Chapter 48
"You're awfully quiet. What's wrong?" Levi nudged my arm tenderly. We were tangled up in each other's arms, while we laid on his unusually wide bed.
I lifted my gaze to his, and admitted. "A girl asked me to be her trainer, for her recruit into the fight club."
"That's amazing news." Levi caught my glum look. "Isn't it?"
"Not really, and I'm not sure that I'm comfortable having one right now."
Levi looked at me carefully. "Why don't you want one?"
"Because the last one I had, actually died."
Levi's lips turned down. "Taye."
"I know she wasn't really my trainee, but it felt like one. It feels so hard to just look at someone else right now. Her memory's still so fresh to me, and I can't seem to let it go."
"I know how that's like. When Arnold died, it took me a while to get over it, and I ended up making the best decision choosing you."
"You had six months to get over the death. Besides, you only chose me for political reasons, not because you were done grieving."
Levi's eyebrow raised. "Considering that Arnold died in front of me, I thought it would take much longer. The nightmares of that day and my heightened anxiety didn't help matters one bit."
"I had no idea. Sorry."
He shrugged. "The nightmares are all gone now. Thank God.". He paused for a split second, then said. "If you're not ready for a trainee, you can refuse to have one. That's the best you can do."
I sighed. "I don't want one, but I feel so bad for her. So I told her that I'd give her a reply in a week."
"A week? So that's when you're back from the Radiants Leaders Meeting?"
I nodded "That's the plan. By then I'd have enough time to think."
"Good luck with that." He dragged himself off the bed, and pulled out a parcel from his desk drawer. "This just came in this morning. It would have come earlier, but it's hard to ship any of these into the border."
My nose crinkled. "What's that?"
He handed the parcel to me, and I took a peek of what's inside. "Your flip phone. Best used to avoid being tracked and used only for communications between other reps and district leaders or vice."
"I keep forgetting that reps and leaders use phones."
"Only for texts and calls. You're not allowed to contact your family, no matter how tempting it is, or you'd be kicked out completely."
It was tempting to just speak to any one of my family, but I didn't want to risk anyone's safety. "It's unfair, but I'll follow the damn laws."
"I know how much you want to hear from them, and I'm sorry. I know how that is."
I glared. "How could you possibly know? Your dad still sees you every damn day."
"I'm not in contact with my birth mom."
"He banned you from that?"
Levi shook his head. He seemed hesitant to speak, but then he looked at me, and the words came spilling out. "He always showed his disapproval of me trying to find out anything about her, so I gave up trying. I don't even know if she's alive or dead. Besides, I'm scared of disappointing him. His heart isn't the strongest these days and I'm afraid of giving him any news that could literally kill him."
My voice turned hard. "You always have an excuse for him, don't you?"
Levi folded his arms. "He needs me. I owe him that. I'm all he has left."
I looked warily at him, and wondered when he'd ever break free of Vikram Caden's control.
.....
"Guess what I have here" I asked Koré, when I got into the mechanics domain.
Kóre paused what he was doing. He dabbed a face towel on his forehead. Tangerine coloured eyes looked tired. "What's up, Tamar?"
"Damn. You seem so busy. What are you up to?"
"Just normal stuff. What do you have with you?"
I smiled my brightest, and handed to him the small zipped up bag "Here you go."
He eyed me suspiciously. "What's in it?"
"Lunch. Your usuals. You know. I didn't see you at breakfast and lunch, so I brought some over."
Kóre's face lit up. He looked oddly adorable like this. "Gee thanks. I haven't eaten anything all day, because of work. I owe you one."
"Cool. Wanna eat together. I brought mine."
Kóre nodded, then put on a shirt, over his overall. "I know you're here, cause you want to have someone to talk to, and you know how food is my weakness."
I grinned. "You know me so well."
"So what's up?" He said, as we sat on a corner most alcove, far away from the rest of the people working.
"I feel like Levi doesn't tell me everything. Sometimes I feel left out, and I want to help him, but a lot of times I find myself not understanding his choices, when I want to. Mostly because, he doesn't always tell me everything, and it's so damn hard."
Kóre gave an amused look. "Now you know how I feel when you and Kel leave me out of things."
I shot him a look. "I'm serious here."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm almost as new as you are here, so I don't know a lot of things around here, cause things are always in hush hush here, but you should know that secrecy, comes with being a leader. He's probably trying his best, but whatever problems YOU'RE having with Levi, you should tell him, not me. Or you'd end up giving yourself doubts about him."
"He has been through a lot and I don't want him to see me as a nag. I just want him to open up to me."
"If he has deep scars, then he would never unfold it at once. Give it a while, or are you going to tell me that you've told him EVERY single secret in your life?"
I was going to say yes, then a memory crossed my mind, and I found myself lost for words.
Kóre smirked. "I'll take that as a no. We've all got personal issues here. Some more than others. You just need to let yourself let it go."
"What if I don't know how to?"
"Then you probably aren't ready to survive living here. Secrets bind us together around here."