Here are some parts that were cut for whatever reason:
Chapter 2:
Ham broke the end of a bottle and walked up to Jona.
"For Pete's sake, Jona," Ham said, "go apologize to my last born grandchild . She has a hard enough time without you being a jerk. Go apologize or I'll stab you. "
"I've tried," Jona said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I've told her that I made a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again. I said sorry countless times."
Jona wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, as his nose began to run. "I've tried and tried, but to no avail!" he choked. "She'll never forgive me. I know that I deserve it, but I miss her."
He pulled a tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose. "She deserves better than me, and I realize that, but it still hurts. I miss her, her art, her senior taters, her laugh, her smile. and the idea that I might never get to be her boyfriend makes my heart break and my eyes well up with tears."
We cut out this part because we decided it was too early for Jona's confession. Taking out the thing about stabbing was an afterthought. Jona couldn't die yet.
Chapter 3:
The Wacks stood there frozen with shock. They knew it was going to be a major plot point in their story, and not a good one.
We thought it was a fourth wall break that went too far.
Chapter 4:
Little did Jona know that he was about to meet the same fate as Little Timmy had.
Take a wild guess. But seriously, we didn't want to reveal that much of the plot yet.
Chapter 5:
"I already told you!" he cried out from exasperation. "After my friend Party left my house, the doorbell rang. I opened it and found this bag with a head inside. I didn't see who delivered it or how that got past our 180 pound attack dog!" Jona pet Spot's head as Spot chewed on a human foot.
"Whose fut is that?" asked the cop, studying the one in Spot's mouth.
"I don't know," Jona answered. "I found it in his mouth after the bag.
"We'll take it to the lab," said the cop. "I'm just spitballing here, but it may have to do with the delivery.
'One of our friends got to the story.
Untitled Comlaint Letter:
Pay attention. Nobody is reading our story anymore and yeah, we're kind of offended. I mean, our story has it ALL. Dramatics, theater, Richard Nixon- WHAT MORE DO YOU WAAAAAAANT!? So this is what we'll do. Tell us what you want us to write about more. What plots do you like? What plots do you hate? What chapter did you like the best? Any chapters you couldn't stand? There are only like 9 of you who are still following the plot, so tell us why? What possessed you to stick with this ridiculous story for so long? What characters do you like? What characters do you hate? Who should we kill off? Should we kill off Andy? Just give us something! Nobody has commented on anything since like Chapter 2. It's ridiculous. You're all so bad at reading things.
...
Maybe we're just kind of mad. A kid threw a rock at my face today and it put me in a really bad mood. He name was Luphin, which is a dumb name.
...
We got off topic. Also there are four of us now. Not two.
But seriously, we need your support. So comment. Please. Maybe vote for something here and there if you like it. Because we think we're really funny. Maybe we're not. Are we? Tell us if we're not. Tell us anything! Tell us we have terrible senses of humor. Tell us we sing to much. Do we? Here are the entire lyrics to the song the Sounds of Silence.
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silenceIn restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silenceAnd in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence"Fools" said I
"You do not know, silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silenceAnd the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the signs said
"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence
...
Maybe we get off topic some times. The point is, you control this story. IT IS UP TO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU so comment. COME ON!
...
Now Sounds of Silence is stuck in my head. So thanks for THAT! Also, we really liked that chapter in the restaurant with all of the lava. Did you? We thought it was kind of cool. Tell us if you liked it.
Thank you, we love you☺️
-The Four Writers of Child Soap Opera (Well Technically, This is Only Two of Us, But If the Other Two Were Here They Would Agree with us.
We were kind of mad that day. Also, we spelled the word "Complaint" wrong in the title. Did you notice?