Chapter 34
Despite all our many differences, we all came together to say goodbye to one of our own. Taye. I didn't own any black dress and also didn't want to put any more pressure on the design team, who already had A LOT of black outfits to sew within 24 hours. Instead, I put together some outfits I wore whenever I needed to rescue recruits, and put it on.
I squeezed myself in a seat Oge reserved for me and met Levi already seated next to my wooden seat. He offered me a small smile and I nodded in acknowledgement.
Zuri, who was sat next to her brother, whispered to me. "You're finally here. You're a little late."
"I was just-" mourning the loss of a friend. "-gathering my thoughts."
Zuri's nose wrinkled. "Oh-kay."
Levi's voice softened. "It's good to see you."
I couldn't help the sad smile on my face. "You too".
"Can I?" I crinkled my nose in confusion when he asked. Then he motioned to my hand and I gave him a nod of approval. His warm hands interlaced with mine and my heart gave a little flutter. He raised the interlaced hands and kissed it softly. I didn't let myself read much into it. It wasn't a kiss of affection. I could tell. It was his way of showing emotional support and God knows how much we both needed it.
The ceremony had ended rather quickly and I excused myself from the others to give my condolences to Kenny. It wasn't easy to spot her and it seemed like she was purposely trying to avoid being seen. I did eventually find her walking down the halls in solitude. For a second, she looked exactly like Taye. Her skin had become pale, probably from excessive crying and fatigue, and that bright spark in her that I once knew, faded away. The way she walked down the halls reminded me of how Taye and I used to do the same thing at night, and she had a distant look on her face. A look that seemed like she was revisiting a memory.
She paused, in her tracks when she saw me. "Hi. Aren't you supposed to be inside?"
"The ceremony's over. Why aren't you in?"
"I got tired of people trying to console me. I just needed a minute to myself."
I nodded, and began to turn around, when she called out "Wait. You did come for a reason, right?"
"I'd rather not. You need your alone time."
She shrugged. "It's fine. You came to give your condolence, didn't you?"
I nodded. "I'm sorry about Taye's death. It can't be easy" Her lips curled down, but she let me continue "I do have a confession to make and I think you deserve to hear it."
"I'm listening."
"I taught Taye how to use guns. I taught her at least four or more classes. She was my friend. I kept on feeling bad that she sucked at it and let her keep coming over and over again. I know it's something you wouldn't have liked and I apologize for hiding that from you."
Her downcast look turned into a small smile. I wasn't sure if it was a figment of my imagination, because I wasn't expecting her to smile at all, especially on a day like this. "I already knew. She's not so good at keeping secrets and I figured it out. I'm not mad at you. In fact, I'm happy she got the chance to do that. She never really did things she wanted, because of her health and she finally did that, before she died. So I'm thankful and grateful she got to have that opportunity."
I felt relieved to hear that. "You have no idea how pleased I am to hear that" she nodded, but said nothing, so I asked "What are you going to do now?"
"The only thing I'm going to do. Move on. I'm going to let myself do things that I liked, because I was too afraid of making Taye feel bad. That's why we always did things together. I never wanted her to feel left out."
"What is it you've always wanted to do?"
"I haven't decided that yet. I never really let myself think about that, but now I can. I have all the time to figure it out."
"I'm glad you're seeing the positive side to this."
Her smile faltered."The positive side is all I have left, to let myself see, or I would end living a life of emotional torture and Taye would never have wanted that."
There was a brief silence between us. I nudged her gently and smiled softly at her. "We are radiants."
She smiled back, wiping off a teardrop that rolled down her cheek, and completed the mantra "We can't change who we are, but we can make a difference with it."
......