"Just walk as fast as you can and reach your goddamn locker!" I told myself.
Normally Thursdays are the worst days of the week, because my school apparently hates me enough to put all of my most hated classes on that poor day of the week. I'm like Garfield, but with Thursdays.
For example, I twisted my ankle for the first time on a Thursday, I have Gym on Thursdays and the food is always bad on Thursday.
In conclusion the only good thing about that day is Critical Role, but I can't watch it because not only do I have to study, but also sleep due to being in the middle of the week. I might be more of a night person, but I just can't stand waking up late. One of the mysterys of life...
Plus, whenever those days come around, the probability of bad things happening gets as high as the Burj Khalifa.
But that Thursday, I was confident. I was sure that the day couldn't possibly be that bad. I was optimistic that I would do my best to pay attention in English class and not procrastinate after the teacher's first sentence. And I was poised wouldn't trip in the thin air in Gym.
But man, it did not turn out how I was hoping!
Let me tell you the whole story.
I was calmly searching for my Geography book in the middle of the mess that a small locker could be, while Patty, as usual, was redoing her make-up, hairstyle and a bunch of other stuff in the bathroom. Quite frankly, I don't know how she does it. You go to the bathroom in school only when you have the human necessities. And make-up, is definitely not one.
And that was when I noticed two small feet stopped right behind my locker door. But feet that seemed most likely to come from a 6th grader.
I closed the door, and saw a girl that would probably barely reach 5'0, with long black hair with unnatural brown highlights, brown eyes and big lips wearing a stripped t-shirt and ripped jeans. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that she had the biggest breasts in the world!
Seriously, how could she not have back problems?!
"Hi there!" She said smiling widely.
"Hi." I was totally freaking out. Why was a stranger talking to me? Aren't people suppose to avoid strangers? Haven't we learned anything about Little Red Riding Hood?
"Could you please help me find my locker? I'm a bit lost around here." She asked.
"I... uhmmm... s-sure. J-just tell me the number." What the fridge was I doing?
"It's number one thirt-" And then she suddenly stopped. Her eyes went bright and the smile one her face just got bigger. "Oh, my god! Adam! Adam!" She waved her hand widely and then I saw none other than Adam Johnson himself.
But this time instead of the laid back look, the way he was looking at the girl, coupd only be described in one word: 'Fuck!'
As soon as the girl noticed that he was looking at her, she just started calling him towards us. And stupid Adam just did as she wanted.
Inside of me, I had this strange feeling that I hadn't quite experienced before. What was it called? It was consuming me and putting a smile on my face as Adam came closer and closer. Oh, I know: pure malice! Mr. I'm The Best In School was about to have an embarrassing moment and I was here to witness it. That sure did put a smile on my face.
While I was lost in thought, Adam had already arrived and the little girl almost immediately basically wrapped herself around his left arm.
Starting smoothly are we? Go on, I wanna see this!
"I'm so happy to see you Addy!" She said hugging his arm even more. Even though it looked like she was cutting off his blood circulation, I was even more surprised with the nickname she had for him: Addy.
Certainly not forgetting that, are we, brain? That's what I thought!
"Me too. Me too." He responded clearly lying. He turned his look to me and I just gave him a big thumbs up. This was only getting better and better.
The girl then looked at me with the sudden realisation that I was actually there. "Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. I forgot to introduce him. This is Adam Johnson. He's a big friend of mine." She said smiling.
"Oh, that sounds interesting. Do tell me more... uhmmm... what's your name?"
"Penelope. Penelope Kelly. What's yours?"
Oh... so that was the so famous Penelope Kelly! I can now see why Adam broke up with her. She sort of seems like the over-possessive type.
Man, was I loving this day so far!
"Caroline Meadows."
"Like that old crappy song?"
I scratched my head on the back with the mention of the stupid Neil Diamond song that had tormented me ever since my childhood.
"Yes. I guess you could say that..." And at the moment Adam's eyes lightened up a bit. That stupid little crappy bag had just found another way of pissing me off.
Thanks a lot, Penelope!
"Well, I gotta go put my things in my locker." She turned to Adam not quiting the smile and squishing his arm even more. "I'm just so happy to see you! We have so much stuff to talk about Addy! I can't wait to spend the rest of the day with you!"
With that they both started leaving. And I just burst out laughing my heart off.
But then again, this Thursday was about to go way back to the bottom end of my top 7 days of the week.
● ● ●
"You what?!"
Yup, you guessed it: leaving an awesome school day with none other than Miss Patricia Stevens.
"Oh, c'mon Patty. I had to laugh at the situation. And she's just a little..." I wasn't even able to finish that phrase. Either because I didn't know how to end it at the moment or because Patty immediately cut me off. Choose the one that fits your perspective better.
"A little mean fucking bitchy harlot Karen Smith who doesn't even have the fucking idea of who she's dealing with?"
"I was gonna say dumb and kinda ignorant. But if that works for you then we can stick with it."
Patty has been like this since she caught me laughing next to my locker. She asked me what happened and when I told her that Penelope had just passed by and was now squishing Adam's arm out she literally turn around and said. "LET ME AT HER!"
And as a good friend, and for the safety of both girls, I managed to grab Patty not allowing her to walk that much further.
And right now, I had to let her spit all the words because if not she would probably arrive home and start writing a fan fiction of how I suddenly got together with Adam and Penelope tragically fell off a cliff.
Or something worse. You never really know what Patty can do. That's one of the most scary things about her.
But let's get back on topic.
"Nobody can ever touch my ship, Caroline. Nobody! Not even the slightest dent! Not even a scratch! A fingerprint! And this fucking stupid being is slowly turning into an iceberg in the middle of the ships course to a paradisiacal island in the South Pacific!"
"How is that even scientifically possible..." I murmured.
Before I could finish my thoughts, Patty grabbed my arms and started shaking me with despair. "An iceberg, Caroline! My ship cannot be another Titanic situation! It just can't!"
And this people is what I like to call: a hardcore shipper.
And, by my personal experience, when you're best friends with a hardcore shipper and she ships you with a person in the real world, any normal conversation when a certain subject is touched, can ruin your whole day.
Welcome to my life! You can now guess why I hated this Thursday so much. But, oh boy, it was not finished!
We were almost about to reach the main door and leave and the wave of relief for this day being finally over was suddenly making me feel a little less nervous, when someone screamed from behind us. "Caroline!"
We both turned around to see the one and only, Adam Johnson running in our direction.
I was about to turn to Patty for advice on what to do next, but she had already left without me realising it leaving me alone with Adam.
"Crabbs!" I murmured.
I looked back at Adam and at the exact same moment he had stopped in front of me.
"Hey." The guy was all sweaty and a bit out of breath. So I guess he must have been having either PE or football practice.
"Hey there, Johnson. What's up?"
"Can I talk to you for a second?" He seemed worried and pretty nervous for his laid back self.
"Aren't you already?"
"C'mon, Caroline. I'm serious."
"Fine. Shoot."
"Ok, so I know this might sound weird..." He took a deep breath and then looked straight at me. "... but can you please be my girlfriend?"
"WHAT THE FRIDGE DID YOU JUST SAY?!" I grabbed his collar and pressed him into the near by corner so that people wouldn't see us.
"It's not what you think! Chill a bit, ok? Let me explain!"
"What is there to explain?! You just asked me to be your freaking girlfriend! And neither of us like each other that much!"
"I know. That's exactly why I asked you!"
I was about to either slap him or simply punch him. But something stopped me. Maybe it was the idea of him being actually my friend... but I just released him looked straight into his eyes and glared at him.
"You're a big a-hole prick Adam Johnson. I'm giving you 2 minutes and no more got it?"
"Ok, so basically Penelope has been all over me today. And I just wanna avoid a second 9th grade ok?"
"What happened in 9th grade?"
He took a deep breath while running his hand through his hair. "I dated Penelope when we were in 9th grade. But we were constantly fighting and she was extremely over-possessive. And when we broke up I started liking another girl and then this one time we were talking she kissed me in front of the other girl which created a whole other situation that lead to something that I really don't wanna talk about."
I looked at him in shock. "So basically you're using me to get rid of Penelope?"
"When you put it like that..."
"What other way is there to put it Adam?!" Right now the feeling of puching him was getting stronger and stronger.
"The way where you help a friend in need. And you're the only girl who..." He stopped himself. "Never mind."
"Oh, no. I do mind!" I took a step forward. "I'm the only girl who what?"
He sighted placing his hand on his forehead making his hair go down. "You're the only girl in this school who wouldn't make a big deal out of 'dating' me and the only one that I can trust with this."
I took a step back, somehow a little bit calmer now. "What about Sasha?"
"What about her?"
I looked at him with my are-you-stupid-or-what face. "Why wouldn't you 'date' her? She surely seems to have much more interest in the situation than me."
"And also tell half of the school about it." He said with his smirk coming back. "And besides, I don't really wanna 'date' someone who is proud about not hooking up with someone for 8 months."
And with that I had to laugh. And he did too. But they were both weird and short laughs. Like when you laugh because you don't know what to do.
When we stopped he looked at me. "So what do you say?"
I looked back at him. "Adam, I'm so-"
And at that moment I was interrupted by the annoying voice of none other than Miss Penelope Kelly.
"Addy! I'm back! Where are you?"
I wasn't even able to turn around when suddenly Adam pulled his arm around my shoulders and held me close to him.
Wait... what just happened?
When I start to feel uncomfortable with something I start feeling really cold and for some reason Adam's arm was really warm. Which only made me freak out even more.
I looked at him with despair and he just looked at me with one word written on his face: 'Please'.
When I turned to Penelope she was already next to us.
"Ready to go, Addy?" She was smiling a little less brightly. Dear gods, what in Jane Austen's name was I doing?!
"Actually, I was going to hang out with Caroline. You know... to... hang out..." What the hell are you doing Johnson?!
"Oh!" Suddenly her smile sort of faded. "So uhmmm... are you two... a thing?"
I looked down. I didn't want to say yes and then automatically agree with Adam. And I didn't wanna say no because the girl would justs start bothering him and he would just ask more and more for me to fake-date him.
But unfortunately, Adam didn't say a word either and just started running his hand through his hair again. Which only made the situation worse...
"Oh. I see. Well, don't worry!" I looked up at her and noticed that she was smiling again. Wait... what?
"I get it that you two wanna keep it a secret so I won't tell anyone! Trust me." And with that she left.
I looked up at Adam and he looked down at me.
"I... uhmmm... thanks! I'll make it up to you I promise." He said smirking again.
My rage suddenly started growing stronger and stronger, and within a second I punched Adam right in the center of his chest.
"Ouch! Jesus, have your parents never told you not to use violence?!"
"You... you... YOU BUTTHEAD!!!" I was completely out of my sanity level at the moment.
"You know, for a girl, you do give a good punch! And there's no need to use words in a violent way either."
"Because of you, now the girl thinks we date! Are you happy?"
"Yes and no, to be frank."
I took a deep breath and then looked straight at him. "You are the definition of a prick!"
"Caroline, please listen to me! I didn't mean to ok? I just wanted to run away from the situation! She can be a crazy bitch, ok? Even worse than Sasha! And whether you like it or not, the whole school is gonna find out about it by tomorrow! So, to conclude, I am sorry, ok?"
I looked at him straight in the eye. I took a deep breath. "Fine. But I have THREE conditions."
"Shoot!"
"Number one: we'll only 'date'..." I cringed with that phrase. "... when Penelope is around."
"Seems reasonable."
"Number two: no kisses."
"Ok. May I ask why?"
I glared at him intensely. "No, you may not. And number three: we'll avoid holding hands and physical contact in general as much as we can."
"Why?"
"Because... uhmm... I just don't want to call for attention."
"Ok...? That seems reasonable enough."
"Great. Uhmmm... bye."
"Bye." I turned around and left the school.
At that moment, I just wanted to go home and forget about this whole day while stuffing myself with cookies and a big mug of cold white milk.
But I did forget something that was in the way of my plan of relaxing for a bit: I still had a ride with Patty to make.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yeah, Caroline and Adam are fake dating now...
I don't really know what to say about that other than it just... happened and Patty is for sure going to freak out.
Also... THIS STORY HIT 200 READS THIS TUESDAY!!!!
I know it's not much, but I never thought that "Me, Myself and I" would have so many reads in 3 months after I finally had the guts to publish something that has been in the works for a little more than 2 years. As of publishing this, the story has now 235 reads and I'm beyond grateful for all of you who have read it.
Thank you for everything.
If you have any questions you'd like answered (not inclusing spoilers of course) or if you want to simply tell me what you think of the book, then you can message me either to my Wattpad account or send me an e-mail to theoneandonlyowlface@gmail.com and I will see you in the next one.
Owl Face out!
"TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS!"