" See you soon "
song: unsteady - x ambassadors
My eyes opened to complete darkness. I could barely breath which caused me to jump up.
My eyes focused onto a gray flannel and my body instantly relaxed when the smell of him hit my nose.
My face had been stuffed into the crook of Carl's neck. I wiped my eyes and focused on his. His hand was on the lower part of my back, they were an ice cube.
His eye was shut which meant he was asleep peacefully. He was starting to sweat again which caused my heart to break.
Sweating is a sign of failure to the heart from the mark of an infected.
I wanted to take all of the pain away. He was hurting like he never has before. I wanted to put my gun to his temple and end it for him right here.
I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
His eye fluttered open causing a smile to form on my face.
He was going to see another day.
"Hey." I smiled softly, moving the hair out off of his face.
He smiled weakly, groaning in between breaths.
His face had already began to sink in. The bags under his eyes were almost a bright red. His lips were so dry and chapped. He was so pale, almost matching the color of his bandage. He was dying right underneath my fingertips and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it
"I love you." I smiled at him.
"I love you." He smiled softly, closing his eye.
Michonne was at his side as I held his hand. He smiled at her softly and my eyes began to sting from the tears begging to come out.
"I don't want you to be sad after this." Carl looked up at her.
"Carl..." Michonne shook her head.
"Or angry." He breathed.
"You're going to have to be strong. For my Dad, for Judith, for Maci.." He paused, swallowing hard.
"For yourself."
Michonne looked up at us both with a shattered heart.
"I will." She promised as she looked back down at him.
"Don't carry this, not this part." He shook his head.
Michonne nodded, unable to speak.
My sobs became more louder by the second. I turned to look towards Rick who stared blankly.
I shook my head, putting a shaky hand over my mouth.
"You're my best friend Michonne." Carl smiled, crying out.
Michonne started to sob and I breathed out yet another shaky breath.
My anxiety was higher than high.
"You're mine too." Michonne smiled, "You're mine."
Michonne rose his hand to her lips and she kissed it shakily.
"I need your help." Rick looked at his hands.
"With what?" Michonne sniffled.
"Getting him out of here." Rick sighed.
I looked down at him as my heart broke. He was weak, the way he was acting reminded me of symptoms of the flu. The aching, the moaning, the paleness.
But this Maci, this was not the flu. This was far worse.
"Lets get him up." Rick breathed out.
I nodded, grabbing his hand. I held him as best as I could as Rick pulled him up.
Michonne came rushing to his other side as I backed away. My body was exhausted from this whole situation.
"No one is here anymore." Rick looked at me.
Carl began to lean his head towards Ricks shoulder, shutting his eyes.
He was getting ready to go home.
"If you see anyone, don't hesitate to shoot. I don't care who it is." Rick said.
I nodded, opening my gun. It was fully loaded.
"Let's go." Michonne said, moving just a tad forward.
I kissed Carl's head as he smiled weakly, keeping his eye shut. We began to get out of the damn sewer hole.
I refused to let him die in such a depressing place.
* * *
Everything became slow motion as I looked around.
This was my home.
Now I was standing in the middle of Alexandria as it burned down to the ground, watching the love of my life die.
I turned to look and saw Carl only a few feet away. He groaned and I shut my eyes.
He breaching into his last moments.
"We need to stop." Michonne begged.
I ran to catch up as I looked around. No one was in sight. The only sound that I could hear was the crackling of the fire on every home.
"There is a house up ahead, we can make it." Rick looked at us, almost dragging Carl.
"It's okay, just put me down here." Carl mumbled.
"No we can make it." Rick shook his head, denying the fact that his son was getting to his last moments.
"Please Rick." I shook my head.
He nodded at me, staring blankly.
"Look." Michonne pointed.
The church was burned down mostly but there was still enough to safely go inside. We hurried over there.
I pointed my gun, checking inside. I sighed, putting my gun back down. It shoved it into my holster as I turned to Rick and Michonne laying Carl down.
"You guys have to say you're goodbyes- he's ready- he's-" my voice broke as I covered my mouth.
Rick nodded as Michonne looked at me.
I turned my back, completely wanting to break down.
Not here, not infront of him.
I shook my head, letting a few tears fall. I sat down right by his feet, giving Michonne and Rick space.
"Thanks...for...for getting me here." Carl said, breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry- I just- I didn't want you out there." Rick said.
"No." Carl closed his mouth, swallowing hard.
"No... for getting me here." Carl breathed out.
"For making it so I could be-who-who I wound up." Carl shut his eye.
Rick stared blankly, listening to Carl carefully.
"Back at the prison when we got attacked..." Carl paused. "There was a kid, a little older than me."
"He had a gun. He was-he was starting to put it down, and I-I shot him." Carl shook his head.
"He was-he was giving it up, and I-I just I shot him." He breathed out.
"I think about him. What I did to him and how easy it was to just kill him.."
He was confessing things that weren't necessary to confess. Carl was so ashamed. He refused to leave this world with a single regret in his heart.
"Carl, no." Rick shook his head.
"All of those things that you had to do, you were-you were just a boy." Rick cried out, holding the side of Carl's face.
"But you saw it....what it did...how easy it got." Carl shook his head.
I wanted to scream out. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs for Carl to stop blaming himself. It was killing not only me but both Rick and Michonne. I couldn't stand the thought of him leaving me with nothing but guilt in his mind. If that boy didn't fulfill his guilt he would leave this world with guilt.
"You know better now Carl. You were only protecting yourself and your family. Don't blame shit like that on yourself tonight..out of all of the nights in your life." I shook my head, letting a tear slip.
I stared at his blue eye that barely held any light as he closed it with a sigh. He then looked at me with a soft smiling already dreading the goodbye we would soon share.
He breathed out and began to speak again, "That's why you changed..why you brought those people from Woodbury in."
"You brought them in, and we all lived together. We were enemies." Carl reminded Rick.
"You put away your gun. You did it so I could change, so I could be who I am now." Carl looked at him.
"What you did then, how you stopped fighting.. it was right." Carl breathed out.
"It still is. It can be like that again. You can still be like that again." He nodded just a little for me to notice.
"I can't be who I was." Rick shook his head, "It's different now."
"You can't kill all of them, Dad." Carl sighed.
"There's gotta be something after. For you and for them." Carl looked up, "There's gotta be something after."
Michonnes chin was quivering as I shook my head quickly. I stared blankly at his pale hands.
"I know you can't see it yet..how it could be." Carl paused.
He started explaining and I closed my eyes.
"You have a beard. It's It's bigger and grayer." Carl chuckled.
"Michonne's happy, Judith is older, and she's listening to the songs that I used to before."
"Maci is beautiful and taking care of all of the animals."
I shook my head with a smile, quickly wiping the tears on my cheeks.
"Alexandria's bigger. There's new houses, crops, and people working."
"Everybody's living, helping everybody else live."
"If you can still be who you were that's how it could be." Carl paused, "It could."
My eyes opened as tears rushed down my cheeks. I could see it. I loved the thought of everyone okay and everything happy. The only part I couldn't stand was the fact that Carl wouldn't be by my side through all of it.
"Carl." Rick shook his head.
"It was all for you. Right from the start." Rick promised.
"Back in Atlanta, the farm...everything I did, it was for you." Rick breathed out.
"Then, at the prison, it was for you and Judith. It still is. It always will be." Rick smiled softly.
"And nothing...nothing is gonna change that." Rick closed his eyes as tears fell.
"I want this for you, Dad." Carl smiled softly.
"I'm gonna make it real, Carl...I promise....I'm gonna make it real." He nodded.
I looked back to the night sky. I breathed out a shaky breath knowing time was flying by faster than I wanted it too.
"Carl I'm sorry." Rick shook his head.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. A father's job is to protect his son." He cried out.
"Love. It's just to love." Carl smiled.
Rick smiled, denying his answer but accepting the words that came out of his sons mouth.
I looked down at his hands and watched as he grabbed his gun.
"No-Carl-no!" I cried out.
"Carl It-It-It-It should be-"
"I know, I know. Somebody you love." He breathed out, interrupting Michonne.
"Only when you can't do it yourself, but I still can." He nodded.
His eye closed and I cried out.
I stood up too quickly as I cried. My mind began to spin and before I knew it, my knees hit the ground. I sat there, covering my mouth as I watched.
"I grew up..." He smiled softly as tears ran down his cheeks.
"I have to do this...me." He nodded.
There was a silence of nothing but hearts breaking.
"I love you." Carl looked up at Michonne.
"I love you, too." Michonne sobbed, holding him tightly.
"I love you, Dad." Carl turned to Rick with a soft smile on his face.
"I love you, Carl." Rick cried out, "I love you so much."
Rick bent down and cried onto his head. He kissed it softly. He tried his best to hug his Dad before letting go. Michonne moved close to him to be able to kiss his head, Carl repeated the same actions.
They started to head out in each other's arms as I refused to move. I heard sobs release from both of there lips as soon as they hit the porch.
"No goodbye?" Carl asked.
"You know I hate goodbyes." I shook my head.
He chuckled weakly as I faced him.
"Come here anyways." He smiled, trying his best to put the gun to his side.
He was trying to hide the weapon that would soon end his life. He wanted your last conversation together to be pure and not so depressing.
His hands were shaking as he held the gun in his hand. He was trying to hide his nerves and the gun all at once.
"I can do it, Carl." I nodded, bending down to his side.
He shook his head quickly, biting his lip.
He refuses to admit that he's weak to a girl that he loves more than anything.
"Baby you can let go, it's me, you know it's me." I smiled softly, placing a hand on the side of his head.
He shook his head, dropping the gun.
He's refusing to break infront of you. He's always held it together. He refused to let the last moment that you remember him be crying in your arms.
He started to cry like I've never seen him cry before. I shook my head, hugging him as best as I could.
"I'm scared." He whispered into my ear.
"I know." I shut my eyes tightly.
"I promised I wasn't leaving." I pulled away, kissing his head.
He nodded with a small smile.
"Don't do anything stupid. Don't remember this part as the last of me." He begged.
"I would never." I shook my head, wiping the tears off of his face.
"I promise you I will have everything together here. Judith will have someone to hold her all of the time. I'll be her sister-"
"I know baby." He smiled, shaking his head.
I breathed out a shaky breath, finally letting it out.
"I watched you both that day we were all three together. You are so good with her." He smiled.
I chuckled as he put a hand on my face, wiping my tears.
"Don't ever let her out of your sight." He begged.
His mouth frowned as he lifted up my chin.
"I won't." I promised.
His eyes shut as tears fell out. He was trying his best to stay with me. He didn't want to let go.
"Keep that hat safe until Judith is old enough-" he stopped mid-sentence, swallowing hard.
I brushed the hair out of his face with a smile, "I bet your Mom is waiting for you."
He nodded with a smile.
"I miss her so much." He looked at me.
"I know you do." I nodded, smiling so brightly.
His eye opened as he looked up with a soft smile. His chin started to quiver as he turned to look at me.
"Thank you for everything." I shook my head.
"You trusted me and let me in. You loved me like no other person in this world ever has before. You helped me learn how someone is supposed to treat me." I smiled so brightly.
He let out a weak laugh as I sighed.
"You helped me find my way out of being so lost in this world, Carl Grimes." I smiled, as my tears began to soak up both of our shirts.
"I will never forget your smart ass." I laughed, shaking my head.
He laughed a weak laugh that still showed a bit of happiness.
"I will always love you." I promised, leaning down to kiss his lips.
They were ice cold. Yet he still made sure our final kiss was the best one he could give me. Our lips moved in a slow passionate sync. Tears were falling out of his eye as he did so.
I pulled away, moving his sweaty hair out of his face once again.
His hair had a different touch to it, which only broke my heart even more.
"I can feel-" He paused and I shook my head instantly.
His eyes slowly shut and opened over and over. I breathed out as he smiled a soft smile.
"I love you, Maci." He whispered and I smiled, nodding quickly.
I reached down and held his head up. He laid in my lap, breathing slowly. He was laying on his side, refusing to let me watch him leave me. I saw his cheeks puff out as I held him there.
I kissed his head, closing my eyes.
He held onto my arm as tightly as he could to let me know he was still there. Our hands intertwined as he brought my hand to his cold lips.
He breathed out, leaning into me as he tried his best to get comfortable.
"I'll be right here. I'm not leaving you just yet." I promised him.
He didn't answer as he breathed out more and more weaker.
I looked out onto the porch to see the sun start to rise. I smiled softly, looking down at Carl.
Then all at once I felt his grip loosened on my hand. His body became heavier and my heart sunk.
I shut my eyes tightly and shook my head. I bit my lip hard trying to hold back. I squeezed his hand waiting for a response.
Once I got nothing from him, I broke down. I sobbed into his hair, letting every tear I kept in out.
I didn't say a single word. I sat there and cried as I held a limp Carl Grimes in my arms. My heart ached as I shakily grabbed a knife from my pocket.
"I'm so sorry..." I sobbed, shaking my head quickly.
This was something you never wanted to do. You never wanted to kill someone that you loved. But darling, you never thought you would love someone like you loved him.
I held the knife against his temple and shut my eyes tightly. I shakily pushed it in and bit my lip as I did so.
The knife dropped out of my hands with blood surrounding the blades. I shakily covered the blood coming from his head with his hair.
I laid Carl back down softly as I scooted over. I looked down at him and put my shaky hand onto his.
"I love you." I mumbled with a weak smile.
I kissed his head and closed my eyes tightly.
I was numb and completely empty. I stood up and walked towards Rick and Michonne.
They turned around as they looked at me.
"Why wasn't there ever a gun shot-"
I shook my head, covering my mouth.
"Is he-"
I nodded quickly, feeling Ricks arms wrap around me. I sobbed into his shirt as he rubbed my back.
"He's gone- I don't know-"
"Shhhh." He cooed, shaking his head.
He pulled away from me and bent down to my level. I was a shaking mess that was draining like a river.
My eyes were on fire and so was my heart.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to him. I can promise you that." Rick nodded.
I nodded with a smile, hoping I loved him as best as I could.
I sat down on the steps of the broken building. The footsteps of Michonne and Rick got farther away. I heard Michonnes sobs as soon as they entered and I broke.
I shut my eyes and brought my hands to my face.
And just in a matter of seconds, Rick carried out Carl's body.
The sun was fully in sight as I turned towards the direction of Carl.
I started following behind them only to instantly stop.
I shut my eyes, feeling the sun shine directly at me. I looked up to the sky as I held out my hands near my leg. Tears fell down my cheeks quickly feeling the feeling Carl always gave me when he was around. I turned to face the community I knew and loved by heart.
All of the flames were gone. There was nothing but ashes now.
I looked to see a patch of grass perfectly green and grown. It was surrounded by dead trees yet there was apart still alive.
"Rick." I turned around.
He smiled softly as we headed that way. He laid Carl down and began to dig.
I sat in silence as I stared at a blanket draped over his body.
I started to walk towards the houses as I heard the sound of digging in my ears.
I walked onto the step that was once my home.
It was somehow still intact and everything was there.
I opened the door and walked inside. I cried out as soon as my feet entered the doorway.
I put my hands on both sides of the sink, feeling the coldness underneath my fingertips. I shook my head as the tears fell down my cheeks and hit the metal.
I let go with a sigh and walked up the stairs. As soon as I hit our room, my heart sunk down quickly. I walked in slowly, opening the closet. Carl's clothes laid there in a dirty pile.
He had his own room, yet this was the one he called his.
I chuckled at the thought.
I opened the bathroom door and breathed out to see his shirt on the ground. I picked it up, heading towards the closet. I fell to my knees when the light shined through the shirt.
There the bite mark was, clear as day.
I shakily put my hand over it as tears fell down my cheeks. I sat up with my legs underneath my butt as I laid it out.
It was all brown and maroon from the dirt and blood. I frowned at the sight.
My eyes shut tightly as I brought it to my chest. My nose inhaled and I gasped at the smell.
It was a shock to me. It was so incredibly strong.
As I brought myself to my feet, I tucked the shirt into my jeans. I breathed in a shaky breath and watched outside of the window.
And there on the windowsill sat a pile of paper. I picked up the pile and saw a letter on top of the pile.
Maci, please give these to who they all go to. I'm not good at goodbyes in person so I presented them on letters. My hand writing sucks ass but at least I know you'll enjoy it anyways : )
- Carl
I giggled with a hand over my mouth as tears fell. I shook my head and began reading the names on the letters.
Dad, Michonne, Judith, Maci, Enid, and Negan
My lips were parted open at the last name. I knew why Carl would do such a thing I just didn't understand why.
I held them close as I headed back down the stairs.
I spotted a brand new roll of bandage sitting on the counter. I smiled, grabbing it. I headed back to where there was now an obvious hole in the ground.
The sun was now bright as ever and my eyes squinted at the sight. It had already been at least an hour, it was at least six in the morning.
Rick stood there with hands on his hips as he breathed heavily. Michonne was on her knees with tears falling down her cheeks.
I got down beside Carl and breathed out a shaky breath.
I uncovered his body and smiled weakly.
His lips were closed together with a pale blue shade to them. His eye was shut with a hand near where he held onto me. There was a small smile to his lips which caused my heart to warm up.
I unraveled the bandage with a shaky hand.
"He wouldn't want you guys to see- I just wanted to change-"
"It's okay." Rick nodded with a hand on my shoulder.
I breathed out as Michonne and him headed around the corner.
I lifted up his head and undid his bandage.
I smiled softly as my head turned a bit. I pushed the hair out of his face and kept my hand on his cheek. I put the bandage underneath his head and wrapped it around the other side.
You love this flaw of his. You wish you could show him off to the world like an olympic gold medal. Yet, you knew Carl would kick your ass if you did. He was insecure of this one scar.
"Stubborn man." I shook my head with a small laugh.
I tied it into a knot and straightened it up. I placed a square piece of gauze underneath the bandage. I lined it up with his scar and sat back.
"Better.." I mumbled.
I laid my hand on his chest and shut my eyes. I was waiting for warmth and for my hand to move without me forcing it too.
All I got was a stiff chest that was freezing cold.
And I cried out. I broke down once again.
I laid my head on his chest and cried. Tears were falling down my cheeks like a waterfall. My heart ached as I held onto him.
I backed away as I wiped my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. I lifted him up as best as I could. His head fell onto my shoulders as his arms stayed low.
I sobbed, wrapping my arms around him. My head naturally leaned against his. He was cold which was something that broke me.
I wanted his warmth against my skin. I was begging for the feeling at least once more.
I felt two people wrap there arms around us. I bit my lip as I looked to Carl's soaked shirt.
"We have to put him to rest soon-"
"I know....I-I just wanted to fix him up and hug him goodbye." I admitted with tears falling down my cheeks.
I was to the point where the tears were falling into my mouth. It was a taste I only desired when they were happy tears.
Rick laid down the sheet onto the ground. I laid Carl back and fixed his hands. They held onto each other. That same smile still stayed on his pale blue lips.
I pulled his shirt down a bit noticing a square piece in the pocket. I reached inside and pulled out the plastic.
It was a picture of him and I together. I covered my mouth and smiled at the smile he had in the picture. Right underneath were the two we took just the other day.
I tucked the picture of Judith and I in his pocket. I buttoned the pocket and straightened it up once more.
I kissed him softly one final time before covering his face. Rick picked up him and placed him in the spot that waited for him.
I brought myself to my feet as Michonne and Rick began to put dirt into the hole. I held the pictures in my hand with a sigh.
I breathed out as I stared blankly.
My heart was aching a type of ache I've never felt before. I untucked the shirt that was in my jeans. I held onto it tightly with it close enough to my nose.
My eyes shut as the smell of him relaxed me.
I can't wait to see you again, Carl Grimes.
_________________
These suck but whatever. I want to make it perfect but I keep on putting it off so it never gets updated when I want it too.
The views have gone from 200 to 50 which is heartbreaking. Not because of "views" because of the love I get from this book.
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Feedback is my favorite thing to get when writing.
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Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.
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- Sam