest sweetie in the entire world. I sighed at his message wanting to reply to him but knowing that we would chat until the early morning so I simply place the phone next to my laptop. He was too good for me.