Alexis
It has been a few weeks since Billie and I had our talk and decided to make things exclusive, and things have been pretty amazing since then. So amazing that my pessimistic ass is just expecting something bad to happen sometime soon. Am I the only person who does that?
Over the weeks Billie has been spending more and more time with my friends, which makes me really happy. She likes them a lot because they don't give a shit about her fame and never try to use her for clout or anything. She says they make her feel normal, which has become a rarity in a lot of social circles for her.
It's also nice because neither of us really feel the need to tone down our affection around them, because none of them care enough to be the type to take pictures and leak them to the media. With that said, I don't want it to be known by certain people that we're in an exclusive commitment, so we don't let my friends in on too much. In their minds they probably just think we're friends with benefits or something.
I've also spent a lot more time at her house recently, spending time with both Fin and Billie's parents. I love her family, they're the kind of family I dreamed of having when I was younger. I mean, I still do, but I've kind of accepted that it won't be a reality at this point.
Her family doesn't know we're sort of together yet. Billie still hasn't worked up the courage to have the talk with her family about how she's with a girl, but she said she's getting there. She knows they'll support her no matter what, she just needs a bit of time, which I completely understand.
Meanwhile my dad found out we were together when he walked in on us making out in the kitchen. He just told us to move so he could get a beer and fist bumped me on the way out, which Billie found hysterical. He's not around much because he works a few different jobs and when he is home he's usually sleeping off 18 hours of work, but at some point I hope he can actually get to know Billie. Even though I don't see him as much as most kids see their dads, I love him a lot and he's one of my best friends.
Right now we're in Fin's room, playing around with some songs. I've gotten more comfortable with sharing my ideas and some of my work, they've both really pulled me out of my shell as an artist quite a bit. Finneas is sat at his computer while Billie and I are on his bed, Billie sitting criss-cross on the edge with a microphone and me leaning against the headboard holding one of Fin's guitars.
"Play me somethin'," Billie says and looks over at me while Fin tweaks a few things on his computer for the next recording.
I think about what to play for a bit before smiling and looking down at the guitar in my hands.
"You probably don't know this one, it's pretty underground," I preface as I run through the chords for a second in my head. I start to play come out and play, making Billie laugh as soon as she realizes what it is.
"You're right, I don't know it. Sing it for me," she says while I play and I just give her a look in response. I've gotten better at sharing my beats and lyrics, but she knows I still don't like singing in front of people. "Oh come on, please!"
She gives me a pout and puppy eyes that makes my heart melt almost instantly.
"Damn it, fine," I huff and stop playing while Billie cheers and Finneas laughs.
"You're so whipped Lex," he teases and I shoot him a glare, but he's just staring at his computer so he doesn't notice. He teases me and Billie a lot for acting like a couple. Little does he know...
"He's not wrong," Billie says in a goofy voice and nudges me with her foot playfully. "You're my bitch."
I simply roll my eyes in response, "Do you want me to sing or not?"
She nods eagerly and claps her hands excitedly which makes me smile, even though I'm trying to act annoyed. She's just so cute.
I sigh then start to pluck at the chords again, closing my eyes so I don't psych myself out by seeing Billie and Finneas watching me.
"Wake up and smell the coffee. Is your cup half full or empty?" I start of a little quiet and shaky but when I open my eyes and find Billie's I suddenly feel a surge of confidence.
It's funny. I thought seeing Billie would make me more nervous, but she seems to be the only person who can actually calm me down.
"When we talk, you say it softly. But I love it when you're awfully quiet," I keep singing and see the way Billie's perfect lips curl into a little smile.
She scoots closer to me while I sing and rests her head on my shoulder, looking down to watch my tattooed fingers as they manipulate the strings. When I reach the chorus she starts to sing along with me and I instantly smile at the sound of her voice. I'm obsessed with her singing voice, I've been listening to her music way more than I'll ever admit to her recently. Fin turns in his chair to watch us as we sing together, a kind smile on his face.
"Don't hide," we both sing together before I stop playing and our heads turn to look at each other.
My eyes almost immediately flick down to her lips while hers do the same to mine, and we stare at each other in a silence that's dripping with romantic tension. I don't even remember Finneas is there until he coughs awkwardly, cutting into the silence.
"Uh, hello?" he asks and I see Billie blush as she quickly looks away from me. "That was really good, you need to sing with us more and stop underselling yourself," Fin says, apparently deciding not to press us on what happened in that little moment.
"Thanks," I mumble shyly and he gets up from his chair while looking at his watch.
"I'll be back in a few," he says simply and walks out of his room, leaving me and Billie alone.
I turn to look at Billie again and go to say something, but before I can get a word out her lips are on mine. She takes the guitar I'm holding without breaking the kiss and sets it aside on the bed, giving me freedom to pull her closer by her hips.
She moves into my lap and kisses me with even more eagerness, tangling her fingers into my hair while my hands move down to her butt.
A few seconds later, Finneas barges back into the room while muttering something about forgetting his phone like an idiot.
"The one thing I need to call Claudia. I'm such a-oh my god," he stops in his tracks when he catches me and Billie in a fairly compromising position. "You two are-oh my god! I knew it!"
Billie quickly jumps out of my lap but it's too late, Fin saw more than enough to put two and two together. We really need to stop pushing our luck when it comes to risky make out sessions.
"In my bed?" he whines and Billie blushes even brighter, glaring at me when I can't hold back my laugh.
"We're not-we were just," Billie can't seem to get a sentence out and my amused expression turns into a frown when I realize how stressed she is by the situation.
"Billie, it's okay. I think this is great," Finneas cuts in and walks over to her. "We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to though. I won't tell anyone."
Billie visibly relaxes a little and looks over at me. I give her a small, reassuring smile and she smiles slightly too.
"No, it's okay. I've been trynna tell you for a little while," she mumbles and I reach for her hand when she seems to be getting nervous again, giving it a squeeze. "We're...I don't know actually. Dating exclusively?" she says it like a question and I shrug.
"So...Lexi's your girlfriend," he says and we both make faces that make him laugh. "That's basically what you just said!"
Billie shakes her head, clearly put off by the word girlfriend, "No, just dating casually but exclusively."
Fin furrows his eyebrows in confusion, "So...girlfriends," he repeats and Billie whines in frustration.
"We haven't put a label on it yet," she explains and he snorts in amusement. "What?"
"Just explain this. How are you any different from girlfriends?" he asks and we both look st each other, at a total loss of what to say.
When neither of us say anything for a while Fin just laughs again and sits down on the bed with us, "Look, I'm just messing around. Don't feel pressured to label it, but I also think you shouldn't shy away from a label for whatever reason."
"I think both of us are just trying to adjust to commitment and labels are a little freaky," I finally say something and Billie nods in agreement while scooting closer so she can rest her head on my shoulder.
Finneas smiles giddily while he watches me put my arm around her in response, "This is so cute! Are you gonna tell mom and dad?"
Billie nods and takes my other hand, gently tracing her fingertips over the tattoos on my fingers. "Yeah, I'll tell them at dinner."
As if on cue, Maggie calls out from the kitchen to alert us that dinner is ready. Billie jumps up like she's spring loaded and runs out of the room excitedly, which makes me chuckle. I get up to go but Finneas puts his hand on my shoulder to push me back down gently, making me give him a confused look.
"Be good to her," he says simply while he stares me down and I squirm a little under his gaze. Who knew Fin could actually be mildly intimidating.
"I will. I'm new to this though, so there might be bumps," I say honestly and he seems to appreciate that.
"Bumps are natural. Talk to me if you need anything," he says with a kind smile then lets me get up. He slings his arm around my shoulder and we walk out to the kitchen together, both of us giggling when we find Billie already somehow halfway through a plate of mashed potatoes and vegan gravy when we get to the dining table.
"What?" she asks with her mouth full of mash and Patrick gives her a look that prompts her to shut her mouth and swallow before speaking again. "Y'all took too long."
I just roll my eyes and plop down in the seat beside her, thanking Maggie when she fixes me a plate of dinner. The five of us chat and laugh while we eat for a while and I can't stop smiling. Like I said, I love this family. They're all so goofy and hilarious while simultaneously being incredibly insightful and interesting to talk to.
When there's a natural break in the conversation I feel Billie reach for my hand under the table and I lace my fingers with hers.
"Um, I wanna tell you guys something," Billie says nervously, prompting her parents to give her their full attention. "I'm nervous," she admits and I rub my thumb over her knuckles soothingly.
"You shouldn't feel nervous telling us anything, Billie," Maggie says with a soft smile and Patrick nods in agreement.
Billie glances at me and I smile reassuringly. She stares at me for a second and smiles too then looks back at her parents before speaking, "Lexi is my girlfriend."
All of our eyebrows raise in surprise for different reasons, mine because of her wording choice. I don't remember agreeing upon that label since our chat with Fin, but I don't mind it. I'm her girlfriend. I love the sound of that.
Billie looks at me again a little worriedly, "That's okay with you, right?" she asks and I nod softly.
"Definitely." I smile and she smiles too.
"Patrick, you owe me five dollars," Maggie says and Finneas laughs loudly while Billie and I furrow our eyebrows in confusion, which Maggie notices. "I thought you had a crush on Alexis when you first introduced her. Your dad didn't. We made a bet about it. Obviously I won," she explains and Billie stares at her in shock while I just laugh.
For the rest of the meal Billie answers some basic questions about how we got together, of course leaving out the fact that it started off as hooking up behind Maia's back. That wouldn't go over well. Her parents make sure she knows that they're supportive and love her no matter what. They don't care who she dates in terms of gender, they only care that whoever she's with is good to her, which I definitely intend to be.
Once we both finish Billie asks to be excused then grabs my hand and pulls me up, dragging me down the hall to her room.
"Open door policy!" Patrick shouts after us and Billie grumbles in annoyance but doesn't protest.
She pulls me into her room then drops my hand and plops down onto her bed. I sit down beside her and lay down on my back.
"So...girlfriend, huh?" I ask teasingly and turn my head to look at her, finding her already looking at me with a wide smile.
"Do you mind?" she asks and I shake my head.
"Not at all," I mumble and lean in to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "I like it."
I really do. Even though I'm still adjusting to this whole thing, it's definitely a welcomed adjustment. I think it's really good for me to let myself be vulnerable with someone the way I am with Billie, even though it's terrifying. I just have to remind myself not to get too lost in my emotions, I still need to stay sharp and make sure I'm not putting Billie in any sort of danger by letting her get close to me.
I start to pull back but Billie whines in protest so I kiss her again, smiling slightly against her lips when she brings her hand up to run her fingers through my hair.
I pull my lips away before we get too into it with her family home and she presses closer to me, resting her head on my chest. I run my fingers through her hair that's surprisingly soft for going through so many dye jobs and watch as her eyes flutter closed.
"Are you going anything for your spring break?" she asks after a bit and I shake my head.
"No. Just working extra time to pay off Jonah."
That makes her frown, "Can you take a couple days off?" she asks hopefully.
"Why? What do you have in mind?" I ask and she turns her head to look at me.
"My family is going camping for a few nights, I wanna bring you. Fin is bringing Claudia."
I smile at the thought and keep combing my fingers through her hair gently while she gazes up at me, her plump lips curled into a soft smile.
"I'll see if I can get away with it. I definitely want to."
My phone buzzes and I even though I desperately want to ignore it, I reach into the pocket of my sweatpants to fish it out.
"Speak of the devil," I grumble when I turn it on and see Jonah's name on my screen.
Satan Himself: Javi's house. 1 hour.
"I gotta go," I mumble and Billie instantly pouts. "I'm sorry, you know I'd stay if it were up to me."
"Do you know what he wants?" she asks and I shrug in response, not having a clue. I've learned to just not question things.
"I'm sure it's nothing major," I say to help her relax, seeing the worried expression on her face. "I'll text you when I get home, okay?"
She nods in response and I peck her lips before I gently push her off of me so I can sit up and gather my things. I sling my legs over the edge of the bed so I can put my shoes on and Billie shifts around to kneel behind me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders from behind.
"Be safe," she mumbles and places a sweet kiss on my cheek that makes my eyes flutter shut for a second.
"I will be." I turn my head to catch her lips and we share a short but passionate kiss until I'm forced to pull away because I really have to go. "I'll call later?"
"You better," she mumbles and kisses the tip of my nose before pulling back so I can actually get up.
I say bye to her family and pet Pepper for a second before I leave and head out to my car, already dreading whatever is waiting for me at Javi's house. I arrive a bit late and walk into the usual meeting room, seeing a whole bunch of familiar faces.
"You're late," Jonah snaps and I just shrug in reply as I slump down onto one of the couches next to a guy we call Grills.
"Back to business," Jonah claps and goes back to whatever he was talking about. I don't really pay attention at first because usually these meetings have nothing to do with me. I'm not like the other people in this room, I just keep my head down and mostly sell to preppy high school kids and a few random neighbors so I never have to deal with crossing other dealers and starting turf wars.
But I start listening when Jonah talks about a shooting that happened this morning. Apparently two of our guys got into a shootout with some rival gang members and killed three of them, so tensions are heating up now and we all need to be on the look out. I'm not too nervous because I don't think any bad people outside of this room even know I'm in this gang, but it stills puts me a little on edge.
Jonah dismisses everyone a little while later and I get up to leave, but he holds me back before I can walk out of the room.
"Where ya been recently, baby?" he asks and I internally cringe at the pet name. I hate it when he tries to act all cute with me.
"Busy with school," I mumble and avoid looking at him. "I gotta go."
"Not so fast," he pulls me back when I try to walk past him again, clearly already getting frustrated with me. "Were you listening during the meeting?"
I shrug, "Sorta."
He clenches his jaw slightly in annoyance. "This is serious shit, Alexis. I can't have you going out and getting killed because you don't know how to listen to me," he says with a frown and runs his finger down my cheek.
"I'll be fine. I'm not involved in this side of shit."
"It's different this time," he insists and reaches into his waistband to pull a gun out from under his shirt. He presses it against my chest, making me take hold of it. "You should carry one from now on. You need protection."
I look down at the object, feeling the cool metal in my hands. I've held a gun before, but I don't like to. They're heavier than you'd think, it always catches me off guard.
"This seems unnecessary, I'm just a nobody," I mumble and look up at him, seeing him shake his head.
"Not anymore. And they won't just come for you, they'll come for the people you love."
And with that, I realize something. The first person I thought of when he said that...
...was Billie.
-
A/N
hey dudes how's everyone doing?
i'd love to know your predictions. i've been pretty heavy with the foreshadowing, i think a lot of y'all have a general idea of what could possibly be to come lol (well, one thing)
hope y'all are still enjoying this :)
also hope y'all are taking care of yourselves!