We arrived at Grandads home the next day at around 1 PM. He was surprised to see us all, but I think deep down he was thankful even though he'd told us not to come.
It was hard being in the house without her at first, but as one day turned into two and we spent time talking about our happy memories with her it began to feel a little better.
I was so thankful to have Zay by my side in all of this. I've tried not be snappy with him and I've slipped up a few times when I get lost in my own emotions I'm trying to hide, but I always apologie right after and he of course forgives me.
Today is the day, Grandmas funeral. I don't know how we're going to get through this, but what I do know is that we'll do it together as a family.
I make my way down stairs dressed in a simple black body-con dress and a jacket. My usual nice dresses no longer fit me due our little girl, but she's worth it.
Mom, Dad, Lane and the rest of the family are all down stairs with breakfast in front of them, only no one looks to be eating anything.
"Morning." I whisper as I enter the room, not wanting to startle them.
"Morning." They all reply in a flat tone
Moving along I make my way into the kitchen and take a deep breath as I turn the kettle on.
"Morning baby." Zay gives me a soft smile as he makes his way into the room after me.
"Hey." I smile back
Now standing in front of me, he pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. "You okay?"
"I'm okay." I nod.
♥️
We all travel to the church together in a few cars and park out the front. When I step out of the car everyone is there, all the past and present Cobras as well as their wife's, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and even some children who are now the same age as me. It's crazy to see so many people here but grandma was a wonderful lady who would have done anything or anyone, so I'm not surprised she had touched so many lives.
As we make our way through, lots of people stop us to talk for a moment and tell us how sorry they are, I except their condolences and keep moving, Zay by my side the entire time.
We enter the church and I come face to the face with the coffin in front of me. I feel a lump form in my throat as I try to keep my emotions in check and keep moving in, finding my seat near Avery, Ezra Alex and Star as well as my cousins.
"How's granddad?" Emery questions
"He seems to be doing okay for now." I whisper as I look over him sitting on the other end of the row.
"Hi baby." Aunt Avery smiles as she gives me a hug "Look how big you're getting." She rubs my stomach.
"I know, not long now." I smile back softly.
Music begins to play and everyone fills the church, there is standing room only and many people are piled up outside as well. Once the music stops the funeral director begins to speak.
"Good afternoon everyone and thank-you for joining us to celebrate the life of Evana Logan, much loved wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother. When I was first asked to speak on behalf of the family today, we sat down together and spoke in great length about what Evana meant to everyone and from what I can gather she was an amazing woman. Words like bubbly, funny, and loving and the fact that Evana was the kind of woman who would do anything for anyone in need is what comes to most people's minds when they think of her, and I'm sure you'll all agree."
The director continues to speak wonderfully of Grandma, he told a little of her life story, how she and granddad has found each other and had fallen in love and everything else in between right down to the day Easton was born, but it's what came next that broke my heart.
"Not only did Evana love Easton with all her heart she was about to become the great mother to her second great grandchild, this time a little girl and I'm told she was over the moon about meeting the little one and already has presents stashed away."
Hearing those words, the tears roll down my cheeks quicker than I can try and stop them. She was so excited about meeting our baby girl and now she's not here to meet her.
Zay pulls me into his arms and holds me as I cry, rubbing my back in a soothing manner. Once the Director is finished speaking he plays a slide show of images of grandams life from the day she was born until the now.
The last image showed was all of us as a family at Zay and I's wedding. I feel so blessed that she was there to share in the day with me.
After the slideshow is done, the family is called on to speak. Granddad was unable to speak so he got one of his friends to do his reading for him.
"Evana, you were and always will be the love of my life. I never have and never will again meet anyone else like you. The world you created for us is beyond everything I could have ever imagined and to this day I still don't know what I did right to keep you by my side but I'm so damn glad you did. I will never be able to thank-you for making our house a home, for filling it with the laughs of our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren or how you always knew just what to say, I will never be able to thank you for everything you've ever done, not just for me and our family but for everyone you'd ever meet that needed a helping hand. I don't know how I'm going to do this without you, I've never known life without you by my side. I love you so, so much and I'll miss you forever."
As he listened to his own words being read out, he sobbed into his hands, while Mom rubbed his back, herself crying as well.
The minster speaks once more. "I have a poem that Amity, Avery and Alex, Evana's children have choose for me to read today and it goes like this."
"You never said I'm leaving,
You never said goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only god knows why
A million times I needed you
A million times I cried,
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.
In life I love you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart I hold a place
That only you can fill."
"I'd now to call on Lane and Charlie who would like to say a few words."
Taking a shaky breath, I stand up, as does Lane. He holds his hand out to me and I take his hand in mine. Together we walk up the two small steps and stand in front of the microphone. I look out at everyone, crying, sobbing, broken and I wipe my tears away and do my best to be brave.
"First of all, I think grandma would be happy to see us getting, along don't you?" I nudge Lane who laughs, everyone else laughing as well. I take a breath.
"When we received the phone call that grandam was gone I didn't know what to do, or say, I didn't know how to be there for myself and everyone else at the same time, but then I realized I don't need to worry about that, and the reason I don't need to worry is because of the strong family bond she created. She had this way of making everyone feel welcome and included and special even if it was your first time meeting her, you'd walk away feeling better just to have met her. She was full of life, she was fun and she funny, well she thought she was anyway." I laugh, everyone laughing with me "She was the glue that kept our family together, and for a moment I wondered what would happen now that she's gone, but I know that nothing will change because she's taught us how to be the best versions of ourselves we can be and together we will get through this. We will think of her everything, speak of her often and keep her in our memories forever."
I take a step to the side and let and let Lane speak. "Good job favourite." He laughs and shoots me a wink. "It's true guys, Charlie was always the favourite and in fact, you might think grandma was the nicest person you ever met, but she wasn't." He grins "One night I was around six at the time, we were spending the night with Grandma and Grandads, Charlie was four at the time and as she was as she still is to this day was annoying me. She wanted to pay with her new tea set but I refused and I told her, I don't play girl games. Charlie of course cried and Grandma took her side telling me to 'Be nice to your sister'. After a while, Charlies tears turned into laughter and I stuck my head in the door only to find Grandma was playing with her, and not only were they playing, they were using real milk and real cookies, real cookies after I had asked her just five minutes before if I could have one and she said no because I'd ruin my dinner I find her and the old favourite here scoffing down cookies and drinking milk, rude." He laughs, everyone else laughing as well.
"No, in all honestly, she was the best grandma that we could have asked for, we always knew how loved were when she was around, she gave the best hugs, the best pep talks and the best excuses to get me out of trouble with granddad like the day I broke his car window with my football. Grandma I love you, and I'll miss you every day, I am so glad you were there to see me get married and have our first child."
I look out at the room once more, and the dynamic is much different now, everyone is smiling, laughing, enjoying the memories of her, just as it should be.
♥️
After the service, we all meet back at Granddads house where Mom and Avery where putting on afternoon tea. It was nice to see so many people come back to the house to share stories and happy memories. There were no tears, only celebrations of her life.
"You did so well Princess." Zay smiles as he kisses his lips to my head
"Thank you, I think she'd be proud."
"She's proud." He nods "She always was and she always will be."
I smile softly at his words, and take his hand in mine placing it on my stomach as our baby girl begins to move around and kick "I think I finally know what I want to call our baby girl."
"You do?"
"Evie." I smile "After grandma."