It was just a crack with a hint of crackle in its bite. Small, insignificant, almost unnoticeable.
A sliver, almost, and gradually upgrading itself to a beam. A small beam, like a flashlight attempting to pierce through the darkness.
A small spotlight, then, stolen from an idol's concert, as the energy was growing. Energy did take time to build. It wasn't instant. And in that time it was building, Tasega was reaching out to me. It was opening its mouth to tell me a story.
It was drawing from the depths of itself and coaxing me to take it. Take the light. Take the life. Take the wish. Channel it up.
Show them what we're made of.
The world was palpitating. It wasn't just the rattling of bones as they reached forward and grabbed my limbs. It wasn't just the trembling of the coal-dark ground as more sealed undead rose from likely thousands of pouriks down, reaching for the surface to crowd the endless surroundings with scores of themselves. It wasn't just the rumbling of their trade as all of their indistinguishable features meshed together, exchanging bones, building bodies to go forth and spread their miasma to everywhere that'd forgotten them. Forsaken them. Sealed them away for good and ever.
It was the world. I was sure of it.
Like my body was really only made of mana, and not just a flesh-bag which I battered in battle, ate with to appease eventual bouts of hunger, put to sleep to appease exhaustion, and I could feel every particle of myself and see the relation of it to every particle there was of Tasega. I could feel that there were others much greater than myself, other sources of mana, and they were watching. They were there. Their presences disrupted the flow of the world, as the air pushed by, as the water currents flowed, as new lives of growth tried to push up where their feet stamped down.
It was like wearing the [Gaze of Berdine] with my whole body.
And the amount of mana in my body was not able to escape that well-rounded sight. I could see it collecting, particle by particle, to make up for the other massive amount locked away in my soul that I couldn't use in that form. Being supplied by such a reputable source made me feel like I was small, for once, and not a giant to all of those weaker than me.
The experience, while Tasega handed me its will and gave me what I needed to carry it out, was humbling. Enlightening. Subsuming.
I was not alone, I was not done, and there was more to magic and the wishes of nature than what I had known and ever dreamed of before. That was it. That was the summary of the experience. It was realizing that there was life beneath life, stories not just recorded in books or memories, but the stories recorded in the mana itself that I wielded every day...
And the world was alive. Surprisingly so. But mortal, as it let me know, in its own way, as I saw by looking back the way the energy came.
And it could think. Was thinking. Opinionated, almost, contrary to thoughts of natural selection and the neutrality of mother nature that sprung up at my realization of the experience.
And it could see. Was seeing. Watching, everywhere across its own surface, and below, and in the separate pocket dimensions of dungeons that resided in its space.
And it had a wish.
Save us.
That spotlight became a star. Carrying such a thing in my body made me think I would implode, or burst, or both, as the skeletons had disappeared, and the space was white. I had been seeing something without seeing, feeling without feeling, hearing, but there was nothing but silence...
A brief moment, it gave me. Just a brief moment could I see what I understood to be the heart of Tasega.
Or, really, Tasega itself. Its existence was debatable, as all fantastical things were.
The world breathed back in, moving away from me, cutting off its supply. Its exhale had funneled into my soul.
I had all I needed, seeing the small white ball hovering over my open mouth. A tempest of wills that had been converging on me before, shivered and trembled to the sides, then pulled away. They knew what was coming, dark souls fleeing and revealing the red sky above. But I did not fall when their support was no longer with me. All I did was exhale and watch that small ball blow up.
Perhaps comparing it to a thousand spotlights pointed up to the sky still wouldn't do it justice. Spotlights couldn't blow things up, after all. I couldn't truly see what happened as much as I felt it. All of the energy left me like the life of me was being sucked out, and the field before me was completely white. I was sure I'd seen some things dropping down from above, but they fizzled up and shaved themselves to particles in the beam of white. There were no noises, like noise-canceling mufflers had been placed on my head, and there was no heat on my face despite there being such a destructive force above me and inside of me. [Heat Resistance] seemed to be doing its thing.
And just like that, it was over.
The world settled down. The surroundings were broken. Not a single bit of that red sky was left, and the ground was scorched free of every skeletal figure that had sought to break its surface. Not a single bone or organ, not any coal-dark sand, no glassy obsidian that formed from the heat and likely had been incinerated from proximity. No annoying apostles, either, and in fact, not a single bit of the dungeon was left over.
The only reason I knew it was still there, hanging in the space, despite it clearly having been broken to reveal where it was placed in Tasega's skies, was because a notification popped up and told me so.
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Condition: Severe exhaustion, lethargy, dehydration, blood loss, lost right foot, lost left arm, reopened scar tissue, open wounds, burns, frostbite. Blighted by disease of Severe Mana Depletion (State of Illness: Permanent), puncture in soul, mana has been used up too quickly and has resorted in many fissures in the part of the soul that contains general mana. The condition of the mind is in a state of calm. To fix: requires outside healing to fix, time as a substitute. It would require 33.17 years for Ultra Healing to heal the puncture in entirety, without aid of external influence. The time for the mana counter to recover entirely has become 4 days and 19 hours.
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Champion of Tasega!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Apostle Annihilator!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Undead Butcher!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Firea the Undying!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Dungeon Breaker!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Prodigy of Destruction!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Apostle of Order!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Proxy of the Goddess of Order!
- Congratulations! You've earned the title Fast Sleeper!
- Congratulations! Title Survivor has been updated to Thriver.
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of Tasega!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Winter!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the God of Spring!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Summer!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the God of Autumn!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Revenge!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of War!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the God of Water!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the God of Fire!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Wind!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Earth!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Ventures!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Goddess of Harvest!
- Congratulations! You have earned the allegiance of the God of Darkness!
- Congratulations! You have earned the allegiance of the God of Demons!
- Congratulations! You have earned the allegiance of the Goddess of the Wild!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Apostle of Justice!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Apostle of Luck!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Apostle of Destruction!
- Congratulations! You have earned the favor of the Apostle of Determination!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the Daughter of Hencia!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the Chief of Fangre!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the Queen of Laohr!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the Grand Vizier of Dilluracci!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the Queen of Chardrent!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the King of Peoni!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the King of Strathmis!
- Congratulations! You have earned the acknowledgement of the Leader of the Fonçe Cult!
- Congratulations! You have earned the keys to the dungeon of the Goddess of Order!
- Congratulations! You have earned the keys to the Deviants' Tomb.
- Congratulations! You have leveled up from level 7 to level 8!
- Condolences. You have lengthened the healing time for Ultra Healing to deal with your disease of Severe Mana Depletion. Effects include running out of mana at a higher unit rate, lower effect of Skills, lower recovery speed of mana, and less tolerance to miasma.
- Condolences. You have earned the wrath of God Thanos, the God of Death. Reason: You have destroyed his dungeon, killed two second-tier apostles borrowed from the Goddess of Travel, and significantly damaged the Second Life Cycle that he is charged with caring for.
- Condolences. You have earned the wrath of Goddess Shaunshara, the Goddess of Travel. Reason: You have destroyed the dungeon of the God of Death, killed two second-tier apostles borrowed from the Goddess of Travel, significantly damaged the Second Life Cycle that the God of Death was charged with caring for, significantly damaged the heaven of the Goddess of Holiness, fulfilled your side of the [God of Darkness' and Goddess of Travel's Contract], and gained the favor of Tasega.
- Condolences. You have earned the wrath of Goddess Paivla, the Goddess of Nature. Reason: You have failed to kill the God of Death and have broken free of the restraints of [Paivla's Task].
- Condolences. You have earned the wrath of the [Coalition of Deities]. Reason: You have fulfilled your side of the [God of Darkness' and Goddess of Travel's Contract].
- New Skills: [Mana Channeling], [Miasma Burning], [Undead Disassembler], [Perseverance], [Danger Body], [Quick Eternity], [Seal Breaker], [World Voice], [World Sight], [World Listening], and [World Breathing].
- Request: The Goddess of Revenge is impressed with your display and looks forward to seeing more in the future. She invites you to a gathering on the condition that you deliver suiting vengeance upon the current oppressors of the Bytristian de Libellule noble house and deliver satisfactory judgement using your [Apostle of Order] title upon the God of Death. Will you accept this task?
- Request: The God of Autumn is acknowledging your strength and strong backing reluctantly. He invites you to a gathering of the [Deities of Elements] on the condition that you accept and complete a task for him. Will you accept this task?
- Request: Tasega wishes to ask a single favor from you. Tasega understands your plight thus far and does not ask lightly and without any promised support. Will you accept?
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I didn't have time to be looking at all of it, just skimming before putting it aside for later with everything else that had collected over the months. I was tempted to look at my Status, but the feeling overwhelming me most was that there was something important I was forge-
"[World Sight]."
Thanos was hiding, but the Skill was powerful. I didn't hesitate to use it, trusting it to work its own magic.
There.
But he was only a "soon," for me. There was something else more important while turning around, pivoting to stare in a different direction and bring my sight in closer. My head tilted the slightest bit downward, while still hovering in that air somehow, and I spotted the exact scene I was aiming for.
It was not anger that boiled inside me upon spotting the apostle terrorizing the poor humans huddling in the winter cold. It was not sadness, or a desperate feeling telling me to run and save them.
I actually wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was a combination of all of those feelings and I simply couldn't tell them apart from one another.
"[Danger Body]."
Either way, I knew what had to be done. It wasn't just about satisfying some goddess's task. Besides wreaking havoc on the Church, as was a favorite pastime of mine, I wanted to make an example of those that sought to make an example of me.
My body wasn't exactly healed, though it no longer bled. Those icicles hadn't melted out, thankfully, since they seemed to be the only thing keeping my tail from bleeding me dry. I probably looked as rickety as all get-out, which I realized only when going to put one foot forward and finding that I was suddenly falling. Whatever had been holding me up had let me go, and I initially blamed it upon my missing foot that I'd missed a step of some sort. The blackened edge with bone was just a stump of its own right, and the scales that had tried their hardest to act as armor were also their own tourniquet, building where they could.
All while I fell, fell, fell...and remembered that I could use Skills in that form.
My words were lost to the wind, but they did the job. I was slowing in my descent, flipping around to place my remaining left foot towards the ground while lifting my right arm for balance. The ground accepted me gracefully, using [Density Lower]. Apparently, Thanos' dungeon had been stationed over northern Bytriste, just a few thousand pouriks inward from where we'd started over the sea no doubt only a half a day ago.
"[Perseverance]."
Normally I didn't even have to say the Skill names. I just used the magic and went on my way, but the surroundings of a chilly winter forest felt too empty and too quiet without my eventual speech. It felt like none of...that...had just happened.
"[Thriver]," I winced, feeling the coldness beneath my foot and struggling to balance without touching my other foot to the ground. The parts of my body that had been blackened were all back to just being normal wounds, besides the actual black dust that I'd toiled and rolled around in. The shiny golden shackle, chain, and stake were all not so shiny anymore, and I tugged at the shackle as it chafed against my neck. They really hadn't left much room there. Thinking back on it, I did remember them saying something about surrendering and just putting on the stuff and submitting to Tiyana, but it just made me angry and I attacked them.
The effects of the title took over. Healing qualities began to shore up a bit of the wounds, taking away some of the pain, and breathing didn't hurt so badly anymore that my heart felt ready to pop, thudding against the stake's point.
My left leg bent a bit, then a little bit more, while applying my hard-earned Skills [Gravity Lessen] and [True Compass], and [World Traveler] title as well.
I launched. My trajectory was not so great that I could make a perfect shot, due to a wobbly leg, but the weather wasn't too bad to be jumping through the clouds and letting my gut drop while falling back down again. The ground cracked and had some waves of air pressure imprinted into them from my sudden arrival, dashing through the country of forest and farmland, increasing in size the harder I pushed off.
Aura was leaking from my body, warning of my imminent arrival. Yes, then, I could call it anger, as mist clung to my skin and that shackle chafed more and more. The chain, thin and not very long, rose in my sight the slightest bit.
Revenge...huh.
Perhaps that was what I was aiming for, having a clear target to exact my growing fury upon. My body was trembling, whether from cold, or shock if I could still experience that, but most likely from anticipation. Those other apostles had apparently died in the blast, or whatever, so I couldn't tear them apart. Thanos was hiding like a coward after underestimating me again. I wasn't strong enough to last much longer, but just enough to send a message that I'd been waiting to carve into the minds of the gods for a very, very long time...
Soon enough, there was that scene. It was one I floated high above, switching from [World Sight] to [Far Sight], and one that shared likeness with the screen I'd been shown earlier, if not being a bit farther away. But allowed to zoom in with my own eyes, I could see figures, make out faces, and, with [Keen Hearing], hear what was going on while still high up enough in the clouds to look smaller than a bird.
"-and so, sinners, I pray the gods be merciful for when I send your rebellious souls along."
It must've been some sort of trigger word for me, "merciful." Also, "pray," and "gods." My few toes pointed downward and my arm went up above my head with what was left of my hair. My body began to fall, and I narrowed my eyes at the ground. My face was forced up by the pressure of the air, which was still harsh on me since I went to revoke [Gravity Lessen] and [Density Lower]. The wind was not allowed to sweep me away, though [True Compass] had done its part there.
So exuding aura, sending a warning to all of those unfortunate enough to be beneath me, as my mood was truly not the best, I fell straight into the front yard of the manor of the de Libellules.
My descent was light, truly. I didn't aim to blast anyone away or make my anger known with shockwaves. No, that would've been contrary to my goal of apologizing to those wrapped up in my mess, and of trying to deescalate the situation-
"HERA!"
Hera?
There was a little blackened figure wrapped in blankets over there that felt like it had my little...older sister's mana signature. There were holy knights gathered around, trying to pull the blanket-wrapped girl out of the arms of a distressed maid. Other little children, siblings specifically, were off casting magic, fighting the knights that only blocked it in turn and sent them sprawling into the snow.
There was a small gathering of servants frozen and red-faced on the ground, huddled around and trembling. There were those that were crying, those that looked like they'd lost their nerve, and those that were already beaten into submission and bound by holy magic. I couldn't help but see a tangle of green hair beneath layers of anti-demihuman magic, which was a crude insult besides all else.
There were those inside the manor as well that hadn't been taken outside, the majority of them all just inside the wide front doors, but the smell of their fear reached me regardless. The smell of fear from all of them did.
I could imagine the scene that had gone down there, while staring at the back of my father's head pressed down into the snow beneath the boot of the apostle.
My aura, which I normally never used, spilled out somewhat. Screams went up and people buckled to the ground, but I hardly noticed when my vision was also somewhat red again. A noticeable clamor of armor beyond the front gate went up, as that small army sent from the Church couldn't help but crumple beneath the weight of my emotions.
Aura, Firea, aura. Reign it back in.
Ah, Takuya. It's been a while.
I tried to breathe it back in, but it really was just difficult. It was only when I was alerted to the rapid decrease of health in my surroundings that I slightly pulled back, and only when I spotted a small face of disbelief and tears that I reigned it back in mostly.
That little bit just kept escaping me. I didn't know what to do about it while standing beside the apostle that did nothing more than tremble visibly in place.
"God-" She bit out, tears streaming out of her furious eyes. Her teeth were gritting against themselves, perfectly human-looking ones clenched with a vengeance. Her eyes were turned to the side to look at me while the rest of her body couldn't move. The apostle's own aura was beginning to pierce through my own, hot and angry and steeped in despair growing the longer she laid eyes on my expression. "GODSLAYER!"
But she was not as important as the man likely suffocating with his face pressed into the snow beneath her foot. Bits of his mana signature were about him, but from what I could tell, he'd cast no spells. It had been a peaceful surrender, if at all one. However, there did not appear to be the mercy that the apostle promised, and besides smelling fear, I could smell blood, as well as despair besides her own.
I scanned the bodies of those familiar servants, older servants separated from the multitudes of younger ones. The stoic display they attempted to have, despite holding terror in their souls.
And lastly, my sight landed upon the tearful face of a maid just inside the front doors of the manor, up the steps, huddled in the middle of a fairly large group. It was a young girl, with her cap gripped in her hands and young eyes wide. She looked stunned in place, and there was no one holding her as other servants were holding each other in support. Alone, despite being surrounded, though she didn't feel that way. No emotions were coming out of her that I could smell.
Somehow, that was what moved me, as I turned my sight down from her face, scanning back over the broken steps of the manor, over the snow, over the older servants lined up and watched by just a few holy knights as they weren't deemed to be much of a threat, and over the man at my foot that did not seem to breathe.
"I see."
The holy knights were unable to stand up underneath the smallest bit of aura that I still couldn't reign in. A few of them had collapsed with the servants, as if seeing another side to the situation that the servants were incapable of, and feeling a whole new kind of terror because of it.
"So you have chosen...death."
My hand lifted. The poor thing looked like it'd been through a lot, though its condition had significantly improved over the short journey over.
It eased itself around her throat, not fitting all the way around, but just enough that I could get a grip and lift her up. My balance shook a little, but leaning to the other side helped keep me up.
"Godsl-"
"I don't remember giving you permission to speak."
"Ahhhk-"
She choked. Nothing serious. Apostles were bound to have been through battles just like gods, for them to try and move up on the Apostle Scale. I'd just come from a battle with two of them, though I hadn't really seen their strength.
My voice lifted. Or, it tried to. Breathing that mana of the world into a straight-up beam of magic fire, or whatever it was, took more of a toll on me than I'd initially assumed. I had to clear my throat a bit before raising it, holding the apostle up by her neck above my head as much as I could.
"Holy Knights of the Church, arrogant apostles, and treacherous gods of Tasega, hear me now."
I didn't have to lift it much anyway. I knew they were listening, despite none of them being directly present. I knew they were watching.
"From this day forth, I, the Godslayer, will no longer tolerate your whims and slights. I do not challenge you under the name of the Goddess of Nature, but rather from now under my own. I do not play along with your games, and I do not hold mercy for those that are unable to even hold themselves to a contract of their own agreement, or," I squeezed the throat of the apostle, just for a bit of squirming emphasis, "restrain their own vengeful comrades from taking vengeance upon unrelated parties. For the foreseeable future, I will make my grievances known to you, and I will not indulge responses and retaliation against any other than myself. If any suffer that I am familiar with, the offender - whether they be god, apostle, or Church clergyman - will be met with retribution...a thousand fold. Fear for your fates in an appropriate manner, and await my arrival. That is all."
I turned to look back at the man on the ground, who did not move. His Status did not declare him to be dead, and he was quite far from it, being a hardy soldier, but that did not mean he was not seriously injured. Our relations hadn't much prevalence in my mind when turning to the nearest holy knight, one that was crumpled and shaking not that far away from the fountain shattered over in the middle of the way by what looked like burn marks, and calling out to him.
"You," I moved my aura to swirl around him, urging him to lift his head. It did, slightly. "Lift up this human and bring it inside. Have your comrades do the same for the other servants that cannot help themselves, and remove those layers from atop the Dragon. Release your restraints on those guards, and kindly help yourselves out."
He did not move. Instead, he merely trembled, eyes lifting up to the apostle, but not daring to meet mine. Saliva dribbled over my fingers as the apostle squirmed and choked in place.
"What are you waiting for, human?" I narrowed my eyes at him, pressing further with my aura. "Or do you wish to die along with the apostle?"
That was enough to spur him into action. Snow kicked up as he went, scrambling back, moving himself and all of his armor to go get it done. He wandered in place, first, until I pressured him to turn back around.
"Pick up the human man first, useless mortal, or I really shall strike you down for mere stupidity."
My body was healing, but not fast enough, and it was getting on my nerves. The faster I cleaned up that place, the faster I could kill the God of Death and then get some sleep. My head-
"Kiki Nazira, come."
"Master," the familiar was by my side in an instant, wearing a form hardly recognizable to me. She, perhaps, didn't wish to be recognized. "I am here."
It was...Stream. Not River, not the aide of the king. The plain-looking one.
"Remove the barrier this apostle set up and place a new one. Clean up the memories of the servants and avoid any fatalities or crippling injuries."
"Your will be done, Master. What of the Church members beyond the gates?"
Her head was ducked far enough that I could've kneed her in the face. Never before had she shown such subservience, but she already knew what lecture was coming later, and that not for all of the apologies in the world could she get out of it.
Where were you?
"...tell them to stay and die or leave and die another day. If a single one of them remains, make an example of what happens to stupid mortals, but don't let it be seen by the members of this household."
"I depart to carry out your will, Master."
"Don't come back until it's done."
And the small world began to move. Stream disappeared and the humans were slowly moved into the manor. Soon enough, the door was shut, and it was only that crippled army beyond the gates that remained as the holy knights walked straight in terror to the gate and went beyond it. None of them could dare to glance over at the apostle that was still writhing in the air, trying to dig her fingernails into my blue scaled claws.
My aura was still pressing out, warning them. They should've left on their own without Kiki telling them much of anything, but hovered in the vicinity as it seemed I'd grabbed their leader by the neck that would give them orders.
Ah, but then my familiar appeared before them all, and she began to speak. I turned my head back to gaze upon the impertinent apostle, eyeing her attempts. Still, tears were on her face, and her eyes were on me in anger.
"Tinae."
Hearing her own name didn't faze her in the least.
"Apostle of Seer, I hear that you seek revenge against me. Your actions violate the contract established over a month ago, and your presence is an insult to not only my eyes, but those that you have forced your will upon."
I wasn't interested in hearing any last words. I wasn't interested in seeing her struggle.
That was for those that had the time to care about the insignificant wiles of beings that trampled over others without a care for the influence of their destruction, believing themselves to be backed by greater beings that would shield them from repercussions forever...
"For your wrongdoings and selfish retaliation, I give you as merciful a fate as you deserve. [Mana Absorption]. [Skill Removal]. [Sensory Deprivation]. [Stats Depletion]. [Complete Status Deletion]. [Eternal Nightmare]. [Looping Lesson]. [Subconsciously Conscious]."
I dropped the vegetable of an apostle onto the ground. It flopped, arms dropping first, crumpling from the feet to the head. I jerked in place, still maintaining my balance as well as I could, before crouching down slowly to take what I needed.
Thanos ate my arm. It was still a hard fact to believe, but it was what had driven me over the edge, among a few other facts true at the time of battle. His undead ate my foot.
So I only thought it was proper that they be replaced with something of his, or of his lover's. Temporarily, at least. I still had a task to do to finish off my involuntary service to Paivla on somewhat of a clean note.
My tail didn't respond very well until I reinforced [Perseverance], bringing it forward to slice the foot off her leg. I attached it to my own leg, drinking some of the silver blood that streamed out and spitting aside tendons that got in the way. That made my body pick up its healing speed and accept the new foot via attachment, skin building between the two. After a year of learning new tricks to heal a broken body, I had many Skills I could use despite being deprived of my magic.
And now, an arm...
It wasn't an exact fit, especially standing out so starkly with its pale tone compared to my brown skin, but it would do the job. It was a strong arm, and became stronger when my body accepted it and my strength seeped in.
I stood up, flexing my newfound arm and foot, rolling the shoulder and ankle that seemed somewhat more comfortable than before.
I need to get a better replacement...
[Danger Body] had allowed me to take on a state in which it was hard for me to be injured more than I already was, but it obviously wasn't something I planned to have open long term. Sure, I could've grown my missing pieces back as soon as I reverted to my original form, but if it was just going to happen again, no doubt...why not go for an upgrade?
It felt like there was something wrong with my head. Maybe it was an attribute of [Danger Body], or maybe an aftereffect, still, of that [Quick Eternity] that that "second" soul guardian had used on me. Or, most likely, something that lingered from pairing up with "Tasega itself."
But I didn't mind it too much. It was like [Clarity] had descended without bothering to use the Skill.
So yes, an upgrade...materials, formation, attributes, I'd work it all out later. I was actually quite looking forward to it after another long nap and some quiet time. I couldn't predict what the gods would do in response to my small speech, but they'd probably leave me alone for at least a few weeks, reeling from the death of another of their own. That was usually what they tended to do.
Oh well. Come what may, at this point.
I was not serious about those words at all. More, exhausted, than anything. Just wanting it to be over, but aware that I'd begun a whole new chapter of my life only a few minutes ago.
Lifting up the body splayed out across the snow, leaking deceptive silver ichor that actually tasted quite good when licking my lips, it was thrown into my storage where everything eventually ended up. Whether or not I delivered satisfactory revenge to the apostle, I wasn't sure, nor did I care. I wasn't looking to fulfill any tasks for any gods anymore, and would kill them if they got in my way. It was what had worked so far.
Now-
I lay there in the snow, eyes wide in surprise. What happened?
"You're exhausted, Master."
"...nonsense. I stumbled. These new extremities are not meshing well."
"Please, Master. The God of Death can be killed another day; you've given your warning, and none have any doubt of your intent to see it through. Please rest for now."
"Nonsense," I insisted again, clawing into the ground and trying to bring my face out of the snow. It was just a few steps from where my father had had his face. "If I collapse now, they will see me as weak."
But even I could tell that they were no longer watching. The party was over, and everything worth seeing was no longer there.
But I must.
I wanted it to just be over. I wanted it to be done. Pride was fading, replaced slowly by desperation to keep on going. It wasn't adrenaline that had kept me going thus far - it was pride. For months, for years, always. The desire to succeed. The desire to prove them all wrong. To be the best, as I believed I had to be.
But that pride had been broken. Paivla had brought up memories I'd buried deep inside myself, buried deep inside the Itsuki house of memories, and reminded me of a time when I hadn't had a shred of confidence. Made me feel like I was stuck back there again, a lifetime away, when I was physically somewhere and someone else.
I can't keep going like this. I'm weak. I thought I was strong.
Those thoughts kept me from carrying on as Firea had until then. Firea was a powerhouse built on stunningly obnoxious self-confidence and a chin-up kind of personality. She had flaws, but she owned them. She had flaws, but she made them her charming traits.
I don't think I can do that anymore.
Subconsciously, I'd known for years. It just took me so long to acknowledge it because I was too stubborn to bother acknowledging the darker parts of me that I wanted to be free of after years of drowning in a reality of mental enslavement.
So my claws relaxed. My head hadn't even managed to pick itself up off of the ground. My body was heavier than it'd ever been before like I was exhausted to the point that even my molecules wouldn't move.
My, my, my.
Everything was shutting down.
My mind blipped out as fast as it could with the rest of me, so I couldn't use any willpower to pull it all up. I was gone before I realized it was darkening, then dark, beyond my eyelids.
Not yet...