End Game 15
"I see it all now that you're gone."
Sheliah Santibañez
Nang makarating kami sa bahay ni Lucas, lalong bumigat ang dibdib ko. My heart and mind can't process these things.
Nahalata ni Lucas ang pagka-tulala ko at hinawakan niya ang kamay ko and I looked at him. "You will recover quickly, you did it before and I bet you would." Then he smirked.
A small smile grew into my lips, Lucas is so kind. Malaki na ang utang ko sa kanya, he helped me before and he's doing it again.
History repeats itself.
"Mas lalo kang gumaganda kapag ngumingiti ka." He chuckled.
"Stop complimenting me, mabilis ako ma-fall." Pabiro kong wika.
Bigla niyang binitawan ang kamay ko. Na siyang kinatawa ko nang malakas. "Stop it Sheliah, kaka-moved on ko lang sayo 'wag kang gan'yan."
Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Kung naka-moved on na siya... Maybe there's someone who lift him up from the dark hole.
"Call me Liah babe." Kumindat ako sa kanya at nag-iwas siya ng tingin and I chuckled. "But seriously, Lucas. Don't ever let me hear my real name. Or even cringey endearments."
Nag-salute siya sa akin. "Whatever you say Miss Sants."
Ngumiti ako. A fake one.
Dinala ako ni Lucas sa guest room at inayos niya ang ilang gamit roon. Tinawagan na din daw niya si Kuya Jonathan na dito muna ako makiki-tulog kay Lucas for a long period of time.
"Ayos lang ba ang kama sayo or you want the mattress more softer or what?"
Pinasadahan ko ng aking kamay ang malambot na bedsheet. At tumingin ako sa kanya. "This is enough, hindi naman ako mapili. I'm from rags remember?"
Umiling siya at kumunot ang noo niya. "You're from rags?"
Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Are you insulting me?" Tanong ko sa kanya. What's wrong?
"Of course not! I'm just surprised, akala ko natural lang na down to Earth ka. And I'm happy for you and your successes." He compliments.
Tumahimik ako. I can't figure what kind of being down to Earth is he saying about me.
"Uhh-- I think you should rest. Tawagin mo na lang ako if you need anything Liah." Tumango ako at sinundan ko siya ng tingin habang lumabas siya ng kwarto.
I jump off of the bed and I locked the door. Nakatitig ako sa doorknob na hawak-hawak ng kamay ko and I can see my reflection in circular phase.
Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko as I prevent my heart from tearing apart and my eyes from bleeding in pain.
I am strong but my strength has its own limits.
Dahan-dahan akong napaluhod sa harap ng pinto and I covered my mouth as I let it scream with no voice but with pain. My eyes were shrinking and sweating in tears.
Tila ba sinasabi ng mga ito na I'm tired, I'm cold... Wipe these waters off and let me experience the feeling of being dry again.
Parang sinasaksak ako sa likod ng ilang beses and it's not, it's not familiar.
I am immuned in pain but this one is different. It's darker. I know where it will lead me and I won't let it invade my body.
Pero masakit! Napaka-sakit. I don't know where to put myself, am I not enough? May mali ba sa akin? Panget ba ako? Mukha ba akong OA or whatever?
I cracked a smile as I forced myself to stood up with shaking knees. "Minahal kita."
Hinawakan ko ang leeg ko and I started scratching it until it reaches my hair. "You promised me!" Bumagsak muli ang mga luhang naimbak sa maikling panahon. Wala na akong pakialam kung magmukha akong tanga at paulit-ulit ang mga sinasabi ko.
I am in pain, I am in pain, I am in pain!
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!
Ikinulong ko ang aking sarili sa aking mga braso. I acted like I am covering my heart. I don't know what I am doing, I'm out of my mind, if this is shitty then let it be.
"You promised me that we will both got married when we reached our right time. The time when everything is settled and organized. Umasa ako na totoo na 'yon because you proposed in front the singing ocean of crowd. " Tinabing ko ang isa kong kamay and I hit my chest. "Umasa ako na magiging tayo na. I am happy and contented, you broke me and I broke you. We met again and I did forgive you..." I paused for a while at lumapit ako sa bintana. It's almost sunset.
Pinunasan ko ang aking mga mata as as I calmed myself.
The sky is so beautiful but how could it makes me that I am staring upon those dark clouds and the wind is swirling together with a heavy rain.
How could it be?
This is the party I don't wanna be at. A party where I can go happy and go home shattered. This is the party I wanna go.
How can I have fun inside this shitty party if I don't wanna have fun? I'm tired of going home alone and unhappy.
"But then you came along again inside the party Art." I smiled.
"You drived me home happy and there's always a second tragic part that will quickly end my happiness. You'll leave."