1985...
"Rafi..." James whispered sleepy in her ear. "Baby, you have to get up, you're gonna be late to work." He said as the alarm clock had beeped three times and she didn't move.
"I'm tired." She complain. "I just feel so tired..." She said. James leaned on his elbow to talk to her and noticed how she had fallen asleep instantly. He shook her softly.
"Baby...come on..." He said.
"Let me sleep." She complained whimpering.
"Get up." He shook her again. "I'll make you breakfast." With that James jumped out of bed and pulled the covers away. "Time to get up sleeping beauty." He giggled.
"My God..." She stretched and rubbed her eyes. "I don't want to get up."
"Come on." James laughed grabbing her hand to force her up.
James went to the kitchen and began to make breakfast for two, while Rafaela dragged her body to the bathroom for the morning shower. When she finished peeing she looked down at the toilet and when she cleaned herself she checked the toilet paper, it was cleaned.
"My God..." She whispered all alone in despair. Then she opened the door. "Nothing..." She talked to James who was at the stove scrambling eggs. He went to her.
"It will be alright." He told her cupping her face between his hands. "You're just too stressed baby, don't think about it."
"How am I supposed not think about it? It's been a week already." She almost cried. James pecked her.
"Look..." He sighed. "I think we need to end this agony of not being sure. We need to do the test and then go from there."
"I am scared." She cried. James pulled her to him and held her tight.
"I'm scared too baby, but don't you think we need to be sure first?"
"What are we going to do if it's true?"
"I don't know..." He pulled her away to look in her face. "I don't know what we'll do. We barely have money for us, still we need to be sure. It's not like we can go on pretending nothing is happening. This is killing me too, be sure of that."
"Maybe it's just the stress." She ended up saying and James nodded.
"You've been too tired with work and your exams and stuff. Now go shower, you need to hurry." Rafaela nodded and James pecked her before letting her go. He came back to the stove to finish their eggs. "Oh my God..." He whispered feeling anxious, nervous and a little desperate.
After the shower she joined James for breakfast and they were both rather silent. The fear of an unwanted and unexpected pregnancy was haunting them.
"I don't feel sick or anything." Rafaela commented when she was finished. Her mind refused to accept her suspicions.
"Don't hammer on that Rafi. Let's be sure first." James insisted holding her hand in support. Ever since their first suspicions, Rafaela had been really nervous and though he was too, he tried to show her how calm he was.
"I'll buy the test and we do it when you get home after the studio." She finally suggested.
James nodded feeling his heart beating franticly. What if she was really pregnant? What would they do? "I think it's the best. This is just driving me insane. I need to know. We need to know babe."
"But..." Rafaela stopped and closed her eyes feeling physical pain assaulting her due to the agony. "What if I am pregnant, what are we going to do James?" Tears assaulted her eyes. Their life was far from being easy.
"I don't know baby...I told you this already, I just don't know. We don't have the means to have a baby. I am scared shitless." He confessed.
"We do the test today." She got up and kissed his lips. "What are you going to do now?" She asked getting up from the table.
"Going back to bed." He smiled.
"Bastard." She smiled at him too.
Later, and after work, Rafaela went to college. Her tiredness was at its peak and she thought how she would handle a whole afternoon of classes. She didn't. She ended up falling asleep with her head on her desk.
"Miss Russell..." She felt someone shaking her and she raised her head.
"I am so sorry." Rafaela promptly said. She had fallen asleep with her head on the table.
"Are you alright?" The teacher asked her.
"I feel tired and extremely sleepy. I am sorry. I am working in the mornings and I've been working hard." Rafaela tried to explain. The teacher smiled at her and nodded.
"The class is over." She informed and Rafaela then realized there was only her and the teacher in the classroom.
"I'm sorry again." She said grabbing her books.
That day her mother was going to visit her, they'd go for a coffee after she was done with her classes and so Rafaela met her at the front door.
"How are you sweetie?" Her mother smiled and kissed her cheek tenderly. Rafaela forced a smile.
"I'm alright." She said.
"And how's James?" Her mother asked and they began to walk to the cafeteria, a way her mother knew so well by then.
"He's fine. He's in the studio, they're recording a new album." She tried to smile and disguise all that she was feeling, both physically and emotionally.
As they sat at the table with a tray with donuts and coffee, Cynthia scrutinized her daughter's face. She knew Rafaela all too well to realize something was bothering her. She had been quiet, not wanting to talk much. Her semblance was one of a concerned person.
"What's wrong with you Rafi? You look so concerned dear. Is it James? Is everything alright with you two?" Cynthia asked her not containing it inside anymore. Something was wrong with her daughter and she knew it.
"We're good mom, really...don't worry." Rafaela tried to rest her mother's heart.
"I know you...you're my daughter. There's something bothering you. Your smile is just not the usual smile I know. Talk to me..." Cynthia pleaded. "The other day I was here I saw James, and he looked concerned too, so something is going on and you're not telling me."
"Mom...please..." Rafaela frowned. "I don't want to talk about it."
"So, something is going on...tell me, maybe I can help"
"Mom... there's nothing you can do." Rafaela told her praying her mother would stop pushing her.
"Tell me sweetie." Cynthia asked again and Rafaela took a deep breath, then her eyes watered and her mother grabbed her hand in support. "What's the matter Rafi?"
"I think I'm pregnant." She said with her lips trembling, then she took her hands to cover her face as she began to cry.
"Oh Rafi...how did that happen?"
"We've been careful, you know that mom, you're always telling me to be careful and we are. Remember I had the flu and was on antibiotics?" Her mother nodded. "Well, the doctor told me to be careful as that medicine cut out the effect of the pill so James and I wore condoms...gosh it is weird to be telling you this..."
"It's ok Rafi, I know how it works and you have been living with him for a year now, so I am not shocked with these details. So what happened for you guys be that scared?"
"One of the condoms simply broke, ripped all apart..." She sighed. "Now I am late, a week late..."
"Rafi..." Her mother breathed leaning against the chair. Now she was concerned too. "I assume James knows about this..."
"He knows, yes. That's why you also found him so worried, we don't know what to do mom." Rafaela shrugged.
"I assume you guys are all just suspicious...you need to do the test first." Her mother advised.
"I am going to do it tonight when he gets home. We're tired of hammering on this idea. We don't have money to support a baby mom..." She said desperate.
"Jesus...two kids, you two are just two kids..." She said to her daughter.
"Please mom, last thing I need is a lecture. I know we're quite young, but like I said, we weren't reckless, we were responsible but things turned out quite bad for us. Ok?"
"You know how your father canceled all my credit cards and controls every step not to give you money. I can't help you with money Rafi, though I really want to."
"I don't have a father." Rafaela answered dryly. "We don't need his money, we're not doing great, but it's ok...it's been enough to keep us standing."
"What if this baby is coming?" Her mother confronted her.
"I don't know..." She shrugged.
"This is going to kill me." Cynthia shook her head. "I mean...I can get some money, but I don't know if it will be enough."
"Mom, don't get in trouble with him because of us, really? We'll deal mom."
Rafaela came back home exhausted. She knew she'd promised James to wait for him to do the test, but the first thing she did was to take it off her bag and go straight to the bathroom. After peeing on the stick, she left it on the basin and closed the door of the bathroom not wanting to see the result until James got home. So, she simply went to the kitchen and began to prepare dinner, though her curiosity was just hammering over and over again and she had to fight the urge to peek once the five minutes were gone. She resisted...
James got home around eight o' clock. The table was set and the food was roasting in the oven.
"Hi babe." He kissed her lips and then she just stared at him biting her lower lip nervously. He frowned. "You already did it?" He asked knowingly, Rafaela nodded.
"But I haven't checked the result. I was waiting for you."
"Where is it? In the bathroom?" He asked and she nodded again. James grabbed her hand and took a deep breath. "Let's go see it then?"
"I don't want to." She said when she felt him pulling her to walk.
"Babe, we have to." He said understanding, then she gave a step ahead.
James opened the door and they stepped in. He saw the stick on the basin and walked up towards it. They looked down at it at the same time, instantly, and because she had read the instruction, Rafaela's eyes watered and heavy tears began to run down her face. James also knew what her reaction meant, so he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his body. She sobbed loud in despair and he wanted to do the same, but someone had to stay strong. Since she was falling apart, he should keep the pieces together.
"Calm down Rafi." He whispered kissing the top of her head despite the fact that his heart was just racing. All of a sudden his head was spinning a mile per second.
"What are we going to do now? We don't have money..." She said staying to look up in his face. "We don't have the money to support a baby James."
"Let's talk ok?" He said taking her to the living room. He made her sit on the couch and he sat right next to her, then he cleaned her tears, though his own eyes were burning. He also felt like crying. He was feeling desperate.
"We don't have money babe..." She said again.
"First we need to decide what we want to do. Do you know what I mean?" He asked her and she nodded. "So? What do we want to do?" He asked lost.
"We can't have this baby James...we don't have money to support it."
"Is that what you want to do? To abort?" He asked.
"You don't want me to abort?" She asked him back just as lost as he was.
"I don't know princess...it's our baby after all. I mean...we're so young and we don't have money, so maybe abortion would be the right decision, but at the same time..." He looked in her eyes and stopped talking not knowing what to do, what to say, or what to decide. They stared at each for a while trying to communicate in silence, then Rafaela spoke.
"It's our baby isn't it?" She asked him, it was his time to nod. "Are we capable of doing this? Do we want to do this?"
"I don't know Rafi...I just don't know. If you ask me if I wanted to have kids now, of course my answer would be no. I'm just 22, you're just 19. If you ask me if we have financial conditions to support a baby, my answer is also no, you know we don't. If you ask me if I want to have kids with you, my answer is yes, because I just love you so much, but not this soon. If you ask me if we're capable to do this? I'll say I don't know...are we responsible enough to raise a kid? I am scared shitless now...and lost too..."
"I'm scared too." She confessed and then cried again.
"What do you want to do? Tell me what you feel." He said. "Baby...I need to hear you too."
"It's the same thing you said. The exact words you just said. I'd love to have kids with you, but it wasn't now, later..."
"We can't just make this decision rushing, ok? Now we know what we're up to, but we need to think."
"What if we decide to let this baby go away, are we going to able to cope with our decision, or are we going to throw in each other's faces later that you made me abort or that I aborted when you didn't want me to. Oh James..." She shook her head and he held her, feeling his tears coming down his face too. He didn't hold back. They were in deep trouble and basically alone.
"We need to talk to an adult." He said, Rafaela ended up laughing.
"Look at us...pretending we're the grown ups, came to live together a year ago, have sex, support ourselves and then this happens and we don't know what to do and need the opinion of an adult." James laughed with her.
"We're not that grown up after all are we?"
"We are." She affirmed. "We're just scared."
"We still have time to think about this." He said kissing her lips.
"James..." She called his name staring down at her belly. "I have a baby inside of me...our baby..." She then stared in his eyes.
"Yeah..." He smiled.
"Are you hungry? Dinner must be ready." Rafaela said getting up.
"Sit..." He took her to the table. "I'll serve you tonight, you look tired princess."
When Rafaela was washing the dishes the phone in the house rang. James got up to answer it but Rafaela stopped him.
"Leave it, it must be my mother." She said cleaning her hands. "I told her this afternoon."
"Rafi..." Her mother said when she answered the phone.
"Hi mom." Rafaela breathed, sighed in fact.
"How did it go?"
"Positive mom." Rafaela said feeling her tears in her eyes again. As she sat on the couch, James bent over her and kissed her forehead in support.
"What are you going to do?" Cynthia asked on the other side.
"We don't know what to do mom."
"Sweetie, you two must reach a conclusion. There's only two options, I don't have to tell you what these are."
"We know that mom, but we still don't know. There's mixed feelings for both of us. We don't have money mom...we can't support this baby." Rafaela explained what was on their heads.
"So this is just about the money sweetie? Is that the only thing that is making the two of you thinking about a decision?"
"We're also so young...I don't know mom..." She began to whimper. James grabbed her hand.
"Don't cry baby." He whispered at her. "We're going to be fine."
"Rafi, whatever you decision is, I am here to support you. I'll do whatever I can to help you, but you know what my boundaries are. Your father is after me like a dog."
"It's ok mom. We've got ourselves into this mess we have to find a way to get out of it, whatever that means." Rafaela took a deep breath to calm down while James planted kisses on her cheek sweetly.
"Remember that is a piece of you two that is inside of you." Her mother told her, making Rafaela rub a hand on her belly.
"We know that." She said.
"I have to go now sweetie. I'll meet you tomorrow so we can talk better." Cynthia said.
"Bye mom." She hung up. "It's good to have her support." She talked to James.
Cynthia hung up the phone with tears in her eyes, and when she raised her head she jumped as she found John leaning against the threshold.
"You were talking to her." He accused her.
"What's your problem, there's no surprise...you know that I talk to her and that I see her. I just don't help her because you took all the money away from me."
"It was her decision to live that way. If she says she doesn't need our money, then she doesn't!" He affirmed in a grumpy tone.
"Well you better change your way because she is going to need us more than ever and she'll probably need our money, so change your fucking attitude." Cynthia told him with tears running down her face. "She's pregnant John! Rafi is pregnant."
"What?" He exclaimed astonished with the news.
"Exactly what you heard."
"That prick got Rafi pregnant? I knew it..." A sarcastic laughter escaped his lips. "I'm going there now!" He said.
Cynthia grabbed his arm. "Do what? You haven't talked to her in a year and now you go there? What for? They don't need you now!"
"She's not having that kid!" He yelled. "She's 19!"
"It's their decision! Young or not, it's their kid so it's up to them to decide! Besides who are you now to say anything? You stopped talking to your own daughter, you think you got some sort of authority now? You don't! You lost it the minute you decided to ignore her. You don't have a saying in this, neither do I and I have been talking to both of them. They have been living together for a year, it's their child so it's their decision."
"The hell is not." He said turning away.
"They just found out!" Cynthia yelled running after him. "Let them be, they're still trying to sink in the news, don't go there to make things worse. You don't have a clue of how their relationship is. They are responsible kids, this was an accident. They have been supporting themselves on their own, they have been making a living for themselves, so leave them be. Let them decide alone what they want to do." John took a deep breath and without saying anything else he went to the living room.
"She is not having that baby!" He yelled from there. Cynthia went after him.
"John..." She crouched in front of him with pleading eyes. "Do not make things worse for them now. They are scared. They are perfectly aware of what their situation is. They need to be left alone to decide what to do. It's their child...theirs... no one but them have a say in this."
"Now they are scared...." John mumbled.
"Please...let them be..." She insisted.