- From now on, our life will be like that. When the crowd disperses, we will stay. Only you and me.
They stood on top of a staircase in an incredibly beautiful room bathed in radiant light. Gorgeous groom and beautiful bride. Defne, dying in her heart, listened to the deep voice of her Omer, his heartfelt words. He looked with love and affection and smiled a happy smile.
- It's good that you are, my love ...
The light began to fade. Black smoke filled the room and bitterly penetrated the lungs. It became unbearably cold and scary.
- Omer, it all started with the game ...
His face darkened. The smile melted. Tenderness and happiness slowly disappeared from his eyes. Ice rage replaced them.
He raised his hand and pushed her in the chest.
She flew backward. The golden parquet underfoot suddenly turned into jagged seafront granite. The veil fell from the head and, caught up by the wind, with a long translucent ribbon swam over the strait. Dark water closed over her head, filled her mouth and nose, put lead pressure on her chest ...
Convulsively pulling the air in, Defne opened her eyes wide and jerked on the bed. Her heart thumped against the ribs. Cold sweat poured down her back, and thoughts were cramming into feverish fragments in her brain:
"Dream! It's only a dream ... is it a dream? "
Defne covered her face with her hands and wept.
Аlmost two months have passed аfter their wedding with Omer .
So said Nihan.
Defne believed her.
She herself did not feel the time. Days and nights merged into a gray, dense fog. There was no lumen in it, the rays of the sun were extinguished and the sounds died away.
Relatives tried to talk to her, but she heard only a deaf whisper.
Sometimes they tried to shove food into her. Serdar took her in his arms, put her in the dining room and ordered her to eat. She silently shook her head and then her grandmother began to cry. Her tears acted. Defne obeyed and poured into her mouth a couple of spoons of soup. Forcibly she swallowed and silently went to the balcony. She sat down in a corner, squeezed the phone in her hand with a death grip, looked to the end of the street, from where cars drove into their neighborhood, and waited.
There were so many in two months. Old, broken-down trucks, advertising-painted vans, bright yellow taxis. And only black, arrogant SUVs were not at all. Never, not a single one of them, large, reliable, and so painfully familiar, drove into their street.
And Defne waited. Silently. Without complaining, not angry, not lamenting. She watched unblinkingly.
She stared at the corner of the street with unblinking eyes and prayed in her mind. She asked Allah to send Omer his consolation and ease his pain. She begged to teach him forgiveness and trust. Soften a proud heart. Indicate the correct path.
She did not ask Him to return Omer's love. Not. She understood that she did not deserve i,t. She just wanted to explain everything and, perhaps, then her heart would calm down and the ruthless fire would stop burning her soul ...
But, whether the Lord was deaf to her pleas, or she asked for the impossible, or because she lied to herself - Omer did not appear.
And every evening, when her little sister took Defne from the balcony by the hand, another star went out for her in the sky, and a piece of her soul died in her chest.
Then, at the wedding, to the registrar's question, he answered clearly and confidently:
- Yes.
And he said no more to her. Silently by the hand, he led her out to the guests, silently nodding at the congratulations poured in from all sides, silently circling her in a wedding dance. And just silently brought in the room for the newlyweds and walked out the door.
He did not return. She sat in a wedding dress on the edge of the bed and waited. Minutes turned into hours , dawn broke through the window ... the sun peeked into the room, but Omer was not there. Then came Serdar. He looked at his sister with guilty eyes and gently put an arm around her shoulders. She clung to him and cried. Quiet, without hysteria. Only hot tears soaked the men's T-shirt and shaky skinny shoulders. Brother cried with her. He stroked her head and asked for forgiveness.
Still hugging her shoulders, he led her out of the room. The bridal gown trailed behind her and clung to the carpet floor. A veil picked up by a draft from the open corridor windows, touched her face. Defne pulled it off and threw it on the floor. Veil fell transparent, snow-white cloud and remained lonely lying on the dark red carpet. No one looked back and remembered it.
They went down by the lift and to the reception. Serdar put the electronic key on the glossy countertop. The girl smiled and, pretending to not see anything unusual, asked:
- And your suitcases?
Defne straightened, lifted her head and replied:
- Send them to the house of Mr. Omer Iplikci.
Serdar confusedly looked at his sister.
- And your clothes?
Defne raised empty eyes to him.
- I do not need it.
Bitter words turned out to be true. She never in two months went outside and her clothes were old jeans and shirts.
Locking herself in the house, she did not know that her appearance in the morning after the wedding at the doorstep of Topal's house, and even in a wedding dress, made a sensation in the area. She was not discussed only by the dumb. Grandmother Türkan and Nihan walked along the street without raising their eyes and not talking to anyone. Esra at school defended her sister from the scorching hints of classmates who, following their parents' words, repeated dirty assumptions about Defne. And Serdar attacked with fists to anyone who dared to scoff at his sister with him, and came home with bruises and knuckles knocked into the blood. Nihan applied lotions to the wounds and asked to calm down and keep herself in hands even for the sake of the child in her belly.
The only support and protection in this difficult time for the Topal family were Iso and master Sadri. The first one looked at the gossipers with such a look that they immediately shut their mouths and hurried away, the second one with his characteristic wisdom found words of protection for a wonderful girl who had been the favorite of the whole neighborhood for so many years. He reminded too sharply of the language that it is impossible to judge a person without knowing the reasons for his action. And he did not judge Omer. Iso told him about the hire of Defne from Neriman and the old master, understanding the pain and resentment of both, begged Allah not to turn away from Omer and Defne. Give them the strength and wisdom to step over offenses and understand the importance of each other and their love.
Passions raged around Topal's and only Defne remained indifferent. Day by day, she slowly faded away, turning into an almost transparent, ethereal shadow. A pale copy of the former, ridiculous and cocky, Defne. She did not want to talk to anyone, could not eat or sleep. At night she lay on her narrow bed, looked at the ceiling and silently cried. And when it was possible to fall asleep dreams came. In them, Omer smiled warmly and tenderly at her, hugged her with hot hands, whispered what he loved, and then pushed her away and she flew into the dark, muddy water.
Today, this dream again pursued her. But new images came to her. For the first time, Defne dreamed of a wedding. The dream was so vivid and realistic that even after waking up, she could not get rid of the feelings it aroused. Her heart ached. It was hard to breathe. She rose from the bed, threw an old knitted jacket over her shoulders and went out onto the balcony. She breathed in deeply fresh air, leaned against the railing and closed her eyes.
"Defne, my love! My Defne ... ", - she clearly heard his native voice and, realizing that this is a hallucination, she only closed her eyes tightly. A tear appeared from under her closed eyelashes and rolled down her cheek.
He's not coming back.
Never.
In the afternoon she sat on the balcony again. Grandmother with Serdar went to Manisa in the morning. Without granny blackmail tears Defne ignored Nihan requests for food. Her friend retreated and left her alone.
The August heat was outside, but Defne was chilly wrapped in a wool sweater. The icy emptiness inside did not allow her to warm even in the most scorching heat. Defne felt that she would never be warm again. This cold is now with her forever. Out of habit, the eyes were peering into the road, which appeared like a gray ribbon around the corner. A truck drove through it, then a neighbor boy raced on a bicycle. Defne saw them as if through a muddy prism. And suddenly her heart sank, and then with a furious joy pounded in her chest.
Familiar, black SUV turned into their street and slowly rolled to the house.
Defne got off the ground. She flew, leaping over the steps, not feeling her feet, laughing and crying with happiness, flew to the door. Now! One moment. She will open it and see her beloved, painfully dear, dark eyes.
Defne was ahead of the call. Widely opened the door and ... joy burst like a balloon. Heart fluttered and froze.
The eyes opposite were blue and faded. A gray-haired, tall man in whom she recognized Omer's lawyer, greeted and said:
- Mrs. Defne, I am the lawyer of Mr. Omer. Ryza Doigu. Can we talk to you inside?
She did not believe. It can not be. Black SUV had to bring Omer! Defne looked out onto the street. Maybe he is thereby the car?
But there was only Sukru near the car. He looked guiltily and with compassion, but did not utter a word. Just nodded in greeting. Realizing that Omer did not come and all her hopes were empty, Defne stepped aside and let the lawyer into the house. In the hallway, he took out of the folded paper and handed it to her.
- Mrs. Defne, Mr. Omer asked me to prepare documents for a divorce. They are in your hands. You need to put a signature in front of your last name on the last page.
Defne slowly, as in a dream, picked up the paper. Divorce. She was not even asked if she agreed. So ... there is no hope. She will never see Omer again.
Her fingers trembled when she tried to turn the pages and the lawyer took the document and found the right one. He put a pen in her right hand and poked his finger at the empty box next to her name. The graph above was also empty.
- Why is there no Omer signature? - Defne asked quietly.
"He is outside Turkey," the lawyer replied in a businesslike tone. - As soon as you sign the documents, I will immediately send them to him in Marseille.
- Marseille? - Defne put her hand to her chest. There, under the thin skin and brittle ribs appeared burning pain. It went down and twisted her inside with a knot, squeezed her lungs to the size of a pea, burned her mind with a hot iron.
- Omer in Marseille?
"Yes," said the lawyer briefly and persistently handed her the papers. - Mrs. Defne, hurry up. I am waiting for important things.
At the sound of voices from the kitchen came Nihan. Seeing the stranger and the paper in the hands of a friend, she came closer and looked into the document.
- Defne, what is it? - She asked and looked dumbfounded at the girl.
"Divorce papers," she answered dully.
Nihan gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Defne signed the papers and gave them to a lawyer. He hid them in a folder and asked:
- Do you want to give something to Mr. Omer?
"No," Defne answered, but right then, closing her eyes, corrected herself: "Yes ..."
She slowly removed the rings. In recent weeks, the girl has lost so much weight that they slipped off her finger quite easily ... As easily as Omer turned away from her and went to Iz.
Defne put the golden rings in the lawyer's outstretched palm and waited silently for him to say goodbye and come out of the door. Then she reached for the shelf under the coat rack, took her sneakers and started to put on.
- Defne, where are you going? - screamed Nihan.
- To the embankment. I want to get some fresh air, "she replied in a lifeless voice.
"I'm with you," fearing to let her go alone, said her friend.
- Do not. - Defne looked at her with such eyes that Nihan recoiled. - I want to be alone.
Defne went out of the house and wandered along the street. The door remained open. Nihan watched her go and was chilling with horror. The foreboding of trouble with an icy hand squeezed her heart. And it was necessary for this lawyer to come exactly when Serdar and his grandmother left home. And she, with her eight-month belly, is only able to waddle over like a duck.
Nihan, although she seemed from the side of a frivolous fool, in fact, thought quickly. Slipping into the living room, she grabbed the phone on the table and called the only person who could help her and Defne now.
- Iso! She shouted at the mobile. - Where are you now? In the workshop?
- No, in the market. And what happened? - the male voice was clearly frightened.
"Omer's lawyer came," Nihan shouted into the phone. - Brought paper for divorce. Defne signed. And then left. And she ordered me not to go with her.
- Where did she go?
- She said, on the embankment.
- Well, what are you so boiling? She will go and come back. She is a grown girl.
- Iso, what are you saying? She's like a zombie. Does not see anything, does not hear. Exhausted completely. From the wind bends. - Nihan began to cry. - Iso, I beg you, go after her! I'm scared. Have a bad premonition.
- Well, do not cry! Now I'll drop products at home and run to the embankment, "their friend promised and completed the call.
But Nihan still could not calm down. Holding the belly rushed from one window to the next, and then could not stand it and called her husband.
Defne walked along the sunlit street. Slow. Head down and clasping the puny shoulders.
Life was in full swing. The children laughed. The men banged dice on the backgammon boards. The simite pretzel seller rumbled with his cart and invited her to taste the hot baking. Gossiping women.
Defne heard these sounds as if through a layer of cotton wool. She did not see how, when she appeared, the local gossipers pressed their lips and looked with condemnation at the slim figure. They whispered behind her back and laughed at Grandmother Turkian, who was unable to raise her daughter or granddaughter. Probably, Esra will grow up the same shameless.
She went forward. To the Bosphorus Channel. It beckoned her, pulled her like a magnet. Defne felt - there, near the water, unbearable pain would let her go and a long-awaited stupor would come.
The noise of the waves and the cries of the gulls made her raise her head. I came. Here it is, Bosporus. So beautiful and indifferent to people and their suffering.
Defne went to the bench and sat down. Just a year ago, she sat on it and cried about her irresponsible brother. The problems of that time seemed unsolvable and terrible. And there was no more pain in the world than at that moment ...
How wrong she was!
Omer, again and again, proved to her that there is a pain. Raised her up to the sky, and then threw her on the ground. She broke into small pieces but he left without even trying to listen, understand, trust. Just to look back and see how she is? Is she alive?
She was dying, and he calmly left everything behind and went to Iz ...
Here, on the embankment heated by the sun, Defne remembered their every quarrel and parting, every word Omer said, his cold silence and clearly understood - he did not love her. Never.
She got up from the bench, walked to the water's edge and looked into the depths. Dark. Fascinating. Calling.
"Defne, I can't believe you ..."
"I can't look you in the face..."
"I do not want to see you in my life and next to me from now on"
Uttered by the voice of Omer, the words ruthlessly dug into her brain.
But where are they from?
Omer did not say them. Never spoke. He left silently.
"Dream!" - a flash of fire flashed in the elusive consciousness. That old dream.
Omer spoke these words in a dream. And then ... In her eyes darkened. An invisible hand hit her in the chest, and she flew backwards into the water.
- Defne !!!! - A desperate cry flew to her ears.
It was the last thing she heard before the water closed over her head. Consciousness was turned off, and a ringing void swallowed her completely.
She doesn't hurt anymore ...
She is no more.