GOTHAM CITY, 4 YEARS AGO
Drake Lance
"How is two orders of orange chicken a snack?" David says following me in the apartment, while he wears his disguise civilian clothes for his undercover job, taking his little nightshift break with me. I carry the Chinese takeout and place it on the kitchen counter and begin unpacking hit.
"Because anything after midnight is considered a snack." I say and he looks at me confused.
"What? You just made that up." He says reading me and I chuckle as I just did. I just needed an excuse to have orange chicken, and to see him too. "Where you going with that food?" He teases me and hip bumps me lightly grabbing some of the food as I take my leather jacket off me.
David reaches into the food taking it out and placing the food into a plate until I hear heavy knocks on the door. I get confused as we don't have friends, neither neighbors to care about us. Me and David are to ourselves. We both give each other confused looks and David gets off the counter and walks towards the door as I continue to set up our dinner.
I hear the door open and a couple guys talking but I can't make out what they are saying. "Yo, what's this about?" David says in a different accent and voice tone and I look out to make sure everything is okay. 3 guys barge into the apartment while David follows from behind them and I begin to get nervous as they don't look like good news. "It's the middle of the night, this can't wait till morning?"
"What? We were in the neighborhood." The bald guy says as he stares directly at me and I stand defensively but not making myself obvious that I'm a threat. David walks up to me and puts his hands towards me gesturing to calm down and I follow his lead.
"It's okay." David says quietly and I take his word as I calm down, but keep myself alert.
"I'm sorry are we interrupting fag night?" The bald guy speaks again and I look towards David nervously.
"What's going on?" I ask him softly, still confused by what is happening. These don't look like David's cop friends, and I'm beginning to think that David isn't friends with thugs either.
"Drake, this is Wyatt." David says introducing me to the bald thug and Wyatt stares at me, then ignores me.
"And Humpty and Dumpty?" I look at the other two thugs that are behind Wyatt and David gets nervous.
"Yo, check out my man David. You're finally gettin' that nice trim, except he's a fag." Wyatt says mocking me and I look at Wyatt meanly as he doesn't know what I'm capable of.
"Not trim, and definitely not nice." I say with a cocky attitude as I begin to feel my anger being built up.
"I'll hit you up in the morning man." David says reading the tone of the room and gives out his hand for a bro shake.
"Nah. Nah, man. Danny goes missing after you come in, and everything goes to shit. Cops are always on our tail ever since you came in, and you're running business. I'm starting to suspect something about you." Wyatt says and I am still very confused with what is happening.
"Dude chill. Listen, this isn't the time to talk." David says trying to calm the situation and Wyatt pushes David back a little, and he almost trips.
"Hey back off Wyatt!" I shout getting defensive and Wyatt begins to suspect the obvious about David.
"You're a god damn filthy cop aren't you?" Wyatt says aggressively and makes a fist as his face begins to turn red from being so angry.
"I'm no rat Wyatt!" David tries to change the conversation. "Danny got caught, and he probably told them about the shipments." David says shouting getting nervous and Wyatt doesn't take it.
"Then let's see about that." Wyatt says and throws a hard punch in David's gut and David groans in pain.
"Hey!" I shout pulling David back and Wyatt looks at me with anger as he'll finish me too. I won't let him, and he's walked into the wrong apartment.
"Shut up faggot!" He shouts at me as I stand there in front of him, and that is my triggering point. I quickly grab the take out box of orange chicken and stuff it in his face pushing him against the wall as I begin to make him choke on our orange chicken. He begins to groan loud and I watch him choke on the orange chicken, and his two men walk towards me. One of the men make a move and I grab his shoulder and throw him against the other man and they both slip and fall hard to the ground. Wyatt grabs on to my wrist trying to pull it off his face and his strength is human, not like mine.
I let go of the orange chicken and Wyatt falls to the ground gasping for air loudly. "Oh shit, he's a...-" Wyatt says catching his breath as he lays on the ground trying to gather his words.
"faggot." I respond with anger in my voice and stare at them as I will bring in the hurt.
"L-Lets go!" Wyatt commands his men and they both get up, running out of the apartment shutting the door behind them and I turn around to David to see him relieved.
"Damn. I forgot how tough you were..." David says as I haven't left his apartment as Black Canary, I haven't been Black Canary in awhile. "Thanks." He says relieved and if Wyatt had a gun, or maybe his men, this would've gone south. I would've lost David, the only person that has showed me that I can love again.
I feel the pain of almost losing David and walk towards him, hugging him tightly and David wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. "You're my only family now." I tell David not wanting to ever lose him, as I hold him tight and his arms wrap around me tighter making sure that he'll never lose me either. "I gotta protect that."
_______________________
Al Sah Him / Oliver Queen
FOLLOWING MORNING
I walk around Gotham city after searching the entire city, asking people about Drake Lance's whereabouts and he's almost untraceable. One GCPD police officer recognized Drake Lance, and managed to give me the address of the apartment he should be staying in. I wear a disguise, glasses and a long blonde human hair wig incase the target recognizes me. I was told that I am to be recognized, the mission would fail and I would be compromised.
Ra's Al Ghul mentioned that Drake Lance is apart of my past, and that in order for me to live in the present, I must kill him. Ra's managed to show me what role he took in my past and from what I inferred, and can gather from the pieces of my memory, that he was my lover. Drake Lance was the only person I truly loved. If I think hard enough, going back to my old memories that are only pieces of a puzzle missing all the pieces, then I can feel the love that I still have.
As I walk up the block of the apartment, I quickly pause as I watch the door of the apartment open. Three kids are playing by a faucet outside the apartment and a man with dark brown hair, a black shirt, black ripped skinny jeans with fish net stockings underneath, and black boots walk out. He looks towards my way and I recognize him as my target, Drake Lance. As Drake walks down the steps of his apartment, I stare at him stare at my direction not noticing me and a flood of memories surge in.
My mind gets overwhelmed and I see all the moments that are spent with Drake Lance and how he made me feel, Human. I hide behind a wall quickly as I feel a change in personality, I feel like myself. I feel like Oliver Jonas Queen. I remembered my name!
I spy on Drake still and watch the kids complain about the faucet not working. Drake walks by the kids and as he does, one of the kids manages to splash a little bit of water on Drake. "Oh sorry man!" The little boy says apologizing to Drake as he turns around not minding the splash. I look at Drake to realize how much he's grown after my sudden death. As his body faces towards me I see a necklace with a ring on it and I remember that ring, it's the ring I gave him when I died.
"Heat's brutal huh?" Drake says as it's the hottest summer in Gotham. I continue to watch to see what Drake does next forgetting the point of my mission. All I want to do is say hi to him, tell him that I'm alive. Tell him that I need him to help me get out of this situation.
"Yeah we're dying!" The little boy says and Drake smiles lightly. "It's so hot!" The girl complains and Drake looks around for someone, and then looks down at the fire hydrant. He sucks in some air through his nose and I cover my ears as I get ready.
"SCRE." Drake screams a small sonic wave at the fire hydrant breaking it and water explodes, spraying everywhere.
"AHH!" The kids shout in joy as they all play in the fire hydrant water, and I watch Drake walk backwards with a joyful smile on his face. I haven't seen that smile ever in my life, he looks calm, sweet, and like his life has been put to peace since leaving Star City. "Thanks dude!" The little girl shouts and Drake walks off into the distance. I smile proudly at him but he won't notice me.
I carefully follow Drake, keeping a safe distance from him. We walk a couple blocks up until I find him turn a corner and enter into a bar called 'Phoenix'. I wait a couple of minutes before I let myself walk in so that I don't seem suspicious and then walk into the bar. As I walk in, I spot Drake sitting on the counter with a glass of whiskey in his hands.
Someone walks behind me and I leave the door open so that they can walk in with me. The person follows from behind and I stare at Drake wanting to say something. How do I tell him that I'm alive without scaring him? Does he even need me in his life anymore? I look at him as he must be waiting for someone, maybe for me, maybe he knows I've been following him.
The door opens again and Drake then turns his head towards me. He stares directly at me and gives off a big gentle smile and it warms me. It's time to come home. I breathe starring at him and he gets up from the bar walking towards me.
"What took you so long?" Drake says to me and I'm speechless that he managed to recognize me in this disguise. It's nothing like the real me.
"I lost my stupid keys." I hear a familiar voice, and the man walks out from behind me, and Drake and him hug. David Jones, Drake's ex from before, I remember the heart break Drake went through when David left. David left SCPD after Drake helped him bust Mario Falcone's sex trafficking and transferred himself to GCPD to further investigate and follow the Falcones. I didn't realize they'd be destined to meet each other again.
"Hey." Drake kisses David being sweet and affectionate with him and I don't remember if he was like that with me. He was kind, gentle, and sweet with me.
"Hi." David says softly as they hug each other tightly. "What's up." David asks and Drake stares at me confused with my intense eye contact on them and I look away nervously.
"Come on!" Drake says pulling David with him to the bar.
"You got started already?" David asks teasing Drake as he chuckles.
"Yeah." Drake says with a silly voice. "I've had five." Drake says and he doesn't sound drunk, I remember that alcohol doesn't affect him like humans. It takes him a lot to even feel a sort of buzz in his system.
"Yeah, I'm over you already." David says laughing at him and they seem happy together.
"I'm not even drunk yet." Drake responds back and David smiles at him.
"That doesn't surprise me somehow." He responds back and I take a seat at the counter, 5 chairs away from them still keeping my distance.
"Just a water, please." I say to the bartender as he walks up to me. The bartender does so and I continue to watch Drake and David. The bartender places the glass of water in front of me and I take a sip as my throat has been a bit dry.
"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be back." I hear Drake and I watch him get up from the bar chair and walk towards the bathroom, as David stays behind. I get an idea, and follow him into the bathroom.
____
Drake Lance
I sit in the bathroom stall as I hear the bathroom door open again and I'm in the only stall. There was a rumor between David's friends that he's supposed to propose to me today. Take me out to our favorite bar and engage to me. I take my phone out as I'm nervous, when I shouldn't be. I just don't know what to say.
"Ah shit!" I say out loud becoming frustrated with my emotions feeling excited, happy, and just not knowing what could come from this. I didn't know that a month ago I'd see David again and we would fall back in love again. David knows me, the true me, and all the pain and shit I've been through. David understands me like nobody and I feel like wanting to spend the entire world with him.
"You alright?" I hear a familiar voice outside my stall as my expressmen might've sounded misleading.
"Oh, sorry! I'm just excited." I shout out loud and then think back to myself. Apart of me feels like this is too rushed, a month back together is nothing. I grab on to my necklace with Ollie's ring on it and hold it in my hand. Is this what he would've wanted? Being with David has made all that pain go away, and I don't ever want to leave that. I just don't know if Ollie would be fine with me moving on already.
I hear the footsteps walking away and the door open. "Actually." I shout from the stall and the door stops as I look at the man's shoes through the opening on the floor. "Can I ask for some advice? I know it's weird to ask that in the men's restroom." I say acting polite wanting to hear someone's honest opinion, I don't have any other friends to ask or even talk about this to.
"Yeah, uhh go ahead." The familiar voice says and I begin to realize it sounds like Ollie's voice. What a coincidence.
"So, I met up with this guy that I used to date awhile back and we started things up again and it's lead to maybe the best time of my life. I heard from his friends the other day that he's planning to propose to me today..." I pause as I sound embarrassing telling some stranger my business in the bathroom.
"So what's the problem?" The mystery man that has the voice of Ollie's asks me and I can't help but find this a major coincidence. Maybe it is destiny.
"The problem is that someone I loved, that I can never get out of my head... passed away a couple of months ago, and before he died, he proposed to me." I say pausing remembering the traumatic moment but I need this voice of Ollie's to tell me his honest advice. "And I don't know if it's too soon for me to move on from him, and I'm worried that he wouldn't want me to leave him behind." I tell the man and there's a small silence.
"What was the man who passed away like?" The man asks and I think about Ollie. I begin to think of all the good times together.
"Strong, compassionate and... loving." I say out loud and then smile as I feel tears growing in my eyes. I miss him so much, and I never stop thinking about him. It's hard to talk about Ollie to David, I feel like he wouldn't want to hear it. "He sounds a lot like you too." I say and chuckle and the man scoffs chuckling too, and he chuckles just like Ollie.
"Well I'm sure he would want the best for you. I know he would want you to live the best life you possibly can and want you to fulfill your happiness." The Ollie voice says and I begin to cry as that is what he would say. "I'm sure he'd want you to not take all the time you have together for granted. Make the most of it." I smile lightly wanting to get out of the stall and look at this mystery person and hug him but it be weird, so I stop myself.
"Thanks." I say sniffing as I've cried a little. "I owe you a drink." I tell him and I hear him chuckle.
"I'd like that." He responds back. "I'll be at the bar." He says and I watch his shoes through the opening again, and he walks out of the bathroom.
___
Oliver Queen
I walk out of the bathroom with joy after my interaction with Drake. I can't believe I did that without him noticing who I was. I try to think about what I'll say and I see David and some thugs talk. "I wanna talk to you. We could step outside..." The bald thug guy says and I get confused.
"No, I'm not going to." David says and the bald guy grabs on to his arm but David pushes him back holding him off. "Dude let go of my arm."
"I'm not gonna hit you." The bald guy says aggressively.
"All right. All right." David says surrendering himself to the 3 thugs surrounding him. David raises his hands not wanting a fight and gives off a nervous smile.
"That's what I thought." The bald guy says and I watch them walk out the bar through the alley exit. I watch them get out and I'm only curious as to what is happening, what David is involved in. He could be a corrupt cop, and he can hurt Drake in his corruption. I decide to investigate and follow them as they walk into the alley. I hide behind an alley wall seeing them in a small little court talking it out.
"We got interrupted last time we hung out." The bald guy says to David and David looks around mad.
"You still calling me a rat? I quit, your loss." David says playing them off and I'm confused. He works for them? I then watch David try to attack them but they back away scared.
"Yo. Chill the hell out. All right? No one's here to mess with you, okay? I'm willing to forgive for what you really are." The bald guys says and I watch carefully as David gets confused.
"In exchange for what?" David says as these thug deals aren't always free. Nothing in this world is free and he clearly knows that.
"Your boy." The bald man says and he talks about Drake. "I mean, he threw down with three dudes packing heat. He's strong." The bald man talks about Drake and I begin to get worried that David is bringing more trouble than I am expecting. "What else can he do? Is he fast? Can he fly? Is he bulletproof? Cause I mean these are talents that I can use in my business." The guy continues to ask as if Drake is some sort of weapon to him and it gets me angry.
David seems unimpressed with what the bald guy is asking from him and I hope he stays that way. If he loves Drake, he'd protect him from that life.
"Look, we... We got a couple jobs coming up. They might get a little messy." The bald guy says and David begins to get an idea in his head, and his face shows it. I don't like the look of this.
"You want Drake to be your muscle?" David asks seriously and the bald guy nods. "What do you mean by messy?" David begins to negotiate and I feel a furious feeling of rage build up in my system.
__
Drake Lance
I walk out of the bathroom and back to the bar to find David gone. I look around the bar knowing he might be playing a game or something but I see no sign of him. He barely even drank out of his glass of whiskey. Strange.
I sit down knowing maybe he'll come back. He's probably getting himself ready for the surprise or something. I grab my glass and take a drink of it, and I begin to get nervous as this isn't what David would do. He isn't the kinda guy just to leave anyone hanging.
"Hey. Did you see David?" I ask the bartender as he knows us pretty well here and he shakes his head. He walks away and I get up from the bar getting nervous. Something isn't right.
__
Oliver Queen
"He can handle the dirty work." David says negotiating Drake's skill set to these street thugs and I am disappointed.
"You think you can persuade him?"
"He loves me dude. He'll do anything I ask him to." David says and it breaks my heart to see him say that about Drake. He's using him.
"That's my man!" The bald guy says happy and gives David a bro hand shake and they shake it out.
"All right." David says and the bald guy leaves, walking away with his thugs following him from behind. David makes his way back to the bar through the same alley path walking towards my direction and I won't let him get away with this.
"You lost dude?" David says aggressively as I stand in his way. He doesn't recognize me right away and I push him back into the courtyard angrily. I won't let Drake be used, neither be hurt by this prick. "What the hell?"
"You don't get to screw him over and then just walk away." I say in a serious tone and David begins to recognize me, becoming confused by my appearance.
"What're you talking-"
"Drake thinks you love him." I say aggressively continuing to push David towards a wall and he becomes confused as time goes on. David begins to get scared as he has no idea what to do, and it makes me feel powerful.
"You were listening?"
"He is not your whore to pimp out!" I yell at him and I get close to David's face, enough for him to recognize me fully.
"You're way off base man." He tries to make me feel stupid and I won't let him fool me like he's fooling Drake. "I was getting them off my back!" David says defending himself against me as he doesn't fear me.
"You liar!" I shout and he scoffs, with a smile finally recognizing me.
"Oliver?" He says and as he does, I grab on to his hair and head. I bash his head against the alleyway wall several times through pure rage and anger that he would hurt Drake. This is what I have to do, in order to keep Drake safe.
I then stop bashing his head as my humanity rushes back and I become confused. I look at my hand holding on to David's head with an open and cracked skull, exposing the flesh in his head. I drop his body on the floor as I've become a monster. He was telling the truth. Why did I do that?
"David!" I hear Drake's voice shout through the alleyway and I need to escape. I look up to see fire escapes, and I quickly climb up to them hiding in them. "David!" I hear Drake's voice as he turns the corner, and I see it all happen.
The exact moment I ruined Drake's life.
"Oh God!" Drake says as he stares at David's body laying on the floor from far away. "DAVID!" He screams out running towards David and it breaks my heart to see Drake this way. Drake gets his way to David's body and begins to scream as he begins to cry. He examines David's body looking for a pulse but he's got none, I made sure of that.
"DAVID!" I hear Drake scream again as he gets on the floor grabbing on to David's body. He told me the truth. Drake begins to cry while panicking in fear and pain. "Somebody help us!" Drake screams loudly through the alley, as it echoes throughout the entire block. Drake begins to sob miserably and I can't help to watch. "David. David, don't..." Drake sobs continuously. "Somebody help! Someone! Somebody help!" Drake continues to scream and I begin to feel guilty as I hear him whimper and sob while holding on to the body of the person that made him happy.
I begin to overhear GCPD sirens wail in the distance. I watch Drake lay himself over David, sobbing on to him as he holds the cold dead hand of David's. I have enough of watching at the pain I've done to Drake and walk away feeling guilty.
_____________________
STAR CITY, PRESENT DAY
After that event, Silver Siren captured me. I had failed my mission and had almost been compromised. Silver Siren had to frame the men who were involved in David's undercover job which wasn't that hard. With the connection of the men being apart of David's undercover job, it was almost too easy. All they needed was for Drake to bring up any problems that David had with and they'd be the prime suspects. The hard part was finding the men, which Silver Siren took charge of, giving out anonymous tips to the specific precinct working to find the men.
The men ended up going to prison for killing a cop and have never seen the day of light in their life again. The only problem with that, is that I deserved to go to prison. I'm supposed to be the one without seeing the days of light. Maybe I deserve to be in the cell. I've done too much damage. I've killed off almost everyone in my life that I knew as Al Sah Him.
I never saw Drake the same way he was with David, with me. Some days I can't bare to look at him knowing what I did to him. Drake doesn't know what I did, and it's a secret that I'll die with. The reason Drake is damaged is because of me. The reason he feels like he can never love somebody truly is because of me.
Martian Manhunter tells me that it wasn't me who killed who I had to kill, that it was Al Sah Him and the bloodlust that did it. It's hard to believe him because I at that moment when my hands grabbed on to David's hair, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed bashing his head against the wall.
My only wish is that I didn't do it. I wish that I had more control over myself that day from making that mistake. That mistake cost Drake's happiness, and his future. I took away his true shot at happiness.
That is why I am guilty.