'Mum?'
'Yeah?'.
'I love you'.
She laughs, 'Heh! You just said this about ten times!'.
'Well', I pretend to think, 'It isn't enough! I would say that a million times and it wouldn't be enough'.
She rolls her eyes, smirking.
'What?'.
She smirks some more, 'You sound like a little girl'.
'You mind?'.
She shrugs, 'Not really'.
The moon outside my window is full. The sky is glistering with millions of tiny starts, each one brighter than the other. I sigh as I tighten my grip on her.
We are lying on her bed, in each others arms.
Both tired but happy.
'I never knew you would even think twice about that idea', She says, frowning.
'I didn't. Well, for quite a while, I didn't. But I do now. You are right. We only have each other. I want to be as much close to you as I can'.
She chuckles, 'True love huh?'.
I smile, 'And anyway, Sharing a room is a great idea. A bit risky, I admit. But,' I bite my lips, 'I'll try and keep it clean'
She rolls her eyes again. She has been doing that a lot lately. I guess I have been acting like the little me more than I realize.
'You think I'm scared that you'll wreck the whole room?'.
I lean on my elbow to her a look, 'Okay, what's your point?'.
'My point?', she raise her eyebrows, 'My point is that it just feels weird. We're both grown up and you want us to share a room now'.
'It won't feel once we get used to it'.
She smirks again, 'Sammy was right. You are stubborn'.
I groan, 'Not you too'.
She smiles then stops suddenly, 'You heard, didn't you?'.
I frown at her, confused. 'Heard what?'.
She shakes her head, 'Oh, he didn't told you. Damn, I shouldn't have said'.
Now, she has me on. I grab her hand and get up, forcing her to sit and look at me.
'Tell me. Now'.
'He's getting married'.
What?
I stare at her. Simply shocked. I don't say a word. It's like I've forggoten how to talk. She stares back at me, her eyes telling it all.
'Well', I clear my throat, 'I'm happy for him. I mean, Wow!, That's simply crazy!'.
She stares at me with a somewhat kind expression, 'It's crazy?'.
'No!', I quickly try and make my expression less shocked, 'I mean it's very good news. Great news actually!'.
'You're babbling'.
'I'm not!'.
'It's okay sweetheart. You'll find someone else'.
Wait what?
'No Mum', My voice is all weird and stretchy, 'I mean, I never loved him that way. He has always been like a brother to me. He'll always be like that to me'
'Then why are you acting so weird?'.
A smirk again. I blush.
'I'm just.., surprised.', I've started to feel desperate. She's getting this all wrong. ' Yes, I'm simply shocked. I don't really know how to react. I mean, think about it! Sam, getting married. That thought sounds plain silly!'.
'But it isn't silly!'.
I stare at her, 'Okay, what exactly is your point?'.
She stares back. Then, 'Never mind'.
It's my turn to smirk now. Raising my eyebrows, I say, 'Ah'.
One simple word. It has a brilliant effect. She blushes a deep scarlet. I almost blush too, knowing that she even thought about that. But I don't. I simply purse my lips, to keep from smiling. Because no matter how shocked I might be, I am acting weird, though, not on purpose.
I shrug, settling back on the cushions, 'So when will they finish?'.
'Huh?'.
'The room. When will it be ready?'.
'Oh', She says, 'Well, about tomorrow I think'.
Then she frowns, and slaps her forehead. 'Damn, It was supposed to be a surprise'.
I laugh. It's been such a long time since I laughed, and now these days, I can't help laughing, even at the silliest jokes.
'Well. You spoiled it'.
She groans, 'Please don't make me feel bad about it.
'Oh no, I won't', I cross my fingers, grinning like a kid, 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.
'What exactly is up with you today?'.
I smile, 'Nothing'.
'Yes there is. You're so sleepy, that you're acting all weird'.
'Ow, that hurts'.
She raises her eyebrow and I giggle, 'Okay, Okay! No more weird silliness'.
'So are you going to tell me? Or is it simply because you need to sleep?'.
I sigh, feeling happy. 'I'm happy, and sleepy'. I shrug, smirking at her expression, 'I guess when you feel both of those things, you end up acting all weird'.
'Sleep then'.
'Pity you told me about the room',
'Stop', she cuts me off. 'Shut up and go to sleep. I hope you become yourself with you wake up'.
I grin, 'I'll try'.
She ignores that. Settling on the bed, she pulls the blanket over her head, hiding herself from me.
'Sweet Dreams'.
I smile. 'Sweet Dreams'.
******
I wake up, and the room looks completely different. It has been empty since we had moved everything to our new room, the room me and mum are suppose to share. Mum had someone payed to decorate it in a simple way. We planned to do the real decorating ourselves .
We painted our walls ourselves, in a pretty shade of blue. We brought frilly white curtains, and a new giant bed and dresser. Every bit of our furniture was white. We even brought a round table with two pretty chairs.
Our whole room now, looks ahmazing. But more than that, It looks beautiful. Way more beautiful than I ever thought it would look.
We brought this pretty white carpet, to match with the furniture. And added the final touch by putting a giant vase at a corner, with pure white roses dancing in it.
Lisa, who was supposed to decorate, shook her head and said
'I'm sorry, but you've made it too simple. For god's sake! Please just let me do a thing or two'.
That's when Mum smiled and shrugged, giving up.
I get out of bed quietly, trying hard not to make a noise. Getting dressed quickly into a comfortable printed frock, I pull my hair back into a pony tale, leaving some strands loose around my face.
After that, I get into the kitchen and start preparing our breakfast. I don't really know much about cooking, nor am I too good at it.
That's another thing I can blame my Mum for. For her love for me, She had always treated me like a little princess, it's a wonder why I didn't end up spoiled.
I bit my lip now, wondering what to cook, not that I have many choices. After a minutes thought, I settle the matter by taking out my phone and searching up a recipe of pancakes.
It takes forever. I burn the first two, and the then break the next one. It bugs me so much that I want to give up and cry. But I keep telling myself not to be a baby and try again and again.
Finally, after countless tries, I end up with four perfect cooked pancakes, each of them a lovely brown, covered in rich chocolate.
I simply love chocolate with pancakes. Putting the plate in a tray, I fill mango shake in two big glasses and carefully make my way into the room again.
It takes every little strength inside me to not drop that tray. I stumble a million times, each time cursing under my breathe. My heart is seriously beating so fast, I'm scared It'll burst.
I'm standing on the door way, my dress drenched in sweat, my hair clinging onto my wet skin. I'm breathing hard, and just at the same time, I feel so silly.
This was your first time. Stop expecting too much
I raise my feet to take a step forward, stumble, almost slipping on the mat, when Mum comes, out of nowhere and bumps into me.
No
Yes. I fall. The tray finally dropping from my hands, sighing as it does so. I land on my butt, spilling the shake everywhere. The plate breaks, and the damn tray. I stare at the mess, not saying a single word. Then I look up and stare at her.
Her lips are twitching. She purses them, but then, enable to take control herself, she burst off laughing.
'Oh Sarah, I'm sorry!'. She says, finally, her face red. 'I didn't see you'.
I glare at her, heaving a sigh. 'Sure you didn't'.
She reaches for me and pulls me up, still giggling. I stare at the mess, feeling like puking.
'It's a mess'.
She nods, looking at me with a kind expression. 'How about I cook breakfast and we eat it at the table rather then in bed?'.
I pick up the jug, that's empty though not broken. She stops me, frowning, 'I''ll clean that up, you'll hurt yourself'.
'I'll make breakfast then', I look at her, feeling weary. 'Again'.
She shakes her head, smiling. 'You've done enough'.
I shrug, letting her clean up my mess, like always.
When she's done and busy in the kitchen, I go in to help a bit. She makes simple eggs with toasted bread, and I make tea for both of us, with creamy milk . We settle down on the table, passing the plate between ourselves, munching.
When we used to be little. Breakfast used to be so exciting. You would never know what she had cooked for you until you sat at the table, and then, she would put something delicious and hot in front of me, smiling.
I glance around. Some things sure have changed. We one had a swing at the end of the kitchen, where it opens at the hall. When Mum cooked, I chatted like a little bird, flying here and there in my swing, far enough from her to let her work peacefully.
The window was bigger, with it's own seat, where I would sit, starring at the sky, making stories about each bird I saw. And that's when he comes back into my mind. Sammy.
We stayed in contract, but a time came when I became too bitter, while he stayed the sweet sweet guy. Surely, it would have been a relief to meet other people his age, who were't so messed up.
I, surely, had made his time more tougher, at a point. For two months it stayed like that. And then his dad found a job in Alaska and they had to move. He surely didn't had to, nor was he forced.
But I can tell, it would have been quite tempting. I look at Mum sharply now. She's staring out of the window, lost in her thoughts. I so want to make her life better. Help her be happy. Because she deserved it.
'Mum?'.
'Yeah?'.
I think, hard. Trying to find the details.
'I want to travel'.
She blinks, finally stepping out of her daze. Turning back towards me, she studies my face, as if expecting me to be joking.
'I mean it'.
She leans back on her chair, sipping her coffee, which is quite cold by now, I bet.
'Where?'.
'Huh?'.
She taps her feet impatiently, 'Where do you want to go?'. She gives me a look, as if I'm still a little girl, not a young women. 'Do you have any plans?'.
I drum my fingers on the table, feeling sort of awkward. 'Maybe we could travel together?'.
Something close to fog enters her eyes, taking out all the light. 'I can't'.
'Why not?'.
She stares at me, right into my eyes. 'Sometimes, just sometimes, It feels like', she stops, as if she can't bear to go on. I raise my eyebrow and she sighs. 'Like I'm not over him. Even after all that time'.
I don't really know what to say. Finding my vice after a minutes silence, I say, 'Maybe that's why we have to'.
She sighs, closing her eyes for a second. I can bet that she's trying to block away those memories.
'It's worth a chance Mum'.
She looks up at me, 'How?'.
It's the first time she have actually questioned something. She always says yes.On every single request.
I have a deep breathe, 'We need to get out of this house. No matter how much I love you, I can't stay here forever'. I glance around myself again. 'I need a purpose in my life. Something that has value. This is. This means a lot to me. And who knows, what we'll find? Maybe we'll both find our own old selves. Lost in those memories. We could be who we were. I know that I want to'.
'You'll start writing again?'.
I stare at her. 'Where did that came from?'.
She smiles, 'Like you say, our old selves. You used to write, and were all sweet and lovely, both inside and out. I was messed up. You really want that part of me?'.
'It's not a part of you. It's you. Your past made you become this person. But you just', I glance around myself again, trying yo find some words. I seem to lose them time to time. 'You pretended you were okay when you were not. You hid your pain away, hiding from your fears, from what has happened'. It almost feels cruel saying this but I have to.
We lock eyes. 'I want to travel all the places where we've been. And while we're at it, We'll try to figure out what we are supposed to do with ourselves.'
She sighs, getting up. 'You're right. Give me a day or two to plan it out. We need planning'.
'Maybe we can both plan stuff for each other. It would be like a surprise. A mother and daughter bonding.'
She smiles sadly. 'It's not a game Sarah'.
'It's real, I know. And it can be fun. It can change so much stuff'. Hope raises inside my heart. It's been lost for so long. 'I already have some ideas'.
She nods, clearing up the dishes. 'In one condition'.
Wait what?
'You'll have to write. I know you loved it. And I loved it too. It completed you. So we go, and we travel, back in memories and we'll make new ones. But you'll write, whatever you want to. Just try'.
I shrug. 'If it makes you happy'.
'That's the thing!'. Her eyes are twinkling like mine does when she talks like the way I'm talking. 'You'll write for yourself. As I'll travel for myself. Whatever'.
I give her a smile. 'I should start packing'.
She turns to look at me, smiling. 'Pack for me too, will you?'.
I blink at her, surprised. Then nod eagerly. I feel like a little girl who's desperate to do her mum's stuff. But then, I wasn't allowed, for such a long time.
Fishing out my phone from my bag, I quickly text Sam. Congratulating him, and then telling him of our plans.
Maybe life is not that bad after all.
I'm in my room, our room more likely, throwing shirts over the bed, humming a little son when I stop as a thought comes into my mind.
Ellie.
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So hello. I'm sorry I took this long. I've just been too busy. Literally I didn't even had time to read a bit from another book, which I'm quite eager to read.
The story had started to sound a bit dull, so I thought of some changes, as you'll find out in the next chapters.
Thanks for 424 reads. Really, it means a lot. Every single read does. Thanks @CieraVaidya for the amazing comments. Each one of those makes me feel so good, You have no idea :D
Do keep reading. Share the story around. :)
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