word count:
‣ 1949 (bit of a doozy)
warnings:
↳ angst (probably the most angsty chapter yet), bad writing, i think it only has one swear word but oh well
summary: ❝ the party lives in a world where women are born without seeing color, but see color depending on the emotion their soulmate makes them feel when they meet, and sees all colors when they connect. eleven knows that mike is her soulmate, but she keeps to herself.
that is, until a certain someone named rachel makes her vision go pure green ❞
a/n: based on dear-selena 's series on tumblr :)
{modern au}
{soulmate au}
[told in eleven's pov]
✧✧✧
The weekend seemed to drag on for an eternity, the anxiety continuing to bubble in the pit of my stomach.
After Mike left to go back home, I had a short period of two days to come up with a plan to tell Mike about my whole soulmate situation. I had spent a lot of my time sobbing in my bathroom, the blue beginning to be more prominent. My mind continued to go over it's different possibilities of how telling Mike would result. My favourite was the one where he picked me up, smashed our lips together, and confessed that he was glad we were soulmates.
But of course, good possibilities have as much of a chance of occurrence as bad possibilities. I hated when the one scenario popped into my mind of him rejecting me, or telling me that he wishes it was Rachel... and even leaving me in general, our friendship being destroyed.
My mind was constantly screaming at me of how he wouldn't want me to be his soulmate. I could practically imagine his look of disappointment, whispering something about how I wasn't Rachel.
The hopeful thoughts in my mind are soon flooded with anxiety. Why would he prefer me to Rachel? Rachel was perfect. She was kind, funny, popular, gorgeous. Compared to her, I was a particle of dust against a diamond.
The dreadful thoughts follow me all the way through the weekend, and are even blaring in my mind when Monday rolls around.
I walk without purpose to my locker, constantly reminding myself to take deep breaths, afraid that if not I may slip into a panic attack.
I shoved my lunch into my locker carelessly, trying to ignore the purple I saw. I had seen purple a few times due to Mike, and his reckless behaviour at times. This time was different though, I was afraid to be around Mike, not afraid for Mike.
I peek at the small mirror on my locker door, taking note of my enormous bags beneath my eyes. My hair was slightly knotted at the ends, and my eyes were drooped with sadness and fear. I sigh shakily, rolling my shoulders in a feeble attempt to lessen my stress.
"Someone looks like they missed out on their necessary beauty sleep." A voice snaps me from my anxious thoughts, and I turn to see Max leaning against the locker next to mine.
"Couldn't sleep. I was busy... thinking of something." I refrain from telling her about my plan. I trusted Max with my life, but this was something I felt I could handle myself.
"Like how you're going to tell Mike you're his soulmate?" My breath hitches, and I turn to look at her with wide eyes. She lightly smirks, her eyebrow raised as she looks at me expectantly.
"W-What?" I gasp out, and she snickers.
"I knew you would tell him eventually, you've been ignoring him on our group chat. Plus, I'm awesome." She dramatically flips her red hair and I would usually laugh at it, but my throat seems to be too tight to let out a laugh.
She turns and begins waking to class, and I rush to catch up with her. "El, you're stuck with Mike. He's an idiot, but he's your soulmate. You've gone long enough hiding your feelings and pretending it doesn't bother you that Rachel is back, so stop letting yourself suffer and tell him."
I smile sadly at her, ignoring that she insulted my soulmate, and nod slowly. "Okay."
"Good. And, do something about your hair, El."
✧✧✧
Lunch had rolled around that day, and I had yet to see Mike. My mind concluded that he may have been sick, or just decided to ditch class; it wasn't unlike him to leave.
Usually I would be worried, and seeing purple, but I only saw orange at the moment. Orange for confidence.
I was finally going to reveal my feelings, something I wasn't the best at, but I was ready.
I turn around the final corner on my route to the cafeteria, and immediately halt in my tracks when I ran into another body.
I look confusedly at Dustin, who places a finger to his lips and gestures towards the lockers near the cafeteria. My vision follows his nudge and my once orange vision shifts to green when I see Rachel and Mike talking.
"I'm trying to read their lips." Dustin speaks so quietly that I nearly can't hear his words.
I shrug, his strange actions aren't out of his usual actions. I peek over the lockers under him, his head lightly laid against the top of mine as we watch the two interact.
My heart clenches when I see Rachel place a delicate kiss on Mike's cheek, before grinning at him and walking into the cafeteria.
Mike stares dumbfounded at her before jumping up and down like a small child. I wanted so badly to laugh in adoration of him, but everything feels numb and flooded with anxiety.
He grins when he sees Dustin and I peeking over the corner, and rushes to us with his infamous grin upon his face.
"Uh, Mike? What's got your head in the clouds, bud?" Dustin asks, as I bite my lip so hard I'm sure it will draw blood.
"I finally grew that pair of balls everyone told me to get, and I asked out Rachel! She said yes!!" He grins, and even though my vision had now shifted into a deep blue and I could only feel my heart shatter, I could feel his happiness radiating from him.
I hated that my vision was now a deep blue, a colour I very hardly saw around Mike, since he always made it his mission to make me happy around him. This time though, he didn't know how my heart was stopped.
When he smiles over at me, different colours fight for dominance. Red, green, purple and blue fight to overtake my vision. Eventually, my vision resettles on a mixture of green and blue; a relaxing colour but not with the situation.
My mind is moving a million miles a minute as I try to process that one of my biggest fears is now true. Mike asked out Rachel. Rachel said yes. I lost my chance. Mike was someone else's.
My soulmate doesn't want me.
My ears ring, but I can vaguely hear the conversation of excitement between Dustin and Mike. I bite my lip and blink rapidly to hold back the tears that want to badly to leak from my eyes. In order to not draw attention to myself, I slowly back away from the two. Once I was far enough from them, I break into a run to get away from Mike.
I dodge the people walking in the hallways, making a promise to myself to not cry in front of anyone. I would never live it down if I let myself break down in front of half the students in my school. I make my way to the nearest bathroom, and soon hear a voice calling my name.
"El! El, wait up!" Mike calls after me, and I glance over my shoulder to see him pushing through students to make his way to me.
I try to move faster through the crowd, but he soon makes his way to me.
Curse his long legs.
"El, are you alright? What happened?" He frantically asks, gently placing his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to face him.
I keep my eyes on the polished floor, and shake my head, refusing to tell him that he's the reason I'm not alright.
"I don't want to talk about it." I mumble, hoping he takes the hint and goes back to his Rachel. However, his stubborn personality makes him stay there, not letting me leave his grip.
"El, you can tell me." He says gently, placing a hand on my jaw and slowly moving my eyes to meet his. He frowns at the small tears in the corners of my eyes.
What the fuck is he thinking? One second he's cheering about getting the girl of his dreams and now he acts like he's concerned about me?
Something in my mind snaps. I refused to hold my tongue any longer, and I finally decide to stop lying to him.
"All I see is green and blue." I say quietly, wiping at my eyes.
His eyebrows furrow as his concerned eyes trace my face. I soon see a look of realization dawn on his face.
"Is your soulmate doing something bad to you?"
Are you fucking serious?
I let out an exasperated sigh, blinking back the new arrival of tears in my eyes.
"Yes. He is, Mike. You're doing something bad to me!" I snap, my voice echoing in the luckily now empty halls.
Mike's eyes widen, and I feel myself start to shrink into myself. "I'm... what?"
"I'm your soulmate, Mike! I knew that from the first time I saw you and my vision went pink from that stupid smile you gave me in chemistry class! I had grown to love the colour pink when I was around you! But then Rachel comes back from god knows where, and you basically worship the ground she walks on!! Every time she's around you forget about anyone else! And I hate it!! I hate seeing the color green because it reminds me that to you, I'm just some girl who is just your friend, when she's this goddess! She's not your soulmate yet you're willing to give her everything, when I suffer because I decided to not tell you that we were soulmates because I didn't want you to think it was a repeat of what happened with Polly!" I pause, my vision pulsing with green and blue. "I hate this because you don't see me that way."
My head begins pounding as my breathing grows ragged. That was it. He had all my cards on the table, and he could decide to throw them away or not. It was now out of my control.
I blink back tears as I hesitantly look up at him. His lips are pursed and fists are clenched. My stomach twists into knots. He was angry.
"Are... you... kidding... me?" His voice is loud and laced with frustration.
I gulp, taking a step away from the boy I was once so willing to give my heart. Red, purple, and green flicker between my eyes, settling on a dark purple.
Mike never was truly angry at me. Sure, he got frustrated at times when we fought, but he never was angry. His shaking body and clenched fists makes me regret even opening my mouth in the first place.
He begins shouting at me, but my ears are ringing so loudly in my head that I can't understand what he's saying. Blue shifts back into my vision, and I soon begin to feel tears slip down my cheeks, the wetness making my heart drop.
My mind explodes as I turn and run away from my problems, away from the shaking boy I loved...
Away from my soulmate who brushed aside my love for him.
I keep running as far as I can, refusing to break down until I'm alone. I finally make my way into the bathroom, and clutch the sides of the sink as a sob makes its way out of my throat. I let it all out, and look up at my reflection through the mirror. Blue is everywhere, a colour I also had grown to dread.
I sink into the floor, as all I can see is a deep blue for sadness.
✧✧✧
the series is ending soon wooooo!!! also, i hope you guys have enjoyed it so far even tho it's trash...
hAvE i MaDe U gUyS cRy YeT ?
also: announcement time!! i'm now taking requests again! i took requests in the beginning of when i wrote this book, but stopped bc i got busy writing with my own ideas, but if u guys have any requests for an imagine (or series) to write, just send me a message! i try to answer my messages as much as possible but sometimes wattpad doesn't give me the notifications right away.
make sure to specify:
* mileven, fillie, or just something with the whole cast/ characters
* what happens ?? u don't have to be too specific, i just need some sort of guideline (ex. millie taking care of finn when he's sick and he's all grumpy bc he doesn't want to take his medicine)
* is there an au with them?? ex. mob!finn, dad!finn and mom!millie, superhero au, hogwarts au, etc.
* if u want to remain unanimous, just let me know!
* NO SMUT!!!
love u guys (and OH MY GOD THAT U SM FOR 150k!!) ❤️