Alexis
I stuff my hands into my pockets as I walk towards Evan, staring him down while I try to get a feel of the situation. I silently pray that this won't turn ugly but I know I probably won't get that lucky. I don't want Billie to have to see this side of things.
"What are you doing here?" I ask as I get closer to him, keeping my voice steady. "Am I gonna have to kick your ass again?"
He scoffs and stands up from my front step. "I want my gun back."
"No. We done?" I ask and he growls lowly.
"You have no right to keep it. I paid Jonah back in full, so give it back," he spits and I just shake my head.
"Nah. Consider it a late fee."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you," he says as he steps closer, towering over me. "Give it back."
"You really wanna try this again?" I ask as I stand my ground and glare up at him. "I'll just kick your ass again then send Jonah to finish you off."
His eyes flash with fear for a second when I mention Jonah but he still doesn't back up out of my space.
"Just give me my gun back and you'll never hear from me again."
I snort in amusement. "You think I'm an idiot? That's not how this works. Get lost, I could get you whacked for just showing your face in this neighborhood after the shit you pulled. I got rid of it anyway."
"You what?" he asks angrily and I see him reach into his pocket, pulling out something shiny.
My eyes flick down for a second and I see that it's a pocket knife as he flicks the blade out. Well, fuck.
"That was my dad's. You're so dead!" he shouts and lunges at me with the knife, but I quickly side step and avoid him.
He may be way bigger than me, but he's clumsy and slow which makes him pretty easy to dodge, especially because I've always had good reflexes and been quick on my feet.
He spins around and lunges at me again and I step out of the way, this time sticking my foot out to trip him up. He falls to the ground and I scramble on top of him, punching him hard in the face a few times to disorient him before I try to grab the knife from him.
"Lexi!" Billie's voice shouts from behind me, dripping with concern.
It distracts me for a moment and I look back at her, seeing that she's standing by the car instead of sitting inside like I told her to.
What the fuck is she doing?!
I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my side when Evan manages to pull his hand free from my grip and I cry out, looking down to find blood immediately seeping through my grey shirt. This bitch fucking cut me!
It was just a clumsy swipe because he didn't have full control of his hand as we struggled with each other, but it still hurts like a bitch and based on how it feels, I might need a couple of stitches.
"Shouldn't have done that!" I growl and hit him again as hard as I can again then snatch the knife, immediately pressing it against his neck before he tries anything else.
"You won't do shit," he spits while his split lip drips with blood.
"That's funny, Sanchez said the same thing before I slit his throat," I muse and his face turns pale.
"You? You killed Daniel?" he asks and I smirk.
"Sure did, and I enjoyed it. Fucker kept taking all my clients."
I press the blade a little harder against his neck, just hard enough to draw a few drops of blood. His demeanor is completely different than before, now he's just scared and desperate.
"Please don't!" he begs and I laugh.
"Why shouldn't I?"
"I'll disappear! Please, you'll never hear from me again!" he pleads and looks at me with desperate eyes.
The truth is, I would never kill him. Evan may be a piece of shit, but he doesn't deserve to die. And even if he did, I don't think I could be the one to end his life. I've never killed anyone and I never want to. Jonah killed Daniel, not me, I just want Evan to be scared of me so he might finally leave me the fuck alone and learn his place.
I glare down at him for a few seconds longer before getting off of him and standing up. I feel a little dizzy as I do, suddenly remembering the slash on my side.
"Get the fuck out of here. I see you again, you're dead," I spit and he scrambles up before taking off down the sidewalk without another word.
I watch him run off before turning my head to look at Billie, my heart stopping when I see how close she is. How much of that did she hear?
"Billie, I told you to stay in the car," I mumble and step closer to her, my heart breaking slightly when she steps back with a look of pure fear on her face.
Fuck, I can't believe she had to see that side of me.
"What the fuck was that?" she asks in a shaky voice.
I drop the knife and hold my hands up as a sign of good faith when I step forward again, but she still steps back to keep the distance between us.
"I'm sorry you had to see that," I say weakly and wince when the adrenaline starts to wear off and the pain on my side hits me.
"You killed someone?" she asks and I shake my head quickly.
Damn it, of course she heard that part.
"No! I swear I didn't, I just said that so he'd fuck off and stop messing with me," I say honestly but she doesn't look like she believes me.
"I think I'm gonna go, this shit is more serious than I thought," she mumbles and shakes her head as she turns away from me.
"Billie, wait. Please," I beg and grab her arm, which makes her flinch.
Usually I'm able to ignore how shitty what I do makes me feel, but seeing someone I care about acting genuinely scared of me hurts more than I can articulate. This life, what I do, isn't me. I didn't want this, I got dragged into it because my brother was a greedy fucking idiot, but now it's my reality and I'm sick of losing people over it. Too many old friends ditched me when they found out what I was involved in, I can't lose Billie because of this shit too.
Not that I blame them for leaving me.
I let go of her arm and let out a sigh. "Just give me a few minutes to talk this out. Please, Bil. This isn't me, I swear to God."
Her eyes trail down to my side and I see some concern flash in her eyes, but the fear still lingers.
"I'll help you clean that up, but after that I'm leaving," she says after a bit and my shoulders slump slightly, but I decide not to push her any more.
I wouldn't want to be around me either.
"Thank you," I whisper and try to look into her eyes but she avoids my gaze as she walks past me and towards my house in silence.
I clutch my side as I follow her inside and she walks straight into my bathroom, not checking to see if I'm following or not.
"Sit," she says when I walk in and gestures to the toilet.
I put the cover down then sit down on it, watching Billie with sad eyes. She won't even look at me and it's killing me, especially after sharing such an amazing night together.
She opens my medicine cabinet and grabs a few things from it before kneeling down in front of me. I hate how familiar this situation is, she shouldn't have to deal with this shit.
"Lift up your shirt," she mumbles and I do as told, noticing the way her eyes widen when I reveal the gash underneath it.
"Lex that looks really bad," she says and finally meets my eyes. "I think we should go to he ER."
"No," I say quickly and she furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "I can't afford it. Plus, they'll ask questions."
"But I think you need stitches," she says with a frown and I shake my head.
"It's not that bad, I know someone who can stitch it up," I insist and she sighs as she looks up at me.
"This is insane," she mumbles and looks at my wound again. "You need a doctor! Some dude literally stabbed you! Who the fuck was that guy anyway?"
"No doctors. Stab wounds mean police reports, police reports mean the police grilling me, and in case you're forgetting; I'm a criminal," I say seriously and she sighs in defeat. "And don't worry about him."
"You know what? No, I'm sick of this shit. It's not fair that I have to deal with the clean up and worrying but I don't get to know anything about what's actually going on. You either tell me or I'm leaving," she says firmly and I open my mouth to reply but she keeps talking, "Now take a deep breath," she says and I give her confused look until she presses a wet towel against my gash and the pressure makes the pain even worse.
"Fuck!" I whine and clench my jaw while she keeps applying pressure to stop the bleeding.
"Sorry, you need this," she mumbles and keeps applying steady pressure. "Now talk."
I sigh, giving in even though I think it's a bad idea to let her in on this side of my life. She'll probably want nothing to do with me if I start telling her every little thing I have to do.
"I used to deal to him but he stepped out of line so I had to teach him a lesson. I guess he's mad about it."
"Who's Daniel Sanchez?" she asks and I hiss in pain when she takes the towel away to add some rubbing alcohol.
"Another dealer in the neighborhood. He got his throat cut last week," I mumble while I clench through the stinging pain.
Her eyes meet mine again, staring into mine intensely, "Did you do it?"
"No," I reply honestly while staring back into her eyes, hoping that she can see my sincerity. "Jonah did. I didn't know until after."
She searches my eyes for a few seconds and I see her gaze soften slightly, which helps me relax a little bit.
"Have you ever killed anyone?" she asks and I shake my head.
"No. I meant what I said that night, I don't think I could ever unless it was the only option to save someone I loved," I reply and she stays silent for a little while again.
I take that as a chance to keep talking, "Listen, Bil, this isn't who I am. I hate everything about this life, okay? I hate hurting people, I hate working for killers, I hate doing dirty work for the same gang that terrorizes my neighborhood and killed my brother. I'm just trying to pay off this debt as quick as possible so I can be done with it and never look back. You have to believe me, please."
She keeps looking into my eyes and I finally see the fear I saw earlier leave them, being replaced with a soft, sad look. I don't like this look much either, but's its miles better than her being afraid of me.
"I believe you," she says quietly and I sigh in relief. "Which might make me an idiot. Please don't make me feel like an idiot."
"I won't," I mumble and reach out to brush some hair behind her ear gently. She doesn't flinch when I touch her this time, and her eyes flutter shut for a second at my soft touch. "I'm sorry about all of this."
"It's not your fault," she murmurs and opens her eyes again, focusing on cleaning my cut. "You didn't ask for any of this."
"Does this mean you're not leaving?" I ask hopefully.
Usually I would hate myself for letting myself sound so weak and vulnerable in front of someone, but with Billie it's just different. No one else makes me feel like this, and it's becoming impossible to ignore.
"I'll stay. But you should text your friend to fix this up," she says and I smile softly, rubbing her cheek with my thumb.
"Thank you," I whisper and look into her eyes for a few seconds before reluctantly looking away so I can grab my phone and send a message to my contact.
A bit over an hour later my friend has come and gone already, managing to stitch me up pretty quickly. She's sort of like a doctor for the gang that Jonah pays to fix anyone involved without any sort of questions or extra fees. She's probably the closest thing I've ever had to health insurance, so I guess there's one perk of the gang life.
Of course, I'd rather see an actual doctor, but I guess I'll take a medical school dropout for free over a $800 emergency room bill.
I told Billie she could go sleep in my room while she dealt with me, but she insisted on staying up and holding my hand while Doc stitched up my gash.
"So who was that?" she asks once she leaves and helps me up from the couch.
"We just call her Doc, I don't know her real name," I reply and lean into her for support as we walk to my bedroom. "I wouldn't really want you around anyone else from the gang, but she's not like the others. She's not a killer or a dealer, she just comes in and stitches us up to get some money for her kids then leaves."
Billie nods along as she listens then sits me down on the bed.
"I'll get you a clean shirt," she mumbles and walks over to my dresser while I watch her and let my thoughts run.
I don't deserve her. I don't deserve being taken care of like this. I don't deserve her staying with me despite everything. She's too good for me.
She walks back over to me with fresh clothes and helps me take my shirt off carefully. It hurts every time I move and I have to be careful so I don't pop a stitch, but overall the wound isn't too bad, and Doc said it won't take too long to heal.
Billie looks down at the gauze on my side to make sure it's not bleeding anymore then helps me slip a clean shirt on.
"Hey, at least you're going to have a cool scar. Girls like scars," she jokes and I chuckle.
"I don't need scars to help me get girls though," I joke and lay back once I'm dressed for bed, dragging Billie down with me.
"Careful!" she says with a giggle when she lands on top of me. "You're gonna fuck up your stitches if you move too much."
I smile and shrug as I look up at her, "It'd be worth it," I mumble and gently brush the hair out of her face.
She smiles softly at the touch and we stare into each other's eyes silently for a bit, just taking each other in. I never thought I could let myself have moments like this with someone else, but here I am. I know it's probably not a good idea to let myself feel this way, but I'm human and there's only so much I can do to ignore my feelings before they overwhelm me the way they are with Billie.
"Thank you for staying," I whisper and rub her cheek while I keep gazing into her eyes. "I promise I'm gonna do everything I can to keep you away from all of this. I'm sorry you had to see what you did tonight, it won't happen again."
"I trust you," she says quietly and rests her forehead against mine.
We stay like that for a few minutes, eyes locked, foreheads presses together, and hands innocently roaming. Eventually she pulls back and I pout slightly because I was so comfortable.
"Let's actually get under the covers," she suggests and I nod in agreement because it's late as fuck and we should definitely be going to sleep. I get under the duvet and she gets in next to me before saying, "Roll over."
I raise a brow but do as told, rolling onto my good side so I'm facing away from Billie. Without a word she wraps her arms around me carefully and pulls me closer so my back is against her chest.
I frown slightly and tense up at first because I'm not used to this. I'm not used to being held and actually cuddled, not since I was with my ex.
"Relax," she whispers in my ear and my body listens, melting into her embrace.
I didn't realize how much I missed being held like this until right now. It's partly to do with who's holding me though, if someone else tried this shit I'd probably kick them out and tell them to go be soft elsewhere.
But I needed this, especially after tonight. I couldn't let it show, but I was afraid. I mean, I could've died. Evan is more than capable of killing, I know that much. I feel my eyes well up with tears and I try to force them back. I haven't cried for a long time, not since Luke died. To me it's a sign of weakness, and I can't be weak when I'm living the kind of life that I am.
My body doesn't listen though and a tear slips down my cheek while I sniffle quietly, making Billie hold me a little tighter.
"It's okay," she mumbles and nuzzles into my neck. "I got you."
One of her hands finds mine and our fingers lace together while more silent tears slip out of my eyes. I'm just so done with all of this. I want my old life back. Sure, it wasn't the best, but at least I wasn't constantly on edge and getting my ass kicked by douchey drug addicts.
I try not to focus on all that shit, instead trying to focus on Billie. I focus on her arms wrapped around me, her soft breath near my ear, and her warm body pressed against mine.
The more I focus on her, the calmer I start to feel. My eyes slowly stop watering and my breathing slows down until I'm totally relaxed.
I fall asleep like that, completely calm for the first time in months.
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A/N
idk what to put here i guess i just wanted to say hi