You Know Thinking back On This Whole event now , I Never Would have Guessed that This Next Leg Of My Journey Would be The Precursor To My Street Mentality And My Rap Ideals And Dreams. In Fact everything About This Span Of next Few years Is Nothing But Drugs , Parties , Rap And Abuse. I Am 6 Years Old And Already I Have Survived A Train Wreck, Witnessed A Murder, Lost A Brother, And Was Bounced Around From Place To Place. So My Head Is Fragile , My Heart Is hurt , And My Future Looking Scary. Some Would Say This Is An Exotic Cocktail Of Amazing Fun ... Or Another Start To A bad Cliche Story.
So The Courts Rule in My Mother's Favor. My Grandmother Is beside Herself ... Like Literally Just doesn't Want TO Deal With The Situation Anymore. I Don't Blame Her , Again With The Back In Time Eyesight , I See That She Always Was there When no one else was. I remember Walking Out Of the Courtroom in My Mothers Care ... Walk In Under My Grandmothers , Left Under My Mother's.
Well Not Really I Still Went home With Grandma but Only To Pack And Get things Ready. The Court Ordered That I Was To Take A Plane To Where My Mother Lived Coos bay , Oregon. Grandma had To Pay For It. Imagine being 6 Years Old Told You Are Getting Ready To Go , By Yourself , On a Plane To A State that Is Like Crazy Far Away. That's Crazy Right ??? Naw That's Normal
The Most Crazy Thing about That Day Was Sitting After The hearing in My Mother's Car And Her Saying To me.
" Its All Going To be different Now. You'll See .. "
Different Is An Understatement.
I Arrived In Portland , Oregon. After Having Flown There On The TWA Airline For The First Time All The Way From Tennessee by Myself . Tennessee ??? Yes Tennessee It's Like A Thousand Miles Or Something Away From Coos bay, Oregon And Trust Me A Completely Different Scenery.
Truth Is I Don't Remember How Long The Flight Was but I do Remember Boarding The Plane , Sitting In The First Row Of Seats Right Behind The Captain Door , And Looking Out The Window Watching Popcorn Shaped Kernels Closely Resembling Clouds Bounce Past The window Like Bouncing Beach Balls . The Chic ( Sorry Airline Stewardess * Changing Times Don't Want To be Disrespectful * ) seeing Me Immediately Went To A drawer And Came back With A Twa Pin Telling Me
" This Is For All Our new Honorary Captains "
I Felt Like A King For That entire Ride.
I Miss Tennessee. It Truly Is the The Perfect Example Of my Ideal Perfect Life. There Is Something About The Memories And The Smells, Anyways , Plane Ride Over Time TO Move On To This New Life. Do The Traditional Meet And Greet Of Relatives For The First Couple Of Weeks. blah Blah blah Seems Like A blur anymore.
So Where Is All The Drug's Rap And Parties ???? Come On Man Get To The Good Stuff !!!
We Were Playing Cb Tag ( A Truckers Game Using Cb Radios My Mother , Uncle Preston , And A bunch Of Other's Were What You Would Call " Party Animal's " ... Legit Like ... Og Status I Kid You not ... See She never Changed Just Made Herself Look Good For The Courts... )
3 A.M - Squelch On The Cb Tell Me That something Is Close.
Mom In The Driver Seat 44 Ounce Convenience Store Cup Full Of 40 ounces Of Liquor. Some Kind Of beer Mixed With Vodka ... Everything Was mixed With Vodka. Rap Music Playing On The cassette Radio , Joint's burning , the Smoke In The Car thick Choking My Lungs Full Filling My Head With A Heavy Feeling While My Hearts beating What Seems Like A voice Telling Me That My Stomach Is hungry But hunger Is just An Expression being Used In Place Of the Need To Feel Fun.
Everybody Has A Call Sign ... Mine Was Jabber Jaws .. I Never Shut Up As A Kid Talk To Much Probably Still DO. I Can not Remember a Single Other Persons name Except Mine...
Everyone Is parked At The Car wash , Anxiously Waiting A Different Signal Then Rapid chatter Over The Cb. Sometimes We used A Parking Lot Of Walmart if There Was A lot Of Players That Night. For All Points An Purposes Of this Memory Lets Say " Designated Meeting Spot " . See The Object Of This Game Is hide And Seek But Tag At The same Time.
Rules For Cb Tag ...
1. Be Legit Messed Up ... Stoned Drunk And Or Tripping ... Rap Music Playing
2. 1 Person is It The Rest scatter
3. " It " drives Around Alleys , Parking Lots , and back roads Looking For " Other Players "
4. Upon Finding " Player " " It " Must Then Call Out On The Cb The Correct name And Location Of " Player "
5. Game Proceeds Until All " Players Are Found "
6. Drink Smoke Rinse Repeat
Crazy Fun You Have no Idea .. 6 yrs Old And I am More Than Amped every Night For This Game Like Some Part Of My New Family Culture and Tradition. Best Part ... These Games Usually didn't End until Sunrise Or Later And Sometimes even Went All Day Long using The beach Area As an Extension To Stay Out Of the Center Of Town And Cop Eyesight. School Was A nonexistent. I Was Enrolled don't Remember Where Or names Of Teachers Except Mrs. Wooster for Some Reason That Name Will Always Stick Out at This Time. She Called My mother Out In Front Of The whole Class As A Drug Addict Cigarette Smoker Who Is Damaging her Kids Life by Playing " Games ".
So Yeah not The Best Parenting .. But Damn Good Fun !!!
There Was Always Craziness With her. Right From The start until The Very End.
Take this Example ...
out On The beach Again ( Always On The Beach ) Rap Music And Pot Smoke ( Always Rap Music And pot smoke ) Mom , Uncle Preston And ME Laying On The Van Floor , back Hatch Open Looking at The night Sky. The Sky Stars Twinkling Like Some Kind Of Magic Orchestra Timed Perfectly To The blowing Breeze That's Whispering The Names Of Each Waves brought In From The Pacific Ocean Lapping At The shoreline Like Rhythmic Slaps On A Drum.
The Two OF Them Are Talking Completely unaware That I am Even Listening. At The end Of Each sentence Spoke by Both , I Am Rhyming The Ending word With Something else ... I.e Practicing Rapping ... But for all points and Purposes Lets Call It entertaining Myself While The Grownups Are Talking. See in My Life At That Time There Was no Such Thing As Gameboy's , Laptops , Cell Phones , And Whatever Else My Kids have Right Now . So I Used TO Create All Sorts Of Ways To stay sane. Life At That moment Was Total Peace , Total fun , Totally Normal ... Right ??? My Mothers Philosophy ( Which I have come To Admit Is My Own but My Is Tweaked To be Pure ) Is Yolo. I Used TO believe In That Then Lost It And Now believe That I Found It For ever. Maybe It Is not Such A bad Thing That I Share Some Of The Same Ideas As My Mother ... WTF Am I Saying ... It Is Absolutely horrible That I Am Anything Like This Evil Woman. The Whole Point Is That Yolo For an Adult Is not The Same AS Yolo For A Child Udig!!!
I Moved To and from 16 Different Places From The age Of 6 Until The Age Of 11. In The State of Oregon We Lived In Eugene , Portland , Coos Bay. In The State Of California We Lived In Mission Valejo And Mount Shasta. In The state Of Arizona We Lived In Fresno And Page. In The State Of Washington We Lived In Tacoma , Seattle , Eatonville , La Grande , Puget Sound and Olympia. Various Other Places Scattered up And Down Like Colorado Springs And Others That I Cant Seem To Recall Right At The Moment but honestly It Is Probably more Than 16. I Still haven't Even Made my First Friend yet.
So Many Different towns , Cities , And Places. So Many Parties , So Many People. I Had A New " Father " every Month And Every City. I Had To Watch My Mom Have Sex In The motel Rooms So That We Could stay in Them That night Because she Couldn't Leave Me In Alone In The Car In These Type Of Parking Lots In These Type Of neighborhoods. I Was 7 years Old The First Time I Seen My Mother And Some Random Guy Having Sex ... Her Response .. Turn Your head Sweetie Momma's Almost Done. You Have no Idea What That Is Like And You Will never Understand.. People Out Here Really Living bad Situations And I Gotta Deal With Eminem And his Crybaby My Mom hurt My Feelings Bull crap. Yo Eminem Do You Know what It Is Like To Watch Your Mother Finish Off A Different Guy Every Week So You Could Eat , Have A Roof And A Place She Could do her Drugs. Yo Mgk .. Do You Know what It Is Like To See Your mom Making Videos With 2 Guys To be Able To have her Dope... This Was Also The First Time My Mother Made Me understand I Was Just Another Male In Her Life .. when She Turned Her Action's Onto me , I Thought honestly I Was The Reason for all The problem's. It took Me Almost 25 years To Learn , It Is not My Fault It Was her's.
During All Of This I Wish I Could have Died ... Still Disgusted With Myself Til This Day .. Still Wish in some Ways I Could Die