I loved you so much. More than I could possibly imagine. And I know you did the same. Do you remember our song?
I can't sleep
Home sick
But I just wanna
Stay right next to youIf I could choose my dream
I just wanna
Stay right next to you
I do. It describes your life. It describes your beautiful existence...
22:00
''Are you Mr. Park ?''.
''Yes, yes I am. Is he awake ?''.
''Yes and he is fine. I also checked his hand, which was full of stitches by the way. His insomnia has been increasing lately, but for the past week he seemed to have slept for at least twenty hours''.
''Twenty hours in a week?'' Jimin asked surprised. He slelpt for about six hours every day, seven if he could, whereas Taehyung slept for twenty hours in total.
''Mr. Kim had his phone with him in his pyjamas. His therapist called. He informed us about the situation. We would like to know more though, because his therapist didn't want to notify us further. Confidential information, you see. So I hoped you could update us a little, for your friend's situation. How long has he been dealing with insomnia?'' the doctor asked.
''I d-don't know. H-He never talked about it'' Jimin hesitantly answered. He didn't want the doctor to understand that he knew Kim Taehyung for a little more than three days.
''Oh, I understand. Well, you can visit him, if you'd like. He is awake now. His phone is in my office, if he asks. And please, don't upset him. Just try to help him, you know the way he behaves better than any of us here. And I am saying this for your own good: quit smoking'' the doctor calmly spoke and left Jimin alone in the smoking area.
Yes, Jimin did quit smoking. Or at least that's what he believed. His anxiety and stress with the whole situation forced him to search for an evasion, in his case smoking. He had opened the little cabinet in his taxi and grabbed the last package of cigarettes he kept. He lit one cigarette up, with his hands trembling from uncertainty and guilt, and placed it on his lips, the puff of smoke devouring the room.
He was just lying to himself. He sighed and wiped his eyes with his jacket's sleeves. He threw the rest of the package in his bag and quickly run to room 143. He stood in front of the door and rolled his hand between his brown locks. He slowly opened the door, only to see Kim Taehyung smiling at him with his boxy smile.
''You smell like cigarettes. I didn't know you were smoking. You never told me''.
''You didn't tell me you had insomnia or that you basically leave in a mess'' Jimin replied back.
Taehyung's smile, vanished promptly, only to be replaced with a huge frown. Kim Taehyung has dissapointed yet another human.
''I am sorry''.
''Now, suddenly everything is fixed'' Jimin sassily remarked. ''Did I have to find you like that, in order for you to tell me?''.
''I didn't want you to find me''.
''I am trying to have a mature conversation with you Kim Taehyung'' Jimin angrily spoke, when he remembered the doctor's orders. He shouldn't disturb the boy.
An awkward silence engulfed the hospital room.
''I have onset insomnia'' Taehyung mumbled under his breath.
''Please talk to me Taehyung. Don't let this eat you up''.
'' You see, I never had trouble sleeping. I actually loved to sleep. But that was until my mother entered the hospital. I got the job a week after and started paying her bills, that increased day by day. I did everything that I could to get my salary raised, that's why I am a specialist now. I get paid so much more, but apparently most of my money have to be conceded for my mother's treatment. You have seen the time I have to go to work. I don't have a normal schedule. Once I had to stay to a client's house till eleven in the morning''.
''He kept you all this time? Did he ...?'' Jimin asked worriedly.
''He didn't stop. I was his for all this time. He paid me. It's not like I am proud of who I am or what I am doing Jimin''.
''You should be proud of who you are. But not for what you are doing''.
''I-I started sleeping less as time passed and I guess this somehow triggered my insomnia. My doctor...''.
''Your therapist...''.
''How...?''.
''He called. Don't worry, he didn't say anything''.
''Shit. Anyway, he told me that lifestyle factors such as family or work stress resolved in my insomnia. He gave me some pills that would help me sleep, but I don't think they did much work. He told me that I had to keep myself happy, reduce my stress, make friends. Who would want to become a friends with a fucking whore, with no money or a decent home?'' he spoke as calmly as he could, trying to block the tears that were threatening to run down from his eyes.
''Am I not your friend Kim Taehyung?'' Jimin asked and subconsciously grabbed the other boy's hand.
''We barely know each other Jimin. And you didn't seem too happy to meet me either''.
''I am here though. Doesn't this mean that I care? I have actually spent so much time with you these days''.
''I know but I am scared. I wanted so bad to be lively around you but I was so tired. That's why I took the pill beforehand. I wanted to sleep enough so that I could be more vigorous on our...meeting. I guess I overslept, too much actually'' he cracked a little smile.
''The faucet ?''.
''I must have opened it to wash my face or something. I tend to forget some negligible things from time to time. Insomnia's side effects. You see estazolams didn't do their job. They must have made me feel dizzy. I am sensitive to pain, my immune system is weak and I am apt to seizures. I won't even mention about depression or anxiety. I have a shortened life expectancy and I am not buying a car because apart from the fact that I don't have money I can't also drive because I might forget stuff or signs. I...'' Taehyung started to cry, realizing how pitiful he must have looked.
He tried to hide himself under the covers, when he felt his body getting engulfed in a huge, warm hug.
''Don't hide things from me Kim Taehyung. I wish I could tell you that I can feel your pain, but I can't. The only thing that's in my powers is to help you get through this. I don't know what I can do, but I promise we will fix this together''.
''I don't want to burden you with my problems''.
''What if we both burden each other with our problems?'' Jimin laughed.
''I would like to hear about your life too'' Taehyung mumbled between his sobs.
''Taehyung, I want you to promise me. No more secrets. I want to know everything that troubles you, as you will know about mine. Okay?''.
''Yes, Jiminie''.
''Jiminie? That's too cute for me''.
''I strongly disagree'' the red- haired spoke.
''Oh, and Taehyung. Could you at least hug me back? I have been hugging you for about two minutes straight and you seem so unfazed, I hate it''.
''Sorry Jiminie'' the other boy teased him and hugged him back.
''Jimin...''.
''Yeah''.
''You are my blessing in disguise''.
Jimin cracked a smile so big, that if Taehyung saw it, he would probably faint at that particular moment...
estazolam: a pill to treat insomnia. Side effects may include memory loss, irritation, possible anger outbursts
!!!!Speak. Don't let things like insomnia or depression devour you. Contact a doctor and talk to your friends about it. Message me, if you feel comfortable. I have faced something similar so I might actually help you. You aren't alone!