"Adam, are you sure it's this way?"
"Positive. C'mon, Meadows! You gotta trust me a little more."
So, here's what happened...
Adam came to pick me up at my dorm a little after lunch, saying that he wanted to take me somewhere away from people so we could have our time to talk and all. I found that really sweet and understanding of him so I decided that I would just follow him.
You can all see how the situation happened. I didn't notice where Adam was taking me, and now I'm pretty sure we were lost somewhere in the woods.
"Yeah, because being in the middle of the woods with no map, food, water or even a compass is just an acceptable thing. We don't even have service! If we get lost, we have no way to connect to the outside world! And by the way-" But then, out of nowhere, Adam put his hand over my mouth. Which, safe to say, made me feel like a red tomato.
"Caroline, just this once, I will need you to shut up and trust me. I know where we're heading. I planned it myself."
Since he decided that keeping his hand over my mouth was a good idea, I just raised my eyebrows in a sign of concern.
"Don't worry, this morning I tried my best to find the place to make sure it was safe and it's not that far from here. Ok?"
He slowly put his hand down waiting for my confirmation. I took a small breath and looked at him. "Fine. But can you at least tell me the exact place where we're going?"
He started waking again and I could hear him let out a small laugh. "And ruin the surprise? Nah, not gonna happen. C'mon Caroline, who do you take me for?"
"A reckless, irresponsible, way too relaxed guy who does things last minute and doesn't care about planning ahead."
He suddenly stopped and looked at me from behind. "Is that really what you think of me?"
I was a bit caught up with that. He sounded... hurt? I didn't mean to be rude to him in any way. What if he was actually hurt? What if I suddenly found a way to ruin the whole afternoon? What if after this he'll just want to head back and it ends up ruining the whole trip and it's all because I was rude to him?!
"Well..." I started. C'mon, Caroline, think of a way to save yourself without showing him how much you like him! "... it's not all that I think of you. But in the spur of the moment, considering previous actions of yours, my anxiety just found that as a way of responding to your question and it was pretty mean. I'm sorry if I was rude. I really didn't mean to but you have to take account of external factors su-" But then, he interrupted me... again.
"Hey! Caroline, it's ok. You weren't rude. And I already know that your anxiety sometimes makes you come out as mean so... no pressure."
And just like that, he left me speechless. There I was, overanalyzing the situation, and Adam, a guy I met about half a year ago, just had the perfect words to chill me down. To say that I was liking him more and more by the minute, was an understatement: every single action of kindness, every previously annoying joke, every stupid smirk, and ways that used to make me mad, were becoming a bunch of caterpillars in my stomach. As they crawled across my stomach, they made me feel all sorts of emotions that I was never ready for making me feel even more anxious every time he did something of the sort.
And speaking of said caterpillars, while I was lost in my thoughts, Adam decided that it would be nice to keep that conversation going.
"Well, what else do you think of me?"
I turned my eyes to him hoping that he wouldn't make me answer his question. Because, as you may have guessed, I didn't want to spoil the fact that I liked him. But, if I said that I didn't want to answer his question, he'd immediately ask why which would lead to worse things.
"Why would you want to know that?"
"Because it concerns me and because I'm in need of being flattered. Losing a game can do that stuff to you."
I rolled my eyes at him and chuckled. "It was just a game of laser tag and it wasn't even well organized. No need to feel down because of that."
"Still. I want to be flattered. You may start now." He said trying to sound almost royally.
"You're acting like a child now."
"Says the person who's clearly running away from the situation."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to take all of my strength and I was not ready. Time to say what comes to mind.
"Well, one good thing about you is that you are, overall, a very good friend. You're loyal, you're supportive and, from what I've gathered from you, you're always there when your friends need you and never ask for something in return. You're also pretty funny when you want to. And you always try to see the best in people and don't let your first impressions of someone make up your mind about them. And that's what comes to mind... "
Fortunately, I was able to withstand saying my feelings to him. Unfortunately, I spent that whole time looking at the ground and merely following his feet, which led me to almost bump into him when he suddenly stopped. But was it going to get worse? Pfft... of course it was! Because my brain suddenly decided that looking up at his face was the best solution to the problem. And guess what? He was smiling! Genuinely smiling! Oh boy, the caterpillars are back at it again...
"Thank you. That's really sweet of you to say, Caroline." And right after that... he just turned away and kept on walking! Like it meant something before but it didn't mean anything afterwards. Why, caterpillars? Why?
However, was I done for my brain? Apparently not! Because the stupid caterpillars made my brain decide that it would be a good idea to take a few extra steps and catch up right next to him and keep on talking. Just really smart of me to do so, don't you think?
"And what do you think of me, Johnson?"
Why? Why? Why did I even do that? It sounded like I was one of those stupid girls who just wanted attention and no conversation was ever enough. I sounded... cringy.
But I guess Adam didn't really think so. He just smiled at me and started talking.
"Well... I think you have a pretty rough exterior. It was certainly not easy to understand you at first. You keep it to yourself, overanalyzing all possible and sometimes impossible twists and turns and you get mad very easily. But with time I think I'm starting to understand you better. Little by little." Oh boy, caterpillars, caterpillars everywhere! "You're pretty sarcastic and your sense of humor is kind of... wicked, which makes you really funny to hang out with. You don't have a lot of friends, but I say by experience that the ones you have... you... you stand up for them. And I really appreciate that. You're smarter than you look and way smarter than you think you are. You're kind of crazy sometimes but that's one of the funniest parts of... well... of you."
Suddenly, his smile, his simple way with words, and that joyful look of his led me to think of myself not as a weird nerdy girl, but as a person who was appreciated for who she was. And the caterpillars became less and less an inconvenience, and more like something that made me feel good. Like just his words made the caterpillars turn into... butterflies. Yes, they still tingled flying around in my stomach, but now it felt, even though the inconvenient anxiety I was feeling was still there, it didn't bother me as much as it did just seconds before.
"Thank you, Adam. It... it felt really good hearing that."
"Naturally. It was me saying it." Of course, Adam had to end it with a sort of egotistical response...
So, naturally, I just rolled my eyes at his statement.
"And..." He continued. "I know you well enough to know that you are more reserved and that you appreciate the little details so, my amazing self, brought you here." And then he motioned to what was right in front of him.
Intrigued, I took a few quick steps and was surprised by what I had in front of me.
Staring right back at me was a beautiful river with trees all around it. It wasn't a very large one so you didn't really have much to look at other than the scenery itself. Which was beautiful. And best of all: it didn't have anyone around that could bother us or make comments and make us feel uncomfortable. Adam and I needed to talk and sort things out (after all it's not every day that you are friends with someone, then start fake dating them, then end it, and then are friends again) and this was the place to do it.
"Nice spot, Johnson." I finally said after taking it all in.
"I know right?! My brother said it would be nice to hang out here if I ever had the time. And I thought it'd be nice to hang out here." And then he started walking down to the river slowly holding onto a tree or two.
And then it hit me.
"Wait... you have a brother?!" I asked. In all six months, he hadn't even mentioned his brother once and then he just pops that out all of a sudden? Unacceptable!
"Yeah. He's in college in another state." He sounded... succinct in his answer. Even more than usual. Normally he'd describe the person a little and say a nice thing about them. Yet, with his own brother, he didn't. Something seemed off, but I wasn't going to ask all the questions. At least, not right now.
"Uhh... h-how did he t-tell you about this place?"
"On his senior trip, he also came to this place, so he just recommended some neat spots to make conversation." And just then he landed on his feet while my clumsy cautious self was barely halfway through.
I was about to talk, but Adam was quickly sure to change the subject.
"So... any news from MIT?"
"Well, since the afternoon no because there is no service here." I looked at him disapprovingly and he just kept on smirking at me. "Other than that, I've been checking my email account every day, and still nothing." I was now holding on to dear life to a tree hoping I wouldn't fall in the final three steps.
"Well... in case the worst happens... where are you planning to go to?"
"Well, from all the colleges I applied to and was accepted in, Berkeley or Syracuse seem to be the best options. And I have family who has been to both so I just need to decide between the two. Although, I am more inclined towards Berkeley." I had just managed to take one final step and land on the margin of the river and the moment I looked at Adam, he was showing a wide bright smile across his face.
"No kidding! I got accepted at Stanford! I think it's like an hour and a half distance between the two, we could totally hang out even during the week. It'll be awesome!"
And that, just had me shocked. Yes, MIT was my dream and Adam knew that. But even though I wasn't exactly in my best state of mind because my dream could actually never come true, he was trying to make me consider other possibilities that, dare I say, weren't actually that bad. If I were to go to Berkeley, I'd have the possibility to be next to someone I already knew. Plus, a cousin of mine was just finishing his master's degree in architecture so, he could eventually help me out if I had any problems. Sure, it wasn't MIT and nothing will ever be, but if I never got the actual acceptance letter back from Massachusetts, it was good to have a plan B, and Berkeley (pun not intended) was what seemed to me as the best alternative.
"Yeah. It'd be nice." I replied with a small smile and... he smiled back which got the butterflies in my stomach to start flying around like crazy.
Unfortunately, that last comment of mine led to a strange and way too long awkward silence when the two of us were just smiling at each other like dinguses. Once I took notice of this, I quickly made sure to turn my look away and make something up to end the silence.
"So... uhmmmm... wha-what do you want to do now?" I have to admit, not my best save, but definitely not the worst one.
Suddenly his smile turned back to a slightly malicious smirk. "We're just gonna dive in."
"What do you mean by th-"And once again, I wasn't allowed to finish my train of thought. Except that this time, it was my very own brain who betrayed me enabling me to... compute. Because as I was trying to speak what was in my mind, Adam decided that it would be a good idea to... take his shirt off. AND I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT, PEOPLE!
It suddenly felt like the butterflies were back at it again, but this time they were flying furiously inside me. It had surpassed my stomach and was now in my lungs cutting my breathing and making my face go all red.
In the simplest of terms... I was a mess.
I mean, I should have seen it coming. After all, Adam was wearing swim shorts and once he took off his shoes, not socks either. But did that make me feel any better? Of course not, I still wanted to hide in a corner for eternity. C'mon, who do you take me for?
And then it hit me, if Adam was planning on coming here and he knew in the morning that I would be coming with him, he could have at least told me to bring a swimsuit myself and perhaps also a towel which e apparently had also forgotten.
With rage growing inside of me, I crawled my fists and bit my lips doing my best not to start heading back to the dorm.
"Caroline, are you okay?" I heard him taking a few steps in my direction which both scared and infuriated me and then suddenly he was already right in from me making me look up. "Are you scared because of how hot I am?"
Okay, that's it, if he wants to behave like a cocky horny teenager who thinks he's better than anyone else, then he can. But he will also pay the price.
"No, I'm mad." I said giving a step back. "I understand that you wanted to give me a surprise and believe me this place is truly beautiful, but you didn't even consider the fact that the secrecy that you insisted on keeping led to me being less than prepared for your desired situation of going inside water!"
When my anxiety adds to my rage, I start using way too many words that could be said in only one sentence which also often leads to other people not understanding what I want to say.
"Caroline, can you say that in a different way, just to be sure I understood it all?" Adam asked. See what I mean?!
I took a deep breath and let my fists loose.
"I get that you wanted to surprise me, but because you didn't tell me what we were going to do, I didn't even bring a swimsuit. So, I can't "dive in"."
He chuckled a little and then looked at me smiling. "Well, I for one am pretty sweaty so if you'll excuse me..." Suddenly he just started running around the trees way too fast for me to keep up with, passing by me and turning left. All the while I, being my socially awkward self, just stood there motionless not knowing what to do.
That was until something triggered my brain back into working. And that something, was a scream coming from Adam followed by a giant splash. I mean literally, it was just absolute silence in my head until his screaming triggered my brain back into working.
So, what did I do? I started running in the same direction he did. I don't know why, but the butterflies started flying around even faster making me fear something, from what it seemed, the river wasn't very deep. What if Adam had hit his head? What if he slipped and hit his back? What if by slipping he twisted his ankle and wasn't able to swim back to shore?!
I had to check if everything was ok with him, so I just ran until I found a big rock that pointed towards the river. I slowly walked towards the edge hoping for dear life that I wouldn't trip and fall into the water.
Glad that I was wearing trainers and not flip-flops, I looked downward to the river. In this part, the river seemed deep enough for someone to jump and not fall straight into a giant rock. So, hitting his head was out of the question. I looked around and I couldn't find him anywhere. Therefore, I started to get worried.
"Adam!" I called into nowhere, getting no response. Forget it, if his body was deep inside the river, I was going to get him at the very least to shore.
I took my shoes and socks out and put my phone inside one of them. Fearing the worst, I took one last quick look before taking the jump. He was nowhere to be found.
However... the moment I was getting ready to jump, someone that I will call "Stupid Jerk Face" decided to talk.
"Are you seriously going to jump?"
Fortunately, his voice gave me a fright not big enough to make me fall straight into the river. But, notice the words "gave a fright". And the only person who's allowed to do that is Joseph, for obvious reasons.
So, after screaming like a little girl, I was left with my hands covering my face and my knees pressing into each other like crazy. And, Adam did his natural reaction to the situation: he laughed. Hard.
"Your face! You should have seen your face!"
While he kept on laughing, my rage just got bigger and bigger, and in the spur of the moment, I let it all out.
"You ASSHOLE! Do you have any idea how scared I was?! I couldn't find you anywhere! What if you had bumped your head into the river?! What if you had broken your spine?! What if you-"
Suddenly, I felt his hands holding mine and his breath close (but within a safe distance) to me. I looked up and had his annoying/calming smirk staring at me.
"Hey! Hey, Caroline! It's ok! I'm ok! And don't worry, the river is deep enough for me not to reach it with my feet if I wanted to keep my head outside of the water."
I was starting to hyperventilate and his words weren't making the terrible possibilities go away from my head.
"But what if it wasn't that deep? What if you had miscalculated the whole thing and you ended up breaking one of your feet? You can't just do stuff like that!" My breaths were becoming shorter by the second. Damn, the butterflies must really be attacking the lungs making me look down with panic.
"Caroline, look at me!" He took a small step closer to me and slowly pulled my head up to meet his eyes, not letting go of my left hand.
"Do you see me here?" He asked.
"Yes," I replied.
"Do I look injured?"
"No."
"Does my head have anything on it?"
"Other than hair, no."
"Then there is no need to worry so much. As you've just told me, I'm fine."
Hearing that, I took a deep breath and put a slight smile on my face.
"Thank you. Just don't scare me like that again, ok?"
But then, the unthinkable happened. His smirk turned slightly malicious again. I knew something not that great was about to happen and unfortunately, I didn't have any way to escape it.
"How about just one more?"
"No, Adam! Whatever you're thinking, consider my position for a second and don-"
You know what I had just noticed? I noticed that just that one day, Adam had interrupted me more times than I could count. Yes, some of them were for my own good, but most were not and this last one was a prime example of that. Because Adam thought it'd be a good idea to suddenly embrace me and push us both inside the river.
In less than a second, all I could feel around me was water, freezing cold water. When I opened my eyes, I saw Adam looking at me inside water his eyes showing joy in every possible way. I'm so glad my suffering brings him joy because then it'd be easier to rip that away from him.
As soon as I got back to my senses, I started swimming upwards towards the open air so I could, you know, breathe.
When I finally gasped a full load of air back into my lungs, I saw Adam right in front of me, smiling from ear to ear. And that single smile, made my anger just get bigger.
"Are you seriously THAT DUMB?! Do you even know how dangerous that was?! WE COULD HAVE DIED!!"
"And we didn't!" He replied chuckling. "How do you feel about that!"
"I feel mad! You were a whole new level of recklessness back there! You knew I was still mad at you and you did that anyway! What is wrong with you, Johnson?!"
Suddenly his smile turned back into that usual smirk.
"Nothing is wrong with me. I just saw you were way too stressed out and wanted you to chill a little. Sorry if I hurt you in any way."
I looked at him and then forced myself to look down at my feet. I know Adam didn't do it to annoy me, but the fact that he did it just after I was mad at him and without taking possible consequences into consideration did annoy me. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to just ignore him and just stay mad at him.
"Let's just get out of the water. It's starting to freeze a little." I said trying my best to swim back to shore without making it look weird. I just don't like water...
Adam followed me and soon we were sitting on top of some rocks just looking at the river. Fortunately, Adam had his shirt back on but his hair was still wet so the butterflies inside me, made the good judgment of keeping my eyes glued to my feet.
We were once again stuck in an awkward silence. And once again, I was the one breaking it.
"Look, I'm sorry if I overreacted. It's just that... in the middle of being soaking wet while fully clothed and my anxiety getting the best of me for overanalyzing situations, I didn't know how to react and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." As soon as I was finished, I looked at him and found him smiling at me. He has smiled a lot today.
"Don't worry. Your apology is accepted."
I rolled my eyes at him and then chuckled. He always finds a way to make me both annoyed and happy at the same time, doesn't he? I looked back at him and found him still smiling right at me. In the spur of the moment, I got lost and didn't look away. Maybe because I just forgot all social rules of staring or not at people, or simply because I just didn't want to, but either way, it was the effect of the butterflies. Of that, I was certain.
However, that didn't last long. The moment I realized what I was doing, I quickly turned my face the other way trying to hide the increasing redness in my cheeks. I'm not sure if Adam did the same, but the situation was awkward in any possible way of looking at it.
But in no way was I ready for what was to come.
In the hope of surpassing the awkwardness, I decided to take action.
"So... uhmmmm... did you bring any food or any-" And then Adam interrupted me one last time for the day.
"I like you."
And then... my heart fell to the ground. The butterflies inside me started flying around like crazy. I forgot how to breathe, how to think, how to react. HOW DO YOU REACT TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! Really, I need to know!
"What did you just say?" I whispered. I looked at him and saw that his entire face had turned red.
"No, wait Caroline. I... I didn't mean it!"
And just like that, I was mad again. I didn't know why... I mean I did know why, but I couldn't show why. He may have told me... what he had just told me, but I was not either in the right state of mind or ready to say something to him in return. And then he says that he didn't mean it. Now, I was mad at myself for not being able to react in turn to him and mad at him for saying that he "didn't mean it".
"So you don't like me then?" I replied standing up and taking a step back.
He immediately stood up showing worry in his eyes. "No... I mean I do... but I don't-" He closed his eyes in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. "Just... just forget that I said that. Please!" He tried to reach for my hand but I took a step back and put it behind my back.
"How do you want me to forget something like that?! For once in your life, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! " I screamed in his face.
And this time I was the one who didn't mean it. I do like to hang out with Adam I like to be with him and I wouldn't want to ruin our weird friendship because, as I've said it before and I'll say it again: he means a lot to me.
Suddenly, I felt something inside me grow feeling as if it was about to eat me alive. It was no longer a bunch of caterpillars making me feel awkward or butterflies making me feel all sorts of good emotions. It was a straight-up monster filling me with shame, regret, and... fear. Fear that this one fact would make our friendship crumble. And I would never be ready to lose it. I would never be ready to lose Adam as my friend. One of my closest ones.
I don't have a lot of friends, and that's exactly why I was scared to lose him. And this time, it felt like it was entirely my fault.
Then, I found myself holding my arms with my own hands, looking at the ground with my knees trembling. I was going out of breath and every air that I tried to take in never seemed to be enough.
"Caroline... are you OK?" He took one last step further and put his hand on my forearm.
The monster inside me took over even more just by hearing his voice making me almost unable to talk.
"I... I n-need to go. Al-lone."
And just like that, I turned around, went to grab my shoes and phone, and started running into the unknown making my best efforts to find my way back to the main building.
Eventually, I did. My clothes were still a bit wet, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to get back to my dorm and sit either in my bed or in the toilet and let my emotions out.
Once I got to the door, I knocked and that's when I let it all loose.
The monster inside me had completely taken care of my actions. And as of that moment, I didn't know how or when to stop it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
So... yeah. This... happened.
Adam admitted he likes Caroline. And he also managed to be a dumbass about it.
And don't worry because next chapter... won't have the two of them interacting. But I can tell you that it won't be exactly what you expect. Unless you're Sherlock Holmes or a hacker and figure out what's going to happen in the next two chapters.
So, having this in mind, I have a challenge for you all. What do you think will happen in the next chapter? Make sure to comment about it. If you want of course.
And now that I have hopefully broken your hearts again, as always, if you have anything you would like to ask, you can message me to my Wattpad account or email me to theoneandonlyowlface@gmail.com and I'll see you in the next one.
Owl Face out!
"TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS!"