Hi everybody..Well, its been a minute, that is for sure. First off, I just need to say how sorry I am that I have been gone for so long. I have been going through something I never thought I would have to go through and its created and immense amount of trauma for me. Yes, for awhile I was able to write for you guys but lately, new things have come up creating another brick wall of a writing block for me. Things have been horrible. But writing is my passion and I need to start again. Move past the fear. So with that being said, here is the 10th chapter of Pretty Girl. I am almost done with Chapter 11. I cannot wait for you guys to see what is to come. Just know that you are important, you matter. I love you.
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CHAPTER 10: The dress Sydney wore was a black lace V-neck wrap dress, falling to her knees. It had a long black silk ribbon sash that wrapped around her waist.
Her hair was pulled up in a chignon at the nape of her neck, a black ribbon tied around to hold it in place. She wore a simple pearl necklace that emphasized her long neck and collarbone. Simple makeup made her features stand out, light powder to show the porcelain ivory of her skin, blush, nude lipstick and a black mascara that made her eyelashes look long and feathery.
The pearl necklace she wore belonged to her mother, something she never wanted to take for granted.
She reached up to run her fingers along them just as the bathroom door swung open after a knock. Giovanni stuck his head in, asking if she was ready. She looked back into the mirror nodding.
At her sad expression, he sighed and walked in. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, a hand on her shoulder, his gaze fatherly.
She looked at him in the reflection, throat tight as she forced herself to nod and then respond in a soft, "I'm fine."
It took everything in her to push out the lie.
Giovanni's jaw tightened. "Can I please tell Alice why you were gone...why you left? She deserves to know that you didn't just up and leave on a whim."
Sydney spun around to face him—she was grateful rather than irritated at the sparking flare of anger in her chest. It was better than the bone deep sadness and heartbreak that hadn't left her since the news of her mother and stepfathers passing broke. "I would rather have her think of me as the biggest bitch on the face of the planet as long as it keeps her SAFE. I'd rather have all of them—Natalie, Hazel, Layla, Ethan, Julian, Antony and Marcello. I'm pissed off enough as it is that you have to know and that I had to come back. I want them all to be safe, even if it means that...they hate me."
The words out-loud hurt her more than she thought it would. But it was true. She wanted them to be safe at all costs.
Giovanni stepped forward. "I know you want everyone to think that you are invincible, but you aren't, Syd. You bleed. You break. Do you know how upset they would be if you just kept something so big from them? Even with as much as you want to think it, Sydney, regardless, you HAVE to tell them some time and some time SOON. Wouldn't you rather them be safe and knowing rather than not know at all and be oblivious to the danger that's out there?"
Sydney felt her lips thin as she looked down and away.
He was right.
She knew it, but she didn't have it in her to tell them right now.
Giovanni's eyes grew sympathetic as he leaned down to engulf her in a hug that was more familiar to her than most things in life. He had always been the dad she had never had. Releasing her, he turned to go open the door when Natalie came in with a sad heartbroken look on her face as she reached out to hug Sydney.
"It'll be okay." Natalie whispered.
Sydney forced the emotion she felt down and followed them out and down the long corridor of the funeral home. Before they reached the door that led outside to where the service was Natalie turned and grabbed Sydney's hands in her own.
"I never thought this day would come..." She whispered, voice shaky as she tried to hold in her tears.
Giovanni's chest swelled and ached at the pain in his little wife's voice. She sounded so broken, he hadn't heard her sound so broken since her mother had died. He would ruin the world just to see his wife happy.
"I feel like this is a bad dream I am going to wake up from and that Ciara will be laying next to me in bed, watching Luke Perry on T.V. but she is gone...isn't she?" A tear rolled down Natalie's high cheekbone.
Syd reached up to wipe it away even as she felt her own throat tighten at the little drop of salt water. Seeing at how close Syd was to breaking, Natalie wiped her face and drew up her shoulders. "Let's get this over and done with."
They grabbed each other's hands and walked out. The day was rainy...fitting, so Sydney thought.
They stood under the black tent as the priest read out the prayers. Marcello and Antony stood behind her, warm and protective figures. Natalie sat on her right—Giovanni next to her-- while Layla sat on her left.
The only person that was absent was Alice.
Syd looked forward back to where the droves of flowers sat next to the two caskets. One was a light cream and the other, Ciara's was a soft lavender purple.
They were both decorated with even more elaborate flowers and ribbons, looking like the coffins were sprinkled with diamonds as the rain hit the polished surfaces. The priest gestured to Sydney for a eulogy and even though it was just her close family and friends that she had known for forever, she still felt a blush come to her cheeks.
She didn't like showing her emotions.
She didn't want to cry in front of people...and she knew already how close she was to losing it.
She straightened her shoulders and swallowed hard as she stood, smoothing down her skirt.
At the stand she let out a shaky breath and looked over at her mom's casket before looking forward again, staring at the faces that looked back lovingly at her.
"I never thought I'd be here, therefore I don't have a eulogy to read. Even when I thought about writing one, I'd sit down and...it was like my mind would have this huge brick wall that stood between me and that little pencil and paper. I don't know if it was me not wanting to face the words I'd be writing, the words where I say she will be missed and that she was my best friend. Or the words where I would be saying how I will miss her laugh...her cooking,"
Sydney stared off into the line of trees where the woods are next to the cemetery, staring sightlessly as she went on.
"Or that I'll never get to hear her laugh again...see her smile again. Make dinner with her. I didn't want to face any of this. I wanted to run away...because that is what I am good at, but the reason why I didn't is because my mom deserves to have someone talk about how amazing she was. She deserved to be spoken about like a princess. So, I am going to do that. My mom was a hid behind a mask of stubbornness and fast-wit. But behind it all, she...she was a scared girl just looking for a happily ever after. She was outgoing and fun and had the best jokes and an even better laugh to go with them. She always said to me that carrying me and bringing me into this world was her greatest achievement and the only thing she ever did right. But she was wrong. SHE was the greatest achievement because she went through so much and still managed to go on. Still managed to be a doting, amazing, mother and wife. She never gave herself enough credit. But I have a feeling in her last moments...she wasn't scared. She was never scared for herself...she was scared for the people she loved. And I know while she was laying there, she finally knew peace."
Sydney wiped away the tear that fell down her face quickly.
She turned to and went to sit down when Hazel got up from where she was sitting and ran forward to engulf Sydney's legs in a tight hug.
Sydney looked down at the little girl, resting her hand on the girl's mane of curls.
Hazel looked up and spoke, something she never did. "I sorry you lost your mommy. I know how it feels and it sad."
As if to make her feel better, the little girl patted her leg and went to sit down on Julian's lap who welcomed her with open arms.
Sydney sat down and listen half-heartedly as other people whose lives had been affected by not only by Ciara but by Ciara's husband-the only father Sydney had ever really known.
Soon, people began to disperse. But Sydney just sat there...staring at where her mother would lay for the rest of eternity.
She vaguely felt the hugs of Julian and Hazel and Layla, heard the sobs of Natalie as she said goodbye to her best friend. She hugged Sydney goodbye, distraught and Giovanni gave her a quick hug as well, but was focused on his wife.
The only people left were Marcello and Antony.
They stood behind her as she walked closer to the casket, a silent and reassuring presence that she would never actually ask for, but needed dearly.
Quietly, she stood in front of the caskets.
With shaking fingers, she dusted her fingers along the soft surface. She felt tears fill her eyes and this time, she didn't stop them from falling.
As if the earth cried with her, it began to rain even harder.
She knew this was goodbye.
She knew it was her goodbye to her mom, but as she stood there, she realized for the life of her she couldn't. She couldn't let her go. A soft sob escaped her as her knees gave, hitting the soft, wet grass and making the stockings she wore have water seep through the knees.
"Mom..." She whispered, resting both of her hands on the casket as she let out an ailing cry, resting her head next to where she was sure her mothers was inside the coffin. "Please don't leave me here. Please. God, please don't let this be real! I am not strong enough. Please momma. Don't leave me here. I can't do this! Please! Take me with you! Please!" She wailed.
Arms came around her waist and lifted her up, the water came down hard now, making her hair stick to the sides of her face.
She cried into the reassuring wall of Marcello's chest, hearing Antony follow close behind them, leaves crunching beneath their big feet.
In the car they went, but instead of setting her down like she expected Marcello to do so, instead he held her there, still as tight as he could as she cried into his chest. Her heart never had felt so broken, a pain burning and ripping at the seams that held her already broken heart together ripping and pully until little pieces of her heart spilled out in little broken and painful shards.
The pain that bloomed behind her ribcage, only grew with each breath she shuddered into her aching lungs.
"Shh." Marcello whispered, brushing the hair away from her face.
She felt him kiss the top of her head as Antony got into the car, too, picked up Syd's feet and rested them in his lap. He slipped off her shoes and rubbed his big hands up and down her stocking-clad legs.
She thought that she should feel like she was in absolute heaven, hell any other girl would, but Sydney couldn't focus on anything other than the heartbreak inside her.
She had been holding it like a ball of string, managing to keep the end of the string wrapped around the ball of yarn to hold itself together, but finally she had to let it go. The yarn unfurled and with it, her emotions unfurled too, spinning until it was a knotted, tangled mess that was exposed to the very air she breathed.
Her sobs hiccupped as the car soon pulled to a stop.
Antony patted Marcello on the shoulder and quiet words were discussed before Marcello growled and muttered under his breath. He handed Sydney to Antony, who welcomed her eagerly into his arms like she was a wounded puppy he wanted to take care of and ease back into good health.
He hummed softly as they got out of the car, climbing up the steps to go in the house, which was surprisingly silent.
It smelled just as it always had, familiar and warm.
Marcello followed close behind as Antony carried her upstairs to where her room was. The rain lightly pelted the window, hitting the glass in an almost melodic tune as Marcello walked forward to pull down her bed covers so that his brother could set her down.
Her sheets felt cold to her already icy cold body.
She instantly curled up into a little ball, resting her hands under the side of her face as she turned away to face the window.
Marcello walked over and pulled the curtains shut so that the room was a little bit darker.
Antony pulled the blankets up over her small form and tucked the sheets under her chin, smoothing the hair away from her face and rubbing a thumb along the high of her cheekbone and up to her temple.
"You'll be okay, Squid. Everything will be okay, just rest, okay? You are loved and you have people here for you."
The build up of tears in her eyes caused a single drop to fall down the bridge of her nose as gravity pulled it down towards the bed. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek before he quietly left.
She was alone with Marcello now.
He stared at her from where he still stood in front of the blinds. He hadn't moved even slightly since he had closed the curtains, since Antony kissed her face.
He was as completely and utterly motionless. He was like a marble sculpture in an expensive and fancy museum, unmoving, cold and completely devoid of any of emotion.
But she knew he was feeling something, some type of emotion whether it was sadness, lust, anger, hatred...she didn't know what it was.
She knew it was there though, by the stiff set of his shoulders and how his hands clenched into fists at his sides, how his jaw tightened as he stared at her. His eyes were shuttered, she couldn't read him...and even then, when could she?
He was the one person she couldn't read by their face and movements and actions. He was an enigma to her, he scared her, he thrilled her...but he also didn't want her.
She stared right back at him, unmoving.
She knew he wanted to run, that she did see, but for whatever reason, he didn't.
He broke the staring contest with a blink as he started to walk towards the door. She gently closed her eyes, expecting him to walk right out and not say a single word...but her eyes snapped open when she heard the door gently click close.
Slowly, she turned and sat up, pulling her knees up to her chest as her hair fell in messy waves down her shoulders.
She wrapped her arms around her legs and watched him as he turned back to face her.
Her heart picked up tempo tenfold as Marcello then undid the cufflinks on his suit and undid the single button before pulling the suit-jacket from his shoulders, his muscles straining against the thin white material of his dress shirt.
He pulled at the tie on his neck and pulled it off, tossing it aside. He unbuttoned the first few buttons of the dress shirt and then kicked off his shoes.
"I am going to lay with you now, Sydney, because you don't have to go through this alone. All the time, ever since we were little that is all you have ever done—is put up a front that you are okay, that you are fine, because you don't want people to worry about you and you don't want to seem weak because you are scared people will see you as weak. Well, today Sydney, I am just going to hold you, because it is okay that you aren't okay. Its okay to need to be held sometimes. Now, scoot over." Marcello demanded quietly.
Sydney felt her eyes and heart alike, flutter.
She did as he asked and quietly lied down with her hands up under her cheek. Marcello climbed in next to her and copied her action.
They were only inches away and, in that moment, there was nothing sexual, just simply love and kindness.
In that moment, they were just back to being a little girl and a little boy, trying to understand the vastness of the world they had come into.
She stared into his eyes and he stared back into hers. A tear fell down her cheek. "I never get to see her again." She whispered, voice cracking.
"I-I didn't get to say goodbye..." She cried softly, face crumpling. "I didn't g-get to say g-goodbye!"
Sobs overcame her as she covered her face with her hands and in a blink, Marcello had grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her into his warm embrace.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her face in his neck, his knee coming to rest between her legs.
They were tangled together and Sydney let herself cry.
She let herself cry for the fact her mother would never get to see her again, that she would never get to have what she thought was eternal. So, together, in that moment, Marcello held her and let her cry, let her be vulnerable.
He gave her his love.
And by the time she was done crying, she was so exhausted and so comfortable in his arms, that she drifted off into a deep sleep.
When Sydney woke next, she was alone.
She knew that before she opened her eyes.
She let out a soft breath as she touched the place where Marcello had been laying.
Her heart gave a painful squeeze. Of course he wasn't there anymore.
Of course he had left. He did have a fiancé to go home to after all...and Sydney... Sydney was here, alone. As always. As she would always be. She looked over at the clock and found that it was almost 4:30 in the morning.
But...she was wide awake.
Her head hurt from crying and as she stood and walked over to the mirror, found her eyes were red, too. Her hair was messy, dress rumpled. She let out a deep breath and slipped on some slippers before silently padding to the door and opening it up.
The halls were quiet and desolate. Sydney may sure to stay quiet as she made her way down the corridor and down the stairs, through the foyer and the kitchen to the backdoor. She opened it quietly, the backdoor lighting up the porch which she quickly shut off. But there, sitting in the quiet early morning of the backyard was the treehouse that Giovanni had built for them when they were young.
It was exactly as it always had been. There were two small windows that were decorated with amber orange colored curtains that Natalie had sewn specifically for the treehouse. Fairy lights were strung up on along the walls and ceilings and pictures, hundreds of pictures, decorated the ceiling. A small makeshift bed lay on the floor will three pillows and a blanket that they had used since childhood.
Quietly, Sydney turned on the fairy lights and then laid down onto the bed, staring up at the many pictures that decorated it.
Every time one of them had a dream, they would post it onto the ceiling, hoping one day it would come true.
Marcello had posted a picture of a vintage truck, Antony had posted a picture of a first edition Mark Twain book and Alice had posted a picture of a wedding gown while Sydney had put up a picture of a house with a big wraparound porch and a white picket fence.
There were other things, pictures of a golden retriever and a German Shepard, an iPod, tickets to a concert, and pictures of the Eiffel tower.
Sydney stared up at all the dreams they had when they were kids, a lot of them having come true, some still not.
Getting up, Sydney reached over to a small little desk and pulled open the drawer, finding a big scrapbook inside they had made when Sydney was around 9. They had put things into it up until they were 17.
She flipped through the pages, smiling softly at the carefree smiles on everyone's faces. The Christmas mornings, the birthday dinners, the Easter egg hunts.
Finally, she flipped to a page where Ciara stood, bent down at the waist while hugging a widely grinning Sydney from behind at the legs, a stuffed teddy bear wrapped into her long skinny arms.
Tears filled her eyes as she ran her fingers over the picture of her mom's smiling face. She was heartbroken that she would never get to see the beautiful smile that graced her mom's face, the twinkle in her eyes as she laughed, ever again.
It felt like someone was twisting at her heart, trying to rip it out so they could break it even more than it already was.
Tears fell down her face as she broke down, hugging the book to her chest.
"Mom, why did you have to leave me here?" She whispered brokenly. "Why did you have to leave me when you know how mean and cruel this world can be?"
She looked down at the picture again, pulling it out from between the two plastic sheets. Her mom hadn't chosen to leave, she told herself.
She had been dragged out of this life; she hadn't had a choice.
So, Sydney made it her mission to find out who had done this to her mom. Who had taken that bright light inside of her away? "I promise, mom. I promise."
She was going to make the person or people that did this pay.
Pulling a thumbtack from one of the other pictures, Sydney pinned it into the ceiling of the walls of dreams.
It was stupid, but she could only wish her mom could come back, someway, somehow. Even if she knew it would never happen.
She stared at that picture for a long time and was starting to drift off when she heard a crack come from outside, then the creak of the ladder being used to get up to the treehouse.
A head popped up as the curtain was pulled back. "Hey, Malice." Sydney murmured softly.
Alice smiled sadly at her friend as she climbed up the rest of the way and crawled into the treehouse. "Hi, Squid."
They didn't say anything else.
Alice just laid down next to where Sydney laid and both of them stood staring up at the ceiling at all of the pictures.
Finally, Alice broke the silence. "I'm so sorry...that I wasn't there today. That I let my anger get the best of me when my best friend needed me dearly." Alice turned her head to look at the side profile of Sydney's face, heart aching as a tear fell down her friend's temple.
Sydney swallowed hard, fighting back even more tears as she turned her head to her best friend's. "It's okay...you had every right to be upset...to be mad. I shouldn't have left without telling you...even if I was doing it to-" She cut herself off, knowing how stubborn Alice was and that if she knew even the smallest bit of what was going on, she would go into something almost as bad as mamma bear mode...best friend mode. Alice, smart and highly keen, caught it. "Do it to...what? Sydney...what is going on? And don't tell me its nothing. I can tell that its not just nothing. I can tell there is something going on. You are different...you aren't yourself...you are acting...scared. You never act scared, either, so I know it must be something big, too."
Sydney closed her eyes, letting out a sigh as she shook her head, sitting up and pulling her legs to her chest. "Alice, I can't talk about it...I just...can't. Hell, even if I could I wouldn't know what to say. But I do know that you wont just accept that answer either so the only thing I can and will say, is that someone out there is after me...why...I am not sure...who, I am not sure about that either. And I cannot, I repeat, I CANNOT let anything happen to anyone else that I love. I simply wouldn't survive it. So, just trust me when I tell you that I am doing my absolute best to stay safe, but its hard to fight back when you don't know what you are fighting."
Alice looks absolutely mortified as she say opens her mouth to say something, but Sydney cuts her off.
Tearfully, she asks simply, "Alice, just hug me, please?"
A tear running down her cheek, her face crumples and she lets out a sob that breaks Alice's heart in that moment, exactly.
Alice had never seen Sydney so distraught and such a wreck. Hell, she had rarely seen Syd cry let alone sob.
Alice's eyes fill with tears herself as she throws her arm around her best friend.
The girls who had been friends since they were babies, held each other while they cried.
Knowing that Alice was there, somehow helped Sydney's ache in her heart.
Easily, an hour had passed and now the girls weren't crying because they were sad, they were crying from laughter.
Alice pointed to one photo where Alice was wrapped around Sydney's middle and both girls were smiling. "I remember that day. We had our very first and very last pot brownie. I remember you kept talking about this fictional unicorn that followed us around. What was his name?"
Sydney smiled softly. "Penny. His name was Penny."
"We had a lot of fun...didn't we?"
Sydney closed her eyes and smiled. "We did. We still do."
Alice turned her head to look at her best friend. "Give me your hand!" She said with excitement.
Sydney sat up, eyebrows furrowed as she smiled. Alice took her hand and placed it on her tummy and sure enough, she felt it.
She gasped and laid her head down onto Alice's stomach. "Hi, little one. You haven't met me yet, well you have...but you were the size of a black eyed pea. But...with all that being said, I am your auntie. I am going to throw you the best first birthday party ever. And for your mom, too."
Alice looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?" Alice asked.
Sydney lifted her head, but quickly replaced her hand on the spot to continue feeling the baby kick. "I'm going to throw you two...a baby shower." Sydney said.
Alice laughed and shook her head, long dark hair waving as she does so. "You really don't have to do that." "I know I don't, but it's the least I can do for being gone for so long. Plus, as I said this is my little niece or nephew and I want to show them how excited I am." Alice smiled.
"Thank you. So much. You're the best."
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Syd asked.
Alice smiled and shook her head, staring at her round tummy. "No, We wanted it to be a surprise, Ethan wants it to be a girl."
Sydney cocked her eyebrow, "What do you think it is?" She asked.
"I don't know...and I don't care, really. Just as long as he or she is born happy and healthy, to come into his world knowing they will be loved completely and unconditionally.
Syd swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat, simply replying to her always angelic best friend with, "You are going to be the most amazing mother."
Alice and Sydney smiled and together, they laid down, staring up at the wall of dreams as they fell into their very own dreams, unaware of what tomorrow would bring...
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Okay! That is Chapter 10. Even though I didn't lose my mom or anything, I wanted to try and depict some of the emotion of what I have been feeling lately into this chapter. I will be uploading soon! I have decided that this is a therapy that I need. So, on we go, with this journey :) xoox I love you! VOTE. COMMENT. FOLLOW. SHARE. -Hannah