I woke up with a huge headache and a set of arms wrapped around me. The last thing I remember was talking to Jon but nothing after that but how'd I get undressed? I quickly turned around to see Joe sleeping peacefully and my clothes laying next to his.
Joe?, I called out as soft snores escaped from under my blanket. Hey Joe... wake up, I said but he didn't budge.
I tried to move away from him but he had me wrapped in tight.
Jooooeee, I said softly in his ear but he didn't move.
I laid there for what felt like hours but it had only been 10 minutes so I knew it was going to be a long morning. He stayed perfectly unbothered in his sleep... something Kody would've woken me up from. His hair was messy but fell calmly over my pillows as he slept. I looked as his face showed worry and tiredness but his hold on me is where all of his strength was.
I stared at him sleeping for about two hours when Colby came knocking at the door.
~Knock knock~
Yeah?, I asked as the door started to open.
Morning sunshine!... Here's something for the hangover and breakfast is ready, Colby said handing me some Aspirin and some water.
Thank you! I've been trying to get up but I'm on lockdown, I said laughing.
Colby laughed some and walked away to only return with Kody.
Mommy!!, he said all chipper. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Movie time!!, he added as he crawled to Joe yelling.
Kod!... 5 more minutes bud. .5, Joe said very tired.
Ok ok ok baby I'll get him up and dressed so guys can watch movies ok?, I said to Kody as he jumped up and down over Joe's head.
Yaaaaaayyy!!!, Kody yelled as Colby took him to the front.
Once the door was closed and Joe's grip had loosened some so I tried to get up once more but Joe pulled me back
Can I go pee?, asked but he reluctantly let me go.
Come back to bed afterwards, Joe said as he sat up.
Go watch movies, I said closing the bathroom door.
After I finished and flushed, I stepped into the shower but Joe was being a bigger version of Kody just then. He came in and just whined basically and all I could do was laugh.
Can I please take a shower man! You're just as bad as Kody right now, I said laughing.
But you said you were coming back, he said in a bit of a pout.
Joe....(turns shower off).. what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?, I asked holding back some laughter.
So you don't remember what happened last night?, he asked as he washed his face.
No I don't remember anything after Jon dropped me on the couch, I said and I instantly started recking my brain to see if I could remember anything.
I picked you up and brought you in here, undressed you and...., Joe said but the pause kind of scared me.
And what Joe?...., I asked as I walked over to him and he pulled me close to him just like in bed.
Nothing inappropriate happened I promise but you talked yourself to sleep... you told me things that made me hold on to you baby... I couldn't let you sleep alone nor wake up alone. You're a beautiful woman and a strong one at that Kawaii... your scares don't control you, he said which took me by surprise.
What did I say Joe?, I asked looking him in the eyes but he didn't speak.
Joe wrapped his arms around me and just held on to me. Suddenly I heard him sniffle so I let go of the hug to ask again so that I could remember.
Talk to me.. now. What did I say so I can tell you why it was said?, I asked and he looked at me as worry set in on his face.
You said that most days you wished that Kody was never born because you feel unfit at times. That you don't blame Luke for calling you ugly and stupid. That you deserved every scare you had for pushing us away from you. What's the point of waking up most days... a lot of unnecessary things, Joe said as tears fell from his eyes.
In that moment I saw were those worry lines and the tired look came from... that same look he had in his sleep.
Joe... I could've said those same things to you while I was sober so it's not a secret that just came out. Yes I do feel that way but if all that were to happen then my son would go down in a deep depression and eventually die... so I can't do him like that. I wake up to his love but I go to sleep feeling like shit, I said making him cry.
Kawaii you don't have to feel this way. I'm here! I'm here to love you! To show you how love is supposed to be given, how it's should be recieved... I love you so much Kawaii!, Joe said in almost a passionate plea.
I understand that but you can't expect me to make a full recovery from years worth of trauma in a matter of months Joe. This is a process that I have to work on and fight to free myself from. You nor the guys nor Kody can fight this for me but it's on you to be there if I back track, I said as he looked away trying to calm down. Joe I love you too but this is going to take a lot of time to work on it and I want you guys there, I added as he held on to me tightly.
We will be here for you Kawaii... just tell me or give me a signal when you're feeling like that please? I don't want to see you in that way on a drunken night ever. You don't have to feel alone in this because you have your boys back and I have this last chance at love with you... I won't fuck this up!, he half yelled still crying.
I pulled him closer to me but the hug turned into a kiss... a love bitten kiss like the 1st kiss we shared in his room one Saturday afternoon. He pulled back to reassure his love for Kody and I was real and deeply kissed me again.
Mommmyyy!! Where's Daddy?, I heard Kody yelling from the other side of the door.
He's getting dressed so you guys can hang out baby!, I yelled back.
Kody yelled and giggled as he ran back out the room which caused him to smile.
He loves you Joe and I can't fight that... but I can fight for him and if you guys hurt him.., I said but he cut me off.
I won't baby girl. The worst thing I could do is miss a play date or oversleep on guys day out. Or watch all of a tv series without you... I don't plan on hurting you 2 intentionally or purposely, he said holding my face.
Ok Joe... Actions.. No words, I said and walked out to get dressed as he got cleaned up and dressed.
Once we were done and ate breakfast, the guys gave Kody all his gifts that they brought and watched him play with them. Jon brought some movies from the back and put one in for him. We watched just about every cartoon movie Kody owned and he sang every song on each of them with the help of Colby. Jon on the other hand would tell Kody jokes that he just thought were the funniest things he's ever heard.
Ok ok ok enough with the jokes, I said laughing.
One more peeeaaaassss, Kody pleaded in the name of all that is funny...
Ok one more dude,I said laughing.
As Jon told his last joke, my doorbell rung so I got up to answer it.
Who is it?, I asked and a familiar voice answered.
It's Trin girl!, I heard my bday bestie say.
I opened the door to see Trinity and Joe's 2 cousins standing there with smiles.
Well hello everyone!, I half yelled a bit excited.
What's good Kawaii? How's it going?, Joshua asked as he pulled me into a hug.
Everything's..... it's a work in progress, I said earning a smile from them.
Hey girl!, Trinity yelled as we hugged but it got interrupted by the creepy baby.
Oooooooo pretty lady here!!, Kody said and ran to hug Trinity.
Hey there handsome, she said giving him a big hug.
All Kody could do was laugh and blush.
Hey hey hey! My wife, Jonathan said causing Kody to stare at him.
I go tell my daddy huh, Kody said wiggling out of Trinity's arms and ran to tell Joe.
Ok Kody who do I have to beat up?, Joe asked as he walked around the corner and saw all of us standing there.
What up Uce?!, Joshua yelled as Jon and Colby hit the corner.
Nothing much man, Joe said hugging everybody.
Him daddy! Him!, Kody yelled as Jonathan stepped aside.
What did you do man?, Joe asked Jonathan as Kody stared him down once again.
This my wife man, Jonathan said and Joe laughed a bit.
Kody we can't just go taking other guy's wives ok? Boundaries is the word we got to learn, Joe said trying to explain but Kody brushed him off.
We moved to the livingroom and sat down but not long enough as Kody moved towards her again.
Kody, I called to him and he walked back to Colby and sat down.
It's no harm you guys. He knows a pretty woman when he sees one, Trinity said laughing.
Ok Miss. It's No Harm... Just wait till you sitting there and suddenly he tries to kiss you, I said laughing. Creepy baby will be hard to get rid of the night... trust me I know this, I said making them laugh.
We sat around talking and Kody had his sights set on Jonathan. They stared and made faces but I had to stop that.
When the guys left to get some food, I sat Kody down to talk to him some.
Kody that's not nice ok? What does mommy say when you see a grown up?, I asked him but I the infamous pout.
Respect them, he said with his head down.
Yes respect them. You'll have your own wife one day ok baby? And I understand if you have a little crush on her but you got to respect another man's space ok. So we'll apologize for the staring when he comes back ok, I said to him and he agreed but I know my son too well. He was gonna be a dick about this.
Kawaii it's ok sweetie! I know it's harmless and Jonathan does too but I see Kody here doesn't so we'll talk to him ok?, she said to me in a cheerful tone.
I agreed and we talked as we waited for them to get back. Kody sat down between us holding his stuffed animal that the guys bought him and seemed hurt by what we said.
Kody can I have a hug?, Trinity asked him but he turned shy just then. Awwwww it's ok bud I know it would cheer you up, she said sweetly and Kody crawled to her for the hug. Tete Trin will always have hugs for you ok little man? It's ok to ask for hugs instead of getting up that no one will take them.. Ok handsome?, she said to Kody.
Otay.. I sorry, he said and rested his head down and looked at me.
Don't make me cry, I said smiling at the little moment that just happened.
It's ok Kawaii... Jon's children are the same way with me. I have to let them know I'm there for them and not just for him.. it's a package deal... just like you two, she said smiling.
Tete! Tete! Tete! Tete!, Kody yelled and on que she answered.
Yes baby?, she said in a smile.
Kody just smiled and crawled back to me.
He loves you now so please don't break his little heart, I said feeling emotional.
Trinity moved over and pulled me into a hug. Once we pulled away she looked at me and smiled.
Like I told you on your birthday you gave me Jonathan in a way and I can't thank you enough for that. Whatever you need.. just call me. Ideas on a play-date?.. call me. My booty workout?... call me. Or to clear your mind and need to get away for a day.. call me! I'll help as much as I can because Joe has a love for you that he's itching to shower you with and I wanna be at y'alls wedding to see it. And Kody... he's gonna love him as his own and I know that's all this baby wants. I know he's got a lot of love to give out so let them accept him and his love while you work on taking piece by piece of them back into your life.., Trinity said as she wiped tears away.
I'm trying and I told Joe this morning that he has his chance to show me he wants to be here for Kody, I said but she shook her head no.
No honey he has to be here for you as well. That wall you got is reinforced steel that he has to break through and trust me he's not going to take the easy way out just to reach you. Kody is the gift that he's wanted so bad so he knows there's no doubt about loving you both, she said holding on to my hands.
To be perfectly honest.. I'm scared to let anybody in but Kody will let anybody in that he deems fit and I'm scared that he'll go through what I went through, I said and Trinity just looked at us.
If he does then I'll break all their legs because you're just as sweet as you are mean. I've heard all about you from the past and not much is different but deep down you're a different person... Let them in at your own time but let them in so that the battle won't kill you, she said and hugged me.
Thank you Trinity, I said crying.
No no thank you because I know too many women our age going through stuff that they need to talk to someone about and if I can help keep you here for him then I'm in this friendship for a lifetime, she said picking Kody back up into her lap.
I walked out off to clean my face and returned to see the guys sitting down but Kody was missing.
Hey where'd Kody go?, I asked.
Jonathan stepped outside with him... come eat, Joe said motioning me to his side.
He's fine girl so sit, Trinity said guiding me to the couch.
Joe handed me some food as Jon handed me some water.
Eat woman, Jon said as pizza tried to escape his mouth.
I opened my salad and ate one bite when Kody and Jonathan came back in. Kody held on to his hand as Jonathan sat next to Trinity.
So you guys guess what?, Trinity said.
They all said what.
I gots a handsome nephew!, she said poking Kody and he started blushing.
They all looked at me but Kody broke the silence.
Tete?, he said and everybody looked at them.
Yes honey, she said sweetly.
Hug?, he asked and she gave him one before he came over to me to sit down between Joe and I.
The guys all sat there shocked and confused but Trinity looked so happy to say it. I hope she meant it because Kody did.
Sooooo.... does that mean you'll work on forgiving us too?, Joshua asked as he bit into a fire.
Yeah because we had a part on that top back in college so we want to be here for you two as much as we can, Jonathan said looking at me.
Annnd before you say anything...., Joshua said and handed me a folded up piece of paper.
It was a check.
And before you say no to that Kawaii... we owe you that from college. We may have worked hard to get to where we are but if it wasn't for you... then we'd be in jail till this day and our records would still be in the public records. Joe didn't ask us to come by today or anything but Trinity wanted to see you guys and check on you, Jonathan said holding her had.
She's been worried about you after we heard about your car accident and we've tried to calculate how we could come see you and still make it to the shows on time and we couldn't but we all had time off for today so we came by, Joshua.
Thank you guys and I mean it but I did that because if I could've kept you 5 from becoming a statistic then I did out of love. Our parents couldn't do much and you guys dad was already there so I wanted to help with the push, I said smiling at them.
And once again you did Kawaii. We got our karma and our blessings. We both have kids but mines are from a previous relationship, Jonathan said and I was happy for him.
We prayed that one day we could tell you this as friends once again but we played our part in pushing you away but now we want to make things right because that guy there loves you like crazy and not a day has gone by since the day you left he hasn't beat himself up for it, Joshua said as he placed his food down.
All of this is a work in progress for me right now and I've told Trinity that this will take some time. I've told Joe this as well.. I can't rush years worth of trauma and fall back to where I was if this doesn't work. I have a lot to lose if it does. Yes you 5 have done me dirty in the past but this little guy right here is proof that I hold no grudge, I said picking Kody up from the floor.
That day we saw you guys at the arena and he did that (He pauses) I felt hurt that we went so long without saying a word to you Kawaii and I'd really would like for you to meet my wife and my boys, Joshua said smiling.
I have no problem with that Josh. I've never hated any of you period but I hated how I was treated by you. Then I go to Japan and fall for a guy that didn't want him and beat me just because I wanted to keep him... I'm kinda happy it happened in a way because I got he, I said and looked at Kody.
That's my bud, Jon said as he headed Kody some more pizza.
Kody has to accept you 2 on his own because that's how he is. If he doesn't then don't act differently towards him because I haven't seen a person he hasn't had a reason not to like that he didn't. He's affectionate and he is not ashamed to give out kisses so if he gives you one... accept it. He is not hard to please so don't try to buy him because he'll expect it all the time.... just ask those 3, I said.
Guilty, Colby said.
It's not buying his love.... it's more of catching up on the time we hadn't known him, Jon said causing Colby to agree.
Yes! That's exactly what that is, he said with a mouth full of pizza.
Anyways you 2... I have told you the rules of Kody and if he's happy then I'm happy. If I have a problem then I'll play Russian Roulette and just call someone until one of you picks up, I said laughing at Colby but I was serious at the same time.
We understand Kawaii and we won't let that happen between us again because like I said karma came for all us and we knew why it was happening, Jonathan said as he came over and hugged me.
We're very very very sorry, Joshua said as he hugged me.
Ok, I said as I hugged him back.
I wanna hug too, Kody said being all jealous.
You do? Well come on lil man, Joshua said and hugged him.
Better watch out he'll fall asleep before you can let him go, Joe said as he poked me to eat my food.
Joshua handed him off to Jonathan and Kody was kinda hesitant at first so Jonathan sat him down and it kinda hurt his feelings.
Yeeeaaahhh he did me like that when I would try to put him to sleep.. it hurts but it's all about earning his trust, Colby said looking at Kody play with my hand.
Once we all finished eating and Kody cleaned his toys up, I got his bath water ready.
Come on baby it's bath time, I said to Kody.
Ok, I heard Joe say which made everybody laugh.
Not you man... the little superhero over there, I laughed pointing to Kody.
Me?, Jon said laughing.
Hey hey hey, Joe said earning laughs from us all.
Come on Kody it's bath time, I said and Kody came running.
I got him in the tub and washed his hair. Joe came in and kissed him goodnight but Kody ended up making him stay.
Joe washed him up and dryed him off good. Once I blowdryed his hair and got him dressed, he went to say goodnight to everyone.
Nite Coby, he said to Colby and he hugged Kody back.
Nite bud, Colby said.
Nite Deano, Kody said smiling.
Nite nite little lunatic, Jon said as Kody kissed his head.
Awwwww, Trinity said smiling.
Nite Washua, he said to Joshua.
Nite little dude, he laughed.
Tete!, he yelled causing Trinity to smile.
Yes handsome?, she asked.
Nite, he said laughing.
Nite nite, she said smiling.
Kody walked to Jonathan who was looking at him as he stood there debating on what to say.
Meanie, Kody said in a pout.
I'm sorry Kody I wasn't trying to be mean to ya, Jonathan said and held out his hand for a handshake.
Meanie..., Kody said once again and that's how I knew my son was being an asshole just then.
Jonathan he's playing you honey, I said to him.
No he's not, Jonathan said and he almost broke down.
Kody stop being mean give him a hug, I said as Kody started laughing.
Gooootttt yooooouuu, he said and gave him a hug.
Everyone laughed except him because they all fell for it.
Awhhh that was mean Kody, Jonathan said to him.
I little and you hurt me so I hurt you, Kody said so clear. Nite nite Unka Wonathan, he said went to Joe.
Ha! I'm Unka, he yelled and laughed.
Booooo, Colby said throwing a pillow.
Hey! Stop it before I cut all the fun short, I said waving my finger at them.
Yes ma'am, they both said like little kids.
Once Kody was sleep and the kitchen was cleaned, we all sat and talked for a bit more until the twins and Trinity had to leave. We exchanged numbers before they left and I walked them to their car.
When I got back in and get myself situated for the night, I went in my room.
~Knock knock ~
I heard from the other side of the door.
Come in, I said and it was Joe.